Sex, and sex, and more sex (and then write a book about it).

June 7, 2008 2:23 PM

The antithesis of the sexless marriage: 365 days of getting it on, and on, and on."Let's say you and your spouse haven’t had sex in so long that you can’t remember the last time you did. Not the day. Not the month. Maybe not even the season. Would you look for gratification elsewhere? Would you file for divorce? Or would you turn to your mate and say, 'Honey, you know, I’ve been thinking. Why don’t we do it for the next 365 days in a row?'" And of course, how could this be complete without books chronicling all the ins and outs of the experiments? (NYTimes article, may require registration.)
posted by Forktine (70 comments total)

The part of the article I was most startled by was this:

According to a 2004 study, “American Sexual Behavior,” by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, married couples have intercourse about 66 times a year. But that number is skewed by young marrieds, as young as 18, who couple, on average, 84 times a year.

I would have imagined that number, particularly for the young married couples, to be much higher.
posted by Forktine at 2:25 PM on June 7, 2008

Also related: the 30-day sex challenge
posted by pravit at 2:26 PM on June 7, 2008

Oh man. I want to get married to the kind of women who is down with this plan.
posted by ®@ at 2:31 PM on June 7, 2008

Oh man. I want to get married to the kind of women who is down with this plan.

Well, start simple. First, try to just find one woman who is down with it. You can try polygamy later.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 2:36 PM on June 7, 2008 [11 favorites]

Brad was less than fully enthusiastic, mostly because, he says, his wife often has big ideas and poor follow-through. ta-da!
posted by R. Mutt at 2:42 PM on June 7, 2008 [3 favorites]

"...all the ins and outs..."

Sounds like a lot of them.
posted by MtDewd at 2:52 PM on June 7, 2008

Okay, maybe it's just me, but this curiosity occurred to me: what about when the women were menstruating? Same deal?
posted by msali at 2:54 PM on June 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

It's just you.
posted by lester the unlikely at 2:59 PM on June 7, 2008 [6 favorites]

We seem to do all sorts of things. With a book about it as the end result. Who said: quantity drives out quality?
posted by Postroad at 3:08 PM on June 7, 2008

I'm a reasonably horny guy but I'm not sure I'd enjoy having sex every day for months on end even if it wasn't with the same woman! (Note that in both the cases in the article, it was the wife's idea...)
posted by nicwolff at 3:29 PM on June 7, 2008

Some days MeFi seems kinda repressed to me.

I know, for example, that I suggested to my GF that we have sex once a day for 365 consecutive days, I know exactly what her answer would be.

"What do you mean once???"
posted by rokusan at 3:46 PM on June 7, 2008

Well... 365 times in one day, now that would be book worthy.
posted by R. Mutt at 3:48 PM on June 7, 2008

From run-of-the-mill whores to attention whores, a spiritual journey.
posted by nanojath at 3:51 PM on June 7, 2008 [3 favorites]

Well... 365 times in one day, now that would be book worthy.

Ow.
posted by rokusan at 4:28 PM on June 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Some days MeFi seems kinda repressed to me.

I know, for example, that I suggested to my GF that we have sex once a day for 365 consecutive days, I know exactly what her answer would be.

"What do you mean once???"

My god, you're a tiger!
posted by mrnutty at 4:28 PM on June 7, 2008

Definitely will be sending this article to my wife. I'm going to try to delete the final paragraph, though.
posted by The Gooch at 4:40 PM on June 7, 2008

"What do you mean once???"
My god, you're a tiger!

Funny. Not what I meant. I meant that I didn't realize that a wife who wanted sex "so often" was so unusual.

I'm pretty sure any healthy person is capable, yeesh.
posted by rokusan at 4:44 PM on June 7, 2008

Well... 365 times in one day, now that would be book worthy.

