Comments on: This is an Andy Rooney post. That would be an Andy Rooney post worth celebrating.

This is an Andy Rooney post. That would be an Andy Rooney post worth celebrating.

hellbient — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:27:09 -0800

The Andy Rooney Game. Here's how you play: take out everything but the first sentence and the last sentence from Andy Rooney's latest segment on 60 Minutes. Then you put that on youtube. That's it! Check it out:

By: dobbs

dobbs — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:31:08 -0800

Genius!

By: tristeza

tristeza — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:31:58 -0800

This might be the funniest thing on the internet. Gold.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:35:26 -0800

Woah, andy rooney had the same laptop I did A Sony Vaio SR33. (that's the viao in front in that picture).

By: mazola

mazola — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:36:13 -0800

Well it certainly saves time.

By: jayCampbell

jayCampbell — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:36:19 -0800

This is the best dada since dialog-less Garfield.

By: SmileyChewtrain

SmileyChewtrain — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:37:34 -0800

The edits catch me by surprise, and that's half the fun! Oh and hey does it look to anyone else like that one guy from 60 minutes, uh, "Morely Safer," kind of looks like his head was blown up larger than it actually is and has been pasted onto a smaller body? Like Mike Myers in the trailer for "The Love Guru" when he's a kid, or in NBA Jams?

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:42:11 -0800

"It's mostly junk that I don't want, so keep the stuff coming."

By: netbros

netbros — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:43:34 -0800

Rooney: Y'know, I've always wanted to be on Youtube. Rooney: So now I don't want to be on Youtube.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:44:12 -0800

Man, something in my brain was made for this. I'm a found footage freak and a while ago I was mooning over the interchageability of his performances. This lampoons them perfectly.

By: redsparkler

redsparkler — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:45:45 -0800

There needs to be more of these, but I lack the energy to create them. And by more, I mean, say, in the 50-100 range. Possibly 100-1000, if someone could see fit.

By: peep

peep — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:46:12 -0800

Hilarious. They almost have the same pacing and rhythm as a Deep Thought from Jack Handey.

By: nanojath

nanojath — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:50:42 -0800

There is really no accounting for tastes because I found these to be as uniformly devoid of humor as the orginal monologues.

By: Rhaomi

Rhaomi — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:53:34 -0800

New Talent on 60 Minutes

By: cortex

cortex — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:56:06 -0800

I am crying with laughter here. Holy goddam shit. My wife is not really impressed, however.

By: hellbient

hellbient — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:57:10 -0800

Also, Rooney in 60 seconds from the same guy, Joe Mande.

By: CitizenD

CitizenD — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:12:28 -0800

my grandmother is rolling over in her grave. me, i'm laughing my ass off. thanks, hellbient!

By: SeizeTheDay

SeizeTheDay — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:19:13 -0800

One of the most brilliant things I've seen in a while. I grew up watching Andy; this was hilarious.

By: gottabefunky

gottabefunky — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:22:43 -0800

Does you think the media has changed since you first got innit?

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:25:07 -0800

I expected this to be stupid but I totally laughed out loud. Completely awesome.

By: dhammond

dhammond — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:26:26 -0800

I think this is brilliant. And maybe one of these days they'll tell us why they put those balls of cotton into bottles of aspirin.

By: Sticherbeast

Sticherbeast — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:31:48 -0800

Oh my. This is good.

By: lysistrata

lysistrata — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:46:02 -0800

Yeah, I don't know why it works but it totally does.

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:50:39 -0800

or in NBA Jams? NBA Jam. No "s".

By: Miastar

Miastar — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:54:19 -0800

Who knew Andy Rooney was a brilliant philosopher? And here I thought he was just an old windbag! I stand corrected, sir! It's been hiding amongst 10 minutes of babbling each week, and it took only 103 years of his being on the air for it to be discovered.

By: verb

verb — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:00:34 -0800

I watched the videos and couldn't figure out what was so funny -- they're exactly like his normal rants. Then I realized, wait. All this time, I've been blacking out during his actual appearances. God, what kind of hell must you people go through when you listen to a full minute of Rooney?

By: agentofselection

agentofselection — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:06:36 -0800

Happy Birthday, Mike!

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:08:28 -0800

How do I unlock Morley Safer in NBA Jam!? He's ... on ... FIRE! Happy birthday, Mike.

By: Pronoiac

Pronoiac — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:45:29 -0800

peep: Hilarious. They almost have the same pacing and rhythm as a Deep Thought from Jack Handey. Just so you know, Jack Handey's releasing new ones. Until Handey visited The Sound of Young America to promote his new book, I'd thought he was fictional, which he said is a common problem.

