Kids? Who'd have 'em?
May 20, 2008 10:42 AM   Subscribe

 
when money from them to me to give I asked
posted by Postroad at 10:46 AM on May 20, 2008 [25 favorites]


After dinner, forty-five or so minutes it was.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 10:49 AM on May 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


dammit, PR. You beat me it to.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 10:50 AM on May 20, 2008


At the time of the revelation of the not-knowing of the skills of the changing of the oil by my father to me was it.
posted by Mister_A at 10:51 AM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


When saw them having the sex I did.

Ze goggles, zey do nussink!
posted by stenseng at 10:51 AM on May 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


Great stories there, thanks for that post.
posted by msalt at 10:52 AM on May 20, 2008


Speak in the fashion of Yoda in this thread you must!
posted by Mister_A at 10:53 AM on May 20, 2008


so, discussing this on ze franks blog they are , so discuss this here as well we should? or is it about ze frank's blog to be discussing are we?
posted by HuronBob at 10:53 AM on May 20, 2008


Before they removed their SimulcraSkin and revealed their plans to take over the earth for the Galactic Overlord. It was.
posted by DU at 10:53 AM on May 20, 2008 [3 favorites]


DU, that period, misplaced it is.
posted by HuronBob at 10:54 AM on May 20, 2008


That is how. We roll. In Delta Quadrant.
posted by DU at 10:56 AM on May 20, 2008 [6 favorites]


When father from the roof feel unto the lawn and leg broke he did.
posted by (bb|[^b]{2}) at 10:56 AM on May 20, 2008


Not good speaking like Yoda am I.
posted by (bb|[^b]{2}) at 10:57 AM on May 20, 2008


Went out camping and threw up in my sneakers drunk father did.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 10:59 AM on May 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


When "Talk right!" the old man said.
posted by ardgedee at 11:08 AM on May 20, 2008


At age 14 had computer of limited late-seventies capabilities did we. Wrote for it new BASIC interpreter did I, from Tiny Basic hacking to something useful. Much more memory this left for BASIC program than product of Microsoft also provided by defunct manufacturer. For writing own software for recording his college student grades, used my interpreter Father did. Was first time knew for certain did I, existed there did something which create I could, but create not for himself could Father.
posted by localroger at 11:11 AM on May 20, 2008 [3 favorites]


oll

(out laugh loud)
posted by Kabanos at 11:23 AM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


when the mushrooms kicked in, that I took.
posted by rooftop secrets at 11:34 AM on May 20, 2008


When my father, witnessed as he was stealing terminally-ill grandmother's narcotics to fuel his own addiction, he was.

Distrust adults after that, I did.
posted by Avenger at 11:35 AM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


Human, my parents are???

Unpossible.

A minute, wait....


OOOOoooohhhhhhhh!!!

A lot, this explains.
posted by Patapsco Mike at 11:35 AM on May 20, 2008


God dammit. I was expected a poignant thread filled with emotional stories that would bring me closer to all of my fellow mefites. Instead we get Yoda snark. Well fine, I'll keep my own emotional story then.
posted by PercussivePaul at 11:39 AM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


When he threw the Emperor off that ledge, Master
posted by spiderwire at 11:40 AM on May 20, 2008


Well fine, I'll keep my own emotional story then.

Thank god. Hate the mushy share fests here, I do.
posted by shmegegge at 11:43 AM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


Just headsup as a one, this post better when you in the voice internally of Toki Wartooth it read do is.
posted by Drexen at 11:47 AM on May 20, 2008 [4 favorites]


This is I love MetaFilter why.
posted by [NOT HERMITOSIS-IST] at 11:49 AM on May 20, 2008


When twelve quoting Einstein I did and mock me did father of mother infront.
posted by monocultured at 12:04 PM on May 20, 2008


When about my age to lie, to get into a show cheaper he told me.
posted by rmless at 12:08 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


Avoiding the snarkyness of the post grammar, some of those stories are tender and nice. It's a nice feeling when folks can "share" on the tubes rather than just snipe behind petty har har internet memes.
posted by cavalier at 12:13 PM on May 20, 2008


Guys all you love I! Till tears come raining down cheeks of mine I laughing am.

Story of truth is: My father up-putting drywall over our store on apartment's ceiling with me was. Day hot was very, and circulation very bad was of air. He to cuss began, in my life first time the heard I.

