Google News from a Better World
June 8, 2008 4:13 PM   Subscribe

Google News from a Better World (via)
posted by BuddhaInABucket (50 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

 
Don't toy with me.
posted by subgear at 4:21 PM on June 8, 2008


OK, that's just weird

Reminds me of McCain's "2013" video failure
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:21 PM on June 8, 2008


... sigh
posted by EatTheWeak at 4:24 PM on June 8, 2008


Nice. Would be even more impressive if each of the links went to a full fake news story.
posted by zardoz at 4:32 PM on June 8, 2008


I lol'd. Sigh...
posted by Octoparrot at 4:35 PM on June 8, 2008


Visualization is half the battle.
posted by stbalbach at 4:36 PM on June 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


Rowling: "I have heaps more to write about Harry"
Daily Telegraph - 2 hours ago
Publishing phenom JK Rowling revealed her intention to keep enthralling Harry Potter fans for years to come with more books about the boy wizard. "The Hogwarts years are just the start," she said. "An entire lifetime of Harry's adventures is bursting from...


Okay, "good news" here is relative, right?

Nevermind, this also made me sigh. And get a little teary-eyed, too. If only....
posted by jokeefe at 4:38 PM on June 8, 2008


So I opened the link in a new tab, got a little distracted, went back to working for a second, came back, saw Google News which I check all the time, assumed I'd opened it earlier but hadn't read the headlines yet, got all excited about the Tibet/China thing, refreshed MeFi a couple of times waiting for someone to make a newsfilter post about it, and then went back to the original link and realized exactly what I was looking at.

That was kind of depressing.
posted by bubukaba at 4:39 PM on June 8, 2008 [6 favorites]


I have to take issue with the 8% interest cap that is listed under the "ideal" business section. It's an awful idea that wouldn't help the economy or the general welfare of the population other than just allowing easier credit that encourages people to take on more debt.
posted by cgomez at 4:40 PM on June 8, 2008


Buzzkill.
posted by Dizzy at 4:42 PM on June 8, 2008


Serenity sequel tops box office six weeks running

Rowling: "I have heaps more to write about Harry"

Lucas authorizes fan reworkings of episodes 1-3


So in other words, Utopia is run by complete fucking nerds?
posted by fungible at 4:45 PM on June 8, 2008 [18 favorites]


Kind of heavy on the straight up fantasy.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 4:48 PM on June 8, 2008


Why is even this depressing?
posted by Artw at 4:58 PM on June 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


Serenity sequel tops box office six weeks running

Seriously, dudes, it was a niche film that wasn't as good as the TV show that spawned it. Let go.
posted by Artw at 4:59 PM on June 8, 2008


I like how an unlocked iPhone ranks higher than single payer health insurance.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:08 PM on June 8, 2008 [2 favorites]


Bittersweet.
posted by tommasz at 5:11 PM on June 8, 2008


I suspect a benign dictatorship of nerd s with supreme ultimate power would soon degenerate into genocide as soon as they had a falling out over SF TV show plot points or which operating system is best.
posted by Artw at 5:13 PM on June 8, 2008 [5 favorites]


Seriously, dudes, it was a niche film that wasn't as good as the TV show that spawned it. Let go.

NEVAR!

Seriously, a lot of the fake international news headline hurt like hell to read. On the amusing side, I did like how it was President Obama signing the universal health care bill into law and Buffy got 4 more seasons on DVD.

We totally get to find out what Book's secret is for real though.
posted by Tehanu at 5:17 PM on June 8, 2008


Reminded me of Lennon's Imagine. Mostly stuff that's not absurdly Utopian in and of it itself, just absurdly Utopian in our world where there's that small percentage of sociopathic evil fucks and a much larger number of people who get misled and manipulated by them which fucks everything up.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 5:22 PM on June 8, 2008


How does one move to this other world?
posted by homunculus at 5:33 PM on June 8, 2008


>Seriously, dudes, it was a niche film that wasn't as good as the TV show that spawned it. Let go.

Metafilter: nothing is any good if people like it.
posted by WCityMike at 5:43 PM on June 8, 2008


Serenity sequel tops box office six weeks running

Arrested Development movies to be released monthly: "We've got a three year backlog in the can and a cast and crew eager to make decades more," announces producers.

Rowling: "I have heaps more to write about Harry"

Rowling apologizes to bunnytricks for casting lookalike in Potter role, gives him $1billion fortune in compensation: "Yes, this makes up for all of those awkward sexual proposals from fanfic writers," beams bunnytricks.

