Sexually explicit salmon hentai comics

June 10, 2008 12:41 PM

I’ve seen men in fur suits masturbating on stuffed animals. I’ve seen high heels stepping on snails. I’ve seen women farting on birthday cakes. I’ve seen guys wearing white socks in two inches of water in the bathtub. I’ve seen a tutorial on how to jack-off with a pair of Keds. And I’ve seen some weird stuff, too. Isn’t there a line of some kind, where it just stops being sexy to anyone? And the answer it seems, is no.... Because there is sexually explicit salmon hentai. NSFW. Via FG blog.
posted by KokuRyu (87 comments total)

what
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:44 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Fishfucker, please pick up the white courtesy phone.
posted by optovox at 12:47 PM on June 10, 2008 [16 favorites has favorites]

With that sort of lead in, why would anyone follow that link?
posted by SPrintF at 12:47 PM on June 10, 2008

I look at the porn coming out of Germany and Japan, and I think, man, I really hope we don't lose this war in Iraq.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:48 PM on June 10, 2008 [21 favorites has favorites]

I guess I'm sort of bent, because I'm way more skeeved out by the idea of guys watching videos of women farting on birthday cakes.
posted by Skot at 12:49 PM on June 10, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain… Time to die.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 12:50 PM on June 10, 2008 [29 favorites has favorites]

Oh those crazy, wacky Japanese!
posted by dersins at 12:51 PM on June 10, 2008

Roe vs. wade. Whatever.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:51 PM on June 10, 2008 [21 favorites has favorites]

I’ve seen women farting on birthday cakes.

Well, yeah, but, I mean, who hasn't?
posted by bondcliff at 12:51 PM on June 10, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Cute little fish in sweaters isn't all that — oh. OH! My god, that's awful!
what's the deal with the wet sock fetish? I mean, farting: sure. But wet socks?
posted by cowbellemoo at 12:52 PM on June 10, 2008

If nothing else, if you're ever feeling estranged or out of touch, the internet provides an endless supply of material to validate one's normalcy.
posted by Dave Faris at 12:53 PM on June 10, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

I'm hooked.
posted by CynicalKnight at 12:54 PM on June 10, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

You know you need a new fish when it has a runny nose...
posted by Dark Messiah at 12:54 PM on June 10, 2008

I'm at work, so can't follow the link just now. I'm not at all sure I'm going to follow it when I get home, either. Seriously, is there some reason why I should want to click through? If I wanted to see that, I would probably have already known about it. I can see reading about it, but not actually seeing it firsthand.

I'm just saying that, as an FPP, it seems kinda fishy.

(Sorry about that.)
posted by cerebus19 at 12:54 PM on June 10, 2008

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, but show a man two fish fucking and he will never ask you for anything ever again.
posted by optovox at 12:55 PM on June 10, 2008 [61 favorites has favorites]

How do you favorite something anonymously?
posted by aftermarketradio at 12:57 PM on June 10, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

This goes nicely with my "I (heart) Hentai" shirt.

In retrospect, blanket statement shirts at work might be a mistake.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 12:59 PM on June 10, 2008

Ah, April Winchell. Haven't looked over there in years.

I am pleased to learn that I am not aroused by fish porn. OTOH, I want our pescosexual sisters and brothers to feel welcome here, though I am concerned about the issue of consent.
posted by everichon at 1:03 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Ultimately it's a feel-good story. The teacher helps the kid out, the kid gets better grades, the teacher dies, everybody wins. Circle of life, etc.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:06 PM on June 10, 2008

"i don't drink water - fish fuck in it"

---- w c fields
posted by pyramid termite at 1:07 PM on June 10, 2008 [7 favorites has favorites]

I'd hate to be exclusively aroused by fish porn, but what's wrong with finding one more thing that you get off on? It's like having a new favorite band, only with orgasms.

Sadly, these fish do nothing for me either.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:09 PM on June 10, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

I would not advise searching out women farting on cakes. Just throwing that out there.
posted by puke & cry at 1:09 PM on June 10, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

To quote the immortal words of John Kennedy:

what
posted by GuyZero at 1:10 PM on June 10, 2008

This... this disturbs me.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:14 PM on June 10, 2008

The lead lady salmon should be called Salmon Ella.
posted by ORthey at 1:15 PM on June 10, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I’ve seen women farting on birthday cakes.

