Comments on: The oldest joke in the book - really!

The oldest joke in the book - really!

blahblahblah — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:18:23 -0800

Humor goes back a long way. The oldest recorded joke in the world was told 4,600 years ago to Pharoh Snefru by the magician Djadjamankh: "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish," and there's lots more ancient Egyptian humor (some quite dirty) as well. Humor really got rolling with the Greeks, however, and the Philogelos (Laughter Lover) a joke book from the 4th century. A representative joke: "An intellectual was on a sea voyage when a big storm blew up, causing his slaves to weep in terror. 'Don't cry,' he consoled them, 'I have freed you all in my will'."

In addition to jokes about intellectuals, ethnic stereotypes were popular, but to see the full range of ancient humor, this collection of over 100 ancient jokes from various sources (with explanation and original text) is available, though only in PDF. But be warned that if you travel back to ancient Rome, your Henny Youngman joke could result in severe punishment. Compared to the documents of Egypt, Rome, and Greece, the lack of the humor in the Bible and Koran has been noted, though some people that there are actually some intentional jokes. See also this lovely article from the New Yorker on the history of jokes, from this post.

By: tkolar

tkolar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:21:39 -0800

This is really really cool. Thank you.

By: malter51

malter51 — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:21:47 -0800

Be careful logging on to some of these sites....they are not safe and loaded with SPAM.

By: billysumday

billysumday — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:24:53 -0800

Good post. Also, jokes and politics often don't mix. The recent story about McCain: In an appearance before the National League of Cities and Towns in Washington D.C., McCain supposedly asked the crowd if they had heard "the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die?" The punch line: "When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, "Where is that marvelous ape?"

By: ZenMasterThis

ZenMasterThis — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:26:12 -0800

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish." I laughed so hard I dropped my ankh.

By: blahblahblah

blahblahblah — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:35:57 -0800

malter51, which sites are causing you issues? I didn't have any problems (using Firefox with its default popup-blocker).

By: aftermarketradio

aftermarketradio — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:38:42 -0800

"You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish." Aha! I knew Dane Cook couldn't have thought of something that clever!

By: CynicalKnight

CynicalKnight — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:44:11 -0800

Almost Relevant

By: EarBucket

EarBucket — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:44:34 -0800

The joke about the slaves is actually kind of funny--sort of a proto-lawyer joke.

By: DU

DU — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:48:21 -0800

Incredibly, this is the third link to Name of the Rose a MeFi post has made in my mind in as many days. Also, there's a Teaching Company lecture by Seth Lerer on the History of Comedy that you will definitely want to skip. If there's anyone that can make comedy boring, Lerer is the man.

By: ardgedee

ardgedee — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:48:52 -0800

What did they use for rimshots before snare drums?

By: stupidsexyFlanders

stupidsexyFlanders — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:57:54 -0800

That McCain joke -- he really said that? I don't think even George Bush's judgment is that bad.

By: russilwvong

russilwvong — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:07:10 -0800

A Roman joke recounted by Mary Beard in the latest NYRB:

A royal personage was making a tour through his provinces and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to his own exalted person. He beckoned to him and asked: "Was your mother at one time in service in the Palace?" "No, your Highness," was the reply, "but my father was."

Attributed to Augustus, the first emperor.

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:09:39 -0800

The same intellectual said that the tomb of Scribonia was handsome and lavish, but that it had been built on an unhealthy site. Hah! I do love me a good Scribonia joke.

By: felix betachat

felix betachat — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:10:32 -0800

That McCain joke -- he really said that? I don't think even George Bush's judgment is that bad. That's the burden of being a Straight Talker. When a joke with woman hating and vaguely racist undertones pops into your head, you have to tell it like you see it. That's what you learn in the Hanoi Hilton. Life is too short and integrity is too precious to pass on an ape rape joke simply to spare the delicate sensibilities of others.

By: lilkeith07

lilkeith07 — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:13:09 -0800

Crates, . . . when he had seen a young man walking by himself, asked him what he was doing alone in that place. "Talking to myself." To which Crates said, "Watch out, be very careful: you're in bad company." I have got to remember this to use on some of my older family members next time they give me that answer.

By: Flunkie

Flunkie — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:14:18 -0800

Djadjamankh

I hardly even knew her!

