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May 13, 2008 10:39 AM

Things Younger than John McCain.
posted by XQUZYPHYR (68 comments total)

see also
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:40 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

Being very old is not necessarily a barrier, and being comically superstitious is not necessarily a barrier. But the twofer wouldn't make me comfortable with his finger on the button.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:46 AM on May 13

This just in: McCain = Old
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:48 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

It might simpler to just list the things that are older than John McCain.

- Reagan's corpse
- Andromeda galaxy

...any others?
posted by DU at 10:49 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

Age discrimination is funny when it's against Republicans!
posted by pardonyou? at 10:49 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

It sure is!
posted by [@I][:+:][@I] at 10:50 AM on May 13 [2 favorites]

Especially olllllllllld Republicans.
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:50 AM on May 13

I'm sort of conflicted about throwing around a bunch of 1937 inventions and saying -- Hee haw! McCain's older than them because at the time of their invention he was 8 months old.

I'd much rather an attack on McCain be - "Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran, heh eheh heh", like, what the fuck, didn't we learn anything in the past 8 years? (That's a rhetorical, natch)
posted by cavalier at 10:51 AM on May 13

Huh. That blog is kind of gross.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:52 AM on May 13

This is one of those situations where you can't tell if someone is being sarcastic, or making an obvious point that you agree with entirely.

Because it actually is funny.
posted by crunch buttsteak at 10:52 AM on May 13

like, what the fuck, didn't we learn anything in the past 8 years?

To be fair, learning new skills and facts can be very difficult for people of advanced age.
posted by DU at 10:53 AM on May 13 [5 favorites]

I don't care how old John McCain is. My old man is older than John McCain, and he's in better physical and mental shape than most men 20 years younger.

I care that McCain is dull, unimaginative, has no principles that he's not willing to sell out for a vote, appears to have no vision or ideas for the future, doesn't really care about anyone's dissenting views and that he's the presidential nominee of one of the two major political parties in this country.
posted by psmealey at 10:54 AM on May 13

Age discrimination is funny when it's against Republicans!

What, you're saying we wouldn't run an FPP to a Things blacker than Barack Obama* site?

* Clearly such a thing would ahve to come from back when people were arguing that he wasn't Black enough. Remeber those days? I bet more than a few people are nostalgic for that level of stupidity compared with what we have now.
posted by Artw at 10:55 AM on May 13

At least it's not Strom Thurmond running for President.

"The telephone, powered flight, the automobile, repeating rifles, nerve gas, electricity, assembly line production, civil rights, etc."
posted by Avenger at 10:56 AM on May 13 [4 favorites]

Remeber those days?

Oh man, I forgot about that. He was a not-black-enough Muslim before his Afro-separatist Christian preacher problem. Heh.

Anyway, to all the haters on this thread: I'm voting for Obama in the general because Obama is awesome. To some extent I'm also voting against McCain. To the extent that I am voting against him, I'm doing so because he is very wrong for America. The fact that he's so old is just funny on top of that.
posted by DU at 10:58 AM on May 13

I'm voting against McCain because of his weird cheek/jaw extensions. WTF are those?
posted by everichon at 10:59 AM on May 13 [3 favorites]

The guy is 200 years old and covered with cancers. Of course his age is fair game.
posted by interrobang at 11:00 AM on May 13 [2 favorites]

www.stuffoldwhitepeoplewhoarerunningforpresidentarealsoolderthanandmayormaynotlike.com
posted by kittyprecious at 11:00 AM on May 13

everichon writes "I'm voting against McCain because of his weird cheek/jaw extensions. WTF are those?"

Walnuts.
posted by mullingitover at 11:02 AM on May 13 [3 favorites]

I'm voting against McCain because of his weird cheek/jaw extensions. WTF are those

A scar from skin cancer treatment in 2000.

Do you also go around asking women with only one breast "WTF happened to the other?"
posted by Leon-arto at 11:03 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

I'm voting against McCain because of his weird cheek/jaw extensions. WTF are those?

