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June 6, 2008 3:29 AM   Subscribe


 
That website has made me suddenly and unaccountably depressed.
posted by Jofus at 3:46 AM on June 6, 2008 [2 favorites]


That form is totally off-center. How am I supposed to type into a form that's not properly centered? That's just absurd.
posted by puckupdate at 3:49 AM on June 6, 2008 [12 favorites]


I am fearful of feet.
posted by Dizzy at 3:52 AM on June 6, 2008


Oh god, maybe I am neurotic. How can I be sure? Are you sure? How can I get validation?!?
posted by Pollomacho at 3:56 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


Why? Is there something I did that made you ask me? What was it? Why won't you tell me?
posted by chillmost at 4:01 AM on June 6, 2008 [2 favorites]


When I was a kid, I was going through alot of crap with my parents. They were constantly fighting (verbally & physically), dad was an ogre (you spilled milk! Thats a spankin!) and mom took me to Fundy-church every Sunday and Wednesday night (God hates humanity and wants to kill us all!).

After a while, I began to develop very strange....habits. There were a series of cracks in the sidewalk on my way to school every morning. I had to step on the cracks in a certain order, go back, and step on them in the same order again 3 times (because 3 is the number of the Holy Trinity, you see). If I didn't do this every morning on my way to school, I was convinced that God would kill my mother.

I did this for years. It wasn't until I was almost an adult before I realized that this behavior is, shall we say, slightly less than normal.
posted by Avenger at 4:04 AM on June 6, 2008 [2 favorites]


I am fearful about sites about neuroses about catching a new neurosis.

"Oh the nerves, the nerves; the mysteries of this machine called man! Oh the little that unhinges it, poor creatures that we are!" - Charles Dickens, www.just-quotes.com
posted by appleyar at 4:04 AM on June 6, 2008


I am fearful of YOUR feet.
posted by Dizzy at 4:05 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


Neurotic people sure do seem to think about poop a lot.
posted by GoingToShopping at 4:18 AM on June 6, 2008


After I dispatch the victim I have to say "Well, we certainly didn't see that coming, did we?!"
posted by Turtles all the way down at 4:22 AM on June 6, 2008 [9 favorites]


Sorry -- y'all got nothing on the Morse-code-typer.
posted by not_on_display at 4:49 AM on June 6, 2008


Hello, Metafilter. Let's begin.
posted by emelenjr at 4:50 AM on June 6, 2008 [8 favorites]


Isn't everybody neurotic?
posted by KTrujillo at 4:58 AM on June 6, 2008


Holy crap! It's a real-life i-got-problems.com!
posted by DecemberBoy at 5:09 AM on June 6, 2008


Yes.

I make believe I have a gun and shoot passers-by.
posted by WalterMitty at 5:15 AM on June 6, 2008


Wow. Reading those posts, I think I can actually answer "no." Go me.
posted by Aversion Therapy at 5:15 AM on June 6, 2008


I wish a lot of these were non-anonymous so I could ensure I never had anything to do with these people.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 5:19 AM on June 6, 2008


Yeah, most of my flesh on one arm is turning weird colors, and it's been sloughing off for a few days now. I dunno, I was gonna go to a doctor, but the're probably just gonna say it's like a brown recluse bite (in which case, hello, too late, doc, it already bit me) or gangrene or something. Anyway, it's mostly fine except for when I'm sleeping, 'cause it's been making a mess on the sheets, and I have to change them kind of a lot. At this point, it may just be easier to buy a set of sheets that's sort of brownish-grey rather than white; at least that way the stains'll be harder to see, and the smell isn't really too bad as long as I keep using lots of Febreze.

Oh, hold up. That's a U, not a C. Sorry, wrong site.
posted by Greg Nog at 5:36 AM on June 6, 2008 [39 favorites]


My neurosis stems from my wandering uterus that moves about my body driven by a relentless urge for fertilization.
posted by The Straightener at 5:40 AM on June 6, 2008 [3 favorites]


After I dispatch the victim I have to say "Well, we certainly didn't see that coming, did we?!"