By: milnak

milnak — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 00:12:19 -0800

And the best $6 you'll spend...

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 00:26:31 -0800

How is it he looked like a curmudgeonly old fart back when I last watched him in the 80s, and he's still here? That might be some kind of punishment from God for being so lame... he gets to be Andy Rooney for eternity.

By: From Bklyn

From Bklyn — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 00:27:31 -0800

I did not think Andy Rooney could bearable but that was just enough.

By: mrnutty

mrnutty — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 00:43:20 -0800

Awesome.

By: nthdegx

nthdegx — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 01:06:39 -0800

"So keep the stuff coming." MYA.. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA AAAAAAAAAAR. BWAAAAAAAH. HAAAA Ha hah ha splaaa-hahaha. Heh. Hah. "Probably not" BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 01:31:05 -0800

"And I wish the telephone had a different sound when it was someone you didn't want to talk to." *smacks forehead*

By: juv3nal

juv3nal — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 01:36:13 -0800

This is somehow more amusing than it ought to be.

By: krautland

krautland — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 03:59:25 -0800

that is hilarious, even though I occasionally like rooney's dilations. it pales however in comparison to what they did to that other famous andy of his generation.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 04:45:09 -0800

I've never actually watched 60 Minutes before. Do they call it that because you have to be at least 60 to be on the show? Though Leslie Stall/Stahl was kinda bangin'...

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 04:48:04 -0800

This is easily the funniest thing I've seen all week.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 05:17:09 -0800

I just had a flash (thanks in part to the Ali G clip) of what it would look like if they tried to modernize 60 Minutes for a "hipper" audience. MS. Yo, this Morely Safer. 'Sup, America? Right, Right. Check it, while you chilling in your criznibs, here's what's going down in the world around. You heard? Ed-Rock, break these mugs off something funky. EB. Thanks, Mo'. Holla atcha boy. *turns to camera* America, some serious shit going down in hoods all over this place, maybe even in your area code. I went deep cover to catch the 411 on this [blah blah blah]..." Of course, as I heard it in my head, they were speaking in their normal, unaccented/unaffected voices (pronouncing g's and r's, as it were), as if reading this shiznit off a teleprompter. It's funny because the granny is rapping, dammit.

By: Slack-a-gogo

Slack-a-gogo — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 06:09:12 -0800

I'm not even sure why it's funny, but those are hysterical.

By: autodidact

autodidact — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 06:29:50 -0800

Put me down as "I don't see how this is especially funny." It's still lame ass Andy Rooney Reader's Digest joke page humor.

By: papercake

papercake — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 06:31:46 -0800

So, basically, Andy Rooney was the first video blogger. I wish I found these more funny. It's Tuesday. I need some funny.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 06:35:14 -0800

Its almost as if Andy Rooney was a good enough writer to have figured out that some of his bits would end up like that if put togeter that way. Who'd have thought?

By: The White Hat

The White Hat — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 07:22:31 -0800

Andy Rooney will seat you now. (from McSweeney's) "We'd like a table for two, by the window if possible. I don't much care for windows. It seems everything is made of glass nowadays. Mirrors are made of glass, and so are bottles. You'll find glass in everything from skyscrapers to goldfish bowls."

By: Nelson

Nelson — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 08:59:20 -0800

Ah, Andy Rooney. You racist, anti-gay lovable curmudgeon.

By: vorfeed

vorfeed — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 09:09:24 -0800

I don't trust soups, on the whole, no more than I trust stew! [fast forward to the first host segment, a few minutes in]

By: WaterSprite

WaterSprite — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 09:41:52 -0800

Who is Mike?

By: kylefreund

kylefreund — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:13:57 -0800

Back in high school we used to get the Andy Rooney books out of the library and read them everyday. My favorite was his rant on cashiers at the store asking if he needed anything else. Of course Andy had all he needed. If he had needed anything else, he would have gotten it and put it on the damn conveyor belt.

By: hellbient

hellbient — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:20:14 -0800

Hey, he just added another one.

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:25:17 -0800

Andy Rooney on the Ali G show was pretty freakin funny as well.

By: hellbient

hellbient — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:29:03 -0800

And of course, dammit, I had to post one of the links twice. I left out this one.

By: Shepherd

Shepherd — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 11:35:05 -0800

This reminds me of Garfield without Garfield for some inexplicable reason.

