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Not where he eats, but where he is eaten
May 7, 2008 11:24 AM   Subscribe

Coming soon, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead, probably the first movie to combine Shakespeare, Tom Stoppard, and vampires. It is, however, not the first time The Bard and the undead have been seen together.

The movie, incidentally, stars Dustin Hoffman's son Jake, Ralph Macchio (no, really!), and the guy who played Artie on "The Sopranos". The score is being written by Sean Lennon.
posted by cerebus19 (86 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
Whoops. The "and" in the movie's title should be an ampersand. Please forgive me.
posted by cerebus19 at 11:26 AM on May 7, 2008


The level of critical acclaim that this movie would have to get in order for me to risk ruining my cherished memories of Stoppards film is awfully improbable. On the order of 75 consecutive 'heads' coinflips in a row or thereabouts.
posted by gurple at 11:31 AM on May 7, 2008


not the first time The Bard and the undead have been seen together.
I'm pretty sure that, during one of the Simpson's "Treehouse of Horror" episodes, Homer killed Zombie Shakespeare.
posted by Flunkie at 11:34 AM on May 7, 2008


"Show's over Shakespeare" --Homer Simpson
posted by wabbittwax at 11:37 AM on May 7, 2008


Wow. Combining Rosencrantz and Guildenstern and vampires! For me, this is like a bacon sandwich with bacon on top.

Also, gurple: The film of R&GAD was not that good, IMO. You should just look at this and that as opposite sides of the same coin. Or the same side of two different coins, as it were.
posted by rusty at 11:39 AM on May 7, 2008


Who wants to play Questions?
posted by wabbittwax at 11:48 AM on May 7, 2008


Why would I want to play Questions?
posted by gurple at 11:49 AM on May 7, 2008 [3 favorites]


The film of R&GAD was not that good, IMO.

There's something out there that is BETTER THAN the film of R&GaD? It's the one time I really thought Richard Dreyfuss was good. Unfortunately, I can't find his "rape of the Sabine women" clip.
posted by DU at 11:49 AM on May 7, 2008


don't you like Questions?
posted by wabbittwax at 11:49 AM on May 7, 2008


What in God's name does playing Questions have to do with this discussion?
posted by Parasite Unseen at 11:50 AM on May 7, 2008


Didn't we play a game of Questions once that went really badly?
posted by gurple at 11:51 AM on May 7, 2008


This game of questions, is it something I'd have to have read and/or seen Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead to understand?
posted by googly at 11:52 AM on May 7, 2008


Is this what a Questions MMORPG would be like?
posted by gurple at 11:52 AM on May 7, 2008


By playing Questions, am I contributing to a derail?
posted by absalom at 11:54 AM on May 7, 2008


Is everyone clear on the rules of Questions?
posted by wabbittwax at 11:56 AM on May 7, 2008


Didn't we play a game of Questions once that went really badly?

When was that?
posted by wabbittwax at 11:58 AM on May 7, 2008


Is everyone clear on the rules of Questions?

Are you questioning my Questioning ability?
posted by frobozz at 11:58 AM on May 7, 2008


Did I offend you?
posted by wabbittwax at 12:00 PM on May 7, 2008


To comment on the actual link: Ralph Macchio is still hamming a bad Italian stereotype. The director (in the movie) reminded me of someone but I couldn't place who. Dustin Hoff...oh, right. He looks exactly the same.

The movie could go either way. If they do something with it, could be awesome. If it's basically just a 90 minute pun on the title, meh.
posted by DU at 12:01 PM on May 7, 2008


Reminds me of a Bauhaus song.

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are dead
UNDEAD UNDEAD UNDEAD
posted by grobstein at 12:03 PM on May 7, 2008


Is offense is the best defense in Questions?

The amount of glee the idea of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead is only matched by the dread I feel
posted by Kattullus at 12:04 PM on May 7, 2008


This has to be better than the unbelievably shitty Waiting for Godot with werewolves I once sat through:

A country road. A tree.

Evening.

Estragon, sitting on a low mound, is trying to chew off his foot. He pulls at it with his teeth, panting.

He gives up, exhausted, rests, tries again.

As before.

Enter Vladimir.


ESTRAGON:
(giving up again). GRWR-arrr.

VLADIMIR:
(advancing with short, stiff strides, legs wide apart). I'm beginning to come round to that opinion. All my life I've tried to put it from me, saying Vladimir, be reasonable, you haven't yet tried everything. And I resumed the struggle. (He broods, musing on the struggle. Turning to Estragon.) So there you are again.

ESTRAGON:
Grwr-AR?

VLADIMIR:
I'm glad to see you back. I thought you were gone forever.

ESTRAGON:
Rrawgh.

VLADIMIR:
Together again at last! We'll have to celebrate this. But how? (He reflects.) Get up till I embrace you.

