Comments on: RIP Ayveq

RIP Ayveq

homunculus — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:44:54 -0800

Death of a legend.

By: Tullius

Tullius — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:49:30 -0800

So I totally missed the first sentence about this being a walrus...

By: ageispolis

ageispolis — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:52:59 -0800

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:54:32 -0800

Seafood Stroganoff. This fusion cuisine thing is getting out of hand.

By: joannemerriam

joannemerriam — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:56:23 -0800

"his only (known) son". Cute. Also: .

By: ddaavviidd

ddaavviidd — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:59:10 -0800

Good thing he's not Danish. And not playing music.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:03:09 -0800

My bukkit! I be kickin' it!!

By: lekvar

lekvar — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:05:51 -0800

New York mourns a chronic masturbator. I knew there was a reason I always wanted to live there.

By: danb

danb — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:06:20 -0800

You know that game where you try to come up with three items (or whatever number) that would freak out the cashier? That's what the tags for this post remind me of.

By: dirigibleman

dirigibleman — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:06:27 -0800

*fap*

By: pjern

pjern — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:09:19 -0800

By: kscottz

kscottz — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:10:12 -0800

I heard a rumor that Ayveq actually died from a shotgun blast to the stomach. It was some sort of bucket theft gone horribly wrong. An otter in a nearby exhibit said he heard Ayveq yell, "they be stealing my bucket" moments before the fatal shots were fired.

By: nudar

nudar — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:15:16 -0800

A fourteen year old chronic masturbater died. Had to happen eventually! PS the dude in the podcast's surname Kuntzman.

By: breath

breath — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:15:21 -0800

Courtesy of Fark, the performance the deceased was famous for.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:18:24 -0800

Okay, so I just went on youtube and... ummm... yeah, there are numerous videos of Ayveq's penchant for self love. And I ain't linking to 'em. All I'll say is that I'm pretty sure I know what he's busy doing in walrus heaven.

By: Tube

Tube — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:24:53 -0800

His masturbation was adept because he had crazy flipper fingers.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:29:14 -0800

goo goo ka joob

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:32:32 -0800

His masturbation was adept because he had crazy flipper fingers. ♫ He's a pinniped wizard There's got to be a twist A pinniped wizard He's got such a supple fin ♫

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:33:20 -0800

Dammit, clearly that second line should be "That's gotta be a win". Dammit.

By: Mikey-San

Mikey-San — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:38:27 -0800

New York mourns a chronic masturbator. I'm sure there'll be another one on the C train tomorrow morning, anyway.

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:45:17 -0800

I wonder if a zoo employee or another walrus taught him that.

By: Justinian

Justinian — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:50:54 -0800

Dolphins are still the freakiest water animals. Those fishy bastards will rape you!

By: mattoxic

mattoxic — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:53:07 -0800

The death of Ayveq comes almost exactly a year after the birth of his only (known) son, Akituusaq, whom he sired with the female, Kulusiq after years of unrequited courting. OK, I'm not playing games here, this is how it's gonna work. I leave a message on your answerphone, and if you don't return my call in three days that's it, I delete your number....

By: sour cream

sour cream — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 23:03:17 -0800

But the courting was requited eventually, no?

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 23:22:38 -0800

I actually got to "meet" this walrus last summer, and it was one of the highlights of my year. He'd mimic everything the trainer was doing exactly, rush around to check out and make eye contact with everyone there, and was just generally awesome. My friends and I stuck around a little bit to hang out with the trainer, as he and Ayvaq played around. NEver did I get even the slightest hint that this walrus did not love his life. He will be missed, and mourned. Rest in playful peace, Ayveq, tragically unmasturbated though you now may be. .

By: optovox

optovox — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 23:58:46 -0800

Here you go, maxwelton! (Sung to the tune of Pinball Wizard) ♫ Ever since he was a young pup He played with both his balls From Alaska to Manhattan He was observed by all Whippin' out his willy While swimmin' in his tank That 2700-pound walrus Sure does love to wank He swims up to the windows Rolls over on his back Then reaches down his belly Searchin' for his stack Feelin' with his flippers Whips out his walrus crank That arctic mass of blubber Sure does love to wank He's a pinniped wizard That's gotta be a win A pinniped wizard He's got such a supple fin Why do you think he does it? (I don't know) It must feel so good Walrus onanism The zookeeper just sighs: "It really draws the crowds," Buys walrus Astroglide Wandering left flipper Nonstop monkey spank That 2700-pound walrus Sure does love to wank

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:14:59 -0800

optovox, even if you're a man, please accept my proposal of marriage. My wife will just have to deal.

By: absalom

absalom — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:39:30 -0800

I'm not impressed. By 14, my masturbation technique was WAY more advanced that his.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:49:29 -0800

All you NYers (and by extension, Americans) better not make a peep when we FPP the death of the nosepicking hamster of Aarhus.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 03:49:00 -0800

Is this even worth a dot? I mean, it's a frikkin walrus! We're doing obit threads for walruses now?

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 04:44:11 -0800

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 04:49:06 -0800

Yellow matter custard Dripping from a dead ~~dog's~~ walrus's ~~eye.~~

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 05:07:20 -0800

OGC Bukkit. Does this represent repeated 'tool' use?

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 05:20:27 -0800

"whom he sired with the female, Kulusiq after years of unrequited courting." unrequited doesn't mean what I thought it did.

By: msconduct

msconduct — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 05:28:50 -0800

'aquarium attraction' doesn't mean what i thought it did.

By: hal9k

hal9k — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 07:34:14 -0800

Sit you down, Ayveq. Rest you.

By: asok

asok — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 07:59:51 -0800

Only in America! A joke. Following optovox's Wankball Walrus is not easy!

By: sotonohito

sotonohito — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 08:05:58 -0800

ZachsMind I figure that while it may not be worth a dot, it's worth a *fap* Thanks for the post homunculus, I didn't even know Ayveq existed until this post. *fap*

By: perilous

perilous — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 09:17:15 -0800

By: CitizenD

CitizenD — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 12:31:57 -0800

i'm in ur metafilterz fwappin muh blubbah .

By: Frank Grimes

Frank Grimes — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 12:50:42 -0800

:<= . . . . . <====8

By: femmme

femmme — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 13:33:57 -0800

seemed like a good friend:P

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 15:04:25 -0800

Is that Brooklyn Wine any good? NY-Fites?

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 15:33:32 -0800

Tastes like walrus spunk.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 18:14:20 -0800

Tastes like walrus spunk. So do they give discounts for mixed dozens?

By: hellslinger

hellslinger — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 15:52:30 -0800

metaspank, spankfilter? didn't work either way.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:50:25 -0800

Meataflipper?