Comments on: Spongebob Rectal Thermometer

Spongebob Rectal Thermometer

jonson — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:47:39 -0800

Best rectal thermometer ever? And yes, it does play the theme song while taking your temperature.

By: SmileyChewtrain

SmileyChewtrain — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:49:46 -0800

eponysterical...?

By: Dave Faris

Dave Faris — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:50:29 -0800

Which end goes in?

By: cortex

cortex — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:53:00 -0800

Next up: New Yorker thermometer that shouts "Christ, what an asshole!"

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:53:20 -0800

That makes sense, given that I often refer to my lower regions as "the pineapple under the sea."

By: ericb

ericb — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:53:20 -0800

Favored and endorsed by Assy McGee.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:54:45 -0800

Big deal. They also sell a Hannah Montana Home Pregnancy Test.* *No, they don't.

By: danb

danb — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:57:19 -0800

To be fair, if you look at the packaging it says oral, underarm or rectal. Still, though, the fuck?

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:57:40 -0800

Oh, but they should.

By: ornate insect

ornate insect — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:57:58 -0800

Your favorite rectal thermometer stucks.

By: spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints

spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:58:33 -0800

This thermometer, it vibrates?

By: middleclasstool

middleclasstool — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:58:36 -0800

Every time I see "rectal thermometer" I remember the first time I ever put one in my baby's butt. He hadn't pooped for two days, the nurse said putting a thermometer in might help him work his sphincter. Hoo boy. That thing shot a full foot out of his ass when the explosion came, and I was holding on to it at the time. The shit actually cleared the diaper we'd put underneath him to catch it. It was the only thing he didn't get shit on. The idea of a singing Spongebob sailing across the nursery in a barrage of butt mustard, crying out "Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!" is just about the best thing I've imagined this month.

By: matteo

matteo — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:00:12 -0800

To be fair, if you look at the packaging it says oral, underarm or rectal. just make up your mind on which one of the three when you buy it. and never try the others,

By: WalterMitty

WalterMitty — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:00:28 -0800

What were the designers thinking? I mean... look at where the pointy bit of the thermometer is emerging from. That's right, his pants. Are you READY, kids?

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:04:18 -0800

With all the ass jokes in today's cartoons, I think this is actually pretty awesome and entirely appropriate.

By: Ufez Jones

Ufez Jones — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:06:19 -0800

Big deal. They also sell a Hannah Montana Home Pregnancy Test.* The Zoey 101 Pregnancy Test is the preferred model for todays tweens. Like, OMFG, it's BLUE!!11!

By: nebulawindphone

nebulawindphone — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:09:25 -0800

The idea of a singing Spongebob sailing across the nursery in a barrage of butt mustard, crying out "Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!" is just about the best thing I've imagined this month. Sounds like you've had a rough month. Have a beer.

By: shadow vector

shadow vector — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:13:33 -0800

Lord, I don't even want to think about the crazy fetishes that are going to develop in about 15 years when today's kids start working out their repressed feelings about shit like this.

By: schroedinger

schroedinger — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:18:16 -0800

I hope it doesn't play any of the soundtrack from Deliverance.

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:19:11 -0800

Do we really need themed rectal probes?

By: loquacious

loquacious — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:20:00 -0800

Butt mustard.

By: Killick

Killick — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:20:08 -0800

By: dersins

dersins — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:22:48 -0800

Do we really need themed rectal probes? Do you really need to ask?

By: dersins

dersins — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:23:03 -0800

OF COURSE WE DO

By: Avenger

Avenger — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:25:53 -0800

AYE AYE, CAPTAIN! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

By: Slarty Bartfast

Slarty Bartfast — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:26:24 -0800

I am so ordering this for my clinic.

By: Kabanos

Kabanos — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:27:06 -0800

Join Dora the Explorer on her newest spelunking adventure.

By: ericb

ericb — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:39:58 -0800

Join Dora the Explorer on her newest spelunking adventure. Slarty Bartfast -- another one for your clinic.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:40:12 -0800

You should have seen the Squidward Tentacles model they were testing in the lab. Fun for the whole family.

By: ericb

ericb — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:44:18 -0800

Oh my. I hope they've licensed the patent. United States Patent 20070160112 -- THERMOMETER

"A thermometer includes an elongated body comprising a tip, one or more illumination elements that outputs light and a timing device configured to measure a period of time. The tip of the thermometer is configured to measure a bodily temperature when placed within or near a person's anatomy. Further, the illumination element may be positioned on or within the elongated body. In some embodiments, the illumination element, which is configured to output light after a period of time has elapsed, can be incorporated into an ornamental element. 20. The thermometer of claim 17, wherein the ornamental element comprises a cartoon character."

