Comments on: A mind dismembered: In search of the magical penis thieves

A mind dismembered: In search of the magical penis thieves

chunking express — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:46:14 -0800

According to Ilechukwu, an epidemic of penis theft swept Nigeria between 1975 and 1977. Then there seemed to be a lull until 1990, when the stealing resurged. "Men could be seen in the streets of Lagos holding on to their genitalia either openly or discreetly with their hand in their pockets," Ilechukwu wrote. "Women were also seen holding on to their breasts directly or discreetly, by crossing the hands across the chest. . . . Vigilance and anticipatory aggression were thought to be good prophylaxes. This led to further breakdown of law and order." In a typical incident, someone would suddenly yell: Thief! My genitals are gone! Then a culprit would be identified, apprehended, and, often, killed.

By: Durn Bronzefist

Durn Bronzefist — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:53:10 -0800

*ahem* Magical penis theft. As Ilechukwu tells it, the victim stared straight ahead during the examination, after which the doctor pronounced him normal. "Exclaiming," Ilechukwu wrote, "the patient looked down at his groin for the first time, suggesting that the genitals had just reappeared." She turned me into a newt! I got better

By: Ryvar

Ryvar — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:54:44 -0800

This Achewood comic springs immediately to mind. Indeed, what if we are actually crying out for our own dongs?

By: Dark Messiah

Dark Messiah — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:56:32 -0800

That takes balls! sorry

By: rooftop secrets

rooftop secrets — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:02:07 -0800

The Daily Show loved this story.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:05:08 -0800

Are you saying the Nigerian I sent my penis to WASN'T the son of a Nigerian health official who has an enormous collection of penises acquired before the war, and simply needs assistance in getting them out of the country? What have I done?

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:08:45 -0800

Previously, and Previously.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:09:16 -0800

By: quonsar

quonsar — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:11:46 -0800

in just two weeks, i received 17,493 penises in the mail.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:17:38 -0800

how much is that in buckets?

By: WolfDaddy

WolfDaddy — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:21:54 -0800

how much is that in buckets? A guy would say seven buckets. A gal would say five. Also re: post. WHAT?

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:23:43 -0800

This is almost as funny as slitting open your chest and inserting bags of saline therein.

By: Falconetti

Falconetti — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:24:01 -0800

I realize that these sort of mass delusions/hysterias are common enough throughout the world (see the Satanic Panic in the US in the early 80's), but this is such a weird manifestation of this universal trope.

By: djeo

djeo — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:24:38 -0800

Sam Kinison used to riff on penis theft when he complained that wives won't let men leave the house w/o their junk, "No man, she got the spare too." I'm glad that the gist of the article is that each culture has it's own particular manias. I know penis theft seems weird to us in the west but I imagine that anorexia is unbelievable to someone who has to live on a few hundred calories a day. The article rightly points out that the DSM categorizes our Western maladies because we're used to seeing them and then lumps these other 'cultural' mental illnesses as "other" because they seem weird - and it's all down to a lack of familiarity.

By: beerbajay

beerbajay — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:26:32 -0800

Genital retraction syndrome aka koro.

By: Avenger

Avenger — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:33:47 -0800

If I were king, I'd set aside a big chunk of money to try and investigate these "supernatural panics" that creep up around the world every few years. We had witch hunts here in the US in the 17th and 18th centuries, and of course the Satanic Abuse Panic of the 80's and early 90's. Other countries have variations on the theme: omnipresent witches and penis-thiefs in Africa, similar stories in Asia and, of course, the several hundred-year history of witch hunting in Europe. "Supernatural panics" seem to be connected in some way to political, religious and cultural turmoil, but beyond that, I can't seem to find any commonalities, except that the phenomenon seems to transcend all "normal" cultural and religious boundaries. This is an area that needs more study, I think.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:50:30 -0800

This is almost as funny as slitting open your chest and inserting bags of saline therein. That would be unneccessary, since from my reasarch of watching feminine hygeine commercials, I've learned something: women are full of blue water. Boobies? Those are storage tanks, dude.

