Tantric Massage in London

July 4, 2008 4:10 AM

Try the Tantric Massage in London if you are travelling thereI am overwhelmed by the Tantric massage that i have received from Carmella and Sutara. I mean it's a blessing. This is the best ever massage i have ever received. I know there are some restrictions in the US, so, the massage therapists aren't that open, but if someone's going to london, don't forget to try this and of course share your experience. P.S. For guys who might fantasies, i suggest to leave your imagination at home, this might not be something that you are looking for. Check the site before going.
posted by nikheal (56 comments total)

No no no no no. A thousand times no.
posted by the dief at 4:14 AM on July 4, 2008

I predict no happy ending for this massage.
posted by Abiezer at 4:14 AM on July 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

hahaha
posted by afu at 4:16 AM on July 4, 2008

posting in epic thread
posted by Snyder at 4:16 AM on July 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

And now, a massage from the Swedish prime minister.
posted by pracowity at 4:18 AM on July 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

a two-fer. how nice!
posted by billybobtoo at 4:18 AM on July 4, 2008

Pepsi Blue Balls
posted by Poolio at 4:20 AM on July 4, 2008

Holy mother of pearl
posted by Jofus at 4:21 AM on July 4, 2008

I am overwhelmed by the Tantric massage that i have received from Carmella and Sutara. I mean it's a blessing...the massage therapists aren't that open
I think this implies they stuck a finger up his bum or something. Whilst chanting something cosmic, naturally.
posted by Abiezer at 4:22 AM on July 4, 2008

sigh.
posted by Meagan at 4:23 AM on July 4, 2008

It's ok-- they've been trained by Janet Delight-- from California.
posted by Dizzy at 4:23 AM on July 4, 2008

Lol.
posted by sciurus at 4:26 AM on July 4, 2008

Shit, I think I did leave my imagination at home today. I remember seeing it on the table, but don't remember picking it up. Fuck.
posted by flashboy at 4:27 AM on July 4, 2008

WHAT
THE
FUCK
SPAMMER?
posted by loquacious at 4:27 AM on July 4, 2008

Shouldn't this FPP be posted on the inside of a telephone box?
posted by three blind mice at 4:27 AM on July 4, 2008

*builds a small campfire in nikheal's abdominal cavity*

What? It's not like they were actually using it.
posted by loquacious at 4:29 AM on July 4, 2008

Wait a sec, let me get my popcorn. Ok... I'm ready now....
posted by Jubey at 4:29 AM on July 4, 2008

It is not fair to do this in the early morning. Do you know how carefully I read and re-read that looking for a joke?
posted by rokusan at 4:30 AM on July 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

LALALALALALALALALALALA
posted by Skorgu at 4:31 AM on July 4, 2008

I wouldn't dismiss this post off-hand. I think if we rub the surface, and perhaps tug a little deeper then we might find release.

Also: Handjob
posted by Jofus at 4:32 AM on July 4, 2008

wiki: "Sexual rites may have emerged from early Hindu Tantra as a practical means of generating transformative bodily fluids.[26] These constituted a vital offering to Tantric deities. Sexual rites may also have evolved from clan initiation ceremonies involving the transaction of sexual fluids. Here the male initiate was inseminated or insanguinated with the sexual emissions of the female consort, sometimes admixed with the semen of the guru. He was thus transformed into a son of the clan (kulaputra) through the grace of his consort. The clan fluid (kuladravya) or clan nectar (kulamrita) was conceived as flowing naturally from her womb."

uh... i think i'll pass
posted by Baby_Balrog at 4:32 AM on July 4, 2008

*builds a small campfire in nikheal's abdominal cavity*

nikheal's Metafilter history: 1 post , 3 comments

*grabs hotdogs and marshmellows*
posted by three blind mice at 4:33 AM on July 4, 2008

So it's a massage with a handjob? I can get the same effect by jerking off in one of those massage chairs at the airport. Much, much cheaper, too.
posted by cmonkey at 4:33 AM on July 4, 2008

MERV GRIFFIN
posted by loquacious at 4:35 AM on July 4, 2008

You waited 6 months, posted a handful of random but apparently intelligent comments elsewhere on the site, and then decided to post this...?

