Something Awful Forum Hilariously Hijacks CBC Anthem Contest

July 18, 2008 12:30 AM

Something awful in a new CBC anthem. The CBC's Hockey Night in Canada is one of the highest-rated programs on Canadian television. It's something of a national shrine to our beloved sport. For the past 40-odd years, it's had a distinctive theme which most Canadians could hum. After something of a fiasco, the CBC lost the rights to the theme. They're running a contest to replace the venerated theme. A Something Awful forum user composed a truly dreadful entry ("mostly comprised of cat and sheep sounds, baby cries, and gunshots/explosions"), and got the community to 'vote it up' on the Anthem contest site. You really need to hear the awfulness to truly appreciate it.

The SA commmunity has responded, and now it's the most viewed, top rated, and most commented-on submission on the site. There's a Facebook group and a spectacularly bad animated version on YouTube.

posted by dbarefoot (69 comments total)

After something of a fiasco, the CBC lost the rights to the theme.

The CBC said it had offered nearly $1 million for perpetual rights to the piece, but that Copyright Music was asking for $2.5 to $3 million for those rights. Copyright Music turned it down because it was, "...a settlement that barely covered our legal bills, let alone losses."

Goddamned greedy artists. Useless bastards. Who needs them?

Why doesn't CBC just play a version from YouTube? It's not like it would be stealing or anything. The artists still have their copy right? Do-no-evil YouTube hasn't fallen into the stupid trap of paying artists and neither should CBC. It's a dangerous precedent.... can't have those long-haired hippies start thinking they can make a living from writing music.
posted by three blind mice at 12:48 AM on July 18, 2008

This is a national embarrassment. The Tories have used the CBC as a whipping boy for decades. If they develop a campaign around privitazation of the CBC, they might just get a majority next time out.

No, not a joke. Something Awful may change Canadian history.
posted by CCBC at 12:56 AM on July 18, 2008

Meh; it's just ripping off Danielle Dax's Toygit: http://www.myspace.com/ddax
posted by Auz at 12:58 AM on July 18, 2008

I kinda' like it actually.
posted by tellurian at 1:00 AM on July 18, 2008

Sorry to be a hater, but it seems like kind of a crappy theme to get so worked up about.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:03 AM on July 18, 2008

I was upset that the CBC lost their rights to the old song, but this new song is great! A worthy successor.
posted by painquale at 1:08 AM on July 18, 2008

ROFL

It was just dumb until I heard the baby cry, and then I realized it was fucking hilarious.

This is why somethingawful.com became what it is today - by making stuff that is really funny and infecting society with it's practical usefulness and inside joke charisma.

/me wipes the tears from his eyes
posted by hellslinger at 1:09 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

I used to like Due South. That's really all I got for ya, Canada.
posted by Roman Graves at 1:10 AM on July 18, 2008 [3 favorites]

and the gunshots that kill the sheep at the end... IT'S GOLD, I TELL YOU, GOLD!!!
posted by hellslinger at 1:11 AM on July 18, 2008

Hee. Hockey sheep!
posted by grippycat at 1:14 AM on July 18, 2008

Their will be rights issues in the new song when the cat and baby come forward. The sheep however, is probably a curry and a throw rug by now.
posted by srboisvert at 1:17 AM on July 18, 2008 [3 favorites]

I remember reading once that in some sort of survey, the theme for Hockey Night in Canada was the nation's most recognizable song, followed by the theme from The Friendly Giant, and then the national anthem, "O Canada."
posted by Oriole Adams at 1:22 AM on July 18, 2008

I'm keeping this as a mental palate cleanser for whenever an awful song gets stuck in my head. Bye-bye, In Dis Club!
posted by longsleeves at 1:26 AM on July 18, 2008

It's not nearly annoying enough. In fact it has a catchy beat and a soothing machine noise not unlike listening to a busy laundromat.

Granted, the experimental/noise folders of my music collection are currently roasting it on a spit over a tire fire and mocking it with expendable clones of Diamandas Galas being pureed in an industrial waste shredder, but it's a cute little thing so I'll probably rescue it before they actually cook it and eat it in a ritual sacrifice.

I'll probably try to mash it up with that Strongbad techno track. "The system... is BAAAAaaAA... *boompf boompf boompf boompf"
posted by loquacious at 1:33 AM on July 18, 2008 [5 favorites]

This is not nearly as awful as the billing suggests. Unconventional Instrumentation, but listenable none the less.
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:33 AM on July 18, 2008

After watching the version on the CBC site and then stumbling upon the comment "Try making something a little more north american sounding considering that it is our game," I don't think I'll ever be able to talk to a canadian again (nor watch hockey, for that matter) without imagining a choir of demented cats, babies, and sheep doing their best to drown everything out.
posted by effbot at 1:34 AM on July 18, 2008

You know, the original theme song has lots of odd noises and swooshes in the background too.
posted by Happy Dave at 1:42 AM on July 18, 2008

Oh, and I've got a mental palate cleanser for ya. If you have any other tune in your head after watching that, I'm slightly scared of you.
posted by Happy Dave at 1:45 AM on July 18, 2008

Your favorite noise is muzak.
posted by naju at 1:46 AM on July 18, 2008

It's not like it would be stealing or anything.