When that was.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:13 PM on May 20, 2008


Lying in a hospital bed, he was - suddenly small and old. I'm sorry, he said, and wept.
posted by rtha at 12:14 PM on May 20, 2008 [9 favorites]


cavalier, like Francis, up-lighten.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:15 PM on May 20, 2008


God, I had to contact languagehat and check to make sure I understood what you guys were making fun of.
The OP was grammatically correct, a little strange sounding, but at least it made sense. Then all these horribly mangled grammatically incorrect sentences followed and I had no idea what the hell was going on.

Perhaps we could get back on topic?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 12:21 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


What the fuck is happening here.
posted by hellphish at 12:24 PM on May 20, 2008


It certainly is.
posted by shmegegge at 12:32 PM on May 20, 2008 [4 favorites]


What the fuck here is happening?
posted by timeistight at 12:40 PM on May 20, 2008


Here what the fuck is happening?
posted by timeistight at 12:41 PM on May 20, 2008


Here is happening what the fuck?
posted by timeistight at 12:41 PM on May 20, 2008


CF12: The OP was grammatically correct,

no, it wasn't.

when the first time you saw your parents as just being human was.

you don't end a sentence with a verb like that. much better to have typed:

when was the first time you saw your parents as just being human?

but even that is awkward. i'm not gonna go on with suggestin' further edits; but the english teacher in me couldn't let the "grammatically correct" comment stand.
posted by CitizenD at 12:42 PM on May 20, 2008


Happening what the fuck here is?
posted by timeistight at 12:42 PM on May 20, 2008


You guys can joke about it, but I can't really blame muthecow for his unique choice in sentence structure. Just look at all of the possibilities he had to choose from:

Ze Frank asks, "When was the first time you saw your parents as just being human?"
Ze Frank asks when the first time you saw your parents as just being human was.
Ze Frank asks when the first time was you saw your parents as just being human.
When was the first time you saw your parents as just being human, asks Ze Frank.
When was the first time you saw your parents as just being human, Ze Frank asks.
When was the first time, Ze Frank asks, you saw your parents as just being human.
When was, Ze Frank asks, the first time you saw your parents as just being human.
When, asks Ze Frank, was the first time you saw your parents as just being human.
Asks Ze Frank: When was the first time you saw your parents as just being human.
Ze Frank: When the first time you saw your parents as just being human was (asks).
Frank, Ze: When the first time you saw your parents as just being human was (asks).
Being human. Your parents. The first time you saw as. Just when was, Ze Frank asks.
Being Ze Frank, the first time your human parents saw was just when as you asks.
Asks you: Time just as when your human parents saw Ze Frank was being the first.
posted by burnmp3s at 12:43 PM on May 20, 2008


my mom was always human to me...a human monster, actually. no superhero status for her. and i only met my dad 3 years ago, so i never had the opportunity to question whether he was human or superhuman.
posted by CitizenD at 12:43 PM on May 20, 2008


Here the fuck what is happening?
posted by Mental Wimp at 12:47 PM on May 20, 2008


Well end not will this.
posted by Kabanos at 12:48 PM on May 20, 2008


British, am I. Shut up with grotesquely embarrassing therapy discoveries, should Americans.
posted by jack_mo at 12:50 PM on May 20, 2008 [4 favorites]


No, sorry, it should have been:

Here the fuck what happening is?

Ending the sentence on a form of the verb "to be" is where the funions are.
posted by Mental Wimp at 12:50 PM on May 20, 2008


From link:
"P.S. It's interesting that most of these epiphanies of humanity revolve around the father. I wonder what that indicates about our perception of our parents?"
Posted by: Alex at May 20, 2008 2:18 PM


Thing same on this thread. Mom superhuman never???
posted by Kabanos at 12:57 PM on May 20, 2008


the cow moo says, on metafilter posted?
posted by mikeh at 1:01 PM on May 20, 2008


British, am I. Shut up with grotesquely embarrassing therapy discoveries, should Americans.

jack_mo all hail!
posted by Mister_A at 1:02 PM on May 20, 2008


::shrug::
Whatever, I just find the derail unfortunate, the post could have been good.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 1:03 PM on May 20, 2008


you don't end a sentence with a verb like that.

10 seconds pass...

the english teacher in me couldn't let the "grammatically correct" comment stand.

Okay, fun irony time is over.

If the clause here had been shorter, such as "He asks when [sunset] was.", would that have been okay? Because if so, then the problem here is just one of style, not grammar.
posted by roystgnr at 1:08 PM on May 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


I recall the starting of the lawnmower in the trunk of the car which my father did.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:18 PM on May 20, 2008 [3 favorites]


Technically correct the original sentence is. However, also fortunate game to thread comments sentence the created are.