That's an entire porn genre, fictionalized most recently by Chuck Palahniuk as Snuff. Here is a negative review of his book by someone who claims to have been on the set of the film that Palahniuk apparently based his book on, The World's Biggest Gang Bang III: The Houston 620. (More details of her time on the set here.)

Here is the Wikipedia entry about "The Worlds Biggest Gangbang" (a different one than the "Houston 620") featuring 251 sex acts; it was the basis of the documentary Sex: The Annabel Chong Story. Lots of unsavory details can be read here.

So yeah, if you can do it 365 times in one day, skip the book and go straight to film. (All links very, very, very NSFW, and some guaranteed to leave a bad taste in your mouth, so to speak.)
posted by Forktine at 4:53 PM on June 7, 2008

ah.... nevermind.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:10 PM on June 7, 2008

The Plot section of that "Worlds Biggest Gangbang" wikipedia page is awesome.
posted by smackfu at 5:39 PM on June 7, 2008

Bonetastic.
posted by bardic at 5:46 PM on June 7, 2008

Having sex EVERY SINGLE DAY NO MATTER WHAT seems like the kind of thing that sounds great to a guy in middle school, before you get a girlfriend. "Oh man, if I could get a girl, we'd have sex EVERY SINGLE DAY NO MATTER WHAT!!"

Then you grow up, and you get a girlfriend or a wife. And sex is great. But sometimes you're tired, or had a fight, or you actually do have a headache. No matter how high both of your sex drives are, no one in the world wants to have sex every single day for a whole year.

And nothing is less romantic or sexy than forcing it when one or both of you isn't in the mood.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:54 PM on June 7, 2008 [3 favorites]

But sometimes you're tired, or had a fight, or you actually do have a headache.

Sleepy sex can be good. Angry sex can be good. And some people even get headache relief from sex.

Just saying. :)
posted by rokusan at 6:05 PM on June 7, 2008

I seem to remember reading (where?) that JFK told a friend that if he didn't have some form of sex, he would GET a headache on that day.
posted by R. Mutt at 6:26 PM on June 7, 2008

Ew, married-people sex.
posted by loiseau at 6:34 PM on June 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Okay, maybe it's just me, but this curiosity occurred to me: what about when the women were menstruating? Same deal?

Girl blood won't rot your penis off.
posted by rodgerd at 8:20 PM on June 7, 2008 [3 favorites]

"Okay, maybe it's just me, but this curiosity occurred to me: what about when the women were menstruating? Same deal?"

Girl blood won't rot your penis off.

Um, sometimes women don't like having sex on their periods.
posted by Snyder at 8:57 PM on June 7, 2008

... because usually they're afraid the guy will think they're disgusting and smelly, or have internalized the message that they are.
posted by loiseau at 10:36 PM on June 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Or they just don't want blood everywhere. Or they're feeling tender.

A guy being squicked by sex during menstruation isn't automatically a sexist asshole who hates womens bodies. He could very well be someone who just doesn't want to get blood involved in sex. This is reasonable.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:11 PM on June 7, 2008 [4 favorites]

I would take your word for that, but you're gay, and therefore obviously hate women & their bodies.
posted by jonson at 11:57 PM on June 7, 2008

Alright. Menstrual Sex for some, miniature American flags for others!
posted by blenderfish at 12:40 AM on June 8, 2008 [9 favorites]

Miniature rainbow flags.

On the sides of my stunna shades.
posted by Esoquo at 1:03 AM on June 8, 2008

A small blurp read somewhere about this years orgasm competition in a swinger organization had the female winner at 65 orgasms in 24 hours, and the male at 28 orgasms.
So there you have it, totally authorative source on max possible rate of male orgasms.
posted by Catfry at 1:19 AM on June 8, 2008

I would take your word for that, but you're gay, and therefore obviously hate women & their bodies.

Would you be surprised to know that there are people who really make that argument?
posted by rodgerd at 1:59 AM on June 8, 2008

I seem to remember reading (where?) that JFK told a friend that if he didn't have some form of sex, he would GET a headache on that day.