"Mr. McCain has a scarred, puffy left cheek from surgery that he had in 2000 after doctors discovered his third melanoma, and it is plainly visible on television. His pale skin sometimes looks even whiter than it really is, thanks to the powerful sunblock he uses. And his war wounds — he broke both arms and his right knee when his plane was shot down over North Vietnam, and suffered more injuries at the hands of his captors during five and a half years as a prisoner of war — have left him with stiffness in his knee, and arms that he cannot raise without difficulty." (nyt)
posted by SteveInMaine at 11:03 AM on May 13

Walnuts.

Hey, if he's storing up for the winter, maybe that's evidence that he's a good planner.
posted by cashman at 11:04 AM on May 13

His wife also truly does look like a cyborg.
posted by ornate insect at 11:05 AM on May 13

Man, I'm no fan of McCain, but this thread is squalid.
posted by psmealey at 11:06 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

If we're going to delve into the world of the medical, I assume you've also noticed he's bald. And has a hump.

It takes a real maverick to think that such an untelegenic figure, particularly with unpopular policies, could possibly win against a dead rat, let alone Mr Charisma.
posted by DU at 11:09 AM on May 13

If he's ugly, his policies must be bad!

Good work, fellows.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:10 AM on May 13 [2 favorites]

Things that are less likely to start a war than John McCain:

1. Carrot-top
2. Kitty cat
3. Reron from What's Happenin'
4. Punching the Dalai Lama
5. Dell Mark III War-Starting Droid, with MicroSoft Vista operating system
posted by Mister_A at 11:10 AM on May 13 [3 favorites]

I can't take that site seriously, as it lacks a white background.

Flagged as ageism.
posted by Eideteker at 11:13 AM on May 13

Entities less likely to steal from the poor and give to the rich than John McCain:

- WalMart
posted by DU at 11:13 AM on May 13

Things more pathetic than Wordpress Warrior (oh, and did I forget to mention "jokey coward"?) Blogger McAsshole...

I don't like McCain as a presidential candidate, but come on. Going "ha ha, he's old" and putting "war hero" in scare-quotes(!) isn't exactly doing much for the cause. Crap like this is only going to make McCain look better by comparison, not worse.
posted by vorfeed at 11:13 AM on May 13

Do you also go around asking women with only one breast "WTF happened to the other?"

Not many one-breasted women running for President of the United States to ask that question of.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:14 AM on May 13

He really does seem like he's literally itching to start a war. Like if he got through his term as president without a war (besides Iraq), he'd be disappointed.
posted by cashman at 11:14 AM on May 13

Seriously, are these all the same people who applaud Obama for high-road politics and his rejection of gotchas, bickering, and divisiveness?
posted by shakespeherian at 11:15 AM on May 13

pardonyou : Age discrimination is funny when it's against Republicans!

In the interest of fairness:

You know what's older than Hillary Rodham Clinton?

The CIA

You know what's older than Barack Hussein Obama, Jr.?

The Berlin Wall

(OK, well they are within a couple of days of one another.)
posted by quin at 11:16 AM on May 13

John McCain is old jokes are mostly lame. Some of these are interesting, if not really funny. Like being older than chocolate chip cookies, spam, and McDonalds.
posted by garlic at 11:16 AM on May 13

Well he may be older, but Fox News apparently likes him a lot.
posted by Zinger at 11:17 AM on May 13

Mister_A: I belive it's Rerun, not Reron.
posted by ornate insect at 11:17 AM on May 13

Joking aside, old age and health are perfectly valid criteria for notvoting for someone. If they're more likely to die, the resulting political changes can have dramatic effect on the country. We don't even know who this guy will choose as a VP candidate.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:17 AM on May 13

Mister_A : Things that are less likely to start a war than John McCain:

2. Kitty cat

You don't own multiple cats, huh?
posted by quin at 11:18 AM on May 13

Is it an outdoors cat?
posted by Artw at 11:19 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is younger than John McCain.
also:

Nylon
Instant coffee
The shopping cart
Soft ice cream
The Walkie-talkie
O-rings
The nine-cent loaf of bread
Anti-histamines
The T-shirt
Smarties
The pinball bumper
DDT
The electron microscope
Tupperware
The photocopier
Dental floss...