Yeah, because broadcasting a copy of a recording is exactly the same as playing a copy for your own personal use.

Nice try, troll.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 2:03 AM on July 18, 2008

Oh, and I've got a mental palate cleanser for ya. If you have any other tune in your head after watching that, I'm slightly scared of you.

See, switching one awful song for another one involving badly animated demons with cockney accents singing along to honkytonk piano music kinda misses the point, though.
posted by longsleeves at 2:07 AM on July 18, 2008

kinda misses the point, though.

There's a point?
posted by Happy Dave at 2:28 AM on July 18, 2008

There's a point?

Yes.
posted by longsleeves at 2:54 AM on July 18, 2008

Here's a point: .
posted by Citizen Premier at 3:22 AM on July 18, 2008

Well I actually like it.
posted by randomination at 4:10 AM on July 18, 2008

That's not nearly as awful as Id' hoped. I've heard worse in clubs.
Still, I do hope it wins.
posted by Zetetics at 4:13 AM on July 18, 2008

Actually, in all honesty, I really like it. A lot. As in, I've played it five or six times.
But then again, I like Skinny Puppy, so maybe I'm just weird.
posted by GoingToShopping at 4:25 AM on July 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

Captures the spirit of hockey perfectly: irritating, noisy, random, and ultimately futile. I love it.

Also, I'm Canadian, and have never watched Hockey Night in Canada.
posted by scruss at 4:47 AM on July 18, 2008 [3 favorites]

Godspeed, goons.

Don't miss the protest video that was made while the song was briefly removed from the voting.
posted by shadow vector at 4:57 AM on July 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

If they develop a campaign around privitazation of the CBC, they might just get a majority next time out.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, forget the environment, the economy, our foreign policy, health care, youth crime, child care... the vast majority of Canadians will put solutions to all those issues aside in order to accomplish that long-cherished national dream to privatize the CBC.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 5:16 AM on July 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

Don't miss the protest video that was made while the song was briefly removed from the voting.

The entry itself should be more like that.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 5:18 AM on July 18, 2008

I'm partial to this version, myself.
posted by stefnet at 5:24 AM on July 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

Something I didn't know:

Penned by Vancouver native Dolores Claman, who is also responsible for the "Ontari-ari-o" ditty for Expo '67, the beloved theme song has become a sort of call to arms for a country obsessed with the rock 'em, sock 'em game of hockey.

A place to stand...

Can Something Awful do an Ontario theme, too?
posted by pracowity at 5:39 AM on July 18, 2008

That's really not bad at all. I mean, it's not the theme song to a TV sports show, but it could certainly be the theme song for a cartoon or sitcom.

What a cockup, though. The Wikipedia article makes it sound like the CBC wasn't at all interested in negotiating. Probably had it in their minds all along to pay some hack a pittance to put something together. Most of the top-rated and top-viewed themes are just plain terrible.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:39 AM on July 18, 2008

This whole theme song impasse could be solved in 20 minutes by B J Liederman, probably form considerably less than $1 million. And he will work for highly devalued US dollars.
posted by Daddy-O at 6:28 AM on July 18, 2008

Count me among those who like it.

Hell, I just listened to a couple of the other entries and now I really like it.
posted by JaredSeth at 6:33 AM on July 18, 2008

The only thing I know about this theme song is that I think it's the song that they keep playing in that episode of "Corner Gas" when Brent and Karen are playing for the Dog River Table Hockey Championship. Best out of 8 games.
posted by willmize at 6:36 AM on July 18, 2008

Thanks so much for posting that!

As a Canadian living in Ohio, I clicked eagerly on the "awful" song suggestion, and laughed so hard my stomach still aches. And I hate hockey. I mean, I know the original theme, and wish it to remain the theme, but still, good god, that submission made me laugh so hard it hurt!

And my wife blew her protein shake out her nose, so that was another amusing side-effect!
posted by newfers at 6:52 AM on July 18, 2008

Instead of a song over a moving graphic, they should start every HNIC game by having live performers enact "Boten Anna" on the ice.

Or maybe have the home team do "Yatta!".
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:03 AM on July 18, 2008

I'm thinking Carmina Burana (Hoser Remix) would work.
posted by lukemeister at 7:29 AM on July 18, 2008

This is why I love the CBC:

when "Hockey Scores" was briefly taken down on July 12, the CBC sent an e-mail to Lowgain (sic) clarifying that the move was a mistake on the part of a third-party moderator, and that Aube should "expect no further trouble with your most excellent submission."
posted by arcticwoman at 7:47 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

For that matter, what's wrong with "Take Off"?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:01 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

I got rid of the theme, but the first mental palate cleanser got stuck in my head, so I used the second to get rid of the first, and now.... (...help...)
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 8:19 AM on July 18, 2008

Stompin' Tom's "The Hockey Song" has to be the one and only choice for the new theme.
posted by hangashore at 8:28 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

I thought the Goon submission was fairly brilliant, particularly the gunshots.