I also read somewhere that unless JFK had sex with a woman in "every way" (meaning all three inputs), he didn't think he'd really "had" them. Must be a presidential...um...loophole, what with Clinton's definition of sexual relationships.

Just doing my part to raise the level of discourse at MeFi.
posted by Devils Slide at 3:16 AM on June 8, 2008

There was a Seattle area couple who did this back in the late 80s who are responsible for the term Going to Tukwila as a euphemism for sex.
posted by zanni at 5:27 AM on June 8, 2008

A small blurp read somewhere about this years orgasm competition in a swinger organization had the female winner at 65 orgasms in 24 hours, and the male at 28 orgasms.

And that odd keening sound you hear are prostates all across MeFi groaning in sympathy pain.
posted by Spatch at 6:17 AM on June 8, 2008

I would much prefer 66 days of good sex a year over 365 days of compulsory sex.
posted by slimepuppy at 6:37 AM on June 8, 2008

Sex is pretty awesome, though.
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:53 AM on June 8, 2008

August 25, 2000

Just sayin'
posted by briank at 6:54 AM on June 8, 2008

Ouch, briank.
posted by Phire at 7:21 AM on June 8, 2008

365 days of quickies or 5-hour fuck-a-thons?
posted by rmmcclay at 7:29 AM on June 8, 2008

Sleepy sex can be good.

Yes, sleepy sex can be very good. It's nice to wake up in the morning when you're all warm and relaxed and in no particular hurry. But that warm fuzzy morning feeling is not the same as being tired. Tired is coming home after working until 10:00 pm and then riding the subway (which is going local because of construction) for another hour and a half and your feet hurt and you're hungry but you don't even have the energy to make dinner. ALL you want to do is fall into bed, because you know you've got to get up at 6:00 am and do it all over again.

Sex is great. You know what else is great? A good night's sleep.
posted by Evangeline at 7:37 AM on June 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

August 25, 2000

Just sayin'

Under the bridge past the old train tracks? 'Cause then I was the guy in the raincoat. With the camera.

I've always wanted to thank you.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:52 AM on June 8, 2008

Could sex-during-menstruation be our new cat-declawing/fat people/Critical Mass-type meme where people absolutely lose their shit for no good reason?

I certainly hope so.
posted by bardic at 9:38 AM on June 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

And nothing is less romantic or sexy than forcing it when one or both of you isn't in the mood.

It is entirely likely that there is some sort "Not In The Mood" fetish out there.
posted by Xoebe at 9:55 AM on June 8, 2008

365 days of quickies or 5-hour fuck-a-thons?

'xactly. Once a day isn't difficult if you aren't having marathon sex.

If you are having marathon sex, it's like running the Ironman: the next day you're a little tender. Do a couple of marathons one after the other, and by the end of the week your body is crying out in pain and demanding a rest day.

Personally, I'll choose marathon over quickie any day of the week. It's addictive!
posted by five fresh fish at 9:58 AM on June 8, 2008

Sex while on the rag is fine. But messy. And cramps that make you double up in pain can make you a little less interested. But why would anyone not involved in that decision care?

I would totally agree to daily sex for a year if I could also get a fulltime nanny and be able to quit my job, and husband could do the same, and oh yeah, maybe we could hang out on a Caribbean beach every day during that year. Lots of sleep and no stress is the best aphrodesiac ever.
posted by emjaybee at 10:03 AM on June 8, 2008

I've never thought of period sex as a "for it or against it" thing as much as "Things You Only Do in the First Month or Two of Dating When You're Still Enraptured By Lust" thing.
posted by The Gooch at 10:26 AM on June 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

But why would anyone not involved in that decision care?

I only care when idiots make blanket assertions about the subject. Some people simply don't like certain things mixed in with sex.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:41 AM on June 8, 2008

what about when the women were menstruating?