...aaaaand the number one thing younger than John McCain:

weapons-grade pandemonium /# *
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:21 AM on May 13

Joking aside, old age and health are perfectly valid criteria for not voting for someone.

Yeah - I wonder about any cognitive deficits, personally.
posted by cashman at 11:21 AM on May 13

I wonder if there is an age limit we could agree on was either too old or too young for the presidency? Presumably most here would think a 16 or 18 year old was too young for the job, and a 85 or 90 year old was too old?
posted by ornate insect at 11:22 AM on May 13

If he's ugly, his policies must be bad!

Wow the admins were really quick to delete the comment you must be referring to.
posted by DU at 11:25 AM on May 13

United States Constitution, Article 2, Section 1: ...neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

So that takes care of too young.
posted by casarkos at 11:25 AM on May 13

HAS IT BEEN DECLAWED?
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:25 AM on May 13

If he's ugly, his policies must be bad!

I am only seeing "he's ugly" in this goofy, extremely-low-stakes, likely-to-be-deleted thread, but thanks for the gratuitous indignation. I know this marks the very first time that commenters on MeFi have taken cheap shots for yuks.
posted by everichon at 11:27 AM on May 13

And yes, John McCain is OLDer than some things and UGLYer than, say, Tina Fey, or Morrissey. You know it's true.
posted by everichon at 11:29 AM on May 13

Man how could you play pinball without bumpers?
posted by Sailormom at 11:29 AM on May 13

casarkos--good catch, but speaking ideally, why is age-ism only applicable to those who think McCain might be too old; does it not work in reverse: perhaps Article 2, Section 1 is itself age-ist?

The presidency is a demanding job; a 95 year old might not be up for the job. Is it age-ist or simply nature-ist to say so? Perhaps the real question here is that McCain is at the upper limit of what most would conceive as a good idea. If he were 10 years older it's unlikely he would have received the nomination.
posted by ornate insect at 11:30 AM on May 13

I find it more amusing to consider that McCain could be a real-life Manchurian candidate. Or rather, a Ha Noi candidate...
posted by Edgewise at 11:32 AM on May 13

Yeah - I wonder about any cognitive deficits, personally.

With no disrespect to his service to this country, age aside, I have to wonder about his psychological state. You can't be a POW captive for that long without suffering some long-term mental anguish. With his constant sabre rattling, I have to wonder if the Iraq war is like Vietnam II: The Payback for him, on some level.

War might be necessary sometimes, but this has clearly not been one of those times for the last, well, five years, and our economy cannot simply afford another one or two terms of lining the pockets of Cheney's military and energy contractor friends.

With regards to his age and health, that's certainly a valid concern. His body has certainly taken some abuse, and he has had multiple skin cancer incidents, which does not bode well for long-term survival rates. If made President, his mind and body would be placed under incredible stress; these leaders are kept up around the clock as crises emerge. I look at Clinton in 1992 and his hair has turned to a rich shade of grey once he left office in 2000. The job is stressful and not for people of ill health.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:32 AM on May 13

What's older than Barack Obama? The beginning of John McCain's career in public service.
posted by Pastabagel at 11:34 AM on May 13 [4 favorites]

LSD, Alaska, Defibrillation
Chocolate Chip Cookies, Israel as a nation.
And Pat Buchanan, though he's quite insane
Even he's younger than old John McCain.

Flaming gas bags
Ronald Reagan
and the Slinky, too.
These things are younger than old John McCain
yet he wants to govern you.

(Sorry Oscar)
posted by Floydd at 11:35 AM on May 13 [2 favorites]

Seriously, are these all the same people who applaud Obama for high-road politics and his rejection of gotchas, bickering, and divisiveness?