ESTRAGON:
(irritably). Grrr. Grrr.

etc.
posted by dyoneo at 12:07 PM on May 7, 2008 [16 favorites]


All we, like, have to do is type like teenage girls and all our statements will, like, sound interrogative?
posted by The White Hat at 12:10 PM on May 7, 2008


wouldn't that be cheating?
posted by wabbittwax at 12:14 PM on May 7, 2008


Are we playing Questions again?
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:22 PM on May 7, 2008


No but maybe but I don't know but perhaps?
posted by Kattullus at 12:28 PM on May 7, 2008


R/G: Death is like this thread.
G/R: That's crazy, death is the great Not Being. You can't not be in a thread.
R/G: I've often not been in a thread.
G/R: No, what you've been is not-in-a-thread. You've never not-been, in a thread.
posted by DU at 12:31 PM on May 7, 2008 [6 favorites]


You want to make this a thread of questions? My goodness no, over your dead body.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 12:34 PM on May 7, 2008


Do we have to play Questions again?
posted by cmyk at 12:41 PM on May 7, 2008


Is there something else you'd rather be doing?
posted by Tehanu at 12:46 PM on May 7, 2008


am I dead?
posted by hexxed at 1:07 PM on May 7, 2008


How do we know who wins?
posted by wabbittwax at 1:09 PM on May 7, 2008


Julian Marsh (Hoffman) is an out of work ladies man who lands a job directing a bizarre adaption of Hamlet. After casting his best friend (Lemche) and his ex-girlfriend (Aoki) in the show, Julian finds himself in the middle of a two thousand year old conspiracy that explains the connection between Shakespeare, the Holy Grail and some seriously sexy vampires. It turns out that the play was actually written by a master vampire named Theo Horace (Ventimiglia) and it's up to Julian to recover the Grail in order to reverse the vampire's curse... If only being undead wasn't so much God-damned fun!

WTF?
posted by desuetude at 1:10 PM on May 7, 2008


am I dead?

are you breathing?
posted by wabbittwax at 1:10 PM on May 7, 2008


Needs more Gary Oldman?

Is this your favorite line from the trailer, too?

"Like, since we're making these modernizations, bro? Instead of Rosencrantz & Guildensterns [sic], what about like, Dudencrantz and Doggenstern?"
posted by ericbop at 1:11 PM on May 7, 2008


What if I simply refuse to play Questions?
posted by MrVisible at 1:12 PM on May 7, 2008


Can anyone play?
posted by prefpara at 1:12 PM on May 7, 2008


Wait, did you say "Ralph Macchio"?
posted by steef at 1:15 PM on May 7, 2008


DU, here is a taste... Or rather, woman. Or rather, Alfred.

Did I screw up the game?
posted by Mister_A at 1:16 PM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Did I screw up the game?

Do you think it'd work better if we quoted the previous question?
posted by Tehanu at 1:21 PM on May 7, 2008


What are you on about now?
posted by Mister_A at 1:23 PM on May 7, 2008


Is that your way of saying "no"?
posted by Tehanu at 1:25 PM on May 7, 2008


Are you asking me?
posted by Mister_A at 1:26 PM on May 7, 2008


Is there anyone else here to ask?
posted by Tehanu at 1:27 PM on May 7, 2008


What should we do with the people who violate the "rhetorical" restriction?
posted by weston at 1:27 PM on May 7, 2008


Where did he come from?
posted by Mister_A at 1:31 PM on May 7, 2008


Look, are we here to play questions, or to discuss?
posted by anthill at 1:36 PM on May 7, 2008


How can I tell if I'm playing?
posted by prefpara at 1:39 PM on May 7, 2008


How can I tell if I'm playing?

Is the game too difficult for you?
posted by wabbittwax at 1:45 PM on May 7, 2008


Is there any point to a film like this if it doesn't feature Stoppard's damn-his-eyes-for-better-execution-of-theEnglish-language-than-any-native-English-speaker-save-the-Bard-himself wordplay?
posted by deCadmus at 1:45 PM on May 7, 2008


Is the game too difficult for you?

Do you think you can beat me?
posted by prefpara at 1:46 PM on May 7, 2008


Do you think you can beat me?

Is that a challenge?
posted by wabbittwax at 1:50 PM on May 7, 2008


Is that a challenge?

Are you looking for a fight?
posted by prefpara at 1:51 PM on May 7, 2008


Do you think it matters?
posted by Zetetics at 1:54 PM on May 7, 2008


Are you looking for a fight?

Should I be intimidated?
posted by wabbittwax at 1:57 PM on May 7, 2008


Should I be intimidated?

Do you find passive-aggressive nerds intimidating?
posted by prefpara at 1:59 PM on May 7, 2008


What's the first thing you remember?
posted by rusty at 2:05 PM on May 7, 2008


A A A R R R G G G H H H ! ! !