And I posted one about my mother, for what it's worth.
posted by jinjo at 1:20 PM on May 20, 2008


My parents I always did know human were. Myself think I alien was.
posted by electricinca at 1:20 PM on May 20, 2008


>>It's interesting that most of these epiphanies of humanity revolve around the father.
>Mom superhuman never???

Mom is the ocean in which kids swim. Dad is the fierce and mighty distant god of the Old Testament. Duh!
posted by msalt at 1:20 PM on May 20, 2008 [3 favorites]


you don't end a sentence with a verb like that.

Hold water, your blanket assertion does not.
posted by cortex at 1:20 PM on May 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


oops, I mean "Duh is!"
posted by msalt at 1:21 PM on May 20, 2008


What is happening here? The fuck??

Snark snark snark. Come on. This could have been cool, instead it's a "let's piss all over a slightly oddly-phrased FPP because we're so cool" thread.
posted by WalterMitty at 1:21 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


Disagree do I. Improved by yoda-speak mushy self-disclosures are.
posted by small_ruminant at 1:28 PM on May 20, 2008 [5 favorites]


"What is happening here? The fuck??

Snark snark snark. Come on. This could have been cool, instead it's a "let's piss all over a slightly oddly-phrased FPP because we're so cool" thread."


In other words, "This is why nice things we cannot have"?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:33 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


Point out that plenty of people are participating as intended, and question which thread WalterMitty is reading, I would like to.

(But Drexen's contribution the most valuable so far is.)
posted by jinjo at 1:35 PM on May 20, 2008


When too sick to make Christmas dinner my mother was. Took over the kitchen and did a decent job of it my sister and I did.
posted by happyturtle at 1:47 PM on May 20, 2008


When long ago on Christmas Eve behind a chair up for Santa Claus I waited.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:26 PM on May 20, 2008


Fie on the grammar bashing.

For me, it was a few years ago, and cemented my decision to break off a long-term relationship that was not so much falling apart but getting cold and distant - realizing that I don't think my parents love each other very much and have stayed in their marriage for reasons unknown. And telling myself I will never let myself be in that situation.
posted by FritoKAL at 2:46 PM on May 20, 2008


From link:
"P.S. It's interesting that most of these epiphanies of humanity revolve around the father. I wonder what that indicates about our perception of our parents?"
Posted by: Alex at May 20, 2008 2:18 PM

Thing same on this thread. Mom superhuman never???

when the shock treatments that your mother got before you were old enough to retain memories don't "work", by the time you do start to retain memories it's usually just a lot of painful stuff. not a lot of hero worship here.

but, after long years of reflection, i do have sympathy, empathy and compassion for her. so, at least that means *i'm* human, i guess.


thankfully, i got to start a relationship with my (83y.o.) father a few years ago, and have been able to laugh and share with him about how inhuman he always seemed to me (he abandoned my family when i was 1). so, i'm not completely shitting in this thread.
posted by CitizenD at 3:38 PM on May 20, 2008


Fie on the grammar bashing.

An unweeded garden that grows to seed it is.
posted by Mental Wimp at 3:38 PM on May 20, 2008


Here's as good a place as any, right?

I always tell people that I don't remember the bad times in life very well. Its not that I think I'm blocking them out, its that I think I actively choose to remember the better things, and the things I'd rather not remember kind of fade into the mist in the corners of the brain. Maybe they're still there, but I live a fairly normal life without them, most of the time, anyway.

My adolescent years were not pleasant times, what little I do remember, but I do remember the day that I realized my parents were human.

My parents have always been rather ultra-conservative. I'm the oldest of 6 and I kind of got the brunt of their parenting mistakes, of which there were at least a damaging few. One that I think I'm still dealing with the after-effects of was their approach to dating. Girls were basically a taboo subject for me growing up - they were trying to be super protective. So it was this whole mystery to me (kind of like alcohol is for some kids) and of course I completely mis-handled it when it all fell into my lap come college (kind of like some kids did with alcohol). So there was that, and a number of other things - I had better-than-perfect grades, had skipped a grade to start high school a year early, was the star performer among roughly 400 Royal Rangers (the Assemblies of God church's version of boy scouts) at our church, was fairly forbidden to interact with girls, and had never touched booze or drugs. And yet still I wasn't as good as my younger sisters. That and a whole lot of other reasons helped the wheels to start to come off when I was about 15 or 16. I had a lot of anger about a lot of things and no ways to express it. Things got tense.

