Comments on: Watermelon On Tap

Watermelon On Tap

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:33:00 -0800

I know what you're thinking: "What if I attached a faucet to a watermelon and filled it with spiked watermelon juice so party guests could serve themselves right from the melon?"

By: Mr. Bad Example

Mr. Bad Example — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:37:27 -0800

Okay, everybody, that's it. Close down the patent office--this is the last invention we'll ever need.

By: Ludi

Ludi — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:38:29 -0800

Best of the web indeed. Thanks for this.

By: Kinbote

Kinbote — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:39:17 -0800

Damn. Guess I should make some friends.

By: ornate insect

ornate insect — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:43:55 -0800

Given that one can make cube shaped watermelons, might not a watermelon with a faucet built-in be far off?

By: Caduceus

Caduceus — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:44:44 -0800

God, I love the internet so much.

By: quin

quin — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:44:54 -0800

Weird, I was thinking exactly that. Except instead of a watermelon, I was planning on using a carrot. I hadn't really figured out all the logistics yet. Also: I so want to use this photo somewhere with no context attached.

By: eponymouse

eponymouse — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:50:24 -0800

I was ready to be all Jamie Oliver did it before, man! Aside: his method doesn't work too well in my experience, melon not being properly absorbent and thus not soaking up vodka as you would wish. But no, these guys are serious; they have drills! It's got to be the manliest way to prepare fruit punch I've ever seen.

By: iamabot

iamabot — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:54:23 -0800

When it works, it is awesome, the biggest risk you have is a clog forming.

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:56:46 -0800

Then it's time for spoons!

By: cog_nate

cog_nate — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:08:44 -0800

Fucking brilliant.

By: blaneyphoto

blaneyphoto — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:10:29 -0800

I love it.

By: a robot made out of meat

a robot made out of meat — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:14:03 -0800

I wonder if I could take it to class.

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:16:44 -0800

How would you keep it cold though?

By: yhbc

yhbc — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:18:30 -0800

I wasn't thinking that before, but I am now.

By: cog_nate

cog_nate — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:19:58 -0800

How would you keep it cold though? Just put ice inside it.

By: cog_nate

cog_nate — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:21:54 -0800

Better yet, put ice inside a freshly washed Nalgene or glass water bottle, then place the bottle inside the watermelon. That way, it won't water down the melon booze slurry.

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:23:56 -0800

I love posts about art.

By: davejay

davejay — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:23:58 -0800

When it works, it is awesome, the biggest risk you have is a clog forming. If you get a large (food-safe) plastic bag to hold the liquid, and make sure the hole in the plastic bag to allow faucet entry is tight around the pipe, you won't get any clogs. That also allows you to pack ice around it (inside the melon) without the ice ultimately diluting the juice. I have a bit of experience in wacky drink dispensers

By: TrialByMedia

TrialByMedia — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:24:39 -0800

Awesome, but he shouldn't be using PVC. A few glasses at a party isn't going to do anything, but regularly drinking fluids that come into contact with PVC isn't very good for you. That's why it's mainly used for drains in the house.

By: sourwookie

sourwookie — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:25:03 -0800

Bah. How much fun could 1 1/2 cups of Rum provide for a group of people? Not even a pint.

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:29:38 -0800

Plus it's only 8 cups of beverage. You need a shit ton more booze and several other melons for refills.

By: jtron

jtron — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:29:45 -0800

Yeah, sourwookie, that was my thought, too.

By: M.C. Lo-Carb!

M.C. Lo-Carb! — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:32:46 -0800

In a dark basement somewhere, someone is photoshopping a steampunk version of this.

By: Science!

Science! — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:34:21 -0800

Don't jam it in or you'll bruise the outside of the rind and compromise your seal. Advice applicable to so many of life's potentially wonderful undertakings.

By: pompomtom

pompomtom — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:37:33 -0800

Finally, a use for watermelon.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:40:34 -0800

Ideal for lectures!