I don't find the idea of that arousing, but what... sort of whimsical? Charming? Like if you catch a few minutes of America's Funniest Home videos and you have a sort of moment where adulthood lifts away and the kitten on the record player just makes you really happy?

"Oops, I tooted and on the cake, silly me."






Oh holy Shit, I'm writing cake fart porn, they told me this would happen when I left the church.


And now I'm writing leaving the church porn, I've sunk so low.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:21 PM on June 10, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

I don't find the idea of that arousing

Farting is the version edited for Cinemax.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 1:24 PM on June 10, 2008

Let me (surprisingly) be the first to say, "no thanks, distinct lack of balloons."
posted by Pollomacho at 1:26 PM on June 10, 2008

Rule 34 is satisfied, once again.
posted by Effigy2000 at 1:32 PM on June 10, 2008

I’ve seen women farting on birthday cakes.

"Let me help you blow out the candles!"
posted by optovox at 1:35 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Farting on cakes? Big whoop. Didn't Chuck Palawhatever (via Fight Club) recommend farting on the creme brulee of the swells because it captured the poot-gas well? Been there, read that, you are not a precious and unique &c.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:38 PM on June 10, 2008

Selma: Are you gay?

Troy: Gay? I wish! If I were gay they'd be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost. You see...

Selma: Stop!
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:43 PM on June 10, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

Keep in mind that if you want to properly follow the salmon-fucking narrative, you have to read from right to left.

This is important.
posted by neckro23 at 1:43 PM on June 10, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

If you can read this, the black vans are just a couple of blocks away.
posted by Dizzy at 1:48 PM on June 10, 2008

There used to be a site called Deviant Desires (the domain has been taken over by a domain squatter) which had a wonderful map of fetishes called The Fetish Roadmap (mentioned on MeFi). There's a section of the fetish map here, but I remember the big map being much more extensive and detailed (there's a thumbnail of the big map here). I don't suppose anyone has the big map anywhere? I'd love to see it again.

Anyway, Deviant Desires also had a manifesto which started "We believe that nothing is sacred and anything can be sexualized, from Disney characters and B-movie monsters to baked beans, latex birthday balloons and Thanksgiving dinner."

The whole manifesto was a bit like XKCD's Rule 34, except it acknowledged that for something to be fetishized it doesn't need to contain anything most people would consider sexual. Some people get off on popping balloons, no hot women/men/etc needed. That and that it wasn't about the internet, but just fetishes in general.
posted by bjrn at 1:50 PM on June 10, 2008

I can't believe I'm chiming in with this, but the fetish map intrigued me. So did something on there, so I googled it and found the full map.
posted by yellowbinder at 1:55 PM on June 10, 2008 [10 favorites has favorites]

I thought this was a post about irc://irc.slashnet.org/metafilter

I'm disappointed.
posted by chillmost at 1:55 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Ah, thanks for finding it! It's good to see it again.
posted by bjrn at 1:58 PM on June 10, 2008

You can still get to deviant desires from archive.org, although the updates are kinda messed up. I guess this is the most updated map.
posted by puke & cry at 2:02 PM on June 10, 2008

Too slow, I see.
posted by puke & cry at 2:02 PM on June 10, 2008

XKCD's Rule 34

xkcd is great but the Rules of the Internet predate it.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 2:04 PM on June 10, 2008

Am I the only one who is put-off that the author didn't incorporate much that actually had to do with salmon? What about preparing the spawning bed? Changes in colouration? What is it that makes a particular salmon attractive to another?

I'm probably missing the point.
posted by ssg at 2:07 PM on June 10, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Haven't had a chance to check out the link yet either, as I too am still at work. Although my boss thought that the description was as funny as I did, not sure what that says about my work environment. Anyhow, I love the line "And I've seen some weird stuff, too" in the italicized description. Well played. I can't wait to show this to some of my friends. They already think I'm a bit off what with the other naughty bits of the Internets I've subjected them to, so this will just be the fart/icing on the cake.
posted by friendlyjuan at 2:16 PM on June 10, 2008

I'd like to think that the fetish map is accurate, but since it contains "hamstering," it immediately invites suspicion.
posted by Afroblanco at 2:17 PM on June 10, 2008

See, any time I come across a story of a fetish, I keep thinking of the scene from My Own Private Idaho where a guy hires River Phoenix to dress up like Hans Brinker and clean his tub. They never touch, the guy just does a tango outside the door and then listens to the sound of scouring powder, esctactically screaming, "Scrub, my little Dutch boy, scrub!" Or the scene from Rubyfruit Jungle with the guy who got off by having people throw rotten grapefruit directly at his dong.