Lucas authorizes fan reworkings of episodes 1-3

Star Wars fans come to shocking realization that popular children's franchise lacks depth, nuance: "With maturity, I see I should have been reading Philip K. Dick all of this time," states former Jedi.

fixed that for them.
posted by bunnytricks at 6:08 PM on June 8, 2008 [2 favorites]


The "Peace Payments for Iraq" story rings a little too true. Sounds just right that America would decide throwing money at a problem is the best possible solution for the situation.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:19 PM on June 8, 2008


For all the time and effort that went into that, Sally Struthers coulda saved dozens of Starvin Marvins in Ethernopia.
posted by jimmythefish at 6:25 PM on June 8, 2008


Haha, optimists. So cute. I hope the author's little inner glow from that moment can keep his or her heart warm during one of the coming chilly winter nights when, afraid to attract the attention of the roving bands of cannibals who have taken over the shattered surburban areas, they won't light a fire for fear of the light.
posted by adipocere at 6:41 PM on June 8, 2008 [3 favorites]


Erm, thanks for submitting something that's been all over digg, reddit, delicious, and so on for the entire day.
posted by Grimp0teuthis at 7:00 PM on June 8, 2008


Yeah, the entertainment news definitely came from a parallel universe.
posted by rodgerd at 7:01 PM on June 8, 2008


Check out all the culture-appropriatin' references to yoga, meditation, and Buddhist monks! And Obama! This is "The Future White People Like." (I'd link to the SWPL blog, but that didn't go so well last time.)
posted by PM at 7:04 PM on June 8, 2008


"Erm, thanks for submitting something that's been all over digg, reddit, delicious, and so on for the entire day."

First I've heard of it, so thanks indeed. (People actually wade through the crap on Digg and Reddit?)
posted by majick at 7:29 PM on June 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


How does one move to this other world?

Seriously, I would happily put up with Star Trek nerds living out their ridiculous nerd fantasies, in exchange for all the peace, human rights and dignity stories that get to go on in that alternate universe.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:40 PM on June 8, 2008


Erm, thanks for submitting something that's been all over digg, reddit, delicious, and so on for the entire day.

Unexplained Head Explosions Bewilder, Cheer Web Community
ABC News - 3 hours ago
To many, it almost seems too good to be true - immediately upon noting that they had "seen it before" at some "other" site, the heads of obnoxious commentators are spontaneously exploding without any apparent cause. "I've never seen anything like it, but I can't say I'm that upset" said internet legend Tim Berners-Lee ...
Insecure Show-Off Newbie? - Ka-Blooie! Variety
Hey! I Read About This Already On ... digg.com
CBS News - Reuters - Reuters.uk - Earthtimes.org
all 3250 news articles ยป
posted by yhbc at 7:44 PM on June 8, 2008 [10 favorites]


International Olympic Committee eyes Gaza for 2020 Seattle Times

This part made me choke up a bit.
posted by Hollow at 9:12 PM on June 8, 2008


FOX News from a Better World:

- Osama Bin Laden Captured
- Iran Declares Full Democratic Elections, Outlaws Islam
- Democratic Party Infighting Leads to Republican Majority in Congress
- Constitutional School Prayer Amendment Passes
- Saudi Arabia Signs Exclusive Oil Trade Agreement with U.S.
- Roe v. Wade Is Overthrown
- New Ann Coulter Book Breaks Bestseller Record
- Marines Rescue Iraqi Kittens, Hailed as Liberators
- Jon Stewart Fired From Daily Show
- California Falls Into Ocean
posted by casarkos at 9:42 PM on June 8, 2008


Erm, thanks for submitting something that's been all over digg, reddit, delicious, and so on for the entire day.

I'm in an old fashioned monogamous relationship with Metafilter. If it doesn't get posted here, it doesn't exist, as far as I know.

Re: the post. Even though it's kind of a silly page, there's something strangely powerful about seeing the good stuff written up as though it had happened. I scanned over the page and thought "there's no reason why we couldn't do this." Incurable optimist, that's me.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 10:07 PM on June 8, 2008 [4 favorites]


So in other words, Utopia is run by complete fucking nerds?

