Absolutely Not.

May 14, 2008 6:16 PM

“I would say ‘No, Hillary.’" The 97 U.S. Senators who are not currently running for President reply to the question: “If you were asked, would you accept an offer to be the VP nominee?”
posted by Joey Michaels (64 comments total)

Oh, man, this is awesome, thanks.
posted by equalpants at 6:21 PM on May 14, 2008

Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.)
“I’m not the right choice for the Democrats because they’re going to carry California. So they should really look elsewhere. And I can really help them right here in the Senate as chairman of the Environment and Public Works Committee.”

This is code for: "I can't help Hillary or Obama win the office, so I know they won't ask me. But they had better help me get a juicier committee seat, or else."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:23 PM on May 14, 2008

Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.)
“I plan to stick with my current job until I get the hang of it.”

On another note, it's kinda funny that this is posted on a site called The "Hill".
posted by tinkertown at 6:26 PM on May 14, 2008

Sen. Judd Gregg (R-NH):
"No. I don’t like going to funerals."

Ouch.
posted by Rhaomi at 6:28 PM on May 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

Heh, little poke at Cheney here: Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn.) “I know already who it will be: the man in charge of the search. There’s no need for me to respond. That’s how you get to be vice president.”
posted by nicwolff at 6:29 PM on May 14, 2008

Sen. Thad Cochran (R-Miss.)
“When I was much younger I would have probably said, ‘Sure, I’ll be glad to accept it,’ but I’m 70 years [old] and they need a younger person for the job. I would probably tell them, ‘Look for somebody else.’ ”

Heh.
posted by Jimbob at 6:30 PM on May 14, 2008 [4 favorites]

That was very interesting actually, thanks.
posted by Divine_Wino at 6:31 PM on May 14, 2008

Sen. Bob Bennett (R-Utah)
“Of course. Big house, big car, not much to do. Why not?”


I can't tell you the number if times that line has had job interviewers eating out of my hands.

I really can't.
posted by CynicalKnight at 6:33 PM on May 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm glad to see both Senators from Maryland keeping it real.

And Sununu's idea is actually a really good one, if you're a Republican. Let's give the Republican party a genuine heart attack.
posted by 1adam12 at 6:37 PM on May 14, 2008

Cool:
Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.)
“I have a unique perspective on this. I am the only senator to have announced I am not running for president because there should be someone here to serve as the Senate’s designated driver. I intend to stay in that position. The Senate needs a designated driver to stay behind and work on healthcare.”
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:40 PM on May 14, 2008

Sen. Wayne Allard (R-Colo.)
“You got your answer — a laugh. The president’s going to make that choice. You can see how much I’ve thought about it.”


The President's going to make that choice?

Foregone conclusion?
posted by Miko at 6:41 PM on May 14, 2008

Does it come with a jet ski?
posted by homunculus at 6:43 PM on May 14, 2008

Man, this is loaded with jabs at Cheney and the "best man for the job" process! From both sides of the aisle!

It's a great link, thanks. I wish they'd do this more often. It's a little window into the world of the Capitol.
posted by Miko at 6:44 PM on May 14, 2008

“Of course. Big house, big car, not much to do. Why not?”

So inspiring! LOL
posted by bargainhunter at 6:46 PM on May 14, 2008

Does it come with a jet ski?

Several!
posted by WalterMitty at 6:47 PM on May 14, 2008

It's a little surprising that so many of the senators "don't deal in hypotheticals". Wouldn't dealing in hypotheticals be good for, you know, planning and stuff?
posted by Jpfed at 6:48 PM on May 14, 2008 [5 favorites]

Liberman:

Once is enough. I already have the T-shirt
posted by Miko at 6:50 PM on May 14, 2008

This is great. Thanks.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:51 PM on May 14, 2008

I am surprised at how many of these are genuinely funny. Maybe there's hope.
posted by rokusan at 6:52 PM on May 14, 2008

It's not just Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn) taking shots at Dick Cheney (R-Maelbolge)

Sen. John Barrasso (R-Wyo.)
“We already have a vice president from Wyoming. So we’ll have to see if Sen. McCain asks me to chair his selection committee. That seems to work well. It certainly seemed to work well for the last guy from Wyoming.”

Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.)
“No, I can already preside over the Senate, and I do not enjoy spending a lot of time at ‘undisclosed locations.’ ”
posted by Grimgrin at 6:52 PM on May 14, 2008

Just "No, Hillary"? Not even "No thank you, Hillary"?

Oh, Republicans. No sense of civility. I bet he wasn't even planning on giving the guy in the other stall a reach-around.
posted by Flunkie at 6:55 PM on May 14, 2008 [3 favorites]

I just wish Obama would select Dick Gephardt and Dick would accept and the damn thing would be over already. Besides I kinda like having a Dick as veep.
posted by dawson at 6:55 PM on May 14, 2008

Good catch Jimbob - and, Sen. Pete Domenici (R-N.M.) “No. I’m too old.” and Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) “I’m too old to be vice president." - someone needs to ask the obvs follow-up re: McCain.
posted by nicwolff at 6:56 PM on May 14, 2008

I just wish Obama would select Dick Gephardt and Dick would accept and the damn thing would be over already.

Dick Gephardt has a gay daughter. Republicans would never accept a Vice President with a gay daughter. It would be like having a Vice President from Al Qaeda.

and no, cognitive dissonance has no effect on them whatsoever
posted by Flunkie at 6:58 PM on May 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

Yeah, nicwolff: someone on the R side didn't get the talking points memo. But the buzz seems to indicate we can certainly expect a young, hale and hearty VP pick from McCain.

Sen. John Warner (R-Va.)
“No, I’m not getting into that. I’m happily in the twilight of my retirement.”

Sure am glad this isn't my rep. Don't strain yourself, buddy!
posted by Miko at 6:59 PM on May 14, 2008

Republicans would never accept a Vice President with a gay daughter.

but, but, but the current Dick has a lezbin chile...
posted by dawson at 7:01 PM on May 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

Political Oddsmakers Weigh in on Republican VP Derby
posted by Miko at 7:01 PM on May 14, 2008

My fav:

Sen. Mel Martinez (R-Fla.)
“I’d say, ‘Please read the Constitution.’ I wasn’t born in America; I can’t be VP.”
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:03 PM on May 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

That's entirely different, dawson.
posted by Flunkie at 7:04 PM on May 14, 2008

I'll tell you one former Senator I think has figured out his answer.
posted by nanojath at 7:04 PM on May 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

No wait, this one is my fav:

Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.)
“Are you kidding? Every senator would accept that offer. My guess is that almost every senator looks at themselves in the mirror in the morning and sees either a future president or vice president.”
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:04 PM on May 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

This was amusing. The most interesting part is how so many of the senators claim that any other senator would want the job—and how many others claim that they would never want the job.
posted by grouse at 7:06 PM on May 14, 2008

Sen. Judd Gregg (R-NH):
"No. I don’t like going to funerals."

Ouch.
posted by Rhaomi

Likely this comment was a reference to the obligations the VP has to attend funerals of dignitaries, minor heads of state, etc.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:12 PM on May 14, 2008

What a coincidence. That's exactly the number of senators who voted to damn us by tapping the strategic oil reserve. Next stop on the pander train, gas tax holiday!

Hooray for legislation that does nothing but looks good in the short term!
posted by Eideteker at 7:13 PM on May 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

weapons-grade pandemonium: "Likely this comment was a reference to the obligations the VP has to attend funerals of dignitaries, minor heads of state, etc."

I figured as much shortly after posting. But, like any strong leader, I steadfastly refuse to back down from my decision and will continue to stand by it until the very end. My comment will surely be greeted as brilliant, and I cannot in good conscience undermine that good reception with a premature and reckless withdrawal.

In the fiercely competitive realm of Metafilter comment threads, taking back or qualifying a comment is a sign of profound weakness -- a weakness I shall never give in to. Ever.

republican vice presidential nomination, please
posted by Rhaomi at 7:41 PM on May 14, 2008 [7 favorites]

Today, I found out which senators are funny and which are humorless jerks.
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 7:49 PM on May 14, 2008

Chris Rock:

As long as you live you will never see a black vice president—not while the president's white.

Why?

Because some black guy would just kill the president.

