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Awesome Foo Fighters rider: "Bacon. I call it "god's currency." Hell, if it could be breathed, I would."
May 15, 2008 3:07 PM   Subscribe

In the wake of Iggy Pop's high-larious tour rider, Foo Fighters have updated their 2008 rider (earlier rider here.) Full of jokes about Dio and bacon witticisms, you've got to admire these hardworking young men, for, as they say, "We are just another bend trying to make enough money to fuel our private jet. Please help."
posted by porn in the woods (40 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
g'damnit, another BAND trying to make enuf money...
posted by porn in the woods at 3:07 PM on May 15, 2008


Ol' Dave reads USA Today.
Minus 3 Cool Points.
posted by Dizzy at 3:14 PM on May 15, 2008


But he drinks POM juice.
Plus 6 Cool Points.
posted by Dizzy at 3:15 PM on May 15, 2008


He uses Tom's of Maine deodorant.
Plus 3.
posted by Dizzy at 3:16 PM on May 15, 2008


Yet he is anti-Slim Jim.
Minus 8 Cool Points.
posted by Dizzy at 3:18 PM on May 15, 2008


Here you are again reading the famed Foo Fighters Hospitality Rider. Aren't you the lucky one? It's not as funny as the Iggy Pop rider...

True.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:21 PM on May 15, 2008


I read this yesterday and surmised they are gettin' a lot of free socks.

They are all old married-type rockers. No requests for shark porn, green m&m's, condoms or vibrating disposable cock rings...

But that sock thing is brilliant.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 3:24 PM on May 15, 2008


Dave would kick Kurt's ass.
posted by stevehnsn at 3:25 PM on May 15, 2008


I don't get these things. Food, sure. But socks? Can't they just send out one of their PAs to get socks? Every time I read one of these tour riders it sounds like the band is a bunch of guys in wheelchairs and colostomy bags, too feeble to do anything except play their music. How hard is it to bring your own POM on the tour bus?
posted by GuyZero at 3:27 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]


I always have my manservant bring the POM.
Doesn't everyone?
posted by Dizzy at 3:30 PM on May 15, 2008


GuyZero: it's a lot easier if you don't have to do it.
posted by nosila at 3:31 PM on May 15, 2008


Every time I read one of these tour riders it sounds like the band is a bunch of guys in wheelchairs and colostomy bags, too feeble to do anything except play their music.

GuyZero: On a large world tour like these, all the accompanying personnel are doing several more important things at once, and nobody has time to go to the store and get sandwich meat and towels or whatever, besides the fact that you might be in Utrecht or Tokyo or wherever and have no idea where to even go to buy that kind of stuff. On an east coast tour of some indie band, sure, someone can go to the store and get beer.

On the other hand, I know The Stooges are legendary and respected now, but the idea of them requiring a bottle of Grey Goose and ginger tea for Iggy in the dressing room sort of ruins my image of them. Back in the 70s heyday, I'd like to imagine it was more Thunderbird, some Fritos and a balloon of heroin.
posted by DecemberBoy at 3:47 PM on May 15, 2008


So here's a question — in a setup like this, is the band paying the venue back for all the kielbasas and DVDs and clean socks and whatnot? Or is the venue eating the cost?
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:53 PM on May 15, 2008


*coughcough*
posted by Sys Rq at 3:56 PM on May 15, 2008


So here's a question — in a setup like this, is the band paying the venue back for all the kielbasas and DVDs and clean socks and whatnot? Or is the venue eating the cost?

The venue/promoters pay, it's part of the compensation for the band. However, the money they make off a show by a band like The Stooges or Foo Fighters makes the cost of backline rental and some beers and sammiches look like nothing.

Even rider requirements that seem totally ridiculous are often necessary: for example, the oft-cited Van Halen brown M&Ms thing was in the rider as an indicator to assure that the promoters actually read it, and they started doing it after they had shows where, for example, the weight of their equipment totally destroyed the floor of an arena because nobody had read and implemented the requirements in their rider.
posted by DecemberBoy at 4:00 PM on May 15, 2008 [6 favorites]


*coughcough*

Ooh! Plus 8 points.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 4:03 PM on May 15, 2008


Seventy nine people to help a band lug their shit around on tour? I'm sure they could manage with half that.
posted by tapeguy at 4:10 PM on May 15, 2008


Seventy nine people to help a band lug their shit around on tour? I'm sure they could manage with half that.

Did you see their last tour? They had a giant stage setup.
posted by Mr_Zero at 4:16 PM on May 15, 2008


these hardworking young men

The average age of the members of the Foo Fighters is 38, and they've been active as a band for the past 13 years. While this is considerably younger and less experienced than Iggy Pop, I'd still call it a stretch refer them as "young men" by rock standards.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:26 PM on May 15, 2008


"**P.S.S We will need four (6) rooms, architecture willing..."