By: 5MeoCMP

5MeoCMP — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:52:56 -0800

So, how many cultures are there that don't have mass hysteria events like penis theft, satanic panic, or whatnot? Are there any? Of course, proof of absence is much harder than proof of existence.

By: mygothlaundry

mygothlaundry — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:57:57 -0800

Hey, it happens in New York sometimes too.

By: Balisong

Balisong — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:58:20 -0800

This will genitaliwell.

By: etaoin

etaoin — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:59:22 -0800

So, how many cultures are there that don't have mass hysteria events like penis theft, satanic panic, or whatnot? Are there any? Of course, proof of absence is much harder than proof of existence. Would you include wars started to find non-existent WMD's?

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:00:44 -0800

Well, look, this sort of thing happens among ignorant blacks in Third World countries. It can't happen here. (Salem witch trials, Japanese internment, Joe McCarthy and HUAC, McMartin Preschool, that Muslim is praying in his foerign jibber-jabber on my plane!)

By: proj

proj — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:13:53 -0800

I don't want to interrupt the high fucking horse party, but I don't see anything in the original post that claims that this is only about Blacks, the Third World, Africans, nor do I see anything that says it couldn't happen here.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:14:05 -0800

This is one of my favourite books-- first published in 1841. Thing haven't got much more rational in the interim.

By: Falling_Saint

Falling_Saint — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:14:41 -0800

Best quote from the article - "The paper gave the exact address where Wasiu Karimu lived, so I decided to try and find out what exactly had transpired in his pants." I LOL'ed when I read that.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:15:26 -0800

Oh look! You can read the whole thing online here!

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:21:01 -0800

See the excellent chapter on the 19th Century equivalents of LOLCATS, for example. I love this book.

By: Falconetti

Falconetti — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:26:42 -0800

Well, look, this sort of thing happens among ignorant blacks in Third World countries. It can't happen here. Who are you responding to? Neither the article nor the commentators here fell into that trap.

By: everichon

everichon — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:28:55 -0800

IT COULD NEVAR HAPPEN HERE There ya go, orth.

By: Naberius

Naberius — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:30:34 -0800

"That would be unneccessary, since from my reasarch of watching feminine hygeine commercials, I've learned something: women are full of blue water. Boobies? Those are storage tanks, dude." No, I'm pretty sure women are full of yogurt. That's why they're all soft and squishy. And pro-biotic.

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:31:27 -0800

Falconetti writes "Who are you responding to? Neither the article nor the commentators here fell into that trap." I was snarking, dammit. Is the art of snark dead around here? ;)

By: jonmc

jonmc — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:42:24 -0800

No, I'm pretty sure women are full of yogurt. No, blue water. They pass it on the babbys. I learned that from diaper commercials.

By: Justinian

Justinian — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:54:13 -0800

I have to say; there are a lot of things I think could happen here, where "here" is the united states. I don't, however, think that one of those things is magical action-at-a-distance penis theft. Call me an optimist.

By: optovox

optovox — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:55:02 -0800

(sung to "Somebody Stole My Car" by The Kinks) That's life in Nigeria Dicks are stolen without pity Wangs are a valuable commodity A country of spam and depravity A "Gimme your pecker!" mentality Where the thieves steal the cocks And the innocent weep An X-rated dairy case of wee-wees: Milk cartons askin', "Have you seen me?" Cock thieves, cock thieves, Cock thieves, cock thieves, Somebody stole my wang Somebody stole my tallywhacker They ripped off my pants and stole my dong And if it's happened to you Then you know this song Somebody stole my wang Somebody stole my wang I left it resting right here in my lap I just had it cleaned and just had it waxed And everyone's sayin' I just oughta relax Somebody stole my wang

By: computech_apolloniajames

computech_apolloniajames — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:07:37 -0800

First thing I thought of was that King Missile song, but mygothlaundry beat me to it.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:27:25 -0800

women are full of blue water. yes, it's a little known fact that PMS was the origin of the term "the blues"

By: Wolof

Wolof — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:37:19 -0800

I love this book. Me too. Ain't it a beaut?

