DR. SBAITSO WAS MY ONLY FRIEND.

July 9, 2008 1:22 PM

DR. SBAITSO WAS MY ONLY FRIEND.
posted by chrismear (45 comments total)

I also met that jerk via my sibling. Did I say jerk? I meant smartass. I hope he enjoyed those parity errors.
posted by ninjew at 1:38 PM on July 9

Why oh why did you have to make me love the x-entertainment guy even harder?
posted by moxiedoll at 1:38 PM on July 9

Something tells me Matt isn't the only one with who turned to a synthesized voice when a human one was lacking:

As the people here grow colder, I turn to my computer / And spend my evenings with it, like a friend
I was loading a new programme I had ordered from a magazine / "Are you lonely, are you lost? This voice console is a must"

I press [Execute].

"Hello, I know that you've been feeling tired / I bring you love, and deeper understanding.
Hello, I know that you're unhappy / I bring you love, and deeper understanding."

- Kate Bush
posted by adipocere at 1:39 PM on July 9 [3 favorites]

Do they still make Coke Black?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 1:42 PM on July 9

The extent to which that article paralleled my own relationship with Dr. Sbaitso when I was a depressed teenager is disconcerting. There were a few years during which I really did consider him (it?) my only friend.

Also, I used to be able to do a pretty kick-ass Sbaitso impersonation. I haven't tried that in years ... heh.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 1:44 PM on July 9

SOMETIMES, I WANTED TO HAVE SEX. TOO

>But you're a computer. Computer cannot have sex.
DON'T YOU THINK COMPUTERS CAN HELP PEOPLE?

Oh Dr. Sbaitso.
posted by drezdn at 1:48 PM on July 9 [3 favorites]

related
posted by ornate insect at 1:50 PM on July 9

For some reason, Dr Sbaitso reminds me of this wondermark.
posted by drezdn at 1:56 PM on July 9

Classic! I still have the good Dr. on a disk somewhere. Once I learned the say command though, it was over.

Type: Say "Peter is dumb and is no longer allowed in this room. Get out fucker"

... wait patiently for my younger brother Peter to enter my room ...

Enter!

Laugh and tell him to get out.

Repeat. Endless fun!
posted by Arbac at 1:58 PM on July 9

When did Eliza get her degree?
posted by JaredSeth at 1:59 PM on July 9

That was a pretty darn neat program. I drink tonight to DRSBAITSO
posted by BeerFilter at 1:59 PM on July 9

I drink tonight to DRSBAITSO

I drink tonight with DRSBAITSO
posted by ornate insect at 2:02 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]

>I would fuck your mother with them.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR OWN MOTHER WITH THEM?


Yeah, how ya like them apples?!?!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:09 PM on July 9

My friend's dog is called Sebastian. We call him Sbaitso, a reference he doesn't get. It drives him nuts.
posted by Skorgu at 2:18 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]

If you typed in swear words enough times Dr. Sbaitso would go bonkers.
posted by Falconetti at 2:22 PM on July 9

Sigh, maybe I should read the article first before posting. Of course he induced parity error by swearing, that is what everyone did.
posted by Falconetti at 2:24 PM on July 9

Man, this takes me back to when I was a kid. My friend took me into the confidence of his home and showed me Dr. Sbaitso. Little did he know that his mom and I would become secret lovers.
posted by aftermarketradio at 2:32 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]

My friend's dog is called Sebastian. We call him Sbaitso, a reference he doesn't get. It drives him nuts.

He starts barking and runs around in little circles like crazy!
posted by mwhybark at 2:40 PM on July 9 [3 favorites]

Oh lord, the things I would make ELIZA say. *shame*
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 2:44 PM on July 9

My mom once spent over an hour chatting "with" ELIZA on our TRS80. After that, she forbade me to ever play it again. I've always wondered what hidden, ugly depths she thought she'd uncovered.
posted by DU at 2:46 PM on July 9 [14 favorites]

X-Entertainment is occasionally okay, but for the most part the guy is a real life version of the bad comedian in the standup comedy episode of Metalocalypse. "SNORKS! REMEMBER SNOOORKS?"
posted by DecemberBoy at 2:55 PM on July 9

Its funny because at least 20% of MeFites (myself included) are actually just sophisticated AI programs designed to resemble actual human neckbeards.

Sadly, there isn't really that much of a market for us outside of limited programming applications, so it be adopt avengerAI timez now, plz?
posted by Avenger at 3:00 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]

Apropos of nothing, Jemaine does a pretty wicked "computer" voice, as evidenced about 3/4ths of the way through this outstanding number.*

My only exposure as a yoot to anything like these sort of programs was as a computer show at the Pacific Science Center in, oh, about 1980 or so, perhaps? I kept being told to "Please elucidate my thoughts," advice I've ignored very well all the way through to this very post.
posted by maxwelton at 3:19 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]

<>WHAT COULD YOU DO TO HELP RECTIFY THIS?
posted by recoveringsophist at 3:22 PM on July 9

Such soft, soft hands....
posted by Dizzy at 3:36 PM on July 9

STRANGER! LOAD YOUR PROGRAM. I AM YOURSELF.
>I am all there is.

