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The Origins of Cybex Space
May 12, 2008 11:06 AM   Subscribe

The Origins of Cybex Space Just in case you are in need of ...." a preventative against the evils engendered by a sedentary life and the seclusion of the office."
posted by R. Mutt (20 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
I love how these "exercising" men are still wearing complete suits, including vests. One of the ab punching guys hasn't even removed his pocket watch.
posted by DU at 11:23 AM on May 12, 2008


From now on, I will only go to the gym wearing a top hat, wool suit with waistcoat, and shoes with spats. And I will be sure to admonish others for their embarrassing attire.

"Madam, your calves are visible. Such a salacious display has not place in a house of fitness. Kindly regain your sense and replace your corset and petticoat. Professor Marcus was so distracted he nearly caught his beard in the groin-o-flex. The women of this age, unbelievable! Rest assured, my dear, that your hysterical exposure will not go unmentioned when I meet your father's zeppelin in Lakehurst later this afternoon."
posted by Pastabagel at 11:24 AM on May 12, 2008 [16 favorites]


Did anyone else read that as the "Origins of Cyber Sex" and get real disappointed?

/retrieves mind from gutter
posted by HuronBob at 11:29 AM on May 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


I think I would rather endure the pangs of gout brought on by my life of excess than undergo treatment by anything called a "groin-o-flex".
posted by DU at 11:29 AM on May 12, 2008


That was lame.

Did anyone else read that as the "Origins of Cyber Sex" and get real disappointed?

*looks up*

Ohhhh, right.

*reads the words between the pictures*

Well, in that case, good post.
posted by chillmost at 11:39 AM on May 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


Interesting stuff. Thanks for posting it.
posted by tkolar at 11:45 AM on May 12, 2008


Do not permit your System to run down.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:48 AM on May 12, 2008


A perfect substitute for the live horse

I love it! Did they make a "perfect subsitite for the live male"?

I'd be all for it.
posted by TrinaSelwyn at 12:01 PM on May 12, 2008


I love how these "exercising" men are still wearing complete suits, including vests.

I'm amazed none of them is smoking a cigar.
posted by tommasz at 12:03 PM on May 12, 2008


You laugh, but some day Pastabagel, Anarcho-chappism will rule the world. Mark my words.

Oh wait. I forgot. It already has.
posted by honest knave at 12:05 PM on May 12, 2008


Reminds me of "The Road to Wellville".
posted by tadellin at 12:25 PM on May 12, 2008


Did they make a "perfect subsitite for the live male"?

You must be new to the internet. Google "sybian". But not at work.
posted by DU at 12:25 PM on May 12, 2008


Sybian, eh?

Intriguing. Does it cook? ;)
posted by TrinaSelwyn at 12:32 PM on May 12, 2008


Reminds me of "The Road to Wellville".

Oh, it's not going in that end.

The Road to Wellville was apparently based on a great deal of facts. People like sex. A lot of people like sexy sexy sex. A whole bunch of those people like kinky sexy sex.

Remember, Doctors from this era once paid housecalls to treat "hysteria" through direct contact. Today we'd call what they were doing "masturbation", and the doctors would be, in action and deed, prostitutes. It almost kind of seems like we've gone backwards in some ways, doesn't it?

It's no accident that a lot of the "exercise machines" and "massagers" readily do double duty as sex toys. "Horse Simulator"? Honey, please. Get off (on) your Harry Potter vibrating toy broom already.

One of the very first electrical machines - besides the light bulb - that was available for purchase and use in the home was a vibrating massager. Some were shaped like fingers. For "gum massage" purposes.

Nearly a century later Sony's Beta video tape format lost to the VHS format because... why? Do you remember? Because it was cheaper for to release independent movies on VHS. And by independent movies I totally mean porn.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find a waistcoated wool suit, a cane and a tophat. I'm going to plug in my old-school 60s era Hitachi Magic Wand massager* and engage in some sporty health care. Don't worry. I'm a licensed practioner. Yes, I make house calls.


*(Yes, that one. The one approved by NASA. The one loathed by the USGS for causing false earthquake detections. The one that browns out most electrical grids if they aren't backed by nuclear reactors. The one that somehow packs a 10 horsepower motor into something the size of a small fruit juice can with superior, sexy Japanese engineering. The one your momma warned you about. You know what? She was right.)
posted by loquacious at 12:50 PM on May 12, 2008 [3 favorites]


Well-found, honest knave! Those links have made me immeasurably happy! Do you know there is not one portmanteur in this entire city who will custom tweed a case for me? Not one. Why, the other day I inquired after the same to a vulgarian merchant who took a ponderous swallow of his sugared fizz and responded dimly with "A tweed case for a guy?" Appalling, as if I was some geordie bootblack. And I in my hat!

"Not for a 'guy', you lout! For a gentleman!"
posted by Pastabagel at 1:00 PM on May 12, 2008


And I in my hat!

Wait, what? You take your hat off? Bootblack, indeed. Look, if you can manage to keep your hat on and not be seen you can sleep in the carriage-house. God help us all if the neighbors see.
posted by loquacious at 1:28 PM on May 12, 2008


Didn't we do steampunk already, like last week?
posted by ninjew at 1:59 PM on May 12, 2008


Something about this one makes me want to intone with a completely dry, monotone voice:

"Whee. I say, this is quite exciting. I am feeling quite athletically stimulated by this endeavor."
posted by quin at 2:17 PM on May 12, 2008


So, I was right... It IS about sex....
posted by HuronBob at 4:55 PM on May 12, 2008


Where can I get prints of these? I emailed the hipsters at Cabinet and the swedish museum that hosts them, but no dice thus far.
posted by electroboy at 8:40 AM on May 13, 2008


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