Since you ask, the answer is no. Almost all of those people are avoiding this thread.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:37 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

My father is older than McCain, and I would vote for him before McCain.
posted by Mister_A at 11:38 AM on May 13

I agree with Pastabagel. It's time to give McCain a gold watch and let a new generation take over.
posted by DU at 11:41 AM on May 13

Joking aside, old age and health are perfectly valid criteria for notvoting for someone.

Health? Sure. Cognitive function or psychological stability? Absolutely. But I disagree with the statement that "old age" in and of itself is "perfectly valid criteria" for witholding a vote. First, how do you define "old age"? McCain is 71. Average life expectancy would take him through two terms. And the chance that a President might die is factored in to every presidential choice -- should we not vote for Obama because there's a better chance that he would be assassinated in office?
posted by pardonyou? at 11:42 AM on May 13

I think McCain is cute as a button with his pretty white hair and his voice like a grandma. Which is probably bad and means he lacks "gravitas," whatever that means. I just hope he picks a rotten running mate and Rush Limbaugh, et al pick up on it and make his age a panic, so that it loses him even more votes to the Obama republicans. Then he can come to my house to play Pinocle and eat pie.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:46 AM on May 13

Perhaps the optimum age for the presidency, given its demands, would seem to be between 35 and 65? Assuming Article 2, Section 1 did not exist, the ages from 25 to 35 would seem to be questionable, and below 25 would probably be a bad idea (below 18 would be a really bad idea). Likewise, the ages 65 to 75 would seem to be questionable, and above 75 would probably be a bad idea (above 85 would be a really bad idea). Thus I contend that the reason that this is a question is b/c McCain is really in that "questionable" area. I don't see that as being a controversial position, all things considered. But I'm not arguing that there is a science behind this; it is arbitrary to some degree, although it's based on the reality of mental, physical, and general health over an average person's lifespan.
posted by ornate insect at 11:47 AM on May 13

What's older than Barack Obama? The beginning of John McCain's career in public service.

I'm no McCaniac, but that's a good one, Pastabagel.
posted by ColdChef at 11:48 AM on May 13

I was tortured by the Cong for 5 1/2 years and all I got was this delicious key lime pie at Ambrosia Voyeur's house. Om Nom Nom!
posted by Mister_A at 11:49 AM on May 13

What's older than Obama?

Stubby Phillips! (this is the first time i'm older than a mainstream presidential candidate)
posted by stubby phillips at 11:50 AM on May 13

Average life expectancy would take him through two terms.

It would take him less than one term. Add melanoma survival curves and you are really rolling the dice voting for McCain, unless you're just voting for his VP choice. Given how the Republicans chose Cheney, who knows what evil asshole Trojan Horse they have lined up to cripple the country this time around?

And the chance that a President might die is factored in to every presidential choice -- should we not vote for Obama because there's a better chance that he would be assassinated in office?

Certainly, which is why there have been a few Metafilter posts here and there noting that concern from the African-American community.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:50 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

ornate insect, according to your rules, Nick Nolte would not be suitable for the presidency. Perhaps there is a flaw in your assumptions?
posted by Mister_A at 11:51 AM on May 13

Health? Sure. Cognitive function or psychological stability? Absolutely. But I disagree with the statement that "old age" in and of itself is "perfectly valid criteria" for witholding a vote.

If you look up when cognitive functioning begins to show marked decline, I submit that John McCain has passed that age. But if you have evidence that shows otherwise, that would be good to see.

Average life expectancy would take him through two terms.

Barrrrrely.

I think his age is a factor. McCain is at the outer limits, I think. His age of 72 (in August) is a factor just like if Barack Obama was turning 36 in August. Experience has its downsides too. Sorry.
posted by cashman at 11:52 AM on May 13 [3 favorites]

McCain's advanced age is not sufficient cause for me to sneer at him. However, the gap between his advanced age and the average age of the young men and women whose lives he seems positively gleeful about the possiblity of throwing away in pointless conflicts in the Middle East is more than sufficient cause for me to wish the old man gone from public office.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 11:54 AM on May 13 [1 favorite]

Churchill was like knocking on 80 when he got re-elected back in 51... perhaps McCain just needs to drink more.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:57 AM on May 13