Anal.
posted by pieoverdone at 12:32 PM on June 8, 2008

Wow, I do believe that's at least the second time DNAB has called me names. Idiot? I mean, really? Can you not do any better than that? Why does everything with you have to end up on that level?

I firmly believe (as a actual vagina-carrying woman) that the majority of women who don't have a cultural or religious reason not to screw on their period would have little or no problem with it had they not absorbed a lifetime of messages that periods are gross and shameful and unattractive to boys and to be hidden and denied at all cost. This opinion is born out of 33 years of vagina-owning and friendships with women.
posted by loiseau at 2:11 PM on June 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

I did something a bit like this for more than 100 days. I can recommend it: it really cemented my relationship with the Internet.
posted by infobomb at 2:36 PM on June 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

Well, loiseau, you say something insulting, expect to be insulted. I know plenty of women that are uncomfortable about having sex during at least some days of their period, some for physical reasons, (such as cramps,) some because they simply don't want things like blood mixed up with sex. Hell, urine is sterile, do you think people would have little or no problem with watersports if they had not absorbed a lifetime of messages the pee is gross and shameful and unattractive and to be hidden at all costs? Doesn't make them dupes. Don't see why you give a shit about it.
posted by Snyder at 2:52 PM on June 8, 2008

the female winner at 65 orgasms in 24 hours

I could totally beat that. Power tools are allowed, right? And it doesn't have to involve another person, right? With those two provisos I'd be unstoppable.
posted by marble at 3:29 PM on June 8, 2008

Wow, I do believe that's at least the second time DNAB has called me names. Idiot? I mean, really? Can you not do any better than that? Why does everything with you have to end up on that level?

Because you said something stupid?

Yes, I will agree that a lot of women are made to feel dirty or ashamed for menstruation, and that needs to be stopped.

But not wanting to have sex during menstruation--whether you're male or female--does not automatically make you OMG HATE THE PUSSYBLUDS. Maybe you're squeamish about blood. Maybe you have new sheets. Maybe you feel crampy and gross and why the hell are you trying to touch me I just want some alone time. Maybe you don't want blood and sex in the same part of your brain. Maybe you don't like the smell--and yeah, that's reasonable. Most things that come out of the human body don't smell particularly nice, and it's thoroughly reasonable to not want to smell unpleasant things during sex. And before you think that's some gay misogynist bullshit, I apply that equally across the board, no matter what the relevant combination of tingly bits is. Maybe you want to have sex, but don't want to have to take a shower afterwards. For God's sake, I know plenty of lesbians, women who are pretty damn vigilant about patriarchally-inspired body issues, who don't want to have sex on their periods. Why? DON'T LIKE BLOOD. Just because it comes out of your womb doesn't make it special. It's blood, some people just don't like it, and tarring everyone with the OMG WOMYN HATRRRRR brush is not only counterproductive and intellectually dishonest, it's also insulting to people who are--believe it or not--able to make their own informed choices about what they do and do not enjoy. Which wraps it all up quite neatly into: that is a stupid thing to say.

I mean really... what Snyder said about urine is a particularly apt comparison. It's sterile when it leaves the body, it's a waste product.


I could totally beat that. Power tools are allowed, right? And it doesn't have to involve another person, right? With those two provisos I'd be unstoppable.

And probably a bit swollen. 28 orgasms in 24 hours is the kind of thing a 13 year old boy does, just because he can. Women totally get the better orgasm deal. It's not fair! ;)
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:11 PM on June 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

That's a lot of changing the sheets.
posted by bad grammar at 5:19 PM on June 8, 2008

I firmly believe (as a actual vagina-carrying woman) that the majority of women who don't have a cultural or religious reason not to screw on their period would have little or no problem with it had they not absorbed a lifetime of messages that periods are gross and shameful and unattractive to boys and to be hidden and denied at all cost. This opinion is born out of 33 years of vagina-owning and friendships with women.