Well, yeah...
posted by brundlefly at 10:27 PM on June 8, 2008


Don't leave me stranded here, I can't get used to this lifestyle.
posted by maxwelton at 3:27 AM on June 9, 2008


_Serenity Rising_ is actually a pretty good title.
posted by Sparx at 4:05 AM on June 9, 2008


Erm, thanks for submitting something that's been all over digg, reddit, delicious, and so on for the entire day.

Actually, I could have sworn I saw something like this at least a year ago. It wasn't the same - the headlines were different. Anyone remember this? Maybe it wasn't Google News, maybe it was a fake of the BBC or something?
posted by Jimbob at 4:10 AM on June 9, 2008


President Al Gore State of the Union
posted by kirkaracha at 6:51 AM on June 9, 2008


Pater Aletheias: there's something strangely powerful about seeing the good stuff written up as though it had happened

This is what I find fascinating about the net, and electronic tools. Fifteen years ago, to create a completely authentic piece of media (such a this as a fake newspaper page) would have required the right paper, inks, production processes, let alone the mindset and attitude to write it - in short, it wouldn't happen (without a monolithic media company behind it). These days, we all have access to the same tools the professionals have - this is why a fake web page is far more authentic, has more of a sense of reality, than any other medium. Anyone can do it, and you'll get that weird sense that this electronic object has as much authenticity as any other with the same tags (quality of writing aside).

Interesting times. We're so far past the work of art in the age of mechanical reproduction it's dizzying.
posted by davemee at 8:14 AM on June 9, 2008


So, the two big stories are:

1. Bringing back the abusive theocracy of pre-invasion tibet.

2. Bankrupting the US economy by writing a 467 billion dollar check to iraqis.

This is satire right? One that exposes the how out of touch the far-left truly is?
posted by damn dirty ape at 9:27 AM on June 9, 2008


Ah, lets not ignore this gem: "World population growth stabilizes as birth rate slows to sustainable level"

Forced sterilizations for all!
posted by damn dirty ape at 9:30 AM on June 9, 2008


Bankrupting the US economy by writing a 467 billion dollar check to iraqis.

Yeah, can you imagine America ever spending that kind of money on Iraq?

Preposterous!
posted by Parasite Unseen at 12:06 PM on June 9, 2008


Tacking on another half a billion does what exactly? That doubles the cost.

We dont even know how we are going to pay for this war, let alone doubling it. I think its hilarious and very, very American to think that a utopia is a place where a big check solves all problems. How very GOP.
posted by damn dirty ape at 1:07 PM on June 9, 2008


Wouldn't a better world be one where there wouldn't have been problems in Tibet, Darfur, Gaza, Iraq, etc. in the first place?
posted by Target Practice at 1:16 PM on June 9, 2008


It's like Good News for the Terminally Short-Sighted.
posted by DoctorFedora at 1:36 PM on June 9, 2008


Artw : Let go.

"Once you enter Serenity, you can never leave."
posted by quin at 2:15 PM on June 9, 2008


Such a lonely place...
posted by Artw at 2:22 PM on June 9, 2008


One that exposes the how out of touch the far-left truly is?

That's why I laughed at it.
posted by tadellin at 2:53 PM on June 9, 2008


1. Bringing back the abusive theocracy of pre-invasion tibet.

This is not even close to what the imaginary headline described, and it is not the goal of the movement for Tibetan autonomy/independence at all. If by some miracle that headline ever came true, I am almost positive that a restoration of theocratic feudalism in Tibet would not be the result of it. Here's a quote from the Dalai Lama, from what's really quite a negative article on him: "We cannot revert to the old Tibet, and even if we could, we do not want to, because there were many things wrong with our society." Another one from there: "I do not want to run Tibet."
And I have seen many other things he has said along those lines. The whole "Tibetan independence = theocracy" thing is a ridiculous canard.

Anyway, how does the nature of the Tibetan government before the Chinese invasion make the cause of Tibetan independence any less worthy, or the Chinese occupation any better? Would the US invading Iran be a justifiable action because Iran is a theocracy and the US is officially secular? Would we assume that all the brutalities of a US occupation would be somehow justified because it had supplanted a theocracy, and that any Iranian desires for freedom from that occupation would be fundamentally wrong and illegitimate, on the grounds that they'd just want to set up a theocracy again? Because I see a surprisingly large number of people who I'm quite sure would never accept that line of reasoning when it comes to Iraq, Iran or Palestine do so seemingly without a second thought when it comes to China's occupation of Tibet.
posted by a louis wain cat at 6:36 PM on June 9, 2008 [2 favorites]


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