By: ob

ob — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:16:58 -0800

What did they use for rimshots before snare drums? I don't know. What did they use for rimshots before snare drums?

By: tommasz

tommasz — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:18:39 -0800

4.600 years, same tough crowd. What are you, an audience or a cave/temple/oil painting?

By: felix betachat

felix betachat — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:19:05 -0800

I don't know. What did they use for rimshots before snare drums? The hollowed-out skulls of their enemies. ka-thunk!

By: beelzbubba

beelzbubba — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:20:05 -0800

Laughter is a joy in itself. But sometimes it can be used to achieve some purpose. In the tale of Princess Ahura the girl convinces her father Merneptah to let her marry her brother Naneferkaptah: I said to him (i.e. her father): "Let me marry the son of a general, and let him marry the daughter of another general, so that our family may increase!" I laughed and Pharaoh laughed. And as Naneferkaptah (who it is recorded, lived near Memphis*) memorably asked Pharoah, "If I divorce my wife, is she still my sister?" *I made that up. How the hell would I know?

By: ob

ob — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:20:47 -0800

Thanks folks, I'll be here all lunar month. Try the crocodile!

By: TwelveTwo

TwelveTwo — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:21:05 -0800

So, are these jokes public domain yet?

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:24:15 -0800

Or perhaps it was funnier in the original hieroglyphic. (Asp jackal ibis? Wiggly line, ankh, feather!) Ha! I don't get the Pharaoh joke. *shrug* Well, I "get" it I think, I just don't understand what is humorous about it. the ancient Egyptians were amused by nudity, drunkenness, slapstick and political satire Primitives! Just a step above animals really.

By: pardonyou?

pardonyou? — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:27:12 -0800

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish Actually, that wasn't the whole joke -- they left out the punchline: "And if he he barely notices the young women but complains that their boat is scaring away the fish, you say, 'Pharaoh, I see that you're in de Nile.'"

By: nasreddin

nasreddin — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:29:42 -0800

Anecdotes about Diogenes the Cynic:

A man once struck him with a beam, and then said, "Take care." "What," said he, "are you going to strike me again?" On one occasion he was working with his hands [this means: jerking off] in the market-place, and said, "I wish I could rub my stomach in the same way, and so avoid hunger." A man once reproached him with his banishment, and his answer was, "You wretched man, that is what made me a philosopher." And when, on another occasion, some one said to him, "The people of Sinope condemned you to banishment," he replied, "And I condemned them to remain where they were." When asked what wine he liked to drink, he said, "That which belongs to another," He was begging once of a very ill-tempered man, and as he said to him, "If you can persuade me, I will give you something;" he replied, "If I could persuade you, I would beg you to hang yourself."

By: Bromius

Bromius — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:34:39 -0800

An ancient Greek goes to a tailor with a torn pair of pants. "Eumenides," he asks? "I don't know," replies the tailor, "Euripides?"

By: DU

DU — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:34:53 -0800

20 shekels, same as in the gathering of huts by the riverside.

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:57:34 -0800

I don't know. What did they use for rimshots before snare drums? Whipping the back of the nearest slave... whh-tish! (Aiiee!)

By: imperium

imperium — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:05:28 -0800

No ancient Egyptian reference to "take my wife.. please", then?

By: dances_with_sneetches

dances_with_sneetches — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:16:10 -0800

This is almost as funny as the assassination of President Affleck in 2028. What? Too soon?

By: pardonyou?

pardonyou? — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:38:17 -0800

Q: What do you get when you cross a lion with a human? A: I have no idea, but it should use deoderant because it totally sphinx.

By: sadiehawkinstein

sadiehawkinstein — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:40:12 -0800

"That's a hell of an act! What do you call it?"

