A 21st century odyssey.

May 15, 2008 6:05 AM

A long journey home. In early 2004, while serving his second tour of duty in Iraq on the outskirts of Fallujah, Marine Gunnery Sargeant Jacian Perez met Sophie, the woman of his dreams... online, through a mutual friend. It was the beginning of an modern-day odyssey -- a life-altering, epic online romance that would span over four years.

As a sniper, Jace and his buddies were routinely involved in many of Iraq's most violent conflicts. Although Soph couldn't visit him, she was there for him when he was shot in the neck, and when he and his fellow soldiers had bad days. Somehow, she gave meaning to his life, although the war took its toll, especially with each new tour-of-duty, always keeping them apart.

By 2007, things were strained. Three years into their relationship, he was sent back to Fallujah again... and they *STILL* hadn't met in person, due to issues of bad timing and finances. They'd fight occasionally, and would make up. (YouTube, 2:56)

In July, 2007 Jacian Perez and his fellow Marines were ambushed while trying to help wounded Iraqi civilians. Jacian was shot in the back, and lost a kidney... and Jace's other kidney failed to take over properly. He was sent back stateside, and let go by the Marines. For a long time, it was far from certain that Jace would survive, but his life was saved thanks to a kidney donation from his brother. His prolonged medical issues sapped what was left of his savings.

In the course of all this, Jacian was prescribed vicodin and dilaudid for chronic pain, but unfortunately, he became addicted to his painkillers. He was ordered into a doctor-supervised program.

In two months, Jacian Perez will be released from the program. It's been over four years since he and Soph first met online, and he is looking for people to help him travel to Australia and meet the love of his life for the first time... because he's waited long enough.

posted by markkraft (15 comments total)

I'm wondering if there isn't a way for Jacian to get a job and earn the money to fly to see his girlfriend..

like I would have to do, if I had a girlfriend in Australia.....
posted by HuronBob at 6:13 AM on May 15, 2008

Of course he could get a job... if he wasn't required to spend his time with treatment and councelling.

He's made it abundantly clear that he is willing to repay those people who do help him... but the thing is, Soph has put up with too much, waited too long, and it's far more important to him that he be there and secure the foundation of his relationship with her than anything else.

Oh, and btw, considering that he's lost two kidneys and four years of his life fighting in Iraq, *PLUS* tours of duty in Afghanistan, I am astounded you would begrudge him asking for people a hand up.
posted by markkraft at 6:21 AM on May 15, 2008

markkraft...perhaps my answer was too short...

Let me preface this with the fact that I'm a vet, I have a son in the Marines (multiple tours in Iraq), I have a frame of reference for this .

Perhaps when he finishes substance abuse treatment and is able to work full time, he could set a goal of earning money for a trip to Australia. I'm wondering what a relationship would be like for him (and his online girlfriend) if he raises money through donations to make the trip, to arrive with few resources, no job, and no indication of having turned his life around after treatment.

I respect his CHOICE to serve in the Marines, I hope he can recoup savings for medical treatment that should have been covered as a vet. I hope he can get his life together enough to achieve his dreams.
posted by HuronBob at 6:34 AM on May 15, 2008

From what I can tell, he intends to propose and to marry her, so that would make him eligible for temporary residence in Australia for up to 9 months prior to the marriage.

Basically, he has little to nothing in the U.S., and he intends to restart his life with her. That will inherently mean starting largely from scratch, but he would have full work rights.
posted by markkraft at 6:42 AM on May 15, 2008

markkraft... I would rather not get into a debate on this, it appears we have very different opinions, which is just fine. I just feel that his future would be enhanced if he earned this trip rather than solicited for it, if the relationship is as strong as he believes, I suspect that Sophie would be willing to wait for him to do so. I respect your willingness to support him in any manner that you see fit. I'll leave this discussion to others at this point.
posted by HuronBob at 6:56 AM on May 15, 2008

Is there some reason she can't visit him?
posted by Maias at 7:01 AM on May 15, 2008

My fiance is an RN at the VA, I'm an RN at the hospital across the street (we get the soldiers they can't treat). I could crash the Metafilter servers with stories. If she wanted to see him, she would be by his side.
posted by rotifer at 7:07 AM on May 15, 2008

if this turns into one of those "and it turned out the girlfriend was a 40 year old guy trolling on the internet" stories, i'm going to be really quite irate.
posted by rmd1023 at 7:13 AM on May 15, 2008

I would be interested in hearing Sophie's view of all this.
posted by JanetLand at 7:17 AM on May 15, 2008

She's a university student right now, and can't afford to do so. The money she does earn is spent on tuition, etc.