I usually have to say something like "Well, how'd that plan work out for you, dummy?" or "If God had wanted you to live he would not have created me!"
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 5:44 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


I won't take a left-side window seat on a plane. Because that's where I was sitting when I was killed in a plane crash, 33 years ago...in a dream.
posted by Goofyy at 5:57 AM on June 6, 2008


Always must put my right sock on before my left, but my left shoe on before my right.

This I do. It occasionally causes anxiety when, for some reason, I can't put on both socks before the shoes. (For those wondering, because I know it's incredibly important, in that case, the shoe compulsion wins out, and the left one goes on first. I am actually having trouble imagining wearing only a right shoe. Yes, the right shoe comes off first, too.)

I'm really quite well-adjusted, otherwise. I promise.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:01 AM on June 6, 2008


OCD OCD

OCD OCD
posted by Muddler at 6:26 AM on June 6, 2008


Goddamn it! I clearly put another space after the last line of OCD to make it nice and even between the posts and fucking metafilter won't allow the space and...and...fuck, fuck FUCK!

(seriously, i have to admit that I am bothered by the spacking *smiles sadly, goes back to washing hands*)
posted by Muddler at 6:28 AM on June 6, 2008


Damnit! Typo - meant SPACING - I'm going home now. Day is ruined.
posted by Muddler at 6:28 AM on June 6, 2008


Nice, I didn't know Adrian Monk had a blog.
posted by Lou Stuells at 6:32 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid.
posted by bwg at 6:32 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


Has anyone tried posting, on that website, THERE IS MEDICATION FOR THIS?
posted by kldickson at 6:51 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


I see you have to sign in with your Google account in order to click the "me too!" next to the submissions. Just another thing for Google to add to your targeted ads.


"Can you only poop in the nude? Sponsored Link"
posted by Dr-Baa at 6:51 AM on June 6, 2008 [6 favorites]


Actually this has been quite pleasant reading. I almost feel normal now.
An aside. I knew a guy in the service who always put on his left sock and shoe. Then the right sock and shoe. He could not explain why but it was extremely important to him. Have always been on the lookout for another person with that neurosis.
posted by notreally at 7:07 AM on June 6, 2008


I like to pronounce it with a silent "n."
posted by history is a weapon at 7:13 AM on June 6, 2008


No, I am not neurotic, but I am coming over to make sure the kids aren't starving. With all the hippie food you feed them, it's a wonder they haven't turned into cows and started worshiping themselves.

-- Your mother-in-law
posted by katillathehun at 7:45 AM on June 6, 2008 [2 favorites]


Whenever I see sites like this, I always wonder, from a psychological standpoint, what effect this sort of thing has on said behaviors.

Seriously, I can believe that all of these people have genuine issues, but at what point do sites like this go from "you are not alone" type support and reassurance to encouragement and immersion?

I say this because I read through this site and I feel like not one person on that site would seek help for their condition. There's an odd strain of, I want to say insecurity, but I don't know what it is... need for identity maybe? that draws a sense of identity and pride from odd foibles or impairments; it makes them interesting, and if they fixed it, they would become indistinct.

Maybe I'm mistaken.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 7:55 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


Am I neurotic? I dunno. I think about it a lot.
posted by every_one_needs_a_hug_sometimes at 8:02 AM on June 6, 2008


Nah, not really.

Although I do have a serious thing about expiration dates on food. And during hot weather my heartbeat feels painfully irregular so I'm convinced that I'm slated to eventually die of a sudden heart attack. And if people crack their knuckles near me I get a chill up my spine that will cause me to vault across a table and GRAB someone's hand to make them stop. doing. that. NOW.

Otherwise I'm cool.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:29 AM on June 6, 2008


Most of these are obsessive compulsive behaviors. Where are all the "I can't form meaningful relationships because my Mother always put me down, so I have really low self-esteem and only seem to go out with people who are really mean to me because I think I deserve it" type posts?
posted by eye of newt at 8:32 AM on June 6, 2008


I don't suffer from any neuroses. But I have been known to instill them in those around me.