By: Challahtronix

Challahtronix — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:55:02 -0800

אריסטוקרט! _{probably a poor translation}

By: ormondsacker

ormondsacker — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:09:37 -0800

Oldest English-language joke in the book (courtesy of The Oxford Book of Humourous Prose): There was in a certain town a widower who wooed a widow to have and wed her as his wife, and at last they were agreed and betrothed. And when a young woman, being servant with the widow, heard thereof she came to her mistress and said to her: 'Alas, mistress, what have you done?' 'Why?' said she. 'I have heard say,' said the maid, 'that ye be betrothed and shall wed so-and-so.' 'And what then?' said the widow. 'Alas,' said the maid, 'I am distressed for you because I have heard say that he is a dangerous man, for he lay so often and knew so much carnally his other wife that she died thereof. I am afraid in case the like thing should befall you.' The widow thought. She smiled quietly. She said: 'Forsooth, I would not mind being dead, for is this world naught but a vale of tears?' -William Caxton, The Fables of Aesop (1484)

By: blahblahblah

blahblahblah — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:22:24 -0800

ormandsacker, that's actually pretty funny.

By: blahblahblah

blahblahblah — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:28:41 -0800

I also realized I forgot to include the link to Humor in the Bible, which concludes that "there are no jokes in the Bible but there is an abundance of wit and humor," such as:

Samuel said: 'What then (meh) is this bleating of sheep in my ears?'" The word for "what then" is meh which sounds uncannily like the bleating of sheep.

...clearly, not the high point of Jewish (or even Egyptian) humor.

By: MiltonRandKalman

MiltonRandKalman — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:31:12 -0800

"...and then he said, that's no slave...that's my sister." I also do beheadings, purifications, and festivals of the dead. Remember the 9 o'clock show is different from the GREAT SLEEP OF OUR GOD RA o'clock, see both.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:34:46 -0800

ormandsacker, that is essentially McCain's ape-rape joke. Which of course leads to the inevitable question: Jesus, how old is that guy?!?

By: ericbop

ericbop — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:44:05 -0800

My favorite joke from the Talmud (actually, from Midrash Leviticus Rabbah, but who's counting - it's still a thousand year old Jewish joke): Once upon a time, a man was coming to Israel from Babylonia. When he sat down to rest, he saw two birds fighting with each other in the road. One of the birds killed the other, then flew away. It brought back a certain herb, which it placed on the dead bird, and revived it. The man said, "It would be wonderful if I could get some of that herb! I could take it with me and bring the dead of the Land of Israel back to life!" [Having found some of the herb], he continued on his way. He saw a dead fox lying by the roadside. The man said, "It would be good to gest this on the dead fox," and touching the fox with the herb, he revived it. Continuing further on his way, the man reached the Ladders of Tyre [near the border of Israel]. At that place he saw on the road a lion that had been killed. The man said, "It would be good to try this on the lion." He touched the lion with the herb, and it was brought back to life. The lion then got up and ate the man.

By: yoink

yoink — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:45:17 -0800

O.K., I was all prepared to be outraged at McCain's ape-rape joke, but then I read the story and I see that he is alleged to have told this joke in 1986. Yeah, it's a pretty sexist joke, but how would most of us react if someone comes out and says "I heard Barack Obama tell an off-color joke over two decades ago!"? As for the Egyptian joke in the FPP--how do we know it was a joke? Couldn't it have just been sound policy advice? ("O.K. girls, back into the Nile with you." "What AGAIN with the 'fishing' thing?")

By: tkchrist

tkchrist — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:58:58 -0800

Gog: "...SO, THE CHIEF ASKS... 'SO WHAT YOU CALL SELVES?' AND MAN STAND THERE ALL COVERED IN SHIT BREATHING HARD AND HE SAY; 'THE GREAT MOTHER EARTH GODDESS PRIEST CLASS!"" Ook: " ME NO GET."

By: Lentrohamsanin

Lentrohamsanin — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:39:27 -0800

No ancient Egyptian reference to "take my wife.. please", then? The Egyptian version was "Take my sister...Like I did!"

By: flug

flug — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:56:35 -0800

lack of the humor in the Bible It's not exactly a jokebook (would the world be a better place if we had a "Book of Jokes" to accompany the "Book of Proverbs"?), but the Book of Jonah puts its namesake in clear humorous contrast to the traditional prophets:

When God gives Jonah a command, he runs away to avoid it.
He takes a snooze while the "heathen" sailors are praying for their lives.
As soon as he utters a few words of warning, the entire city of Nineveh--all the way up to the King--instantly believe, repent, and throw on sackcloth and ashes. (Name another prophet--of any sort, any time in history--who had it so easy . . . )
After saving Nineveh, Jonah's not pleased but in a snit--he'd been worried that God might be too "gracious and compassionate" towards the Ninevites. Now his worst fears have been realized.
In the end it turns out he is more concerned about the welfare of a weed that grew up overnight than a whole city full of his fellow humans.
etc.

