"this is my violin,” he said, gesturing over his body. “I play the violin."

July 16, 2008 9:59 AM

Look out, New York ladies, the Goot is loose! His experience on Dancing With the Stars "made him a better person"; after getting the hook as a hoofer, a disllusioned Steve Guttenberg abandons Hollywood for New York.
posted by grounded (46 comments total)

I'm still reeling from the New Yorker cover. Is this satire?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:09 AM on July 16, 2008

"Hollywood is a place where people spend more than they make to impress people they don’t like, who don’t care anyway."
posted by ericb at 10:10 AM on July 16, 2008

hmmm... a Drudge post. Nevertheless, it is a pretty cool article and "the Goot" is pretty upfront about how he lives his life. Thought it was funny that Travolta was basically pissed on in public prior to Pulp Fiction. Ahh, Hollywood!
posted by j.p. Hung at 10:10 AM on July 16, 2008

It irks him that his nice-guy persona has hurt his career. “A prick has got substance,” he said, shaking his head. “I like being nice. But as an actor, a lot of times people mistake niceness, kindness, for a weakness of your character.

“Lately I’ve heard a lot of people ask, ‘Is Steve Guttenberg really that nice?’” he said. “And I think, how shitty. When you’re a prick, people believe it right away. No questions asked. If you’re really nice, people are like, ‘Is he really that nice, what’s up his sleeve?’
posted by 23skidoo at 10:12 AM on July 16, 2008

I kind of love him.
posted by mewithoutyou at 10:21 AM on July 16, 2008

He estimated that he’s dated some 600 women, but still hasn’t found Mrs. Right.

Psst! Steve! Six hundred is a pretty big sample. You're gay!
posted by pracowity at 10:22 AM on July 16, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Tentative title: Diary of a Seducer. Then he’ll cook himself a light lunch. He goes to MoMA a few times a week.

Let me guess. Thursday nights, no admission charge, live music, packed with hot European art students. Sunday afternoon, more of a local artsy pickup scene.
posted by StickyCarpet at 10:24 AM on July 16, 2008

"The Goot" kind of sounds to me like kid slang for "butthole."
posted by The Straightener at 10:32 AM on July 16, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

If he dances as well as he smirks unpleasantly, he'll make a million.
posted by DU at 10:50 AM on July 16, 2008

I kind of love him.

Wow, me too.
posted by zarah at 10:53 AM on July 16, 2008

Is today ???Extended ASCII Day????
posted by sidereal at 11:04 AM on July 16, 2008

He was great in Diner. Full stop. End of sentence. There are some things that give a person a lifetime of leeway.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:05 AM on July 16, 2008

Here's a clip of Steve Guttenberg taking it to the streets of New York, roller disco style, from the Village People fiasco Can't Stop the Music.
posted by porn in the woods at 11:07 AM on July 16, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

When I was in high school, back before celebrities had their own websites, I created a site for Steve Guttenberg that inadvertently became the "official" Steve Guttenberg website. I made it as a test of my HTML skills and all it contained was a link to IMDB, several pictures and an email address.

I got emails every week from women all over world who wanted to hook up with Steve Guttenberg. It was very, very strange.
posted by rabbitsnake at 11:07 AM on July 16, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

“I’ve tried to stay fit, you know, because it’s my instrument, this is my violin,” he said, gesturing over his body. “I play the violin. So I want to keep it tuned up..."

I'll play your 'violin,' Goot. Huh huh. Heh heh heh.

On another note, if I win I get your shiny fiddle made of gold, and if you win you get my soul.
You must be the Devil, 'cause nobody's that nice, right?
posted by SixteenTons at 11:07 AM on July 16, 2008

No kill Johnny-5
posted by edgeways at 11:11 AM on July 16, 2008

He also was in The Boys from Brazil with Laurence Olivier, Gregory Peck, and James Mason.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:53 AM on July 16, 2008

He’s being honored at the Fire Island Golden Wagon Film Festival on July 19. They’re doing a retrospective of his work and giving him the Tony Randall Lifetime Achievement Award. “It’s not a gay festival,” he said. “I guess you know Fire Island’s pretty gay. Hey! I gotta tell you something—a good gay rumor about me might not be a bad thing to start.

God, what an idiot.
posted by dhammond at 11:57 AM on July 16, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

"Wait, who's that in the corner, a-wallowing in his shame?"
"Oh, that's just Steve Guttenberg of Police Academy fame."
posted by Spatch at 12:24 PM on July 16, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

a good gay rumor about me might not be a bad thing to start.

Wait, haven't they been following him for years now?
posted by chillmost at 12:30 PM on July 16, 2008

People shouldn't dance on TV. It's embarrassing.

And why are people "reeling" from the funny New Yorker Obamas cover?



"He estimated that he’s dated some 600 women, but still hasn’t found Mrs. Right."can

Psst! Steve! Six hundred is a pretty big sample. You're gay!


No, he dates all of those women because he can.
posted by Zambrano at 12:34 PM on July 16, 2008

He keeps talking about how nice of a guy he is. I do not think it means what he thinks it means.
posted by chimaera at 12:45 PM on July 16, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

"I am Lobo, I ride alone." Anyone?

I'm just going to pretend this article didn't happen. That he doesn't refer to himself in the third person, or constantly try to make you believe how nice he is, or quote South Pacific, or come off like a giant douche; because I enjoyed my childhood in the 80's and still think Carey Mahoney is cool.
posted by Roman Graves at 12:54 PM on July 16, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Stop trying to make "The Goot" happen!
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:58 PM on July 16, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Does this mean we are now at T minus eight years for Pauly Shore to suddenly start grasping for ironic-cool status, given the 8-year gap between Police Academy and Encino Man?

