Beautiful Goats
June 14, 2008 11:58 PM Subscribe
The "Most Beautiful Goat" competition. SIx pictures from the Mazayen al-Maaz this year in Riyad.
The goats look mutated? I mean, this is one severe looking goat -- and I would know.
posted by undule at 12:22 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by undule at 12:22 AM on June 15, 2008
There are so many comments I can make, myriads of jokes possible, an infinite realm of possibility, there is so much that can be said and implied, inferred and deducted, that there is no choice, no possibility, no joke to be had, no comment I can make.
You... you beautiful goat. You have defied me.
posted by stavrogin at 12:30 AM on June 15, 2008
You... you beautiful goat. You have defied me.
posted by stavrogin at 12:30 AM on June 15, 2008
Goats faces aren't supposed to look like that. How can they graze? Have these animals been mutilated to comply with some sort of sport competition rules and guidelines, similar to how the Exotic breed has been bred to have a concave face which has led to the extreme examples to have breathing problems and issues in actually getting food into their mouths.
posted by ZaneJ. at 1:02 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by ZaneJ. at 1:02 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
I'm reminded at this moment of something that happened to me once in Israel. I had gone to Jerusalem, to play in a music festival. Me and my friend (American, but had spent time in Israel before) wandered through the old town, the covered market area, which is fantastic, little shops full of spices, foods, carpets, cloth, Arabic cassette tapes and CDs, metal workers banging on bronze, darbuka sellers, the whole shebang. We walked for a long time, and eventually found ourselves in very solidly 100% Palestinian area: no more tourists, no more Jews. We were, let's call it like it is... obviously not from the nabe, y'know? And, there was a bit of a vibe. It wasn't a very friendly one. We were getting some looks. I was a little nervous, I have to say. I mean, what do I know from Jerusalem? Something weird might happen. So...
A little boy, looking to be about 5 or 6 years old, approaches me and my friend. In a combination of very broken English and hand gestures, he tells us there's something he'd like to show us. Just over there... so, me and my buddy look at each other, throw caution to the wind, and follow him. I'd be lying if I didn't say I had visions of some sort of kidnapping scenario or whatnot, but we went. Down an alley, opening up into a little courtyard. And there in the courtyard was the thing the little boy, beaming with pride, wanted to show us. Tied to a post, there stood a little goat. Just a goat. And that was that. It was one of those moments I was glad to have simply trusted.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 1:18 AM on June 15, 2008 [60 favorites]
A little boy, looking to be about 5 or 6 years old, approaches me and my friend. In a combination of very broken English and hand gestures, he tells us there's something he'd like to show us. Just over there... so, me and my buddy look at each other, throw caution to the wind, and follow him. I'd be lying if I didn't say I had visions of some sort of kidnapping scenario or whatnot, but we went. Down an alley, opening up into a little courtyard. And there in the courtyard was the thing the little boy, beaming with pride, wanted to show us. Tied to a post, there stood a little goat. Just a goat. And that was that. It was one of those moments I was glad to have simply trusted.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 1:18 AM on June 15, 2008 [60 favorites]
That goat, by the way, looked nothing like these goats. These are some strange looking goats. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 1:19 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by flapjax at midnite at 1:19 AM on June 15, 2008
Those pictures hurt my eyes. Were it not for the captions, I'd have assumed they were taken with some sort of fisheye lens or something.
I can't quite believe it, but there is no entry in Wikipedia for this. There's an entry for the breed of horse called Damascus and the Damascene Pigeon. I didn't know there were things... not in Wikipedia. Hang on, I gotta check and see what color the sky is.
posted by sdodd at 2:41 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
I can't quite believe it, but there is no entry in Wikipedia for this. There's an entry for the breed of horse called Damascus and the Damascene Pigeon. I didn't know there were things... not in Wikipedia. Hang on, I gotta check and see what color the sky is.
posted by sdodd at 2:41 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
These goats got hit with the ugly shovel.
posted by parmanparman at 3:11 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by parmanparman at 3:11 AM on June 15, 2008
This word, beautiful--I can't help but think that this contest title was translated by one of those free websites.
posted by maxwelton at 3:30 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by maxwelton at 3:30 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
We have beautiful dog competitions in the UK (Crufts is the pinacle), and beautiful cow shows in the US and so on...what's the difference? Only your ignorance and myopia. There is nothing "Odd" about having a competition to find the best looking animal. We've all been doing it for centuries.
posted by Arnolfini at 3:48 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by Arnolfini at 3:48 AM on June 15, 2008
To reiterate Arnolfini's comment, don't they have animal fairs in the US where they're essentially having competitions like this one for all different breeds of animal? I suspect they do. We certainly do in the UK - I was at one last week, pigs, cattle, sheep, horses, dogs, and yes, even goats compete for bext in show, category, etc. The pigs are brushed, oiled and perfumed before they go into the ring to be judged!
posted by biffa at 3:54 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by biffa at 3:54 AM on June 15, 2008
Oahr is the John Merrick of goats.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:12 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:12 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
To reiterate Arnolfini's comment, don't they have animal fairs in the US where they're essentially having competitions like this one for all different breeds of animal?