...?
posted by JHarris at 2:08 PM on May 7, 2008


(Or should that be, "Braaains?")
posted by JHarris at 2:09 PM on May 7, 2008


Is everyone clear on the rules of Questions?

Is there a rule against non-sequitors?
posted by prefpara at 2:10 PM on May 7, 2008


Um, or poor spellors?
posted by prefpara at 2:11 PM on May 7, 2008


Weird.

I was just IMDB'ing Ethan Embrey last night while streaming Don Coscarelli's episode of Masters of Horror last night/this morning and tripped over that.
posted by Samizdata at 2:23 PM on May 7, 2008


Did anyone but me try unsuccessfully to get all and sundry to play a game of Questions in their youth?
posted by Kattullus at 2:43 PM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Is there a rule against non-sequitors?

Have you ever read the rules?
posted by Solon and Thanks at 2:45 PM on May 7, 2008


Did anyone but me try unsuccessfully to get all and sundry to play a game of Questions in their youth?

Does my present enthusiasm provide a clue?
posted by prefpara at 2:45 PM on May 7, 2008


Have you ever read the rules?

Aren't there variations of all games?
posted by prefpara at 2:46 PM on May 7, 2008


Does anyone else think Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead with Vampires sounds really kind of stupid?

Or am I the only person who thinks that vampires, save in extraordinary cases, are usually really stupid?


Also, are we really playing Questions if nobody is keeping score?
posted by louche mustachio at 2:47 PM on May 7, 2008


Also, are we really playing Questions if nobody is keeping score?

More to the point, is an online game of Questions even possible considering the rule against hesitation?
posted by prefpara at 2:49 PM on May 7, 2008



Did anyone but me try unsuccessfully to get all and sundry to play a game of Questions in their youth?


Were the other participants familiar with the play, or did you just accost random people and attempt to engage them in the game?
posted by louche mustachio at 2:51 PM on May 7, 2008


If there are variations of all games, could Questions not be modified to allow for the limitations of online play?
posted by louche mustachio at 2:54 PM on May 7, 2008


I usually find some chloroform, hardwood chairs and an industrial nail gun quite conducive to encouraging people to play Questions with me.

I tend to win disappointingly quickly though, as most of the other player's responses tend to be along the lines of "Oh God, why are you doing this to me?", "Can you please end the pain?" and the old favorite "Have you no soul?"
posted by Samizdata at 2:56 PM on May 7, 2008 [3 favorites]


If there are variations of all games, could Questions not be modified to allow for the limitations of online play?

posted by louche mustachio at 5:54 PM on May 7

It's 7:28 pm... does that answer your question?
posted by prefpara at 4:29 PM on May 7, 2008


Oh fuck. I just lost the game.

Or, wait — Oh fuck, I just lost the game?

Or — no, wait — FUCK!
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:34 PM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


THIS SOUNDS AWESOME PUTTING ZOMBIES IN EVERYTHING NEVER GETS OLD LIKE THE ZOMBIES THEMSELVES THE NOVELTY NEVER DIES HA HA I AM WITTY I HOPE THEY MAKE ONE WITH PIRATES NEXT OR MAYBE CHUCK NORRIS HA HA THAT WOULD BE GREAT HELLO I AM FUCKING 12.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 5:40 PM on May 7, 2008 [3 favorites]


Does anyone else think Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead with Vampires sounds really kind of stupid?
Yes, clearly should have been werewolves.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:06 PM on May 7, 2008


Unfortunately, now I'm mentally replacing Gary Oldman at his most adorable, with his really cool hairdo, from R&G with Gary Oldman, at his most creepy, with the absurd valentine of a hairdo from Dracula.

Dammit.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:41 PM on May 7, 2008


I want to go home!
posted by i_love_squirrels at 8:10 PM on May 7, 2008


Have I missed anything?
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:37 PM on May 7, 2008


Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question?
posted by goo at 4:15 AM on May 8, 2008


You mean like "have I missed anything"?
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:46 AM on May 8, 2008


Improper punctuation! One - love.
posted by Kattullus at 6:00 AM on May 8, 2008


Statement! One-all, amirite?
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:03 AM on May 8, 2008


I love R&GAD with a deep and abiding passion. I played G once in high school, opposite my best friend who played R.

As a consequence of loving the play and the movie (which would probably be better if re-shot today, but in the same vein), I shall not be seeing this wretched cinematic abortion.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 6:21 AM on May 8, 2008


Where is Tim Roth when we need him?
posted by Gable Oak at 8:17 AM on May 8, 2008


Would this movie be better with Robots?
posted by Vindaloo at 11:44 AM on May 8, 2008


Where is Tim Roth when we need him?

Gable Oak, costarring in the new The Incredible Hulk?
posted by steveburnett at 1:40 PM on May 8, 2008


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