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Then What's the Other Half of the Battle?
May 7, 2008 3:34 PM   Subscribe

With the big screen bonanza imminent, let's have a go at bean-plating G.I. Joe.
posted by mikoroshi (40 comments total)

 
Is bean-plating an actual phrase now? or am I over-thinking this?
posted by GuyZero at 3:50 PM on May 7, 2008


Is bean-plating an actual phrase now? or am I over-thinking this?

Well I think that really depends on how we define what an "actual phrase" is. It certainly is a phrase, so I'm pretty sure that it could be defined as an "actual" phrase. But if you--wait a god damn minute. You were joking, weren't you?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 3:57 PM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


Don't forget the incredibly forgettable counterprogramming! My favorite childhood brainwashing program, fought over at daycare to the extent of negotiating alternating viewing days with GI Joe. It powerfully infused in its girly wee viewers vapid and unattainable consumerist goals, rigid gender norms and a depiction of empty vanities as the fabric of the life well lived: Beverly Hills Teens. Where the teens never go to school. Call it the Credit Crunch Cartoon.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:58 PM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


One time in pre-school, we were playing GI Joe and I guess I wasn't paying attention but the only girl part left was Zarana. It apparently was really damaging because I still remember my bitterness. I freaking invented potato chips in tuna fish sandwiches (in my little pre-school world). Ungrateful bastards.
posted by spec80 at 3:58 PM on May 7, 2008


I'd rather see this and this.
posted by mert at 3:59 PM on May 7, 2008


I wonder if the film will have some strained reference to the Fensler Films GI Joe PSA shorts, in the same way that Xmen had that awful reference to a similar and unfunny dubbed parody of the cartoon iteration of the franchise.

What single line do you think they'll use? There are so many to choose from. I'm betting on either "PORK CHOP SANDWICHES" or "Who wants a body massage?"
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 4:06 PM on May 7, 2008 [3 favorites]


The guy that plays Duke is like 15. What the heck. . .
posted by resurrexit at 4:07 PM on May 7, 2008


And one of the posters to the second link adds this timeless prophecy:

and another thing; is it going to be turned into "a real multi-national U.N. peacekeeping and disaster relief hero?" i hope so, because i know I want "a real AMERICAN hero" to be subordinate to globalist political correctness.

You have to admit, that is pretty funny.
posted by resurrexit at 4:09 PM on May 7, 2008


and another thing; is it going to be turned into "a real multi-national U.N. peacekeeping and disaster relief hero?" i hope so, because i know I want "a real AMERICAN hero" to be subordinate to globalist political correctness.

That would be Big Jim.
posted by optovox at 4:19 PM on May 7, 2008


no, really. what does "bean plating" mean?
posted by ericbop at 4:25 PM on May 7, 2008


spec80- i'm impressed you had enough girls playing to have filled up lady jay, scarlet, covergirl, and the baroness.
in my neighborhood we were lucky to get someone to be scarlet (and she came with a freakin sweet crossbow).
posted by mikoroshi at 4:29 PM on May 7, 2008


no, really. what does "bean plating" mean?

Overthinking something. As in, you could "overthink a plate of beans." It means to consider something with a level of scrutiny that is out of context with the actual, literal content.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:33 PM on May 7, 2008


"Is bean-plating an actual phrase now? or am I over-thinking this?"

Considering the original saying was "overthink a plate of beans," I would imagine that bean-plating refers specifically to overanalyzing something ridiculously trivial.

In this case, the other half of the battle is clearly doing. What's most important is that knowing is the first half of the battle. Without knowing, you can't do what you must to win the battle because, well, you don't know what needs to be done.
posted by Eideteker at 4:34 PM on May 7, 2008


For completeness, and to second the Fensler Films question, I'd like to point out that my TF2 nickname on the MeFi server is BlancoNiƱo (youtube link). That is all.

Also, I don't have much hope for the film.
posted by zpaine at 4:42 PM on May 7, 2008


ericbop: I think it's when you use an electrical current to permanently coat a G.I. Joe with beans.

Also, this plus this?
posted by Sys Rq at 4:43 PM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


BODY MASSAGE...
posted by stenseng at 4:49 PM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


I can't wait for the Action Man movie, in which he just follows GI Joe around saying "Me too!!".
posted by pompomtom at 4:52 PM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


At least when the dvd comes out, they could throw us a bone and replace the fbi warning that everyone ignores with....