I'm a carrier.

*cracks knuckles*
posted by quin at 8:47 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


Civilization is neurotic. (For a defense of this thesis, see Huysmans, Freud, Fromm; or just watch the evening news.)
posted by ornate insect at 9:26 AM on June 6, 2008


Everyone needs to see their Huysmans.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:35 AM on June 6, 2008


Sometimes I wake up from uneasy dreams and find that I've been transformed in my bed into a monstrous vermin.
posted by stavrogin at 9:41 AM on June 6, 2008 [2 favorites]


Many people have always had problems with foods touching each other on the plate. I am having a problem with this thread touching the Phillip K. Dick thread.
posted by kozad at 10:01 AM on June 6, 2008 [2 favorites]


It wasn't until I was almost an adult before I realized that this behavior is, shall we say, slightly less than normal.

Actually, it's quite normal. Most people, as children, develop OCD behaviors and then grow out of them.

For instance, I had a regular routine as a kid every time I heard the "Uten Lieben Louten Loben" sound at the beginning of Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages." (I can't remember what it was, though...)

Also: Religion, which many of us are taught as kids, is very OCD-oriented. Take the Rosary, for instance.
posted by fungible at 10:16 AM on June 6, 2008


♫If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands!♪

♪If youre OCD and you know it, wash your hands!♫
posted by The GoBotSodomizer at 10:26 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


If I hear the beginning of "Come Sail Away", I can't do anything else until I hear or sing the rest of the song.
posted by inigo2 at 10:37 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


I wonder how many of these are real, cause these people scare and annoy the shit out of me. At least it's entertaining.


WHY CAN'T YOU POOP NORMAL!!?!!?!?!? JUST SIT DOWN AND POOP ITS NOT ROCKET SURGERY!
posted by sir_rubixalot at 10:51 AM on June 6, 2008


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Knock, knock, knock, knock ... I'll just be a minute ... knock, knock, knock, knock ...

OCD needs more jokes because it's just not very amusing at all.
posted by mdoar at 11:15 AM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


I used to think I was neurotic, but this website makes me feel completely sane. Thank you.
posted by geeky at 11:16 AM on June 6, 2008


If I hear the beginning of "Come Sail Away", I can't do anything else until I hear or sing the rest of the song.

If I hear "Come Sail Away" I am compelled to awesomeness.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 11:23 AM on June 6, 2008


I had my knuckles removed years ago.
posted by Dizzy at 11:26 AM on June 6, 2008


This one reminds me that, as a kid, I didn't have imaginary friends--I had imaginary stalkers. I was afraid to do anything while they were watching. Fortunately, it went away sometime during middle school.

I still can't stand being watched while I'm working, though. Or doing anything else. I'm getting better about this, really!

I have very crackly knuckles.
posted by kiripin at 11:34 AM on June 6, 2008


For instance, I had a regular routine as a kid every time I heard the "Uten Lieben Louten Loben" sound at the beginning of Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages." (I can't remember what it was, though...)

I had the same thing. For me the routine involved changing the station on the radio.
posted by rocket88 at 11:50 AM on June 6, 2008 [4 favorites]


After reading this, I'm pretty sure I'm nowhere near being neurotic.
posted by TrialByMedia at 12:05 PM on June 6, 2008


You are all liars.
posted by lunit at 12:29 PM on June 6, 2008


After reading those I feel I must wash my brain while singing "Mr Clean" 9 times forward and 9 times back.


Seriously- I did have to stop -some of those are viral.
posted by mistsandrain at 12:31 PM on June 6, 2008


I can't do anything else until I hear or sing the rest of the song.