Wow... that's an admirable long term plan for spending your $5...
posted by twine42 at 4:36 AM on July 4, 2008

Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk in scuba flippers?

There's an interpretive dance for that. I like it with peanut butter and gravy.
posted by loquacious at 4:38 AM on July 4, 2008

You gotta be fucking kidding me.
posted by chillmost at 4:39 AM on July 4, 2008

So much, like, negative energy in this thread, man. Metafilter needs to open the path between its chakras and just be for a while, you know?
posted by Spacelegoman at 4:39 AM on July 4, 2008

Actually, I'm disappointed... don't the MeFi spammer rules state nikheal is supposed to come and try to explain how he's not really a spammer, just a nice Indian guy who decided to promote a company in London.

Oh, and forget what I said about 6 months just above. Apparently I can't tell the difference between the day someone was born, and the day they joined MetaFilter. Admittedly, for some it seems to be the same thing, but still...
posted by twine42 at 4:41 AM on July 4, 2008

Wow... that's an admirable long term plan for spending your $5

They're probably getting paid for link traffic. The "Give me $500 and I'll get you 10,000 clicks in 24 hours." kind of bullshit.

Sure, they'll get the clicks. And they'll almost alll be untargeted, worthless clicks.

By which I mean to say "Fuck you very much, spammer. I hope you don't die in a fire. At least not the first one."
posted by loquacious at 4:41 AM on July 4, 2008

Note to self: Red hot Cheetos are not designed for insertion in the nose. Much like wasabi.
posted by loquacious at 4:45 AM on July 4, 2008

this might not be something that you are looking for

you got that part right.
posted by misteraitch at 4:45 AM on July 4, 2008

/END OF MASSAGE
posted by patricio at 4:46 AM on July 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Chocowhatnow?
posted by Jofus at 4:49 AM on July 4, 2008

.
posted by Mocata at 4:49 AM on July 4, 2008

It is entirely possible, although as yet unproved, that men have been seriously maimed by Tantric Massage of London. Furthermore, any possible incidents of theft at Tantric Massage of London have so far gone unreported, but should not be discounted.

In sum, Tantric Massage of London is not a place you should take small children, dogs, women, broken lightbulbs, carburetors, haggis, policemen, or your bank's financial records. We cannot possibly recommend Tantric Massage for these and other reasons.
posted by ardgedee at 4:49 AM on July 4, 2008

When I read or hear the words "puppy mill" I see an exploding dog comic featuring an actual mill with grindstones and everything. Which leads to puppy bread. And puppy cupcakes.

Mmm. Puppy cupcakes.
posted by loquacious at 4:50 AM on July 4, 2008

MetaFilter: the medium is the massage
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:52 AM on July 4, 2008

Man, this sucks. I was all set to book a flight and check these folks out, but then I got to the P.S. and realized that I'm exactly the sort of guy who might fantasies. Shit, I might just fantasies right now! HOW WOULD I KNOW?!
posted by 2or3whiskeysodas at 4:53 AM on July 4, 2008

faptacular.
posted by longbaugh at 4:53 AM on July 4, 2008

I asked for this massage well done! This is obviously a rare massage!
posted by loquacious at 4:54 AM on July 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

For guys who might fantasies

I have might fantasies all the time. This Carmella and Sutara? Are they twelve feet tall? Can they pick me up in one hand and crush me like a bug? And is the fulfillment of these might fantasies consistent with their Tantric practice? How can they crush small animals beneath their stilettos if they are genuinely committed to a Tantric path? I'm confused.

Also, it's a well known fact that the introductory price for all such services advertised on Metafilter is $20, same as in town. Do a search on the phrase. Would I be correct in thinking that Carmella and Sutara are prepared to service any Mefi referrals for this price (around £10 sterling) provided they quote the special offer phrase -- 'a plate of tantric beans'.