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:44:27 -0800

You know what I'm thinking? How can this possibly be an improvement on using a BOWL AND A LADLE? "What if I attached flint directly to the match and then granted it artificial intelligence so it could surmise when you're going to need fire before you know it?"

By: Banky_Edwards

Banky_Edwards — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:47:54 -0800

Bah. How much fun could 1 1/2 cups of Rum provide for a group of people? Not even a pint. That's exactly right. However, I believe that's why God put me on this earth. Whenever someone says, "Dude, I figured out a crazy new way to consume booze/weed/whatever," I am there to say, "That's awesome - let's see how much booze/weed/whatever we can consume with it."

By: jtron

jtron — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:49:44 -0800

Banky, you should come over this weekend. I'll get the watermelons.

By: arto

arto — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:49:55 -0800

In a dark basement somewhere, someone is photoshopping a steampunk version of this. Steampunk? More like bamboopunk--this clearly calls for a tiki to be carved directly into the melon rind.

By: nadawi

nadawi — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:54:27 -0800

now i'm trying to figure out how to incorporate a franzia like bag that you can refill. the spout is an easy open/close and the size seems about right.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:54:58 -0800

Do not sully the awesomeness of watermelon-with-a-tap with your filthy "steampunk".

By: nadawi

nadawi — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:55:12 -0800

i would like to hang out with bank and jtron.

By: nadawi

nadawi — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:55:43 -0800

bankY (goddamn i gotta read my responses more)

By: Kadin2048

Kadin2048 — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:57:53 -0800

When I was in college a bunch of guys did this with a small ball valve with two hose barbs, one on each side of the valve. They just shoved the hose barb right into the melon. It worked, after a fashion, but I think had clogging issues as well.

By: ornate insect

ornate insect — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:00:49 -0800

If you've ever read of the fondness that Harrogate, a character from Cormac McCarthy's novel Suttree, displays in his lust for watermelons, this post may conjure still other more unsavory images.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:06:39 -0800

The good thing about this is after you're drunk, you've also got something to fuck.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:11:37 -0800

"With a melon?"

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:12:55 -0800

Needs more bacon.

By: danb

danb — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:28:07 -0800

Also: I so want to use this photo somewhere with no context attached. Looks like something out of Fingers in Food.

By: stifford

stifford — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:29:03 -0800

I was ready to be all Jamie Oliver did it before, man! Aside: his method doesn't work too well in my experience, melon not being properly absorbent and thus not soaking up vodka as you would wish. I've seen a variation of this where instead of a funnel, you just stick a long neck alcohol bottle upside-down, in the hole in the top. It would take a few days to soak, still. I also new a girl whose family made some "dessert" where they soaked blueberries in vodka for several weeks, and then ate them.

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:29:58 -0800

The good thing about this is after you're drunk, you've also got something to fuck. And then you can turn it into a bong!

By: ornate insect

ornate insect — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:34:11 -0800

And then you can turn it into a bong! or a vase

By: CitizenD

CitizenD — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:35:06 -0800

hm. my pals and i did this in high school, 20 years ago. if the apparatus gets plugged up, you can also just suck or blow really hard to dislodge the goo. ok, go ahead. make fun of me. but it sure is fun to blow the goo out, especially when it sprays all over the girls who are standing close-by and they go "aieeeee!" go ahead, i deserve it.

By: bwg

bwg — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:40:38 -0800

this clearly calls for a tiki to be carved directly into the melon rind Your wish is my command.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:44:37 -0800

Heh. CitizenD said "apparatus". Heh heh.

By: Mitheral

Mitheral — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:46:24 -0800

TrialByMedia writes "Awesome, but he shouldn't be using PVC. A few glasses at a party isn't going to do anything, but regularly drinking fluids that come into contact with PVC isn't very good for you. That's why it's mainly used for drains in the house." There are different types of PVC, much of it is acceptable for potable water use. The water in your residence has probably been in a PVC pipe for most of the journey from the treatment plant.