...This? Almost ordinary.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:19 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'd like to think that the fetish map is accurate, but since it contains "hamstering," it immediately invites suspicion.

Doesn't mean anyone's actually doing it, just that it's being fetishized. Although considering how widespread the story is it wouldn't surprise me if someone somewhere tried it after hearing about it.
posted by bjrn at 2:30 PM on June 10, 2008

sp0n
posted by brundlefly at 2:33 PM on June 10, 2008 [7 favorites has favorites]

Sexy caviar, anyone?
posted by doctorschlock at 2:39 PM on June 10, 2008

Salmon go in the water. Cage go in the water. Smoke on the water.
posted by doctorschlock at 2:41 PM on June 10, 2008

Crash Bang!
Hey! You got your salmon on my penis!
Hey! You got penis on my salmon!
MMMMMMM! Hershey's Penis Salmon Cups!
posted by doctorschlock at 2:44 PM on June 10, 2008

Halfway through page three the back of my mind screamed YOU ARE READING FISH PORN!!!!! Just thought I'd vent.
posted by longsleeves at 2:56 PM on June 10, 2008

What does hentai mean in English?

In Japanese, it's an ordinary adjective meaning "perverted" or "pervert".

In English, does it mean "perverted cartoons from Japan"?
posted by dydecker at 3:21 PM on June 10, 2008

God damn, I find leaving-the-church-porn hot. Something about the way those parishioners walk out of the lobby and get into their cars... it makes me all weak in the knees.
posted by quin at 3:32 PM on June 10, 2008

Now I'm curious as to what incident in one's formative years ends up being expressed as a desire to watch a woman fart on a birthday cake.
posted by maxwelton at 3:38 PM on June 10, 2008

Well, congratulations. Now when someone does a Google Search for "women farting on birthday cakes," the first thing they will find is Metafilter.

I hope you're proud of what you have done.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:44 PM on June 10, 2008 [11 favorites has favorites]

Young Man: So, all your cakes are women going to the bathroom?

Baker: Yeah. What's your point?

Young Man: Well, don't you have anything else?

Baker: Maybe you don't understand - this is an erotic bakery.
posted by Servo5678 at 3:53 PM on June 10, 2008

>>XKCD's Rule 34

>xkcd is great but the Rules of the Internet predate it.

But not by much. Rule 35 is that, if a thread goes on long enough, someone will eventually link to XKCD.
posted by stet at 3:54 PM on June 10, 2008

what's the deal with the wet sock fetish? I mean, farting: sure. But wet socks?

Never quite understood this, either but I did read a heartbreaking account years ago, of a man who ruined his marriage because of his wet socks fetish - he kept on trying to get his wife to walk around with wet socks - I think he even tried to flood the back yard or something. Its funny how some obsessions can drive people to do the craziest things.

Here's hoping that guy (and his ex-wife) found someone who made him happy!

I also read an account of a guy who was turned on by car exhausts.
posted by bitteroldman at 4:01 PM on June 10, 2008

Battered cod I can handle, but this?
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:02 PM on June 10, 2008

I also read an account of a guy who was turned on by car exhausts

OK, so it's not as uncommon as I thought (NSFW?)
posted by bitteroldman at 4:04 PM on June 10, 2008

"Keep in mind that if you want to properly follow the salmon-fucking narrative, you have to read from right to left."
Being informed of that made a surprising amount of difference to my level of bewilderment. By which I mean I was at first superficially bewildered by the strips making no sense whatsoever, but am now, after a second right-to-left perusal, much more deeply, and I fear permanently, bewildered. So thanks! (I think).
posted by nowonmai at 4:17 PM on June 10, 2008

I'm pretty sure this was drawn as a joke, not as actual wank material.

With that said, I'm equally sure someone is "enjoying" it anyway.
posted by Maxson at 4:27 PM on June 10, 2008

With that said, I'm equally sure someone is "enjoying" it anyway.