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:45:06 -0800

There's the Timex koala musical thermometer, which takes a li... Aw, forget it.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:48:15 -0800

It's a pretty straightforward thermomenter, and while you could stick it up your ass, calling it a 'rectal thermometer' is kind of bullshit. Not that it matters, but just being dishonest like that to get a few laughs irritates me.

By: Dave Faris

Dave Faris — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:49:00 -0800

Maybe you've got a fever...?

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:51:04 -0800

"It's a pretty straightforward thermomenter, and while you could stick it up your ass, calling it a 'rectal thermometer' is kind of bullshit. Not that it matters, but just being dishonest like that to get a few laughs irritates me." You did actually follow the link and read where it said this: Oral, underarm or rectal use right? Or are you using your Spongebob Rectal Stick tonight?

By: jonson

jonson — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:51:49 -0800

but just being dishonest like that to get a few laughs irritates me I fear I may have lost your trust... but I swear, if it's the last thing I do, I will earn it back. If I have to slave away on my hands & knees from here to eternity, come hell or high water delmoi you will one day think of jonson & honesty in the same sentence without a hint of sarcasm or irony. Actually, that was just me being dishonest again.

By: rhymer

rhymer — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:53:58 -0800

To be fair, if you look at the packaging it says oral, underarm or rectal. Forgetfulness and a Spongebob thermometer combining to result in accidental ATM is not a possibility I'd considered before. Thanks for opening my eyes, Metafilter.

By: lukemeister

lukemeister — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:08:06 -0800

Monotremes only have one orifice, so platypus thermometers don't need instructions.

By: localroger

localroger — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:13:15 -0800

I would so let Dora take my temperature. Spongebob, not so much. I always knew that sponge was wrong.

By: MikeonTV

MikeonTV — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:29:18 -0800

I wont be singing any song with that in me.

By: davejay

davejay — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:32:13 -0800

Monotremes only have one orifice, so platypus thermometers don't need instructions. Not true; how else will they know how long to leave it in?

By: damn dirty ape

damn dirty ape — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:32:44 -0800

Its a thermometer. Its not labeled a "rectal thermometer." All thermometers work rectally. This is as "hilarious" as the harry potter "vibrator." These are tremble before the oozinator.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:41:58 -0800

"Who lives in a dingleberry way in your shitwinker??"

By: delmoi

delmoi — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:45:30 -0800

You did actually follow the link and read where it said this: Oral, underarm or rectal use Did you actually read my whole comment where I said:

while you could stick it up your ass

I think most people who buy this would use it as an oral thermometer.

By: WalterMitty

WalterMitty — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:51:56 -0800

I think most people who buy this would use it as an oral thermometer. Even so, positioning the pointy bit where Spongebob's bits would be (if he had bits) is still... unfortunate.

By: DecemberBoy

DecemberBoy — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:54:06 -0800

That makes sense, given that I often refer to my lower regions as "the pineapple under the sea." SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! Favored and endorsed by Assy McGee. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

By: ornate insect

ornate insect — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:16:39 -0800

I always thought that rectal thermometers existed, and that they were different than regular thermometers, but what do I know; I'm not a nurse. Why would anyone choose, aside from a fixation, to take their temp from their ass, if it's the same as taking one's temp orally? Maybe I should consult the googles...

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:32:49 -0800

That's funny, I own a Spongebob thermometer. I bought it on purpose. Shall you all laugh at me now? Ha ha? Because I own a thermometer of an ambiguously gay cartoon character that can be put in a rectum?

By: lukemeister

lukemeister — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:40:29 -0800

Not true; how else will they know how long to leave it in? They wait until it beeps. The thermometer, I mean.

By: cerebus19

cerebus19 — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:40:31 -0800

I think someone misheard "Krabby Patties."

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:46:06 -0800

"Shall you all laugh at me now? Ha ha? Because I own a thermometer of an ambiguously gay cartoon character that can be put in a rectum?" No, we will all laugh at you (Ha ha!) because you took as your username the name of an ambiguously gay cartoon shark. Unless you prefer the former. It's your choice.

By: lukemeister

lukemeister — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:48:15 -0800

That's funny, I own a Spongebob thermometer. I bought it on purpose. I was surprised how hard it is to find a non-Spongebob thermometer. I hope Mark Bauerlein doesn't find out about this.

By: Stylus Happenstance

Stylus Happenstance — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:56:58 -0800

(P.S. I know they aren't manuscripts...but ~~LOL Early Modern Printed Materials~~ Spongebob Oral Thermometer didn't have the same ring to it. LOLNomenclature! Let it go.)