By: ornate insect

ornate insect — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:50:24 -0800

it sure is fun to blow the goo out, especially when it sprays all over the girls who are standing close-by and they go "aieeeee!" So you're the trench-coated guy who was arrested at the playground.

By: HappyHippo

HappyHippo — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:51:49 -0800

Now that's a hole for any finger! I miss ze.... Great post BTW......now just to add some lasers and pyro! Watermelon 2.0!

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:54:34 -0800

If you know anybody with a stomach port, just use them! It becomes a fun game of Drink Of Me Faster, Ere I be Poinson'd and Perish!

By: goodnewsfortheinsane

goodnewsfortheinsane — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:02:55 -0800

Things this doesn't work so well with:

Giant block of ice (too solid at first, no pressure; later too liquid, tap will fall out)

Glass waste collection point (glass splinters = danger; will work with specially fitted sieve for delicious free cocktails, recommended)

Other faucets (high risk of recursion)

Jukebox (one might encounter tap dancing)

Single grapes (law of diminishing returns)

Xzibit's hind parts (he will likely tap your ass in retaliation)

Personal lubricant dispenser (upon operation, hands will be too slippery to turn faucet off, causing entire hobby room to be flooded with lube)

Assorted paint cans (Jackson Pollock's estate will sue for plagiarism)

Human ear (will annoy owner, although comedy guaranteed)

Republicans (pointless)

DISCLAIMER: bottle disposal cocktail, while delicious, not actually recommended. Try the brown side.

By: Science!

Science! — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:08:27 -0800

causing entire hobby room to be flooded with lube Additional Disclaimer: This is not a bad thing.

By: disclaimer

disclaimer — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:24:51 -0800

What?

By: nebulawindphone

nebulawindphone — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:43:14 -0800

Yeah, they're having you cloned. It'll be great. Didn't you know?

By: maggieb

maggieb — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:55:45 -0800

My kids made a Jack-o-melon for the 4th of July 1999 [self-link pic].

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Wed, 28 May 2008 19:24:29 -0800

I like typing stuff!

By: xorry

xorry — Wed, 28 May 2008 20:44:29 -0800

Dizzy, partaking - on his keyboard in the morn red sticky rum drool

By: doctorschlock

doctorschlock — Wed, 28 May 2008 22:10:09 -0800

Excuse me , is this a line ? I wanna try some Enzyte!

By: ryanrs

ryanrs — Wed, 28 May 2008 23:32:50 -0800

That's why it's mainly used for drains in the house. The black plastic pipe often used in drains is cellular core ABS.

By: flaterik

flaterik — Thu, 29 May 2008 00:15:23 -0800

How can this possibly be an improvement on using a BOWL AND A LADLE? It's like you're on a quest to keep finding things I disagree with more, and you're awesome at it.

By: h00py

h00py — Thu, 29 May 2008 02:13:45 -0800

The good thing about this is after you're drunk, you've also got something to fuck. And then you can turn it into a bong! God, turn it into a bong before you fuck it, please!

By: Hactar

Hactar — Thu, 29 May 2008 04:48:18 -0800

A paramedic friend of mine tried injecting vodka into oranges using an extra syringe. I didn't work as well as we had hoped.

By: bDiddy

bDiddy — Thu, 29 May 2008 08:58:11 -0800

"Watermelon on Tap" makes me thirsty for some beer. Mmm.

By: yoHighness

yoHighness — Thu, 29 May 2008 10:10:43 -0800

Bah. How much fun could 1 1/2 cups of Rum provide for a group of people? Not even a pint. i have to admit that I wasn't worried at first 'cause they did write spiked watermelon juice. Bummer, eh? How can this possibly be an improvement on using a BOWL AND A LADLE? my eyes want drunk too...

By: cdmckay

cdmckay — Thu, 29 May 2008 19:49:46 -0800

How can this possibly be an improvement on using a BOWL AND A LADLE? Because it's out of a watermelon.