This is more traveling circus freak show than 4H competition.
Those are are some ass ugly beasts.
posted by three blind mice at 4:35 AM on June 15, 2008
This is more traveling circus freak show than 4H competition.
Those are are some ass ugly beasts.
posted by three blind mice at 4:35 AM on June 15, 2008
Those are are some ass ugly beasts.
So are half the dogs at Crufts. I think ZaneJ. has it: there are probably arcane and complex critieria for judging, just as at dog or cow shows - there was much tedious discussion of udder symmetry on a recent cow-judging themed episode of The Archers.
Ten points for a totally fucking freaky nose, that kind of thing.
posted by jack_mo at 5:24 AM on June 15, 2008
So are half the dogs at Crufts. I think ZaneJ. has it: there are probably arcane and complex critieria for judging, just as at dog or cow shows - there was much tedious discussion of udder symmetry on a recent cow-judging themed episode of The Archers.
Ten points for a totally fucking freaky nose, that kind of thing.
posted by jack_mo at 5:24 AM on June 15, 2008
Geeze, these pictures are all over (and just about every other place has them on one page, grump). The only information on the breed I could find was at google books.
It looks like they are hand fed. No grazing.
posted by QIbHom at 5:34 AM on June 15, 2008
It looks like they are hand fed. No grazing.
posted by QIbHom at 5:34 AM on June 15, 2008
There is obviously a very good reason I'm not a goat judge, cos that seems, to me, to be a really ugly goat.
posted by pompomtom at 5:35 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by pompomtom at 5:35 AM on June 15, 2008
The only information on the breed I could find was at google books.
Try googling for Damascus goat instead. It's not exactly an unknown breed.
posted by effbot at 5:42 AM on June 15, 2008
Try googling for Damascus goat instead. It's not exactly an unknown breed.
posted by effbot at 5:42 AM on June 15, 2008
I don't understand how these goats are allowed in that (apparent) hotel conference rooms on those carpets, given that they basically poop out pellets all the time. We have a few dwarf goats and they're so cool that I wouldn't mind letting them in the house once in awhile if it wasn't for that constant pooping issue.
posted by crapmatic at 6:05 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by crapmatic at 6:05 AM on June 15, 2008
I love how everyone is taking pictures with their cell phones. Did you know that people even do that at funerals? It's strange, seeing someone stand over a casket, holding their phone out.
posted by ColdChef at 6:17 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by ColdChef at 6:17 AM on June 15, 2008
It's for you.
posted by pracowity at 6:24 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by pracowity at 6:24 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
I love how everyone is taking pictures with their cell phones. Did you know that people even do that at funerals? It's strange, seeing someone stand over a casket, holding their phone out.
I know that taking photos of the deceased used to be a common thing, and still is in many places, so I guess going from cameras to camera phones is a pretty natural progression.
But I digress. Those goats are weird.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 6:37 AM on June 15, 2008
I know that taking photos of the deceased used to be a common thing, and still is in many places, so I guess going from cameras to camera phones is a pretty natural progression.
But I digress. Those goats are weird.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 6:37 AM on June 15, 2008
We have beautiful dog competitions in the UK (Crufts is the pinacle), and beautiful cow shows in the US and so on
They're not really "beauty contests" (and there are dog shows all over the world), the dogs are compared against the standard for their breed, and the one who best meets it, wins, it's not about pretty, it's about being as close as possible to the ideal physical representative of the breed. Cattle shows are for this, as well as things like udder size (for milk cows), muscle size (for beef cattle), etc. I suspect this competition is no different. The fundamental point of most animal shows is to evaluate breeding stock, not hold a swimsuit competition. If dog shows were about "pretty", you'd never see a Pekingese win (I mean, all they do is wheeze in the talent portion of the competition).