Will "P-Sure" start rockin' the ladies of Noo Yawk in the pages of Observer 2016?
posted by Shepherd at 1:10 PM on July 16, 2008

This was my favorite part:

Just being in New York has made him feel better. Earlier that day, the man at the bodega gave him a free paper.

Sing! Sing to the rooftops!
posted by Skot at 1:14 PM on July 16, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

To be honest, I can tell you from person experience (mutual friend) that the people who know him actually aren't walking around all day long being so amazed by how nice he is. That topic of conversation is not one I've ever overheard when his name was mentioned. He just likes to proclaim that he's a nice guy. He thinks he's a whole lot of things, whether people agree upon knowing him or not is kind of superfluous, I guess.

As a kid I had a big ol' crush on him but after meeting and hearing stories of him, he's a stereotypically narcissistic actor. What made me stop liking him was when he suddenly jumped in front of the news cameras and reporters to be interviewed when Phil Hartman (whom I LOVED) was murdered. I know they knew eachother from the Groundlings, but of all of Hartman's friends, it was Steve on the news that whole week talking about his personal opinions. In those interviews, he was kind of going on and on, and I know that we all handle grief in our own way but it came across when watching it as though he was using the tragedy to jump into the spotlight and feed on the attention... which totally grossed me out.

If you're reading this, sorry Steve. It did, though.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:16 PM on July 16, 2008

Shepherd, I believe P'Sure is from the left coast, so he's go nowhere to go home to. But otherwise, yeah.
posted by Edgewise at 1:20 PM on July 16, 2008

Does this mean we are now at T minus eight years for Pauly Shore to suddenly start grasping for ironic-cool status

No, I believe we're at T-plus five years on that.

I liked this article, and articles like it. They're very reassuring that, yes, everything is exactly as it seems. I mean, this is my first ever official check-up on 'what's up with Steve Gutenberg'. If you'd asked me yesterday what I thought Steve Gutenberg's life was like, I would have described exactly what's depicted in this article.
posted by anazgnos at 1:27 PM on July 16, 2008

"The Goot" kind of sounds to me like kid slang for "butthole."

Andy's sister can totally wink her goot man, I bought her two Archie comics and she showed us, behind the Dairy Queen, swear to god.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:37 PM on July 16, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Also, how does he have so much fucking money?
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:39 PM on July 16, 2008

Also, how does he have so much fucking money?

That's just how the Stonecutters roll bro'.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:45 PM on July 16, 2008 [10 favorites has favorites]

Also, how does he have so much fucking money?

Make a sequel to a sequel to a sequel. By the fourth one, they'll pay you quite a bit just to show up. Invest it wisely, and...well, there ya go. Even if all he did was buy a nice house 18 years ago, and sell it at the top of the bubble, he'd have tons of money; we also had the stock market bubble during that time. Good timing on both those fronts can make even a financial lightweight into a wealthy person.
posted by davejay at 3:21 PM on July 16, 2008

I had a horrendous case of the goot when I came back from Sierra Leone but thankfully amputation was not required.
posted by fire&wings at 3:31 PM on July 16, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Also, how does he have so much fucking money?

Not just the Police Academy movies, but also Cocoon, Short Circuit and 3 Men and a Baby, all of which had sequels, which as Dave Jay points out, is where you make real money. Assuming that a). he was getting points on the later Academy movies, and b). he was smart enough to invest wisely and not build a marble house, there's no reason for him not to be rich.
posted by Bookhouse at 4:10 PM on July 16, 2008

He estimated that he’s dated some 600 women, but still hasn’t found Mrs. Right.

I can't seem to shake off his role in Veronica Mars as Woody Goodman - mayor, permagrinner, coward and child abuser - and it adds a thick layer creepy to every quote. (Especially the third-person stuff.)
posted by carbide at 4:19 PM on July 16, 2008

Steve Guttenberg abandons Hollywood for New York.

ACTIVATE THE ELECTRIC FENCE!
posted by jonmc at 4:34 PM on July 16, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

Not just the Police Academy movies, but also Cocoon, Short Circuit and 3 Men and a Baby, all of which had sequels, which as Dave Jay points out, is where you make real money. Assuming that a). he was getting points on the later Academy movies, and b). he was smart enough to invest wisely and not build a marble house, there's no reason for him not to be rich.

God Bless America, no really, dead ass, God Bless America, this gives me hope.
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:37 PM on July 16, 2008

Just...ewwh.
posted by dejah420 at 5:09 PM on July 16, 2008

No "Stonecutters" song reference yet?

You people are slipping.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:43 PM on July 16, 2008

That's just how the Stonecutters roll bro'.

Shit, just noticed it.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:44 PM on July 16, 2008

The Perfect is the enemy of The Goot.
posted by Kinbote at 6:21 PM on July 16, 2008

"The Goot" kind of sounds to me like kid slang for "butthole."

It's what I use when in polite company and unable to say, "Up the ol' priest-hole."
posted by dobbs at 8:18 PM on July 16, 2008

I'm sure there's a parallel universe where Steve Guttenberg's comic career inexplicably led to serious roles and multiple Oscars, and Tom Hanks ended up a barely employable has-been.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 10:29 PM on July 16, 2008

No "Stonecutters" song reference yet?

Are you kidding? When I find him, I'm gonna make him tell me who suppressed the electric car?
posted by jonp72 at 6:59 AM on July 17, 2008

I am impressed, if nothing else, by his choice in clubs.
posted by Scram at 11:39 AM on July 19, 2008