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Found Feet
June 18, 2008 12:53 PM   Subscribe

Footloose. No, not the movie, and not the song, but the continuing mystery of feet washing up in the Strait of Georgia. Previously, previously and previously.
posted by Neiltupper (91 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Update. Number Six found .
posted by Neiltupper at 12:56 PM on June 18, 2008


The woman asked Sandra Malone, manager of the Thunderbird RV Park, to call the police, who shortly arrived with a forensics team, who shortly arrived with a forensics team.

Damn, even the forensics teams have forensics teams! You Canadians and your Big Government.
posted by everichon at 12:59 PM on June 18, 2008 [32 favorites]


It's getting so my daughter and I can't take a simple walk along the beach without tripping over all the feet! Enough with the feet! We get it!
posted by Turtles all the way down at 1:07 PM on June 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


Pretty chilling to see this story on the front of today's Province Newspaper and see the foot story a couple pages later. I wonder if there's a connection?
posted by Keith Talent at 1:09 PM on June 18, 2008


Clearly a case of confirmation bias. Once you notice that one detached body part washing up on the shore is a foot, you tend to ignore the dozens of non-foot detached body parts you trip over while strolling on the beach.
posted by Ziggurat at 1:11 PM on June 18, 2008 [31 favorites]


No, not the movie, and not the song,

what? why not? I want to see Kevin Bacon in a skinny tie show those uptight corndogs how to cut a rug!
posted by jammy at 1:12 PM on June 18, 2008


Part of me has a sick feeling that this is a viral ad campaign. I sure hope not, but it wouldn't surprise me.
posted by jbickers at 1:14 PM on June 18, 2008 [6 favorites]


A sixth foot has been found. This is another right foot and may have been sawn off wheareas the others appear to have separated through decomposition. Four men who went down in a light plane were the primary candidates for the first five feet (DNA tests have not yet been finished) but this last one appears more sinister.
posted by CCBC at 1:15 PM on June 18, 2008


(Sorry Neil, I missed your update somehow).
posted by CCBC at 1:16 PM on June 18, 2008


This is all just an experiment to see how many times MeFites will post a new foot to the front page.
posted by ORthey at 1:16 PM on June 18, 2008


Footnotes.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 1:18 PM on June 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I will no longer complain when I find a shoe washed up on the beach.
posted by bondcliff at 1:18 PM on June 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


have the police taken a serious look at the shaggs?
posted by quonsar at 1:19 PM on June 18, 2008 [7 favorites]


I thought Canada used the metric system. Shouldn't they be converting those feet to meters?
posted by Floydd at 1:20 PM on June 18, 2008 [4 favorites]


My Pal Foot Foot Foot Foot Foot Foot.

On preview, god dammit quonsar.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 1:26 PM on June 18, 2008


swimming in that water would be a foot fetishes dream
posted by toddbass10 at 1:28 PM on June 18, 2008


My god, it's a Happening!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:28 PM on June 18, 2008


It may not be a Happening, but somethings afoot.
posted by Floydd at 1:30 PM on June 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


You know how in cartoons, when someone gets hit by lightning, or stands next to an exploding barrel of gunpowder, when the smoke clears all that's left is their singed feet?

This probably isn't anything like that, because those cartoon physics just aren't real.
posted by quin at 1:32 PM on June 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


[dramatic inappropriate severed limb joke]
posted by cashman at 1:33 PM on June 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Obviously the police kneed to take the next step, finish the DNA results so that they can contact the next of shin. But they also calf to tiptoe carefully, in case this is a serial killer, so they don't ankle him and can bring him to heel. I wonder if he'll become some investigator's arch enemy.

That should be just about all the foot puns out of the way now.
posted by mephron at 1:33 PM on June 18, 2008 [6 favorites]


This is my happening and it FREAKS me out!
posted by mazola at 1:33 PM on June 18, 2008


"disarticulated" sounds so much more cultured than "severed", "accidentally amputated", or even the classic "involuntarily dismembered".

"i say, octavia, i seem to have discovered another disarticulated distal extremity!"
"oh, bother. i suppose we shall have to notify the local constabulary posthaste, eh, phineas?"
"righty-ho!! my velocipede awaits!!"
posted by the painkiller at 1:34 PM on June 18, 2008 [15 favorites]


i suppose we shall have to notify the local constabulary posthaste, eh, phineas?

"Rem acu tetegisti", averred Jeeves.
posted by everichon at 1:36 PM on June 18, 2008


A sixth foot has been found. This is another right foot

So that's four lefts followed by two rights. If the next one's a lefty I'm going to be so disappointed with Ordered Chaos.
posted by CynicalKnight at 1:38 PM on June 18, 2008


“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one severed foot in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, "What?"
posted by Floydd at 1:39 PM on June 18, 2008 [37 favorites]


No, wait, my bad, it's four rights, an left and then a right.