posted by biscotti at 6:55 AM on June 15, 2008
They're not really "beauty contests" (and there are dog shows all over the world), the dogs are compared against the standard for their breed, and the one who best meets it, wins, it's not about pretty, it's about being as close as possible to the ideal physical representative of the breed. Cattle shows are for this, as well as things like udder size (for milk cows), muscle size (for beef cattle), etc. I suspect this competition is no different. The fundamental point of most animal shows is to evaluate breeding stock, not hold a swimsuit competition. If dog shows were about "pretty", you'd never see a Pekingese win (I mean, all they do is wheeze in the talent portion of the competition).
posted by biscotti at 6:55 AM on June 15, 2008
Why are there no women in the audience?
posted by grounded at 7:19 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by grounded at 7:19 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
Those goats look like Cubist goat pix.
posted by RussHy at 7:29 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by RussHy at 7:29 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
I can't say as I've ever seen a beautiful goat, but I have seen insanely cute goats. Baby miniature goats pronging around their pen are the very definition of cute overload.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:04 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by five fresh fish at 8:04 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
Why are there no women in the audience?
Saudi Arabia, where the men are men and the Damascene goats are nervous.
posted by emelenjr at 8:09 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
Saudi Arabia, where the men are men and the Damascene goats are nervous.
posted by emelenjr at 8:09 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
I thought goats had given up on 'beautiful', and were focussing on 'resilient'.
posted by Phanx at 8:33 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by Phanx at 8:33 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
I wouldn't mind letting them in the house once in awhile if it wasn't for that constant pooping issue.
posted by crapmatic at 9:05 AM on June 15 [+] [!]
Heh.
posted by backseatpilot at 9:18 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by crapmatic at 9:05 AM on June 15 [+] [!]
Heh.
posted by backseatpilot at 9:18 AM on June 15, 2008
grounded in what I assume is an attempt at humor wrote "Why are there no women in the audience?"
But I'll respond factually. There are no women in the audience because in Saudia Arabia the government has empowered a group of religious police to enforce their own extremely fundamentalist version of Islamic law. Under this law women are essentially forbidden from mixing with men other than their relatives or husband.
Penalties for violating this religious law range from torture to execution, and the religious police are brutal, and genuinely insane, in their enforcement. See the events of March 11, 2002, when the religious police forced young women back into a burning building (resulting in many deaths) and prohibiting firefighters from extinguishing the fire.
It is also worth noting that there is no such thing as a citizen of Saudi Arabia, rather the people living there are subjects. There are no rights in Saudia Arabia, only privilages (which can be revoked at any time or granted randomly to one individual but not another).
All of this, naturally, is propped up and supported by the US government.
tl; dr: Fuck Saudi Arabia and the genuinely Orwellian Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice
On Topic When I see animal shows featuring certian unfortunate breeds, I really do find myself sympathizing with those who argue that breeding for painful, or unhealthy, traits is a form of animal abuse. Those goats, Pekingese dogs, and the super deformed Persian cat varieties, seem to be an exercise in cruelty more than anything else.
posted by sotonohito at 9:34 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
But I'll respond factually. There are no women in the audience because in Saudia Arabia the government has empowered a group of religious police to enforce their own extremely fundamentalist version of Islamic law. Under this law women are essentially forbidden from mixing with men other than their relatives or husband.
Penalties for violating this religious law range from torture to execution, and the religious police are brutal, and genuinely insane, in their enforcement. See the events of March 11, 2002, when the religious police forced young women back into a burning building (resulting in many deaths) and prohibiting firefighters from extinguishing the fire.
It is also worth noting that there is no such thing as a citizen of Saudi Arabia, rather the people living there are subjects. There are no rights in Saudia Arabia, only privilages (which can be revoked at any time or granted randomly to one individual but not another).
All of this, naturally, is propped up and supported by the US government.
tl; dr: Fuck Saudi Arabia and the genuinely Orwellian Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice
On Topic When I see animal shows featuring certian unfortunate breeds, I really do find myself sympathizing with those who argue that breeding for painful, or unhealthy, traits is a form of animal abuse. Those goats, Pekingese dogs, and the super deformed Persian cat varieties, seem to be an exercise in cruelty more than anything else.
posted by sotonohito at 9:34 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
This post has elevated Metafilter above mediocrity. Only the GOAT can bring you to peace. If you don't understand what I mean, then I pity you.
Goats are the shit.
YOU MUST HAVE A GOAT. Get a goat. Trust me. You won't regret it. They can do anything. They are manifestations of .. well, something.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 9:42 AM on June 15, 2008
Goats are the shit.
YOU MUST HAVE A GOAT. Get a goat. Trust me. You won't regret it. They can do anything. They are manifestations of .. well, something.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 9:42 AM on June 15, 2008
For reasons we won't get into here, John finds himself volunteering for the French Foreign Legion, stationed in the middle of a vast empty desert in the Horn of Africa.