Whereas I don't agree. I think it's your bias coming through more than some widespread truth. And I'm also a female, with a variety of female friends, and very nearly 33.

When I'm menstruating I have zero libido. It's got nothing to do with whatever society (or whoever) thinks about menstrual blood and everything to do with my hormone levels. Just like I get real horny when I ovulate, that's the way my body wants to play it and is perfectly normal. I see no reason to force myself to do something I'm not into because of some stupid notion that I hate my body or whatever if I don't. Society and it's supposed ideas about the evils of menstruation can get stuffed. I don't have sex during my period because I simply don't want to.

So obviously I'm not really into the idea of forcing sex every day out of some feeling of obligation. If nothing else I don't spend 365 nights of the year either at home or with my partner. I can just see my supervisor being thrilled when I refuse to go on a business trip because I need to be home to have sex, or imagine the shit my boyfriend would get for refusing to go on sporting trips with his mate for the same reason. And some days I just want to go hang out with my friends or spend some time by myself, and I see nothing wrong with that. Neither does my boyfriend.

But then we have a close functional relationship in the first place, so have nothing to fix and prove.
posted by shelleycat at 11:16 PM on June 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Being strongly vaginal bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable.

Vagina. They don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
posted by rokusan at 1:54 AM on June 9, 2008 [3 favorites]

It is entirely likely that there is some sort "Not In The Mood" fetish out there

My girlfriend has that.
posted by fullerine at 3:00 AM on June 9, 2008

Alright. Menstrual Sex for some, miniature American flags for others!

OMG - what's that on Obama's lapel?
posted by Sparx at 3:03 AM on June 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Being strongly vaginal bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable.

Vagina. They don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say

In my experience it's the other way round: it's women who have the difficulty. That's insane though, it's just a part of a body. I wonder if it's because I'm a Brit or because I know lots of women older than me.
posted by infobomb at 4:57 AM on June 9, 2008

“We did it every day for three days in a row,” Ms. Elliston said.

That made me laugh. Oooooo, stop the presses!

The Raleigh News & Observer ran an article about Muller's book a month ago:

As months pass, Charla admits she's tiring of daily sex. By May, "there are moments where I've hit the proverbial wall, and feel like beating myself over the head with the nearest newspaper or maybe a spatula."

which makes the whole caper sound like a chore and Charla Muller does not even recommend that couples attempt it-- as though having daily sex is akin to summiting Everest. Mr. Gravy and I practiced 365 for the first 6 years of our relationship without realizing it was meant to be a cheerless task; it just seemed to be a natural consequence of our love and affection for each other. We have always made it a point to kiss at many specific times (first meeting after separation of more than a few minutes, before eating, last thing before sleeping, when he closes my car door, etc, etc,) and often touch each other as well.

When we first started our sexual relationship, we had a talk about menstruation-- orgasms relieve my menstrual cramps-- and while it is messy, we have towels. It is not so different from Mr. Gravy's river of sweat in the summer heat.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:26 AM on June 9, 2008

It is not so different from Mr. Gravy's river of sweat in the summer heat.

Whoa, too much sharing.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:35 AM on June 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Being strongly vaginal bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable.

Vagina. They don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.

Is there a reason you avoided the word penis? To me, "his dick or his rod or his Johnson" is more analogous to, "her pussy or her box or her Hoo-hoo" than, "vagina".
posted by spaceman_spiff at 8:21 AM on June 9, 2008

Yeah, there's a reason he avoided the word penis.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:49 AM on June 9, 2008

Yeah, I can't believe this went over so many heads.
posted by pieoverdone at 10:38 AM on June 9, 2008

Johnson?
posted by theredpen at 11:02 AM on June 9, 2008

Honey, I Want to Sleep With Other People
posted by homunculus at 2:04 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

There is an excellent reason why a lot of people are not fans of menstrual sex:

Blood is a TERRIBLE lubricant.
posted by the luke parker fiasco at 12:44 PM on July 2, 2008