I kind of dropped out of the home-school co-op I was attending at the time as a junior, and tested for my diploma (not a GED, California had a test for the actual diploma that star students could take to move on to college quicker, some kind of Doogie Howser loophole). I started working full time at the supermarket that I had a job at, to save money for college (which I paid for myself).

It was some time around then (I think, this is where I get hazy) that my dad and I went to look at colleges back east, particularly the one I would end up attending. I think it was the night we got back home, the family met us at the airport. I was tired and mom was pestering me with questions from the front seat and I was sick of shouting back at her across the other 5 kids between us and I had an attitude that my dad didn't like.

When we got home he flipped out and threw all my stuff out of the drive way and told me I could stay outside for all he cared. It was fucking cold out that night. I sat there for a while and then I found myself staring at the bell.

The bell.

The bell was this big black bell that dad had put up on a big 2x2' post next to the front of the house. They had got the idea from someone - some control freak uber-parent friend of theirs (they had plenty), and the general concept was that mom would ring it when we were all supposed to come home - we lived way out in the country and pretty much ran amok in the fields and such. Which was great, except for the bell. You dreaded the bell. The bell meant, at best, that it was time to come do chores and get ready for dad to come home for dinner. Rung earlier than twilight meant mom needed extra help, or more likely she was pissed and you were in trouble.

Well that night the bell started to represent everything that I was not very pleased about at the moment. And by "not very pleased about at the moment" I mean "hated in my parents." I grabbed an aluminum baseball bat and started trying to chop down the post that the bell was mounted on with the bat. As you can imagine it was a rather loud endeavor.

I ran out of energy at some point. I got dropped off at a hotel.

A few days later I had rented a room in a house not far from the supermarket, and was living on my own, riding my bike to work, basically had no friends or contacts of any sort outside of work because the sorry excuse for a school I had gone to was an hours' drive from where the family lived. Didn't have any contact with them either. Got a car at some point, moved to another room in a friend-of-a-friend's place.

I remember one day, sitting there, staring at a wall, when it hit me. It seemed so strange and new and novel, but when you've been brainwashed about something for years on end, its rather amazing what coming out from under it is like. Its like waking up from a bad dream and realizing that everything is going to be OK. My whole life, growing up, my parents had always been right about everything, no matter what. They were never wrong, and there was no questioning in our house of that fact.

I realized, staring at that wall, that my parents were not the perfect people who's word was gospel. I realized that despite them always being "right" in their house, they were not right in the greater world, no matter how much they deluded themselves into thinking they were. I realized that they must be wrong about something. And then I realized that they must be wrong about many things.

It was like floodgates had been opened. They were wrong about girls, I started dating. They were wrong about their legalistic approach to religion, I rebelled completely for a while but then settled into a much more guilt-free, love-filled approach to faith and spirituality. They were wrong about so many things, and I was finally free of that oppressive delusion of rightness, in more ways than one.

I think, perhaps more than anything, realizing that my parents were wrong (and therefore human), prepared me to be a lot more humble in life. So, in a weird way, I'm grateful for how things shook out.
posted by allkindsoftime at 3:44 PM on May 20, 2008 [15 favorites]


(Really wanted to write in Yoda speak that I did, decided but it was better to not though, did I.)
posted by allkindsoftime at 3:45 PM on May 20, 2008


Reverse tale, this is. Best friend of many years all too human is. Seen her drunk, heard her cry, become angry with her I have. Had a daughter she did. Watched as fixed a toy for daughter one day she did and smiled daughter did. Realized best friend heroine to daughter was. Best friend from human to Jedi Knight changed is. Inside me midichlorians giggling with joy they are.
posted by joaquim at 4:15 PM on May 20, 2008 [6 favorites]


When found 80 bucks under my father's bed, while moving. And split it, and never told him we did!
posted by Flex1970 at 4:24 PM on May 20, 2008


It was when I saw my dad fire someone on Christmas Eve.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:27 PM on May 20, 2008


allkindsoftime, well put. (Also, thank you for not continuing the meme. It got old pretty fast.)
posted by voltairemodern at 4:32 PM on May 20, 2008


joaquim, that sounds like it was written by bigfoot!.

brilliant.
posted by joeblough at 5:01 PM on May 20, 2008


Moving account, allkindsoftime, that was.
posted by localroger at 5:10 PM on May 20, 2008


Does it need to be a bad thing realising your parents are human? When I was 19 I spent a semester in Canada on student exchange, on the way there I visited my dad in Kenya. My parents were separated when I was about 14 but due to his work as a pilot i didn't necessarily see him a lot before then, and since then I'd only see him once a year or so, particularly once he moved to Africa to work.