I'd do it.

What's going to happen to me? What would they do?

Put me in jail with a bunch of black guys that would treat me like a hero for the rest of my life?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd5p3iD9WGs
(start about halfway through)
posted by ryanrs at 7:50 PM on May 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

I award Flunkie one point.
posted by JHarris at 7:52 PM on May 14, 2008

I'll tell you one former Senator I think has figured out his answer.

nanojath, you may have called it. At 9 PM I received one of the frequent emails you get from the Obama campaign, titled just "John Edwards," and celebrating the Edwards endorsement:

I'm deeply honored by John's support. He is a true leader who dedicated his career to improving the lives of ordinary Americans.

John ran a strong, principled campaign for president, focusing on a number of important issues where we share common ground -- universal health care, bringing our troops home from Iraq, and eliminating poverty in America.

The way he ran his campaign was also important. He ran in a way that reflected our shared conviction that we need to fundamentally change politics.

Like our campaign, John's campaign never accepted donations from Washington lobbyists or special interest PACs.

Let's welcome John Edwards to the campaign with an outpouring of the kind of grassroots support that is bringing our political process back to the people.

The demographics work: folksy, Southern white guy who plays well with the working-class men Hillary presently draws.

As to the Senators who say "anyone here would be happy to be asked," they're being honest. Even the people who say "no, I could never, ever...." are lying through their teeth; if asked, they'd be sitting down for some serious consultations with advisors and families. Many of them just understand that the metrics dictate they won't be asked, and there are a lot of good answers for saving face on that. I liked the depersonalization of it as "portfolio."
posted by Miko at 7:53 PM on May 14, 2008

but, but, but the current Dick has a lezbin chile...

As long as she's not Lesbian, I guess it's okay.
posted by jabberjaw at 7:54 PM on May 14, 2008

Rhaomi wins the thread.
posted by nax at 8:00 PM on May 14, 2008

My favorite:

“Yes. Sign me up. I’ve been kidding people for years: The hours are better, the wages are just as good — whoever heard of a vice president getting shot at? — and it’s a great opportunity to travel. And actually since time has gone by, the job is robust … So sure. Anybody here would, if they’re going to be honest. The chances are slim to none. But I promise you, I would deliver all three of Delaware’s electoral votes.”

--Sen. Tom Carper (D-Del.)
posted by ShawnStruck at 8:20 PM on May 14, 2008

I wonder how many senators who gave an unqualified "no" are planning to run for President in '12...
posted by lekvar at 8:50 PM on May 14, 2008

Wow. People really hate Clinton. I hate that "story at 11" thing, but... story at 11.
posted by loiseau at 8:55 PM on May 14, 2008

Southern white guy who plays well with the working-class men Hillary presently draws.

I dunno about that statement, and I dunno about Edwards. I think he's honest, and I believe he's probably a good person based on his work... but damn he looks and sounds so phony, mamby-pamby and fancy. Maybe it's a Southern lawyer thing? I dunno.

If "speaks to working class" is the measure, I'd rather see someone like Jon Tester. That's a guy whose image actually makes sense to me when you say "working class". He looks like he's just come in from fixing a tractor, dirty fingernails and all, to give a press conference.

I'd even settle for Jim Webb, who's got some of that same working-joe style.
posted by rokusan at 8:57 PM on May 14, 2008

I'd like to see the same done for governors of all 50 states as well...
posted by dismas at 9:09 PM on May 14, 2008

*inserts joke about Larry Craig not wanting to be under a woman*
posted by gyc at 9:20 PM on May 14, 2008

Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.)
“Once is enough. I already have the T-shirt and I’m proud of it. I yield to my colleagues.”

If I were Lieberman, I'd have worn one of those 'Sore/Loserman' tshirts in public constantly over the last eight years. Or at least to the beach.
posted by item at 10:29 PM on May 14, 2008

Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.)
“I plan to stick with my current job until I get the hang of it.”

For the first time I'm starting to understand just how good the Kennedys are at this thing.
posted by enn at 10:31 PM on May 14, 2008

Edwards didn't do jack for Kerry in 2004 and couldn't deliver his home state (North Carolina). I think he'd make a good Attorney General.