Yeah, this guy.
posted by Ufez Jones at 4:35 PM on June 10, 2008

So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish Porn.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:43 PM on June 10, 2008

that car revving thing? LOTS of people are going to find that sexy when gas hits $5/gallon.
posted by msconduct at 4:56 PM on June 10, 2008

See, any time I come across a story of a fetish, I keep thinking of the scene from My Own Private Idaho where a guy hires River Phoenix to dress up like Hans Brinker and clean his tub. They never touch, the guy just does a tango outside the door and then listens to the sound of scouring powder, esctactically screaming, "Scrub, my little Dutch boy, scrub!"

I hate to say I remember this but I do. The scene ended with the guy commanding River "now clean Daddy."
posted by Ber at 5:21 PM on June 10, 2008

Because there is sexually explicit salmon hentai.

"Look, when I said I wanted lox with a shmear, this is not what I meant!"
posted by jonmc at 5:33 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

(stares blankly at his salmon cream cheese and quietly shudders)
posted by Samizdata at 6:03 PM on June 10, 2008

Sup /d/?
posted by Kinbote at 6:14 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Someone needs to show this to George Clooney, stat.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:56 PM on June 10, 2008

Sup /d/?

See, I had to go look up which one that is. I think it's a little embarrassing to show outside of context that you know that off the top of your head.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 7:43 PM on June 10, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Am I the only one who is put-off that the author didn't incorporate much that actually had to do with salmon? What about preparing the spawning bed? Changes in colouration? What is it that makes a particular salmon attractive to another?

You're looking for the romance section, it's 2 aisles over.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 8:31 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

It's not an acceptable fetish until it has a newsgroup.
posted by Lord_Pall at 9:55 PM on June 10, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I also read an account of a guy who was turned on by car exhausts

OK, so it's not as uncommon as I thought (NSFW?)

Finally, I begin to understand the existence of truck nuts.
posted by breath at 10:16 PM on June 10, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

When it comes to extremes, I still like Roy Orbison in cling film fanfic.
posted by bystander at 10:41 PM on June 10, 2008

But not by much. Rule 35 is that, if a thread goes on long enough, someone will eventually link to XKCD.

Actually, Rule 35 states that if there is an exception to Rule 34, soon enough someone will go ahead and "fix" that. It's hard to make up new Rules of the Internet simply because it's difficult to figure out which number you need to use - I tried once and came up with a hundred-something, but I wasn't even quite sure of the number I eventually proposed.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 11:41 PM on June 10, 2008

"i don't drink water - fish fuck in it"

---- w c fields
posted by pyramid termite at 1:07 PM on June 10

Wow. Attribute anything to WC Fields and you gain instant credibility. Neat.
posted by disillusioned at 1:53 AM on June 11, 2008

"Mistah Kurtz--he dead." --WC Fields
posted by everichon at 7:54 AM on June 11, 2008

"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

-- WC Fields.
posted by brundlefly at 10:04 AM on June 11, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Also:

I’ve seen men in fur suits masturbating on stuffed animals. I’ve seen high heels stepping on snails. I’ve seen women farting on birthday cakes.

This sounds like a really screwed up alternate take of Rutger Hauer's monologue at the end of Blade Runner.
posted by brundlefly at 10:06 AM on June 11, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

All these... memories... will be lost like jizz in a coin-op booth.

Time to come.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:43 AM on June 11, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Wow. Attribute anything to WC Fields and you gain instant credibility. Neat.

alright, smart ass, what DO fish fuck in then?
posted by pyramid termite at 12:57 PM on June 11, 2008

alright, smart ass...

It seems many species don't. Googling leads me to wonder whether fish invented diversity.
posted by Coaticass at 2:25 PM on June 11, 2008

0_o

Stop the world, I'd like to....

I almost said 'get off.' Dammit.
posted by eratus at 4:20 PM on June 11, 2008

alright, smart ass, what DO fish fuck in then?

Nets?
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:28 PM on June 11, 2008

"Hurf durf butter eater."

--W.C. Fields
posted by optovox at 4:40 PM on June 11, 2008

hurf durf butter eater

hurf durf butter eater

hurf durf butter eater
posted by pyramid termite at 4:52 PM on June 11, 2008