Good luck with that. That's some seriously willing architecture.
posted by dersins at 4:38 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]


I read these and I just think of all the times they've rolled into a venue somewhere and had crap soup, dirty towels, and soda pop with no fizz.
posted by dhartung at 4:46 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]


Decemberboy you might be in Utrecht or Tokyo or wherever
You make Utrecht sound as such an exotic place.
Thank you.
posted by jouke at 4:56 PM on May 15, 2008


Seventy nine people to help a band lug their shit around on tour? I'm sure they could manage with half that.

Are you with Shubert or Jujamcyn?
posted by oaf at 5:01 PM on May 15, 2008 [4 favorites]


These are great. I really look forward to a spiral of more and more nonsense in more and more band riders, all followed by the punch-line of a lawsuit where one party attempts to enforce some of the serious aspects only to have a judge throw the whole thing out because of the tomfoolery.

Do you suppose there's a severability clause?

"If any term of this contract should be ruled ridiculous or asshattish by a court of competent authority, the remaining clauses shall still stand in force."
posted by rokusan at 5:02 PM on May 15, 2008


This takes me back to the golden days before the World Wide Web. You see, our sideshow rider included things like clear glass light bulbs, meal worms, crickets, a cucumber, and a can of ravioli. These were actually used in our act, and were not simply convenience items. We managed to get a mention of our strange rider in USA Today, shortly before Lollapalooza 1992.
posted by Tube at 5:24 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]


You make Utrecht sound as such an exotic place.
Thank you.


Well, it was the first foreign place name that came to mind for some reason. If I was there, however, I'm sure I wouldn't immediately know where to go to buy towels, which was all I was getting at.
posted by DecemberBoy at 5:26 PM on May 15, 2008


FOOS RECIPE FOR ICE:
Get some water...

Brilliant.
posted by cowbellemoo at 6:16 PM on May 15, 2008


True; it is terribly difficult to find clean towels in the Netherlands.
They've all had two lips on them.


Please don't cut my face.
posted by Dizzy at 6:24 PM on May 15, 2008


I like that ref. to "the guy from Nirvana"...
posted by softjeans at 7:49 PM on May 15, 2008


The Foo Fighters are a very eerie pop culture phenomenon. They've made a career out of singing love songs to a dead man.
posted by Slap*Happy at 5:50 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]


our sideshow rider included things like clear glass light bulbs, meal worms, crickets, a cucumber, and a can of ravioli.

What band??
posted by inigo2 at 6:33 AM on May 16, 2008


foo's 2008 rider page 5 -- "I WILL CALL OUT A CATERING JIHAD IF WE DO NOT HAVE THESE CUPS". Ok, I'm sorry, I've read a lot of tour riders, that is just fucking brilliant.
posted by cavalier at 6:56 AM on May 16, 2008 [2 favorites]


The Foo Fighters are a very eerie pop culture phenomenon. They've made a career out of singing love songs to a dead man.

For suitably small values of "sing". Am I the only one who hears DG live and wanders away shaking his head?
posted by Leon at 7:09 AM on May 16, 2008


These are pathetic. Its just some millionare rockers fucking with poor people's jobs. Someone with a low paying gig is going to have to run around town for a Bob hope impersonator, shark semen, and raspberry flavored condoms so these goons can chuckle at people who aren't stars. Yeah, hilarious if youre 12.

How is this any different from dilbert/devil wears prada asshole boss?
posted by damn dirty ape at 9:29 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]


Oh my God, Iggy's rider is a work of art. Sheer bloody genius. The Foo Fighters' is a pale, pale imitation.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:29 PM on May 16, 2008


oh, and dda.. it's my experience that really, really outrageous demands like that are, like the VH M&Ms thing, just there to make sure people are reading. I'm pretty certain that someone from the venue calls the tour manager and has a conversation that goes "So do you really need a Bob Hope impersonator? No, okay then."
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:34 PM on May 16, 2008


I feel sorry for the venue guys that have to slag through all this high-larious wit to get to the actual content and information in these riders. Yes, you probably want new clean socks and gallons of ice cream every night for your luxury motorcoach. Maybe try being concise. No one wants to read 20 pages to find out what kind of beer you want backstage.
posted by knowles at 5:19 PM on May 16, 2008


OK, did anyone else, upon reading the top of page 2 of the Pixies rider, exclaim, "one House WHAT???"
posted by dirigibleman at 7:21 PM on May 16, 2008


PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT NO ANIMALS ARE ALLOWED IN THE BACKSTAGE AREA AT ANYTIME DURING THE DAY.
posted by dirigibleman at 7:42 PM on May 16, 2008


knowles, if you've ever actually had to read one of these fuckers for work, getting the salient points is a highly trivial exercise. I'd venture to guess that the venue people welcome this as a respite from the dull monotony (punctuated by periods of sheer terror and jesus christ I have to make this happen right fucking now) that is the life of the average backstage person.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:16 AM on May 17, 2008


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