It's not exactly "ba-da-boom!", but these are all pretty clear humorous reversals of the expectations one has when reading this type of prophetic literature.

By: ormondsacker

ormondsacker — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:06:16 -0800

yhbc- Clearly John McCain's version is the cruder, more sexist original, before it was cleaned up for Plantagenent sensibilities.

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:10:47 -0800

I've posted this before, but here's an oldie. In a medieval Icelandic manuscript there's the following joke (according to an old teacher of mine... oh and from memory): An Abbot and his young secretary, a monk, were traveling. One night they took lodging in a nunnery. Over the course of the evening the young monk took a shine on a young nun which was reciprocated and they snuck off to the nun's cell. While in there one of the senior nuns susses them out and knocks on their door, summoning them to the hallway. She then drags them towards Abbess's chamber. The senior nun knocks on the door comes out in somewhat of a huff and says: "What's the matter? Why am I disturbed at this late hour?" The senior nun, the secretary and the young nun are dumbstruck. The abbess continues: "Well? Why do you stand there open-mouthed and silent? Why did you rouse me in the middle of the night? Speak!" Finally the secretary speaks: "Mother Superior? Why are you wearing the Abbot's underpants on your head?"

By: IndigoJones

IndigoJones — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:20:27 -0800

Fellow I knew taught first year Greek using Menander for original material. One of the students asked if it was true that M was a comic writer. Yes, yes, leading writer of the New Comedy. Then why, the student asked, is none of this stuff funny?

By: beelzbubba

beelzbubba — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:33:31 -0800

By: Quonab

Quonab — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 15:07:21 -0800

Wait, are you telling me these aren't really Carlos Mencia jokes?

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 15:13:51 -0800

Quonab, they're not, but if he sees them, they will be.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 15:28:03 -0800

"Asp jackal ibis? Wiggly line, ankh, feather!" Man, that one kills me every damn time.

By: Opposite George

Opposite George — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:16:45 -0800

Not to bust your chops, miss l, but Cleopatra told it better. She's appearing all week at Caesars Palace. Take my ibis, please.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:52:32 -0800

It's a little known fact that the ancient Egyptians used small trumpets instead of doorbells. The protocol when visiting was to toot and come in.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:05:04 -0800

Man, that one kills me every damn time. Of course it does. That's not a joke, that's an invocation of Anubis!

By: Countess Elena

Countess Elena — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:09:46 -0800

Being a feminist and accustomed to picking up on misogynist statements in the media, I was extremely irritated to hear about McCain's rape joke. He used the lamest punchline! The way it should go is: her friends come to visit her in the hospital and say, "How are you feeling?" She says, "Terrible! He never calls . . ." I never thought of the story of Djadjamankh as a joke, but a bawdy story, a Tale of Ribaldry. Still, there's not much of a line between them, especially not in the oldest stories. This Egyptian rock-face doodle may be the oldest political cartoon. It depicts the pharaoh-queen Hatshepsut and her chief minister Senmut, and its message regarding the artist's views on the administration remain clear today. I have laughed aloud at Douglass Parker translations of Aristophanes, if anyone's inclined to seek out Greek comedies for the laffs.

By: redsparkler

redsparkler — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:12:39 -0800

So a metafilter user walks into the blue, and posts an FPP on old jokes, but it just so happens that I already read my copy of Jim Holt's Stop Me If You've Heard This, and so I already know the punchline. (He took his New Yorker article from 2004 and expanded it into book form. Pictures and everything.)

By: elfgirl

elfgirl — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:13:49 -0800

Comicus: The Christians are so poor... Swiftus: How poor are they? Comicus: Thank you. They are so poor... That they only have one God. [drumbeat, everyone laughs] Comicus: But we Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that's coming quickly. Thank you! Mr. Brooks will be here all week. Try the veal.

By: kuujjuarapik

kuujjuarapik — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:33:33 -0800

"I have some good news and some bad news," the galley master of a Greek bireme told the rowing slaves, chained to their oars. "The good news is that today's gruel ration will be doubled. The bad news is that the captain wants to go water skiing."