By: y2karl

y2karl — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 11:35:14 -0800

Tomorrow is Memorial Day, the day we have set aside to honor by remembering all the Americans who have died fighting for the thing we like the most about our America: the freedom we have to live as we please. ...No one would know from Memorial Day that Richie M., who was shot through the forehead coming onto Omaha Beach on June 6, 1944, wore different color socks on each foot because he thought it brought him good luck. No one would remember on Memorial Day that Eddie G. had promised to marry Julie W. the day after he got home from the war, but didn't marry Julie because he never came home from the war. Eddie was shot dead on an un-American desert island, Iwo Jima... We use the phrase "gave their lives," but they didn't give their lives. Their lives were taken from them. There is more bravery at war than in peace, and it seems wrong that we have so often saved this virtue to use for our least noble activity - war. The goal of war is to cause death to other people. Because I was in the Army during World War II, I have more to remember on Memorial Day than most of you. I had good friends who were killed. Charley Wood wrote poetry in high school. He was killed when his Piper Cub was shot down while he was flying as a spotter for the artillery. Bob O'Connor went down in flames in his B-17. Obie Slingerland and I were best friends and co-captains of our high school football team. Obie was killed on the deck of the Saratoga when a bomb that hadn't dropped exploded as he landed. I won't think of them anymore tomorrow, Memorial Day, than I think of them any other day of my life. Remembering doesn't do the remembered any good, of course. It's for ourselves, the living. I wish we could dedicate Memorial Day, not to the memory of those who have died at war, but to the idea of saving the lives of the young people who are going to die in the future if we don't find some new way - some new religion maybe - that takes war out of our lives. That would be a Memorial Day worth celebrating.

Andy Rooney, May 29, 2005 They re-ran that segment two weekends ago. That one doesn't boil down so easily into two lines. So, the guy's 82 and he's old. But when he was young, he was on Omaha Beach on D-Day, fifty odd years ago looking at carnage, looking into the eyes of a soldier walking by in shock, holding the arm that had just been blown off him in the arm that had not, looking at horrors we can not imagine. He may be a joke but, for his work as a war correspondent alone, he is going to on CBS as long as he wants. And when he talks about the war, I can see why. And, on a side note, isn't he, in terms of on-air time, like the most prominent celebrity atheist still ?

By: Brainy

Brainy — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 11:40:04 -0800

I think I know part of why it's funny when it shouldn't be. The intros are left in and they're often longer than the rants, which seems like way to much dignity for what turns out to be a rant of the non-sequiter type. Partially the rhythm, partially the rambling.

By: y2karl

y2karl — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 11:49:57 -0800

They re-ran that segment two weekends ago. I was flipping channels and came on 60 Minutes just when Morley Safer was making the intro and found myself thinking Jeez, Morley Safer has a head to body ratio not usually seen in humans past the in utero state of development.

By: evilcolonel

evilcolonel — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 11:55:39 -0800

Whatever happened to Norm MacDonald, anyway? There are over four billion people in the world. That's a lot of people. And I suppose most people like each other all right. But I don't. I don't like people and I never have. I guess that makes me bad. Advertisers are always using people to help sell their products. [holds a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes cereal] Here's something called corn flakes. It's got a picture of some people on the box. I guess we're supposed to think, "Well, these people like corn flakes. I guess I will, too." [sets box aside] But I don't think that. I don't like people. And I don't like pictures of people either.

By: saladin

saladin — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 12:34:27 -0800

Joe Mande's a pretty excellent stand-up comic. His joke about Amherst blankets slays me.

By: Robson

Robson — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 15:12:15 -0800

Hm... regrettably, I expected hilarity and got mild amusement. Great idea, though.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 16:40:17 -0800

This reminds me of the recent edits going around YouTube of CSI Miami and every time Caruso takes off his glasses or puts them on. I don't know why. It just does. Aren't both shows on CBS? Those of you who are dissing Andy Rooney in this thread, you do realize that what he's been getting paid to do for the past fifty years on 60 Minutes, is essentially the same thing that we all been doing in MetaFilter for free?

By: tkchrist

tkchrist — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:47:46 -0800

Remember when 60 Minutes used to take down corrupt corporate fat cats and dirty politicians? Yeah. Me neither.

By: JHarris

JHarris — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:43:36 -0800

y2karl wins. In fact, he doesn't just win, what he does is something more than that. He wins, squared. He super-wins. (I've always kind of liked Andy Rooney. Maybe fashion in writing has passed him by, but so what. If I could get paid good money to curmudgeon on prime-time network television every week, I'd jump at it like a shot.)

By: Dreama

Dreama — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:24:52 -0800

This is Mike.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 00:51:25 -0800

The McLaughlin Group in 2 Minutes was like taking any given year of auto racing and cutting out everything but the crashes.

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:38:54 -0800

MetaFilter: It's mostly junk that I don't want, so keep the stuff coming.