Hey Kid. I'm a Computer. Stop All the Downloading
posted by Senor Cardgage at 5:11 PM on May 7, 2008


Where's that wonderful McSweeney's piece written by a MeFi member?
posted by klangklangston at 5:16 PM on May 7, 2008


I'd love to see all the actors parachuting out of shot-down planes, leaping from exploding trucks, no one ever injured...
posted by gottabefunky at 5:16 PM on May 7, 2008


And when I asked my father this post's titular question, he replied "Dying."
posted by klangklangston at 5:16 PM on May 7, 2008 [3 favorites]


I'm against Metafilter in-jokes like this on the front page. We have enough insularity as it is. "Let's overthink (or discuss) this" does not make a good post here.
posted by mattbucher at 5:21 PM on May 7, 2008


klangklangston- i thought of that too, but with mcsweeney's already on the front page....
posted by mikoroshi at 5:32 PM on May 7, 2008


We've got wars, wars, malfeasance, cyclones, and general global mayhem. Think I'll skip the war movies for a while.
posted by Dizzy at 5:36 PM on May 7, 2008


PORKCHOP SANDWICHES
posted by Mikey-San at 5:44 PM on May 7, 2008


I just hope they take the opportunity to include some scenes of the little hot-head in some great fencing action.
posted by tellurian at 5:48 PM on May 7, 2008


Oh! G.I. Joe. I read bonanza and got all excited.
posted by tellurian at 5:48 PM on May 7, 2008


STOP ALL THE DOWNLOADING!
posted by emelenjr at 6:42 PM on May 7, 2008


Stephen Sommers? Director of the Mummy movies? Meh. Pass. Though after watching Brick, I'll watch almost anything with Joseph Gordon Levitt. He'll be the Next Big Thing in a couple of years, methinks.
posted by zardoz at 7:00 PM on May 7, 2008


My childhood included the discovery that G.I. Joe's vaunted "Kung fu grip" was no match for a firecracker.
posted by Tube at 7:05 PM on May 7, 2008


I'M A COMPUTER
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 7:11 PM on May 7, 2008


I'll see it because Sommers directed Deep Rising. Either that or I'd avoid it because Sommers directed Van Helsing.

One or the other.
posted by brundlefly at 7:14 PM on May 7, 2008


Tube:

We had a selection of G.I. Joe's with varying missing parts to re-enact various injuries. Like, ummmmm, Land Mine G.I. Joe. Some of them were further embellished with stolen red nail polish.

I also had a classic, mint G.I. Joe end up at the bottom of the local lake. My uncle had a giant orange aircraft carrier with a hole in the top. We decide to check out his nautical skills. The carrier floated about 10 feet from shore and promptly capsized.
posted by Samizdata at 8:25 PM on May 7, 2008


No, Cool Papa Bell and Eideteker... What does "bean plating" mean???
posted by LordSludge at 10:34 PM on May 7, 2008


Hey, does this movie include the part where you can unscrew them from the back, and (if you jigger that damned rubber band just right) put them back together with other's body parts, creating a squad of undefeatable super frankensoldiers from a legion of tired, consumer-driven cliches?

Or the part where you can steal your old man's cigarette lighter and go crazy creating CyberLego Warriors, melting the plastic interfaces directly into/onto their limbs/torsos/heads? Or TransformerJoes??

If not, it won't be nearly as cool as my memories of GI Joe.
posted by eclectist at 11:13 PM on May 7, 2008


Is bean-plating an actual phrase now?

Only in reference to cunnilingus.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:27 AM on May 8, 2008


Joseph Gordon Levitt. He'll be the Next Big Thing in a couple of years, methinks.

G.I. Joseph Gordon Levitt. It'll be the new Iron Man!

PS, the Other Half of the Battle called and wants to know when he'll be home.
posted by Sparx at 3:03 AM on May 8, 2008


Where's that wonderful McSweeney's piece written by a MeFi member?
posted by klangklangston


*blushes*

For what it's worth, McSwy's just had me do an audiobook version of the two COBRA stories; it was a lot of fun, and it blows my mind how this continues to be the longest-lived thing I've ever written. I've even wound up on Larry Hama's Christmas card list because of it. Weird stuff.
posted by COBRA! at 7:10 AM on May 8, 2008


Contemplating GI Joe, huh? Ok, well since it's due to be released at nearly the same time as another childhood favorite, I predict that in an effort to maintain the feel of the source material, in both films we will see hundreds of thousand of rounds fired, some may even be lasers, and casualties will be completely minimal. In GI Joe, "Yo Joe!" will be said too many times in the attached advertising, and in the A-Team, one or more jeeps will hit obstacles in such a way as to have them flip over, though everyone in side will be ok, just shaken up.

What should happen is a completely different story. GI Joe should be a dark look at an elite team of combat soldiers. The clever nicknames are merely their way of ensuring their anonymity from the war crimes tribunals who would most certainly be interested in their brutal methods of dispatching the mercenary contractor forces of Cobra. The whole thing would take place on an extant battlefield, where American let forces were fighting some generic threat, in the heat of the conflict, these separate groups; GI Joe and Cobra, would engage in a kind of high dollar value combat that would leave both the Americans and their enemy huddled in bunkers waiting for the aluminum rain to end and the screaming and explosions to stop. In my perfect world, it would be so violent and action packed as to make Blackhawk Down look like Inspector Gadget by comparison.
posted by quin at 1:23 PM on May 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm not jealous of COBRA!.
I'm not.



I'm not.
posted by Dizzy at 7:18 PM on May 8, 2008


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