Finally, I believe that Tantric sex is very helpful for people who are seeking to retard their orgasms. Can you tell us, nikheal, was it also helpful for someone, like you, who is just out and out retarded?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:54 AM on July 4, 2008

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posted by Citizen Premier at 4:55 AM on July 4, 2008

loquacious: "Note to self: Red hot Cheetos are not designed for insertion in the nose. Much like wasabi."

You ever eat Andy Capp Hot Fries? Them's good.
posted by Science! at 5:00 AM on July 4, 2008

He actually made 5, FIVE comments of INCREASING coherency before doing the deed!

MeFi post: I want a girl with a long skirt and a loooooong jacket.
We still have a long way to go as humans. Just because women can't kick men, we are treating them like our subjects. In this part of the world, it's much more in the system than in the US, so, I am in totality for women wearing less or no clothes than dress modestly, my argument is they enjoy more freedom and are less susceptible to suppression/violence of any kind than the one who is being recognized as modest. And Yes, wearing less clothes translates to more freedom for women.
posted to MetaFilter by nikheal at 11:24 PM on July 1, 2008 [+]

MeFi post: Rare English Gandhi Recording from 1947
People like to talk good about Gandhi but don't like to follow him. Say something against Gandhi in this country and the mob is ready to kill you ( this is very much against what Gandhi said or taught). So, it doesn't really make any difference if there's another piece of his recording available, or perhaps the Americans can use it better than the Indians...
posted to MetaFilter by nikheal at 11:10 PM on July 1, 2008 [+]

Ask post: How to deal with age difference among friends?
I would suggest just be yourself, that's the best ever attraction possible to any age group, and then don't worry about what others think. Most probably they like you.
posted to Ask Metafilter by nikheal at 4:21 AM on June 28, 2008 [+]

Projects post: DeskTopper...
Interesting... I might suggest some features after some use.
posted to Projects by nikheal at 4:16 AM on June 28, 2008 [-]

MeFi post: World's First Rotating Skyscraper
How about flying solar and wind hybrid cars? They could fly using the solar and/or wind energy, perhaps we can start thinking about using natural resources, maybe possible in 20 years from now.
posted to MetaFilter by nikheal at 6:40 AM on June 26, 2008 [+]

posted by blasdelf at 5:04 AM on July 4, 2008

so, this tantric massage, it vibrates?
posted by pyramid termite at 5:05 AM on July 4, 2008

If they're doin' it right.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:07 AM on July 4, 2008

Massage? Happy endings? Spam?

IS THAT YOU, JIMBO WALES?
posted by Avenger at 5:08 AM on July 4, 2008

Thanks for the link! Booking a massage right now!!1!!
posted by Onanist at 5:09 AM on July 4, 2008

Happy 4th of July
posted by adamvasco at 5:11 AM on July 4, 2008

How about flying solar and wind hybrid cars?
posted by Mil at 5:12 AM on July 4, 2008

see, this is what could have happened to lakshmi if she hadn't have had that operation
posted by pyramid termite at 5:12 AM on July 4, 2008

Has anyone actually rung them yet? Is it genuine...?

The names "Carmelle and Sutara" bug me too much. They can't be real. And they're to "force funny" to be a gag by them. But the site doesn't read like a spoof...

Carmelle. Sutara... I mean, come on...
posted by twine42 at 5:21 AM on July 4, 2008

Clearly a viral ad for a ski resort.
posted by jbickers at 5:22 AM on July 4, 2008

╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
MATTOXIC YAY MATTOXIC THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE
Woooo YAY
╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════╝

posted by mattoxic at 5:24 AM on July 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

[must learn to type. must learn to proof-read. must resist urge to post as quickly as possible in thread that's about to die a painful death.]
posted by twine42 at 5:25 AM on July 4, 2008