*deep breath*

I'm sailing away set an open course for the virgin sea I've got to be free free to face the life thats ahead of me on board, I'm the captain, so climb aboard Well search for tomorrow on every shore And I'll try oh lord I'll try to carry on I look to the sea reflections in the waves spark my memory some happy some sad I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had we live happily forever so the story goes but somehow we missed out on that pot of gold but well try best that we can to carry on a gathering of angels appeared above my head they sang to me this song of hope and this is what they said they said come sail away come sail away come sail away with me come sail away come sail away come sail away with me I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise they climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skies singing come sail away, come sail away come sail away with me come sail away, come sail away come sail away with me.
posted by quin at 1:13 PM on June 6, 2008 [3 favorites]


"All of the keys on my ring have to have the flat side facing the same direction. If I get a new key and realize I put it on wrong, I will drop whatever I’m doing at that moment no matter what, trying to get the key off and turn it around the right way."

Wonder what will happen if they get a double sided car key?
posted by IronLizard at 1:21 PM on June 6, 2008


DAMMMMMITTT!!! STOP. CRACKING. YOUR. KNUCKLES. PEOPLE.

SOOOOO not funny.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:33 PM on June 6, 2008


Actually, when I worked at Mattel, at one point the toy designers decided to stage collective simultaneous knuckle cracking during meetings just to torment me. After the first two times I did learn how to keep myself collected instead of freaking out. But I made them pay. Oh yes. I made them pay.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:38 PM on June 6, 2008 [2 favorites]


...come sail away come sail away with me.

Thank you, Cartman.
posted by inigo2 at 1:54 PM on June 6, 2008


I am reasonably sure I've cracked and crack almost every flexible joint in my body. The only ones I can't do on purpose are the hips, the jaw, all but the first knuckles on thumbs, big toes, and pinky toes, and perhaps some of the vertebrae, and excepting the knuckles they've cracked unintentionally due to impact or unusual stress.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 2:05 PM on June 6, 2008


ohhh stoooooooooooppppppppp... I can't even READ that paragraph.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:18 PM on June 6, 2008


I can crack my big toes. :) But I don't do it compulsively.
posted by Shusha at 3:14 PM on June 6, 2008




I had all of my joints removed years ago.
posted by Dizzy at 4:33 PM on June 6, 2008


Every time I laugh while reading metafilter I have to punish myself.

Ow. OW. OWW.
posted by artifarce at 4:46 PM on June 6, 2008


OCD, I guess.

Ya think?

OCD must be oppressively tiring.
posted by Pax at 6:42 PM on June 6, 2008


Some of these people are really troubled. Reading these things made me worried and sad for the people who submitted them.
posted by loiseau at 6:53 PM on June 6, 2008


I take that back. This one is adorable:

"welcome to the bathroom! we may commence.
When I was little, before I’d use the toilet, I’d sit down and take into account every item in the bathroom. I would address each one in turn by saying, “Welcome shampoo… Welcome magazine on the floor…” etc., and finish by saying, “Let’s begin.” I think we were having a board meeting or something, and I wasn’t permitted to poop until everyone was ‘officially’ there."

posted by loiseau at 7:23 PM on June 6, 2008 [2 favorites]


So this is where all the joints are. I was looking out back where all the roadies are.
posted by valentinepig at 9:34 PM on June 6, 2008


And that website is disturbing. Now I'll have to have two more beers to sleep tonight.
posted by valentinepig at 9:35 PM on June 6, 2008


Wonder what will happen if they get a double sided car key?

my double sided car key still has a "front" and "back" (the logos are different) that I have on my keyring such that when the "front" logo is facing = notches up. if it was flipped around that would bother me enough to fix it. if the key was identical on both sides it wouldn't be an issue.
posted by bilgepump at 12:44 AM on June 7, 2008


"...I find doing anything that requires passing through a closed door to be unbearably difficult."

Actually, I'm pretty sure everyone has that. Because of those laws. You know, the laws of, um, PHYSICS.
posted by maqsarian at 1:04 PM on June 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


loiseau: That happens the morning after you go "Goodnight, Room", "Goodnight, Moon", "Goodnight Clock","Goodnight Socks" (first the right one, then the left)...
posted by CCBC at 3:37 PM on June 7, 2008


I haven't been able to stop cracking my knuckles since reading this thread.

sorry, miss lynnster.
posted by Space Kitty at 7:29 PM on June 7, 2008


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