Them when you reach the Schnozzle Cutoff, stop your car, get out, and cut off your Schnozzle.

with apologies to Johnny Carson....
posted by CynicalKnight at 1:46 PM on June 18, 2008


i think this is taking get it on the good foot a little too far
posted by pyramid termite at 1:47 PM on June 18, 2008


I like how at the end of the first linked article, the author tries, really really tries, to make it sound like there is some weird conspiratorial connection between all the people that are missing. Like, a lot of them are single males, some of them are depressed, some of them are really happy, etc. It's like taking a giant slice of a population and then describing how it breaks down. The most obvious conspiratorial connection between them that I could see was that they are all missing persons.
posted by kingbenny at 1:47 PM on June 18, 2008


It's actually four rights, a left and then another right.
posted by sgrass at 1:48 PM on June 18, 2008


Note that foot no. 6 is the only one that was mechanically disarticulated. Clearly the first five feet were decoys, to make the mounties think this sort of thing happens all the time.

everichon: tetigisti, eh, what?
posted by phliar at 1:49 PM on June 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Obviously the police kneed to take the next step, finish the DNA results so that they can contact the next of shin. But they also calf to tiptoe carefully, in case this is a serial killer, so they don't ankle him and can bring him to heel. I wonder if he'll become some investigator's arch enemy.

That should be just about all the foot puns out of the way now.


In the spirit of all things Canadian, please translate all these puns into French.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:50 PM on June 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


Metatarsalfilter.
posted by jimmythefish at 1:51 PM on June 18, 2008 [8 favorites]


Not only do two lefts make a right, but four lefts apparently make two rights.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:52 PM on June 18, 2008


Eric was bored.

It was the soul draining boredom that one can only attain during one's teenaged years; the boredom that coined the phrase "Idle hands are the devil's playthings".

Working in the family funeral home didn't garner him much social status amongst his peers. The only girl that gave Eric any attention was the overweight asthmatic goth girl. Her father didn't care much for Eric, and made sure to keep an eye on him whenever they were together. This limiting factor constrained his intimate experiences to hurried HJs in the front seat of his Geo after school.

Eric had a friend named Wess. Wess lost his right leg four years ago when some guy on a street bike lost control and hit him as he walked home. Wess damn near had his whole leg ripped off right there. The rider ended up going through a wrought iron fence, Egg slicer style. Wess being the indomitable type continued to run track once he recovered, leaving a dearth of right shoes in his closet. These right shoes always fascinated Eric. He would watch his friend run down the left shoe as the right stayed pristine. It was Nike's version of Dorian Grey.

Eric was bored. Eric was undersexed. Eric had a friend with a lot of right shoes. Eric had access to corpses.

He snapped the right foot off of one of the 'clients' they were prepping for cremation and stuffed it into a shoe. They had at least eight cremations this week, so he had plenty of material. This was going to make headlines; people were going to be looking for a killer. A killer who left right feet as clues. A killer that didn’t' exist.

It was 12 am when Eric threw in the first foot into the river. He watched it get swept away, and then threw in another, and another. Eric wasn't bored anymore. Now he could watch the news, and see where his little prank went.
posted by The Power Nap at 1:53 PM on June 18, 2008 [20 favorites]


I was expecting to see more sesquipedalian comments ...
posted by Araucaria at 1:54 PM on June 18, 2008


Do we get a Metafilter post every single time more feet wash up? Because that would be great. And by great I mean not what Metafilter is for.
posted by Justinian at 1:54 PM on June 18, 2008


Apparenty joining the Mounties did not resolve McNulty's budget issues.
posted by designbot at 2:01 PM on June 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


The most obvious conspiratorial connection between them that I could see was that they are all missing persons.

That, and the fact that they're each missing a foot.
posted by Evangeline at 2:02 PM on June 18, 2008


A killer who left right feet

Make your mind up.
posted by Neiltupper at 2:03 PM on June 18, 2008 [4 favorites]


Neiltupper

Microsoft Word sez:
Sentence Fragment (consider revising)
posted by The Power Nap at 2:06 PM on June 18, 2008


With all this obsession with feet, nobody is helping my look for my ass. All I keep finding are holes in the ground.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:31 PM on June 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


The victim is described as a six-foot male...
posted by Kabanos at 2:57 PM on June 18, 2008 [10 favorites]


Severed Feet Found On Beach, Police Stumped
posted by optovox at 3:02 PM on June 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


Curtis Ebbesmeyer, a U.S. authority on ocean currents and drifting objects, said a disarticulated foot could float for up to 1,600 kilometres in a buoyant sneaker.

This has to be the worst piece of trivia I've ever heard.
posted by horsewithnoname at 3:15 PM on June 18, 2008 [8 favorites]


This reminds me a story my grandfather told my father once. He was in the trenches in France in WWI and after a particularly exciting battle his battallion was advancing and he noticed a particularly nice German leather glove laying there in the mud. "Jolly nice glove," he thought, "Methinks I'll pinch it!" So turns out the glove had a still-warm hand in it, with a wedding band attached to the appropriate finger. He went crazy when he got back, locked himself in his room for ten years, and drank himself into oblivion. So, swings and roundabouts.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:19 PM on June 18, 2008 [5 favorites]


Curtis Ebbesmeyer, a U.S. authority on ocean currents and drifting objects, said a disarticulated foot could float for up to 1,600 kilometres in a buoyant sneaker.

This has to be the worst piece of trivia I've ever heard.


Man, show some fucking interest in the myriad wonders of nature, whydoncha?
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:21 PM on June 18, 2008


I keep thinking, "Why the one left foot?" That's the foot I would be looking over carefully, since it is the anomaly. What happened to the fifth victim that made his right foot unusable, that's the real question.
posted by misha at 3:22 PM on June 18, 2008


Does this mean the other shoe has dropped?
posted by aihal at 3:28 PM on June 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


It's actually four rights, a left and then another right.

so at least five people are missing feet and/or dead...oof...looks like another serial killer summer...

And by great I mean not what Metafilter is for.

know what metafilter really isn't for? post-bashing. it's rude as all fuck. dont like it? dont read it. dont comment. dont like the posting rules? start your own site. two different feet wash up in one week? sorry, buddy, that's news.
posted by sexyrobot at 3:29 PM on June 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


The killer is obviously an English major. Five feet would have been a pentameter, so the sixth makes it hexameter. Dactylic hexameter.
posted by steef at 3:33 PM on June 18, 2008 [6 favorites]


It's actually four rights, a left and then another right.

FATALITY!
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:41 PM on June 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


And by great I mean not what Metafilter is for.

Threads like this are what makes Metafilter great, for me, and if anyone says otherwise: I hope your foot falls off.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:43 PM on June 18, 2008 [7 favorites]


24 more to a first down.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:54 PM on June 18, 2008


know what metafilter really isn't for? post-bashing. it's rude as all fuck.

Know what it is for, though? Capitalization. Just sayin'.
posted by dersins at 4:04 PM on June 18, 2008


WTF (What The Foot)
posted by DU at 4:07 PM on June 18, 2008


People regularly drown and/or go missing all over the world, and you seldom hear of this happening. Looks more like a gang sign--people stepping in the wrong drug territory. You would think the cops must have some DNA matches by now.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 4:15 PM on June 18, 2008


So turns out the glove had a still-warm hand in it, with a wedding band attached to the appropriate finger. He went crazy when he got back, locked himself in his room for ten years, and drank himself into oblivion.

See, now I'm just confused. I kinda' want to favorite this comment because it's a good story and it's well-told, but on the other hand, post traumatic stress syndrome is not funny, right? And war is bad. So is losing a hand. Very bad. And yet it made me giggle a little, which makes me bad.

Oh, hell, I'll just favorite the damn thing.
posted by Evangeline at 4:39 PM on June 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Damn, maybe there really is a Margos Dezerian ...
posted by bwg at 5:05 PM on June 18, 2008


Just looked at the map of the locations. One's in Ladner? Up river? Some other nutjob bastard up the Fraser is doing weird shit that nobody wants to notice or talk about. The pigs must not like feet that much.
posted by jimmythefish at 5:18 PM on June 18, 2008


Evangeline: It's important for you to do whatever your heart tells you to do. Except in AskMe.
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:19 PM on June 18, 2008


So... how many rights make a wrong?
posted by AwkwardPause at 5:31 PM on June 18, 2008


Walter Sobchak: You want a foot? I can get you a foot, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...

Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a foot by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 5:33 PM on June 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Bizarre Japanese gameshow? Healthcare cut backs? Enhanced-Interrogation Techniques?
posted by blue_beetle at 5:37 PM on June 18, 2008


Four men who went down in a light plane were the primary candidates for the first five feet (DNA tests have not yet been finished) but this last one appears more sinister.

So graft the four friendlier feet on these men and throw away the evil one.
posted by hal9k at 5:42 PM on June 18, 2008


Durn: Actually that was a toe.