By: lupus_yonderboy

lupus_yonderboy — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:31:41 -0800

Interestingly enough, Robert Graves also has two Romans discussing how there are very few good jokes in the New Testament; but they do bring up two. The speaker (someone's asleep in the room with my copy) points out that the "render unto that that which is Caesar's" is actually a pretty decent joke, because the coins had a picture of Caesar on them at the time, and it was a witty way of getting out of the predicament of being asked should I pay taxes (say yes, he's a wimp, say no, he gets executed). I personally think the scene is pretty funny: Mary Magdalene has just washed Christ's feet with expensive perfume donated to them and then dried his feet with her hair. Judas, the eternal straight-man, walks in and says (all paraphrased), "What are you doing? We could have sold that and given the money to the poor!" and Jesus says, "The poor will be around for ever, you only get me for a short time." Not screamingly funny but at least wry. If you want good jokes, try the Buddhists: Four young monks take a vow of silence for seven years. They sit there. It gets dark. One of them says to one of the servants, "Boy, get me a light!" The second monk says, "Hey, you talked!" The third monk says, "Remember, we're not supposed to talk!" The last monk looks proud and says, "I was the only one who didn't talk!"

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:00:32 -0800

But in the end, did the monks get enlightened?

By: lukemeister

lukemeister — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:05:08 -0800

"[The images show] ducks pecking at someone's buttocks, baboons and cats out of control, animals riding on top of other unlikely animals, baboons playing instruments, and animals drinking and dining." I had no idea the ancient Egyptians had invented the Internet.

By: beelzbubba

beelzbubba — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:07:34 -0800

Ahhh, now you started it. Buddhist humor part 2: The seeker approaches a hot dog vendor, who is the Buddha in disguise. The venerable master says, "What can I get you, chief?" The seeker replies, "Make me one with everything." He gives the vendor $20, which the Buddha pockets, and turns away to push his cart up the street. "Wait! Wait!" cried the seeker, "where's my change?" "Foolish seeker," said the Buddha. "Change comes from within."

By: BinGregory

BinGregory — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 23:13:57 -0800

lupus_yonderboy - I heard that same joke told as muslims in a prayer line! Truly there is nothing new under the sun.

By: eritain

eritain — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:20:42 -0800

I can't help but think that Paul, trained as he was by the greatest Jewish legalist of his day, must have had a bit of a chuckle when he quoted the Epimenides statement to show the corruption of Crete (Titus 1:12). I can very readily believe he took the opportunity for a "ha ha, only serious" moment there. I also like the dodgier reading of Galatians 5:12, for what it's worth. No Great Stone Face from Tarsus, he.

By: ardgedee

ardgedee — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 05:18:48 -0800

> But in the end, did the monks get enlightened? How many Buddhist monks does it take to light a brazier?

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 05:35:17 -0800

None. The brazier is only in the mind. Nevertheless, it has taken millions of monks to promulgate & explicate that concept, when it would probably have been simpler for a single monk just to light the fucking thing in the first place.

By: eritain

eritain — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:19:17 -0800

OK, I can't resist any longer. Metafilter: amused by nudity, drunkenness, slapstick and political satire

By: liza

liza — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 18:45:20 -0800

metafilter : just to light the fucking thing in the first place.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 19:39:01 -0800

So, the Three Stooges are getting tanked in a strip joint. Mo says to Larry: "Hey, isn't that Hillary Clinton dancing up there on stage?" Larry replies "It could be - she certainly knows how to twist & turn!" (the rest of the scene doesn't translate well into words, but involved drinks being thrown, people falling off stools, and a surprise appearance by Barack Obama dressed as a lingerie waitress)

By: La Cieca

La Cieca — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 07:28:48 -0800

So, one day in the Lower Paleolithic era, this stone-age type fellow is just minding his own business standing in a clearing in the forest. Suddenly a second stone-ager appears, running at full speed. He dashes through the clearning, knocking over the first guy. "Dude, where's the fire?" asks the first guy. "The what?" replies the second.

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 06:28:27 -0800

LONDON (Reuters Life!) - The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests that toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today. It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

World's oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC.