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Both happy office workers punching the air AND kittens disguised as frogs
June 25, 2008 8:52 AM   Subscribe

Adventures in Stock Photography - David Schwimmer's Secrets of Natural Posture, I smell Pulitzer, The simultaneous quadratic face nutrition delivery system, Scenes from the battleground of sexual selection #3,344, Nuffield the rubbish hypnotist, Doctors & Doctoring #1, A Cavalcade of Thumbs... What is Adventures in Stock Photography?
posted by fearfulsymmetry (40 comments total) 43 users marked this as a favorite

Thank you for this awesome-ness!
posted by WickedPissah at 8:59 AM on June 25, 2008

posted by DU at 9:00 AM on June 25, 2008

If I was drawing a pie chart in mid-air, it would represent how much I like this post in seven different coloured ways.
posted by never used baby shoes at 9:15 AM on June 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is good.
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:19 AM on June 25, 2008

To be honest, it's a bit hit and miss. That said, "A Cavalcade of Thumbs" is a great expression and will have to be my next band name.
posted by patricio at 9:23 AM on June 25, 2008

posted by Jofus at 9:24 AM on June 25, 2008

This is what everyone who has to work with stock photography on a regular basis does. It's the only way to maintain one's sanity.
posted by katillathehun at 9:28 AM on June 25, 2008

Wow, this is hilarious. Thanks!
posted by lattiboy at 9:30 AM on June 25, 2008

Okay, I've SO wanted to make this website.

So often when I've been doing stock photo searches I have ended up befuddled... I'll think to myself, "Is there really someone out there desperately looking for a photo of a tie plant that flowers with the head of a guy?" "WTF did this girl do to earn a lollipop the size of Texas from her doctor?" "When did Carrot Top become an admiral in the flying mermen viking army?" "Is this the heaviest plant in the world or is he just too lame to realize he can move it and quit being agitated?"

I just have so many questions.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:30 AM on June 25, 2008 [7 favorites]

That's not the head. It's the blossom.
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:33 AM on June 25, 2008

Corporate Minions of the Information Submariner!
posted by fuzzypantalones at 9:36 AM on June 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

posted by Jofus at 12:24 PM on June 25 [+] [!]

wait, is it live yet? bc we just showed it to the client, and they have more changes.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 9:37 AM on June 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

great stuff.

one of my guilty pleasures is trawling through collections of stock photography in a kind of morbid fascination at the hyperreal banality of the idealised lives, events & attitudes portrayed. but not with any comic intent. i just like seeing 400 variations on people shaking hands in front of graphs, or staring intently at laptops, or of tie plants flowering with guys' heads.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:44 AM on June 25, 2008

I thought all stock photography was banal. I didn't realize it also included random collections of objects. Seems like a lot of time and money could be saved by generating these as CGI from computer program.
posted by DU at 9:49 AM on June 25, 2008

nothing more recent than March 2008?

in fact, Rob seems to have hit peak interest in month three of this eight month blog.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:55 AM on June 25, 2008

Great fun. The explosion of stock photography was crying out for this to exist.
posted by batmonkey at 9:55 AM on June 25, 2008

posted by Mister_A at 9:57 AM on June 25, 2008

I know a few stock photographers--all mid-twenties, it's-a-living kind of folks.

Apparently, part of the fun of being a stock photographer is seeing how ridiculous and unusable a photo can get (see angel-wing/rubber gloves/apron/ninja knife guy; backwards typewriter/crazy expression dude) before it actually becomes unsaleable. And then there's the parody-of-stock-photography stock photography, where you see a lot of "several guys in underpants casually chatting and pointing beyond frame."
posted by Sys Rq at 9:58 AM on June 25, 2008

I once spent the better part of an afternoon looking for the "right" picture of a dog pretending to be a doctor.
posted by Mister_A at 9:59 AM on June 25, 2008 [2 favorites]

I’ve worked at web development companies where the design team has gotten a bit too hung up on using a particular disk of stock photography for *everything*, which is probably part fo why I like this so much.
posted by Artw at 10:01 AM on June 25, 2008

Man, I'm all kinds of approving this.
posted by cortex at 10:02 AM on June 25, 2008

They are right, I am experiencing one of four emotions right now. This one must be sass.

Also, the "jerkin" tag doesn't get used nearly enough around here.
posted by quin at 10:03 AM on June 25, 2008

wait, is it live yet? bc we just showed it to the client, and they have more changes.

Speaking as the representative of all devs/designers/etc: Burn.
posted by thanotopsis at 10:08 AM on June 25, 2008

We actually want to go with the other design, but make it more like this design.
posted by Artw at 10:09 AM on June 25, 2008 [4 favorites]

I love it.
posted by arcticwoman at 10:17 AM on June 25, 2008

"It's just lacking pizazz. You DO know what I mean by pizazz don't you? Yo know, that 'WOW!' factor. Yes, that's it. Add some wow and send me another proof."


Ahh...this is an awesome find. Thanks so much!
posted by paddysat at 10:21 AM on June 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

Needs more Web2.0, maybe you could make it Ajax?
posted by Artw at 10:24 AM on June 25, 2008

I love the one in 'playing doctor' with the girl holding the syringe like a dagger. Of course the 'four injections' is pretty rad as well.
posted by delmoi at 10:29 AM on June 25, 2008

This is so great. Thanks, fearfulsymmetry.
posted by sveskemus at 10:44 AM on June 25, 2008

Could you make it 20% more jazzy?*


* This is an actual client quote.
posted by rusty at 11:07 AM on June 25, 2008

I feel we should rastafy him by ... ten percent or so.
posted by porn in the woods at 11:26 AM on June 25, 2008

Oh yeah, this is good. I'm glad there are other people out there who's pantheon of time wasters includes ridiculing stock photography. And yet somehow my hobby is momentarily more efficient with this politely handing me ones to mock. I appreciate when the quality of my time wasting is more efficient; if I'm going to waste a whole day laughing at dogs in bee suits staring at powerpoint presentations I better not have to waste my valuable time looking at the other ones where that dog obviously doesn't fucking care and needs to start taking his job more seriously if he ever hopes to get promoted and make it out of middle management.

Holy crap, if only this man could continue this grand project of his it would be like the Metafilter of my stock photography mockery.
posted by Stunt at 11:26 AM on June 25, 2008

Oh god, I had to go looking for some stock photography the other day, which really means wading through page after page of shitty stock imagery to find something that's not quite hackneyed and awful. Some funny pieces on this link, thanks!
posted by OverlappingElvis at 11:48 AM on June 25, 2008

also funny: if you're not logged in, this comments page is peppered with (context specific) google ads for various stock photography resources. heh.
posted by rude.boy at 1:11 PM on June 25, 2008

We have a common abbreviation at my workplace that I, regrettably, have also put on art: JIU.
(Jazz It Up)
posted by rmless at 1:21 PM on June 25, 2008

Oh how I hate you all. (laughs some more.)
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:19 PM on June 25, 2008

I am now in love with the Dance of the Information Submariner. It's far funnier if you read how he got the name "Information Submariner."
posted by miss lynnster at 4:25 PM on June 25, 2008

Is it even worth it to mention the anecdote wherein the client asked me to change the design, then when I did asked why it didn't more like it used to?
posted by shakespeherian at 5:42 PM on June 25, 2008

Memories of a Salad brought back some of my own precious memories. Great find!
posted by Mael Oui at 10:00 PM on June 25, 2008

Jazz hands!
posted by Artw at 10:56 PM on June 25, 2008

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