There's just the mud brick fort and the other soldiers of the garrison for miles and miles around. John asks his new buddy Jaques what the soldiers do when they get lonely. With a wistful gleam in his eye, Jaques replies. "No worries, mon ami, every weekend they bring a truck full of sheep in for us. It's a formidable time, you'll love it."
"Sheep? You guys fuck sheep? No, I think I'll pass."
For the next three weeks John makes a point of turning in early on Saturday night, and tries to ignore the sounds out in the courtyard. But after continued assurances by Jaques and the others, his lonliness finally gets the best of him and he decides to give it a try. Saturday night rolls around, and the men are pacing, antsy, out in the front of the fort. Finally the truck is seen from a distance.
As the truck rolls up, full of sheep, the men all surge forward, pushing and shoving one another. "It seems like there are plenty of sheep in the truck, Jaques, and there are only a dozen of us. Why the rush?"
"If you don't get there quick, all the beautiful ones will be taken!"
posted by Meatbomb at 9:58 AM on June 15, 2008 [3 favorites]
There's just the mud brick fort and the other soldiers of the garrison for miles and miles around. John asks his new buddy Jaques what the soldiers do when they get lonely. With a wistful gleam in his eye, Jaques replies. "No worries, mon ami, every weekend they bring a truck full of sheep in for us. It's a formidable time, you'll love it."
"Sheep? You guys fuck sheep? No, I think I'll pass."
For the next three weeks John makes a point of turning in early on Saturday night, and tries to ignore the sounds out in the courtyard. But after continued assurances by Jaques and the others, his lonliness finally gets the best of him and he decides to give it a try. Saturday night rolls around, and the men are pacing, antsy, out in the front of the fort. Finally the truck is seen from a distance.
As the truck rolls up, full of sheep, the men all surge forward, pushing and shoving one another. "It seems like there are plenty of sheep in the truck, Jaques, and there are only a dozen of us. Why the rush?"
"If you don't get there quick, all the beautiful ones will be taken!"
posted by Meatbomb at 9:58 AM on June 15, 2008 [3 favorites]
Sorry but I couldn't think of any goatfucking stories.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:01 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Meatbomb at 10:01 AM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
For reasons too complicated to go into, Major Simms finds himself in command of a desolate garrison fort in the middle of a vast empty desert in the Horn of Africa. As his first act of command he performs a detailed inspection of the humble installation, his deputy explaining to him the stores, the inventories, the supplies, everything accounted for.
At the end of the tour, Major Simms asks, "I notice that you did not explain to me the presence of the camel in the courtyard."
The deputy blushes. "Well, sir, you know," he stammers, "we are a long way from civilization here, and sometimes the men get lonely..."
"Ah, yes, no need to explain, very well," Major Simms reassures his deputy.
After a few weeks Major Simms finds himself feeling very lonely. He calls for his deputy. "Bring the camel to my tent!" he commands.
Major Simms does his business, and then steps from the tent, replacing his braces and looking thoroughly calm and satisfied. The deputy is staring, a look of shock on his face.
"Yes, we all get lonely. Even your commander can miss the female touch, deputy." The deputy looks pointedly at his shoes, saying nothing.
"I suppose, uh..." says Major Simms, "well, we all need release, don't we? There's nothing wrong, in these extreme conditions, having relations with a camel..."
"Actually, sir, when we get lonely we use the camel to ride to the village to meet women."
posted by Meatbomb at 10:12 AM on June 15, 2008 [14 favorites]
At the end of the tour, Major Simms asks, "I notice that you did not explain to me the presence of the camel in the courtyard."
The deputy blushes. "Well, sir, you know," he stammers, "we are a long way from civilization here, and sometimes the men get lonely..."
"Ah, yes, no need to explain, very well," Major Simms reassures his deputy.
After a few weeks Major Simms finds himself feeling very lonely. He calls for his deputy. "Bring the camel to my tent!" he commands.
Major Simms does his business, and then steps from the tent, replacing his braces and looking thoroughly calm and satisfied. The deputy is staring, a look of shock on his face.
"Yes, we all get lonely. Even your commander can miss the female touch, deputy." The deputy looks pointedly at his shoes, saying nothing.
"I suppose, uh..." says Major Simms, "well, we all need release, don't we? There's nothing wrong, in these extreme conditions, having relations with a camel..."
"Actually, sir, when we get lonely we use the camel to ride to the village to meet women."
posted by Meatbomb at 10:12 AM on June 15, 2008 [14 favorites]
That story wouldn't really work with a goat, as people don't ride them.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:13 AM on June 15, 2008
posted by Meatbomb at 10:13 AM on June 15, 2008
We have a few dwarf goats and they're so cool that I wouldn't mind letting them in the house once in awhile if it wasn't for that constant pooping issue.
