SubscribeCatherine, ironically, is her confirmation name.Not sure what's ironic about that.
More than any other dysfunction, her patients are rapid ejaculators with anxiety issues. "I'm here to tell you, the Jewish mother is alive and well," Catherine says. "That overmothering, the control, the 'He's my son, and nobody's gonna take him away,' that has an effect on men. I see it."Ah, I see. We just need to be able tell who's a Gentile.
Though her Ukrainian mother was devoutly Catholic, she [ironically] divorced while Catherine was in elementary schoolThough maybe not, since if her mother's name isn't a saint's name, it's not ironic. On the other hand, I can't think of many Catholics whose names, Confirmation or otherwise, aren't saints' names.
Way back in the 1970s there were calls for a wider debate on how we proceed with the issue of surrogacy, with suggestions that surrogacy could be a valid form of treatment - but it needed careful training, support and regulation in order to protect both clients and professionals. We’ve still not had this discussion properly.Because this is what I've been wondering about:
If you are considering seeing a sex surrogate it’s worth co sidering the following…At what point does the talk therapy in relationship/sex therapy fail, and indicate a need for a sexual surrogate to go through sex acts with the client? What are the indicators that sexual surrogacy is need to get the job done? And what are the markers that indicate a successful result has been achieved?
- Do you have a problem with your mental or physical health (including a potential sexually transmitted infection or sexual problem). If so you should consult with your GP first.
- Is your relationship in trouble? If you are having problems with your partner then it may be better to see a relationship therapist.
- Have you got a sexual problem (for example caused by previous abuse, a view that sex is bad or dirty, or another issue that’s getting in the way of enjoying sex). If so, you may want to see a sex therapist.
See, I do think she's being honest, and that's what makes it so pathetic. I think she honestly thinks that she's a special kind of psychologist who has sex for money.'nuff said.
posted by moxiedoll at 9:32 PM on July 3
But is it too much to ask for honesty?It doesn't seem any better. And, hey, let's look at a subsequent message in its entirety:
See, I do think she's being honest, and that's what makes it so pathetic. I think she honestly thinks that she's a special kind of psychologist who has sex for money.
posted by moxiedoll at 9:32 PM on July 3 [+] [!]
Whoa. I absolutely do not "look down" at people who have been molested. Nor do I look down at sex workers. But, yes, I see pathos in the story of a woman who was molested, and who aspired to and sought direction toward work in a profession, who was nonetheless roped into prostitution when that was not her intention. I think that's sad.Catherine the gullible and stupid, eh? Veritably tricked into becoming a prostitute. Poor, sad girl.
posted by moxiedoll at 10:00 PM on July 3 [+] [!]
Relationships are tricky for a surrogate. Before the current boyfriend, she'd had two serious boyfriends. When it came time to talk about her work, she gave them both the same careful, practiced talk about helping people with serious sexual dysfunction and feeling like she had a purpose in life. One ended the relationship immediately. "The other one said he was OK with it, but he basically didn't understand it and wasn't OK with it." They split up a month later.No matter what your job is, a feeling that you "give and give and give and not get anything back" is kind of a red flag that your work is draining you emotionally and psychologically. Caretaking of others to the exclusion of one's own emotional satisfaction is not something most healthy people aspire to.
After that, she didn't date for a while. "It was just easier," she says. "I fell into the same routine I'd always had in life: give and give and give and not get anything back." That's what she did when she was taking care of her younger sisters as a child.
But self-neglect has consequences. "If you don't date outside with this job, it will kill you," she says. So she set up an online dating account. On Yahoo! Personals, she met a man 15 years younger than she who hadn't been in a relationship for ten years. He told her he'd never been in love. On their first date, they ended up kissing in a booth at Bennigan's. This time, she had told him ahead of time in an email that she was a surrogate.
"He really is OK with it," she says. "He isn't jealous at all. He's more curious about it than anything else. He likes to hear stories about different patients I've had."
They just celebrated their one-year anniversary. When she works as a flight attendant now, Catherine has someone to pick her up and drop her off at the airport.
One night, she got to thinking about their age difference. "I know one of these days, you'll leave me for someone younger," she told him, a slight hint of bitterness in her otherwise sugary voice. Her eyes tear up and her voice flickers as she talks about the moment. She thinks about her life spent taking care of others.
# S: (adj) sexual (of or relating to or characterized by sexuality) "sexual orientation"; "sexual distinctions"Definition of "sexuality:"
# S: (adj) sexual (having or involving sex) "sexual reproduction"; "sexual spores"
# S: (adj) intimate, sexual (involved in a sexual relationship) "the intimate (or sexual) relations between husband and wife"; "she had been intimate with many men"; "he touched her intimate parts"
Main Entry:By this definition, I certainly don't get "sexually intimate" with my GYN, nor do most women I know of - at least those with no medical fetish.
sex·u·al·i·ty Listen to the pronunciation of sexuality
Pronunciation:
\ˌsek-shə-ˈwa-lə-tē\
Function:
noun
Date:
circa 1800
: the quality or state of being sexual: a: the condition of having sex b: sexual activity c: expression of sexual receptivity or interest especially when excessive
"
Biran and Hickman could well face a serious hurdle in Victoria's Psychologists Registration Board, which is empowered to investigate perceived breaches of professional boundaries. President David List told The Age the board would respond if a complaint was made.Here's another article that adds some context to the infrastructure of the choice to work as a surrogate:
"The board usually views the physical boundaries between psychologist and client as sacrosanct," List says. "The obligation would be on the psychologist to justify his or her use of a form of therapy … which involved physical touch."
...how do you know those willing to carry out such delicate work are right for the job?
This is one of the many problems psychiatrist Lorraine Dennerstein, from Melbourne University's Centre for Gender and Health, has with the therapy. Other concerns include the shortage of data proving its success and the availability of other, generally effective, treatment options — such as encouraging men with erectile problems to masturbate as a way of building confidence.
...She recalls hearing some surrogates (most of whom are women treating men) speak at a sex therapists' meeting a few years ago. "They had aspects of abuse in their own backgrounds, which made me wonder how they could intimately relate to men."
Rindy, who is planning to undertake a training course run by the International Professional Surrogates Association in California, agrees more controls are needed...
...But even with strong and sane surrogates, would therapists be doing more harm than good? Does the answer lie in the source of the dysfunction; whether it can be fixed as easily as flicking a switch, or if it is caused by social factors that will return to haunt once the sessions are over?...
Blanchard became a sex therapist when it became an organized occupation. In 1977 a friend asked her to attend a conference at the Center for Social and Sensory Learning, and it was there that Blanchard was first introduced to the idea. She was working in a nursery school, making minimum wage and needed a higher-paying job. At 19, she had already been married and divorced. Helping people was something she always wanted to be a part of. Since surrogate partners make $100 an hour, the same wages sex therapists do, it was enticing.That happened a long time ago, and at the writing of this article this surrogate was the president of her organization. But a feminist reading of that includes the fact that, for unskilled women, the highest rate of pay per hour almost always involves the intimate use or display of the body, a fact which certainly influenced at least this one choice.
Blanchard went through a 70-hour training program in Los Angeles and then worked with another surrogate as an intern.
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posted by five fresh fish at 6:31 PM on July 3, 2008