By: Tube

Tube — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:12:26 -0800

Spongebob is mercury free!

By: joe lisboa

joe lisboa — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:17:24 -0800

To be fair, if you look at the packaging it says oral, underarm or rectal. What in the sam hell is Eliot Spitzer's general counsel doing posting here?

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:27:26 -0800

What in the sam hell is Eliot Spitzer's general counsel doing posting here? Looking for Ms. Right.

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:41:56 -0800

All I know is, once a rectal thermometer, ALWAYS a rectal thermometer.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:45:27 -0800

Your link is now the sixth Google search result for "rectal thermometer". This MeFi thread is the ninth. Number 5 is to the so-called Hello Kitty rectal thermometer, which is also just a normal thermometer that can also be used in the rectum. WHEN WILL THE GODDAMNED LIES END???

By: BinGregory

BinGregory — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:51:16 -0800

How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? By the taste! (Am I in the right thread?)

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Wed, 14 May 2008 19:09:48 -0800

No, we will all laugh at you (Ha ha!) because you took as your username the name of an ambiguously gay cartoon shark. Unless you prefer the former. It's your choice. I like choices. They should make Jabberjaw thermometers.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Wed, 14 May 2008 19:24:33 -0800

Must our children's rectal thermometers be limited only to ambiguously gay cartoon characters? Can I buy one of Uncle Arthur from Bewitched?

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 14 May 2008 19:25:43 -0800

They should make Jabberjaw thermometers. Woody Woodpecker, too. HAHAHA..isthisthingon....?

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 14 May 2008 19:29:57 -0800

(also, has it ever occured to anyone that the Beavis & Butthead laugh is basically the Woodpecker laugh played on a slower turntable?)

By: CKmtl

CKmtl — Wed, 14 May 2008 20:29:28 -0800

Why stop at ambiguously gay? A Rip Taylor rectal thermometer: your temperature announced in his voice through a big mustachioed bobblehead, followed by "Is it hot in here or just me?!", a zanny laugh and confetti being shot out of the end.

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Wed, 14 May 2008 20:45:48 -0800

"Did you know that the average fish contains as much mercury as a rectal thermometer? WOULD YOU EAT A RECTAL THERMOMETER? ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU!" "Well...uh...no..." "Well I would." om nom nom sounds "Ah, mercury, sweetest of the transition metals."

By: danb

danb — Wed, 14 May 2008 22:01:35 -0800

Truth be told, there are few cartoon franchises that would not benefit from a themed rectal thermometer.

By: zekinskia

zekinskia — Wed, 14 May 2008 23:15:20 -0800

Spongebob has enough trouble regarding his sexual identity. Unless being unapologetically gay is "trouble," I think this is dead wrong.

By: Dave Faris

Dave Faris — Wed, 14 May 2008 23:22:56 -0800

This certainly wasn't considered from the kid's point of view. How would you react if your favorite TV pal was shoved up your ass when you were under the weather? And adding the music is just evil. Every time the tv theme plays, the kid is going to have a memory of being violated. Talk about giving your kid a complex.

By: dasheekeejones

dasheekeejones — Thu, 15 May 2008 04:27:15 -0800

Love the look on Spongebob's face. It's a little too happy.

By: Goofyy

Goofyy — Thu, 15 May 2008 06:00:16 -0800

Thank you very much. Short on sleep today, and the laughs helped. As for rectal vs. oral temperature-taking: This was more useful in the bad old days of mercury-and-glass thermometers. Nobody's ass is going to bite the thermometer in two. Also, it can be very difficult to keep your mouth closed on a thermometer, when your nose is too stuffed to breath.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Thu, 15 May 2008 07:34:07 -0800

Nobody's ass is going to bite the thermometer in two. I submit that Mr. T could do that if he wanted to.

By: Unicorn on the cob

Unicorn on the cob — Thu, 15 May 2008 09:31:54 -0800

tries to comment... no words... tears... can't stop laughing

By: malocchio

malocchio — Thu, 15 May 2008 12:36:49 -0800

I'm holding out for the "Invader" Zim model myself.

By: samsara

samsara — Thu, 15 May 2008 17:57:00 -0800

I'm holding out for the "Invader" Zim model myself. Waiting for the Cat-dog one myself.....don't judge me!

By: Stylus Happenstance

Stylus Happenstance — Fri, 16 May 2008 14:33:59 -0800

Oops. I forgot about this thread, and it's been over a day since anyone posted, but since two people asked, (and I wasn't trying to bait anybody) it's Confederacy of Dunces.

By: Stylus Happenstance

Stylus Happenstance — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:32:38 -0800

And the wrong thread. Screw it.