I spent about a week with him in Nairobi and in the Masai Mara actually as an adult rather than a kid, and seeing him as a person rather than just a father. I guess this is something that happens gradually for a lot of people, but it was quite a sudden change. Not least due to the growing I'd done myself after moved out of home to go to Uni two years earlier, which would have been about the last time I'd seen him.

Six months later on my return to Australia, while waiting for uni to start back up, I got the news he'd been killed when the plane he was piloting lost both engines.
posted by markr at 11:12 PM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


When divorced, they got, and reasons I learned. Understand, I did not; but worn off, illusions were.
posted by ctmf at 11:15 PM on May 20, 2008


Does it need to be a bad thing realising your parents are human?

Not at all. Most of the stories there are life-affirming, I'd say. Passing the torch, circle of life, coming of age, that sort of thing. Like yours.
posted by msalt at 11:31 PM on May 20, 2008


How did so many of you survive the destruction of Alderaan?
posted by Cranberry at 11:34 PM on May 20, 2008 [3 favorites]


I've never thought about this before, but there wasn't a time when I first thought of my parents as human, because I always thought of them that way. I always thought of them as frail, as imperfect. I don't know why. There were always responsible, they always took care of me, and they dealt with whatever life threw at them.

But I remember, even as a very small child, being worried that my parents might die while I was at school (even though they were healthy). I can't think of any event that would have brought these fears on, unless it's the fact that I was premature and had to stay in the hospital longer than other babies. Who knows what (if any) facets of personality form that early?
posted by grumblebee at 7:56 AM on May 21, 2008


Nothing major here. It was probably something typical like my parents not believing me when I was telling the truth about something, and I got in trouble for it anyway, back when I was really little.
With my dad, I know it really started when, though he told me something couldn't be done/I couldn't do something, I managed to do it anyway. So he was wrong. And I was right. And that was pretty astounding at the time.
Around the same time, realizing that he was the one losing his temper instead of me in arguments, and being able to keep my cool the whole time... that was pretty nifty.

Vague, yeah, I know, but I don't really remember the specifics.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 9:50 AM on May 21, 2008


I did used to think of teachers as superhuman. It was easier for me to feel that way about them, because I wasn't as involved with them as I was with my parents.

I'll never forget the day that changed. It was in nursery school. I was five. It was 1969, and people weren't as educated as they are now about the cosmos. But my father read me books about stars and planets, and astronomy was a pet subject of mine.

One day, in school, I was trying to convince some stubborn friends that the moon was similar to a planet -- that it was like a little planet that went around the Earth. They refused to believe me. I KNEW I was right, and I knew how to prove I was right: ask the teacher.

"Mrs. Smith, isn't the moon like a little planet?"

"No. It's like a star."

I was dumbfounded. How could a teacher think the moon was like a star? I'd seen PICTURES of the moon. I knew it wasn't like a star.

I asked the other teacher, and she agreed with my definition. Mrs. Smith overheard and said, "Really? Huh. I always thought the moon was a star."

I was upset about this for a long time. I wasn't upset that grownups didn't know everything (though that was a surprise). I was upset that when I needed arbitration, there was no reliable source. Solomon isn't always wise!
posted by grumblebee at 10:08 AM on May 21, 2008


Mom is the ocean in which kids swim. Dad is the fierce and mighty distant god of the Old Testament. Duh!

Brother!
posted by humannaire at 4:48 PM on May 21, 2008


Mom is the ocean in which kids swim. Dad is the fierce and mighty distant god of the Old Testament. Duh!
>>Brother!

Brother's just an annoying little shit.
posted by msalt at 4:54 PM on May 21, 2008


Humannaire's parents often fight did they. Very troubling. Hmph. Much confusion.

When fighting one night were they and too much was it for young Humannaire. Children were crying. Last straw was broke.

From deep inside mighty voice came forth. Telepathically shocked were all, parents, family, all. Whole house was froze!

Sent was I to School for Gifted Youngsters.
posted by humannaire at 5:24 PM on May 21, 2008


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