Man, this is loaded with jabs at Cheney and the 'best man for the job' process! From both sides of the aisle!

What courage the Republicans are demonstrating by mocking Cheney at this stage! That makes up for the last eight years!
posted by kirkaracha at 11:01 PM on May 14, 2008

Great link. Would be even better if there were a little pic next to each senator.
posted by zardoz at 11:26 PM on May 14, 2008

Once is enough. I already have the T-shirt

Only the blue one.
posted by Esoquo at 11:42 PM on May 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

Sen. Pete Domenici (R-N.M.) “No. I’m too old.” and Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) “I’m too old to be vice president." - someone needs to ask the obvs follow-up re: McCain.

Actually, I think that is the followup. They're saying that because the presumptive Republican nominee is old they'll need a younger man for vice president.
posted by Jahaza at 12:39 AM on May 15, 2008

I'd guess McCain would pick some crazy neo-attack dog to shore up his conservative credentials.

As for Obama, the inside scoop is he's gonna go with the man in the yellow hat.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 12:39 AM on May 15, 2008

I feel a deep sense of loss knowing that there won't be a McCain/Crapo candidacy...
posted by markkraft at 2:49 AM on May 15, 2008

Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.)
“I don’t get into hypotheticals. No, I haven’t considered it. I don’t have a clue, honestly.”

How late wisdom arrives.

often carrying apologetic bouquets
posted by Sparx at 3:22 AM on May 15, 2008

Sen. Richard Burr (R-N.C.)
“I don’t answer that question anymore.

And then continues with an answer to the question.
posted by DreamerFi at 3:30 AM on May 15, 2008

Sen. George Voinovich (R-Ohio)
“Honestly, if John McCain came to me and said, ‘George, I think that you would help me and should be part of my team,’ I’d have to say, ‘Yes, I’d be glad to help.’ The fact of the matter is, I’m worried about our country. I’m really worried. And I want to run again for only one reason, that things are so screwed up, I’m just worried about my kids...

Nice that you're worried about your kids, George. Too bad you're not part of an organization that's in a position to do anything about the screwed up country. And you can be proud that that same organization didn't have a hand in screwing things up in the first place.
posted by SteveInMaine at 4:01 AM on May 15, 2008

I thought that Lamar Alexander's answer was a nod to The West Wing.

Ah well. A girl can dream. *dons her Santos/McGarry t-shirt without irony*
posted by Dreama at 5:27 AM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm rather surprised that so many of the answers are so witty.
posted by orange swan at 6:11 AM on May 15, 2008

I'm rather surprised that so many of the answers are so witty.

A couple of people have said this. It shouldn't be surprising. These folks are talkers - career politicians who are affable and personable and can get along with just about anybody. Many of them have a scrappy, fiery delivery. Many are serving second, third, fourth terms. Their constituents support them. Of course they're smart, witty, verbally deft. That's how they got their jobs!

The closer you follow politics, the more of this you see - especially if you go to (or cover) their speeches and events.
posted by Miko at 6:30 AM on May 15, 2008

Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minn.)
“No. I’m up for reelection and I’ve got the guy who should be vice president. He’s my governor [Tim Pawlenty (R)]. My governor is my candidate.”

Hey look, my Senator continues to be a douchebag suckup.
posted by graventy at 10:23 AM on May 15, 2008

That comment stood out for me too, Sparx. Seriously.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:55 AM on May 15, 2008

Some of the Senators' responses trigger my thickness meter:

“Let me put it this way: I’m not on the list, so it’s a hypothetical question.” -- Sen. Gordon Smith (R-Ore.)

Shhh. Don't tell anyone, but it's a hypothetical question anyway.

“Me being asked is so unlikely I don’t even have to waste my breath on the question.” -- Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.)

And yet....

“No, and in my case it’s obvious: There’s not going to be two candidates from Arizona.” -- Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) (emphasis mine)

But I suppose I'm reaching. I actually enjoyed reading the comments. My favorite, for some reason, is this one:

“The chances of that are so remote that I’m more likely to be hit by an asteroid.” -- Sen. Roger Wicker (R-Miss.)
posted by Brak at 2:39 PM on May 15, 2008