We have a few Nigerian dwarves also and I agree completely. Ain't they cool? It's like having our own little circus out back.
posted by buggzzee23 at 11:07 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
We have a few Nigerian dwarves also and I agree completely. Ain't they cool? It's like having our own little circus out back.
posted by buggzzee23 at 11:07 AM on June 15, 2008 [2 favorites]
We have a few Nigerian dwarves also and I agree completely.
My Dear Friend,
Greetings! I know this mail may come to you as a surprise, I am Barrister Mussa Issah the President/Head of the esteemed and revered Nigerian Lollipop Guild and solicitor/counsel to the late Sanni Abacha who was Queen of West Nigeria before her death in a regrettable house-dropping incident . . .
posted by The Bellman at 12:25 PM on June 15, 2008 [3 favorites]
My Dear Friend,
Greetings! I know this mail may come to you as a surprise, I am Barrister Mussa Issah the President/Head of the esteemed and revered Nigerian Lollipop Guild and solicitor/counsel to the late Sanni Abacha who was Queen of West Nigeria before her death in a regrettable house-dropping incident . . .
posted by The Bellman at 12:25 PM on June 15, 2008 [3 favorites]
Given a choice between a hideously facially deformed goat and a hideously facially deformed Persian cat, I would choose the goat, because at least I can eat the goat.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 1:18 PM on June 15, 2008
posted by ethnomethodologist at 1:18 PM on June 15, 2008
We have a few Nigerian dwarves
They prefer to be called "little people" these days.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:30 PM on June 15, 2008
They prefer to be called "little people" these days.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:30 PM on June 15, 2008
We have a few Nigerian dwarves
In fact, given your profile, I'm guessing they'd prefer to be called "African-American Little People."
You insensitive clod.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:32 PM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
In fact, given your profile, I'm guessing they'd prefer to be called "African-American Little People."
You insensitive clod.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:32 PM on June 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
sotonohito, about the lack o' wimmin --
That was my point exactly. And I really don't find anything humorous about the Saudi treatment of girls and women. It's both insane and wrong.
posted by grounded at 1:54 PM on June 15, 2008
That was my point exactly. And I really don't find anything humorous about the Saudi treatment of girls and women. It's both insane and wrong.
posted by grounded at 1:54 PM on June 15, 2008
The surrealist movement called. They want their goats back.
posted by iamkimiam at 5:55 AM on June 16, 2008
posted by iamkimiam at 5:55 AM on June 16, 2008
This post is food for trolls.
posted by Mister_A at 6:53 AM on June 16, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister_A at 6:53 AM on June 16, 2008 [1 favorite]
Since we're on the subject of goats, I'd like to share a variety of goat that's local to my region (East Tennessee): the fainting goat. More here.
An acquaintance was unaware of fainting goats when he first moved here. He had a job driving a truck delivering building supplies. He came to a jobsite where there were a bunch of goats standing around. To clear them, he hit the truck's horn and was stunned when the goats all fell over as if they'd been shot.
posted by workerant at 10:32 AM on June 16, 2008 [1 favorite]
An acquaintance was unaware of fainting goats when he first moved here. He had a job driving a truck delivering building supplies. He came to a jobsite where there were a bunch of goats standing around. To clear them, he hit the truck's horn and was stunned when the goats all fell over as if they'd been shot.
posted by workerant at 10:32 AM on June 16, 2008 [1 favorite]
yeah, fainting goats are awesome.
but have we answered the question about why these goats look so fucked up? just a different breed thing? i assume yes, but i never know with metafilter.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 11:54 AM on June 16, 2008
but have we answered the question about why these goats look so fucked up? just a different breed thing? i assume yes, but i never know with metafilter.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 11:54 AM on June 16, 2008
Damn, fainting goats, eh? That's something.
So, East Tennessee, I guess you're not too far from Bristol, then? The birthplace of country music!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:03 PM on June 16, 2008
So, East Tennessee, I guess you're not too far from Bristol, then? The birthplace of country music!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:03 PM on June 16, 2008
misanthropicsarah: "but have we answered the question..."
I don't think so... When I posted this I was honestly hoping someone would know whether the goats were ironic or not, cause damned if I know :/
posted by 31d1 at 9:40 PM on June 16, 2008
I don't think so... When I posted this I was honestly hoping someone would know whether the goats were ironic or not, cause damned if I know :/
posted by 31d1 at 9:40 PM on June 16, 2008
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