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:41:37 -0800

...an epidemic of penis theft swept Nigeria between 1975 and 1977. Then there seemed to be a lull until 1990. MAN, am I glad I went there in 1980 and returned in '81, or WHAT?

By: mike3k

mike3k — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:49:02 -0800

Haven't they heard of SHRINKAGE?

By: Abiezer

Abiezer — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:53:56 -0800

I've been meaning to blog a translation of this article for a while: "1950 年华北地区的" 割蛋" 谣言" - 'The 1950 "Bollock-chopping" rumours in North China'. Seems it was one consequence of the social anxiety attendant on the revolution. Anti-communist elements including underground Daoist sects helped fuel the rumours, claiming that Communist cadre were chopping off men's testicles and women's breasts to sent to the Soviet Union to be used to make atomic bombs (!). This lead to several party workers being lynched by understandably nervous peasants.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:02:11 -0800

You can have my penis when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:14:36 -0800

Anti-communist elements including underground Daoist sects helped fuel the rumours, claiming that Communist cadre were chopping off men's testicles and women's breasts to sent to the Soviet Union to be used to make atomic bombs (!). This lead to several party workers being lynched by understandably nervous peasants. I can see that, According to some of the women I know, my dick is very similar to an Atom Bomb.

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:58:37 -0800

It only performs its function once during its entire existence and when it does it's over in a microsecond?

By: Falconetti

Falconetti — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:00:29 -0800

SNAP!

By: Mitheral

Mitheral — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:06:13 -0800

delmoi writes "According to some of the women I know, my dick is very similar to an Atom Bomb." Compact, unwieldy explosive, cancer causing and only used a couple times a century?

By: WolfDaddy

WolfDaddy — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:36:33 -0800

delmoi, perhaps you should have said "spent fuel rod".

By: optovox

optovox — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:08:13 -0800

posted by delmoi According to some of the women I know, my dick is very similar to an Atom Bomb. Depending on where you release it, people call it "Fat Man" or "Little Boy"?

By: tehloki

tehloki — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:18:03 -0800

Warning ladies: delmoi's penis is extremely dangerous. Do not handle without wearing proper protective gear, like a lead-plated suit and 20,000 feet of separation.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:31:28 -0800

A blinding flash! It's delmoi's penis! Duck, and COVER!

By: davejay

davejay — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:37:44 -0800

No, I'm pretty sure women are full of yogurt. That's why they're all soft and squishy. And pro-biotic. And why they help make you poop. wait, am I on a different page here?

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:40:45 -0800

that smoking gun in delmoi's pocket could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:53:33 -0800

I can see that, According to some of the women I know, my dick is very similar to an Atom Bomb. They invaded your pants, but, after a lengthy search, it was never found?

By: c13

c13 — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:12:51 -0800

You guys made my day.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:21:23 -0800

after a lengthy search, it was never found Maybe the Nigerians pulled off a pre-emptive strike, to save the ladies from mutually assured destruction?

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:22:19 -0800

Delmoi, we appreciate your sacrifice here in straight-man's land. Take a breather, soldier.

By: breath

breath — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:56:49 -0800

Atom Bomb Took several of humanity's greatest minds to figure out how to get it working the first time?

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:01:13 -0800

Yoink!

By: optovox

optovox — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:46:23 -0800

posted by delmoi According to some of the women I know, my dick is very similar to an Atom Bomb. It's only been used on unsuspecting Japanese men, women, children, and animals?

By: Wolof

Wolof — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:31:31 -0800

It was developed in total secrecy by an international team of genius physicists working around the cock.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:43:48 -0800

It's just lucky that Hitler didn't win the race to use it against innocent civilians.