Sorry. Couldn't resist adding that footnote.
posted by hal9k at 5:47 PM on June 18, 2008


So graft the four friendlier feet on these men and throw away the evil one.

If only we lived in The Fifth Element - one of those feet could turn out to belong to a really spunky alien babe.
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:48 PM on June 18, 2008


Give some people a foot and they think they're a ruler.
posted by Floydd at 6:16 PM on June 18, 2008


This would have made a good episode of Six Feet Under.
posted by subgear at 6:25 PM on June 18, 2008


Know what it is for, though? Capitalization. Just sayin'

that's ridiculous. remove foot from mouth.
posted by quonsar at 6:42 PM on June 18, 2008


The killer is obviously an English major. Five feet would have been a pentameter, so the sixth makes it hexameter. Dactylic hexameter.

Favorited because I know several English majors who are already fucking nutjobs. I have to go have a conversation with the RCMP now.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:56 PM on June 18, 2008


Four rights, then a left and then again a right. I'm starting to see a pattern here.
Might be a rumba?
posted by _dario at 7:00 PM on June 18, 2008


Why don't they just call a toe truck?
posted by Ron Thanagar at 7:29 PM on June 18, 2008


Just looked at the map of the locations. One's in Ladner? Up river?

Two were found on islands in the Fraser River. Here's another map. So all six could have originated up river.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:59 PM on June 18, 2008


Just looked at the map of the locations. One's in Ladner? Up river? Some other nutjob bastard up the Fraser is doing weird shit that nobody wants to notice or talk about.

Upriver? Yeah.. that doesn't much sound like ocean currents, to me. Unless feet are like salmon.

And on preview.. that's even scarier, w-g p.

The pigs must not like feet that much.

Eeeesh.... I'm normally an enormous fan of morbid humour, but I think it's fair to say 'too soon on the pig jokes'.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:21 PM on June 18, 2008




Oh man, that CNN screenshot just cracked me right up.
posted by vytae at 9:43 PM on June 18, 2008


With the discovery of the fifth foot, things took a sinister turn: the sixth, chopped from its owner, confirmed the police's suspicion that foul play was afoot. They could only hope that somewhere, somehow, a clue would turn up that would give them a leg up on the case.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:40 PM on June 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I can't help but feel this is a viral ad for something.
posted by jeffmik at 10:41 PM on June 18, 2008


I can't help but feel this is a viral ad for something.

Chainsaws?
posted by bwg at 11:33 PM on June 18, 2008


jeffmik said: "I can't help but feel this is a viral ad for something."

Maybe a viral ad for the other post upthread that suggested it might be a viral ad?
posted by loiseau at 11:39 PM on June 18, 2008


One would assume that the easy way to test if the missing men owned the found feet is firstly to have their relatives look at the shoes, and secondly to do a DNA test. That would rule it in or out one way or the other.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 11:46 PM on June 18, 2008


It's actually four rights, a left and then another right.

Maybe line dancing has come back from the dead?
posted by Kabanos at 6:32 AM on June 19, 2008


Oh man, if I could give multiple favorites, Floydd's "Footprints" bit would be first in line. That's a real feat of ingenuity.

Oh, so sorry.
posted by kittyprecious at 8:40 AM on June 19, 2008


Know what it is for, though? Capitalization. Just sayin'

SORRY! SOMETIMES WHEN I TYPE IT'S LIKE I HAVE TWO LEFT FEET...

Srsly, tho...my friends and I were discussing this last night and came to the conclusion that this area around Vancouver is like the South Pacific Gyre for feet. Like, due to the earth's natural topology, this area has become like a quantuum-mechanical-lowest-allowed-energy-state area for feet, and any loose ones automatically find their way here. It's really a sifting effect, and these feet could be from anywhere....
posted by sexyrobot at 11:54 AM on June 19, 2008


With the discovery of the fifth foot, things took a sinister turn

Alright, I'm not one for big punny stretches, but that cracked me up.
posted by FatherDagon at 1:43 PM on June 19, 2008


And in this happening, here's the twist.
posted by mazola at 1:47 PM on June 19, 2008


"sixth" foot is a hoax.
cbc article here
posted by rmd1023 at 4:29 PM on June 19, 2008


The Lord replied, "What?"

You owe me a coke.

And a new keyboard.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:38 PM on June 19, 2008


"sixth" foot is a hoax. -- cbc article here

Yep. Latest 'foot' to wash ashore is animal paw.
posted by ericb at 5:15 PM on June 19, 2008


Good thing none of the feet belonged to Omar Khadr, lest the jesting be deemed poor taste.
posted by raider at 8:11 PM on June 19, 2008


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