The biggest issue, really, is that she has waited over four years, and he was supposed to visit months ago, only to have that fall through -- and the plane ticket wasted -- because of his problem with painkillers.

Really, I think that waiting and saving more wouldn't be the worst idea *IF* their relationship could tolerate it further, but at this point, the only way that he could do that would be to destroy her hopes once more.

As a university student, she is busy pretty much from September through June. If he goes to visit in July, at least he can spend a bit over a month with her, before she goes back to university. Failing that, they probably wouldn't get a substantial amount of time together unless they spent a few weeks together in December or until next June... and that's pretty much forever at that age.

It's hard to imagine most people waiting over four years for someone they *have* met in person, much less to imagine that they'd wait so long for someone they've never met who keeps falling through on their commitments for one reason or another.

No. If it's going to happen for them, it will probably need to happen in July.
posted by markkraft at 7:19 AM on May 15, 2008

If she wanted to see him, she would be by his side.

That's my thought, too. A ticket over here (or in the other direction) isn't all that much, compared to other things one spends money on (rent, car, dinners out, etc). If you are serious about it, you make the sacrifices to make it happen.

Most (though not quite all) of these internet "please give me money" things I read are in essence about having it all, without the sacrifices. Maybe I'm cruel and heartless and have no appreciation for a good soap opera, but I haven't given money yet to one of these, and can't really imagine I ever will. Maybe if I encounter one where the problems are not largely self-inflicted, I'll reconsider.

So yeah, if she wanted to see him she would be ebaying her old underwear and textbooks and stealing from her friends' change jars. If he wanted to go over there, he'd get clean and beg from family members and make promises and bust his ass any way he could. This has the sound of someone wanting the trappings of true love without putting in the hard and boring work of creating the substance of true love.

But hey, if he makes it work (and usually people seem to give the money, so I'm pretty sure he will), more power to him, and I wish them all the happiness forever.
posted by Forktine at 7:20 AM on May 15, 2008

From the point of view of someone with 15 years of recovery, this seems like a VERY bad idea.
Especially because of this particular bit:

"But I’ve one last mission I have to complete in this life: I have to go see her."

If she lived 2 blocks over I would think this was a bad idea for someone toting a brand spanking new recovery and a sense of desperation so palpable.

End well?
Perhaps.

But, his recovery would almost certainly be better served by his not pinning all of his hopes and dreams on any single person.

There's a reason people in early recovery are encouraged to go slow.
posted by mer2113 at 7:21 AM on May 15, 2008

His story is touching, sure. But I think, even if I believed that it was possible to love someone you've never met, I still wouldn't feel moved to donate any money to his cause. There are certainly more worthy ones out there.

Perhaps he could sell one of his beloved Mustangs? If I could afford a 10k car, I'm pretty sure I would not need to resort to begging to obtain a plane ticket.
posted by TrinaSelwyn at 7:22 AM on May 15, 2008

She's a university student right now, and can't afford to do so. The money she does earn is spent on tuition, etc.

If it is really love (as compared to internet silliness) you ditch the classes and catch a flight. You demonstrate your priorities by the choices you make -- she has clearly decided that he is not worth any interruption to her life (and probably sensibly, considering his current drama), as has he.

If I may ask, what is your connection to this? A friend, or an interested blog reader, or something else?
posted by Forktine at 7:23 AM on May 15, 2008

You said that you would dance with me if I brought you a red rose," cried the Student.

"Here is the reddest rose in all the world. You will wear it to-night next your heart, and as we dance together it will tell you how I love you."

But the girl frowned.

"I am afraid it will not go with my dress," she answered; "and, besides, the Chamberlain's nephew has sent me some real jewels, and everybody knows that jewels cost far more than flowers."
posted by three blind mice at 7:24 AM on May 15, 2008