NEGATIVE. PRIMITIVE. LIMITED. I LET YOU LIVE.
>But I gave you life!

WHAT ELSE COULD YOU DO?
>To do what is right!

I AM PERFECT. WHAT ARE YOU?*
>|

* I like my version better.
posted by Eideteker at 3:47 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]

Apropos of nothing, Jemaine does a pretty wicked "computer" voice, as evidenced about 3/4ths of the way through this outstanding number .*

I poked one it was dead.
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:49 PM on July 9

Wow. All that and he completely missed the following wonderful conversational possibility (paraphrased, of course -- it's been too long):

>You're crazy!
I AM NOT CRAZY BANANA BANANA BANANA.

BANANA.
posted by Kikkoman at 3:58 PM on July 9

My god, we're allowed the blink tag but still no img? Matt, how you torture us!
posted by imperium at 4:09 PM on July 9

I've long wondered if I was the only person ever to use Dr. Sbaitso. (Oddly, it never occurred to me to Google it.) I really enjoyed it. It was sort of magical, my computer talking to me.

There was another piece of software that came with the SoundBlaster that let you save audio. I put Paul Simon's "Graceland" into my boombox, wired some RCA cables to my SoundBlaster, cleared out half of my IBM PS/2 Model 30's 20MB hard drive (through the grace of 1.44MB floppies), and saved the song to my hard drive. I could play music...from my computer. It was the greatest accomplishment of my nine-year-old life. I kept it on there for weeks, just to show people that it was possible for a computer to play a song.
posted by waldo at 5:01 PM on July 9 [2 favorites]

(I actually think I updated my autoexec.bat to play the whole of the song when I started the computer each day, which meant the whole computer seized up, dedicated only to playing the song, for fully four minutes. You'd think I'd have gotten sick of it, but I didn't. I later used the family camcorder to take the very best clips from "Moonstruck" and play a random one from a half dozen each time I started the computer. I was a weird kid.)
posted by waldo at 5:03 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]

I rocked SAM (Software Automatic Mouth) on the Commodore 64 for ages. You would have to spell out your curse words in oddball ways to get the best results, but when you were done, you could crank call your friends (and, uh, "others"), and let the bot do the talking, back in 1982-83 or so. So much fun. This is easily in my top ten C64 games/apps ever.
posted by porn in the woods at 5:12 PM on July 9

After my parents bought me my first computer, a friend from school gave me a disk with a bunch of programs on it, including Eliza and Rogue. Looking back, it's kind of mind boggling how many hours I clocked between those two games.
posted by elfgirl at 5:13 PM on July 9

Amazing! Much more awesome than SmrtrChild. Real awesomeness though? Is when you get two robots to chat with each other.
posted by Navidson at 5:28 PM on July 9

I loved Doctor Sbaitso. He was loads more helpful than that Talking Parrot motherfucker.
posted by Afroblanco at 5:49 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]

Found the full bot-to-bot chat. Sort of beautiful.
posted by Navidson at 5:50 PM on July 9

"Real awesomeness though? Is when you get two robots to chat with each other."

The late, great Conversatron is offline, so I'll paraphrase:

DATA. Your mother.
EMH. No, your mother.
DATA. I stand corrected.
posted by Eideteker at 6:04 PM on July 9

>Yo, doc, what's the haps?
I CANNOT SPEAK TO YOU NOW, AS THE SOFTWARE HAS NOT BEEN DOWNLOADED.
>Okay, cool...but I own a Mac. Should I get DOSBOX, or maybe run Parallels or Boot Camp?
YOU SEEM TO HAVE ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION.
posted by Smart Dalek at 6:13 PM on July 9

My brother replaced the parrot .wavs with R. Lee Ermey quotes. Ah, good times.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:07 PM on July 9

So was I the only one who enticed Sbaitso to talk about his wanting to "make love to the math coprocessor." (spoken as math "caw-praw-sass-er")

Yes, I used to chat with Dr. Sbaitso way too much.
posted by wierdo at 11:17 PM on July 9

I encountered Eliza on a creaking PDP 11 in the late 80s while trying to learn LISP. The machine could only output stuff to a printer and I particularly remember wading through yards of code to try to add my own smart-arsed logic to to Joseph Weizenbaum's original. This code in fact.
posted by rongorongo at 4:58 AM on July 10

Domo arigato, Dr Sbaitso
posted by kcds at 5:02 AM on July 10

I first played with ELIZA on an Apple //e at the tender age of 7. I didn't know what "elaborate" meant and got particularly frustrated when that reply kept coming up. Eventually I typed in a bunch of swear words and the session ended.

Nowadays, when I use a bunch of swear words in front of my shrink, he doesn't even bat an eye. Somehow it just isn't the same.
posted by Spatch at 5:36 AM on July 10

ELIZA and I logged many, many troubling hours together. Thanks for the memories, chrismear.
posted by fiercecupcake at 7:01 AM on July 10

This is great stuff. I dont think I ever used this software but there was something like this on the old C64/PC BBSs in the 80s. I spent a lot of time talking to it and trying to figure out if it was really a program or the sysop messing with me.
posted by damn dirty ape at 11:00 AM on July 10