By: davemee

davemee — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 01:19:27 -0800

Am I too late to say Delmoi's penis is widely considered minute, man? Thanks for the opportunity, Delmoi.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 01:32:33 -0800

(it's well known that Hitler desperately wanted to get his hands on it before anybody else did) damned esprit de l'escalier!

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:05:18 -0800

I love you motherfuckers. You too Delmoi, you took one for the team.

By: jfuller

jfuller — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:28:12 -0800

> I don't want to interrupt the high fucking horse party, but I don't see anything in the original post that claims > that this is only about Blacks, the Third World, Africans, nor do I see anything that says it couldn't happen here. Put on your shit-colored glasses like everybody else, man. You'll see nasty shit everywhere you look.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:49:42 -0800

*looks at screen* OMG!! It's happened to me now! *looks down at crotch* Oh, thank goodness I got it back! *looks back at screen* OMG!!! Thief! Someone stole my johnson!

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:54:36 -0800

after a lengthy search, it was never found Maybe the Nigerians pulled off a pre-emptive strike, to save the ladies from mutually assured destruction? posted by UbuRoivas at 1:21 AM on July 9 [+] [!] I heard from a little bird (NOT DICK CHENEY) that UbuRoivas's s-o is an undercover CIA operative and that's where the information about the Nigerians came from, but you didn't hear that from me.

By: sgt.serenity

sgt.serenity — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:45:46 -0800

I can see that, According to some of the women I know, my dick is very similar to an Atom Bomb. fat man or little boy ?

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 07:29:57 -0800

sgt.serenity, take a look upthread. You've just paid a visit to the Department of Redundancy Department, Jokes Division.

By: quin

quin — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 07:54:54 -0800

Stolen Atomic Penis would be a great album title. ...or a name for a pet, because as I say it, I realize how much fun it would be to shout that across a dog park.

By: valkyryn

valkyryn — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 08:56:23 -0800

Yeah, I really can't see any reason this should be considered more bizarre or less real than bi-polar disorder or major depression. Why exactly is "I have a chemical imbalance in my brain" and more rational or verifiable than "The woman on the bus stole my penis"? Both rest on entirely untested assumptions and produce symptoms which are difficult to observe. I've never put much stock in the DSM-IV ideology, and I put less in it now. Granted, there are people who are just no-foolin' crazy, but every culture seems to have those, e.g. the village idiot. That's less bizarre than it is pathetic, but it's definitely more universal. It's also pretty easy to tell what went wrong: congenital defect, head trauma, chemical poisoning, etc. But these "emotional disorders"? Yeah, something's definitely wrong with you, but hey, join the club. That doesn't make it a medical problem. Get your shit together.

By: 1f2frfbf

1f2frfbf — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 11:41:38 -0800

According to some of the women I know, my dick is very similar to an Atom Bomb. Its aftermath is feared throughout the Marshall Islands?

By: Secret Life of Gravy

Secret Life of Gravy — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:08:18 -0800

I'm just in the middle of reading Mary Roach's latest, Bonk, (and loving it) and she has a few paragraphs on the parts of the Malleus Maleficarum dealing with penis theft.

Authorities quoted in Malleus Maleficarum disagree as to whether the organ is truly gone or the bewitched individual is simply under the sway of a perceptual illusion that causes him to believe it's gone. The author quotes an unnamed venerable Dominican father who, during a confession, hears a parishioner confide that he has "lost his member" to withcraft. The priest relates that he asked the lad to remove his clothes, so that he might, likely story, check for the missing part. The author of Malleus brings up the strange matter of penises stockpiled in bird's nests, which he presents as proof of a literal disappearance. "What then is to be thought of those witches who...sometimes collect male organs in great numbers, as many as twenty or thirty members together, and put them in a bird's nest or shut them up in a box, where they move themselves like living members, and eat oats and corn...

Hmmm 20 0r 30 penises moving around in a box eating corn. Oh those wacky, medieval witches-- they sure knew how to have fun!