It's almost like someone took the essence of hockey, distilled it down to it's purest form, ground it to a fine powder, snorted it, and then wrote a musical theme whilst buzzing on it's effects.

CBC would be fools to not use it.
posted by quin at 8:49 AM on July 18, 2008

From the comments: "I agree not hockey at all"

Too awesome.
posted by everichon at 9:13 AM on July 18, 2008

I liked it.

If they develop a campaign around privitazation of the CBC, they might just get a majority next time out.

Oh, piffle.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:01 AM on July 18, 2008

If they develop a campaign around privitazation of the CBC, they might just get a majority next time out.

They'd win every seat in Alberta! Oh, wait...
posted by hangashore at 10:24 AM on July 18, 2008

Stompin' Tom's "The Hockey Song" has to be the one and only choice for the new theme.

The new theme of what? Octogenarian Sing-Along Time?

Personally, I think the notion of Hockey Night in Canada -- that is, billing a hockey game as more than a hockey game -- is the lamest thing on TV. It doesn't need a theme song or opening titles or Don Fucking Cherry. Just turn the cameras on and drop the damn puck already.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:48 PM on July 18, 2008

(That, or write a theme for Synchronized Diving in Canada.)
posted by Sys Rq at 12:49 PM on July 18, 2008

(Final parenthetical word: Please, please, please don't take the attitudes on display in that site's comments as a reflection of Canadians as a whole. Keep in mind that it's a hockey theme song contest, and most of the people who actually give half a shit will invariably be white, male, and eleven.)
posted by Sys Rq at 12:54 PM on July 18, 2008

I felt that. I only wish it could be longer!
posted by Nattie at 1:13 PM on July 18, 2008

The funny thing to me about "$1M is not enough, we want $3M" is what the hell else are they going to do with the song?

Is there a market somewhere that will set the price higher than $1M?
posted by rokusan at 2:36 PM on July 18, 2008

rokusan: Is there a market somewhere that will set the price higher than $1M?

CTV bought it. I don't know what they paid. CBC Sports/Scotty Moore decided to trash the theme -- this after it was called the second National Anthem. Moore and the song publishers turned patriotism into merchandise. I still say, the Tories are going to grab hold of this. Yes, more people will be involved in this issue than carbon taxes or Afghanistan or the economy because here is an opportunity to show dissent. Most voters don't believe that they can change anything but, by giving this theme 5/5, they can cock a snoot at the Powers That Be. The first party to properly get hold of this issue will benefit, but the Tories have an inside track.
posted by CCBC at 5:57 PM on July 18, 2008

This will end well.
posted by Vindaloo at 6:56 PM on July 18, 2008

Don't forget the symbolism:

"My love for hockey is reflected quite well in this piece I feel. The intense percussion symbolizes the hard-hitting excitement of the sport, while the cat samples are used to demonstrate the feline qualities players must possess: speed, cunning, agility, and fearlessness. The other animal noises reflect the rich domestic history of the sport; I remember my grandfather who grew up on a farm used to freeze a rink in their field every year so that they could play the game, while the animals watched on.

"The happy child was used to symbolize the child-like wonder many Canadians feel every time they turn on this great game. The climax of the piece brings it all together, bringing the excitement to its peak and then finishing it off with a buzzer. Goal!"
posted by H-Bar at 8:35 PM on July 18, 2008

CBC Sports/Scotty Moore decided to trash the theme -- this after it was called the second National Anthem. Moore and the song publishers turned patriotism into merchandise. I still say, the Tories are going to grab hold of this... The first party to properly get hold of this issue will benefit, but the Tories have an inside track.

Any party that hacks on the CBC because of this will be labeled as the party who wanted a public entity to spend millions of tax-payer dollars on a few minutes of music. It was a lose-lose proposition for the MotherCorp., and they made the best of a bad situation by taking the route that made financial sense. It was the responsible choice, and if the song is so precious that folks are willing to make political hay out of it, could be used to argue for increased funding for the CBC.

I was more pissed off about the Rusty and Jerome fracas, myself.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:29 PM on July 18, 2008

The crazy thing is the SA Goon's submission is honestly the best one submitted so far.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 10:32 PM on July 18, 2008

I want this very much.
posted by converge at 11:48 PM on July 18, 2008

they can cock a snoot

Snoot-cocking, of course, being Canada's second favorite ice-based sport — even ahead, somehow, of curling.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:38 AM on July 19, 2008

Here's my 100% guaranteed mental palate cleanser for whenever an awful song gets stuck in my head.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:06 PM on July 19, 2008

Oh god, Ubu...that's a clear cut case of the cure being worse than the condition it's designed to remedy.
posted by JaredSeth at 5:49 PM on July 19, 2008

heh heh heh heh heh
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:33 PM on July 19, 2008

MetaFilter: cocking a snoot with Canadians since 1867.
posted by CCBC at 12:04 AM on July 20, 2008

Personally, I prefer cocking snooks over cocking snoots.
posted by djfiander at 4:53 AM on July 20, 2008

I dunno, UbuRoivas, we use "Rainbow in the Dark" for our brain-cleansing around here and it works pretty well...
posted by bitter-girl.com at 11:24 AM on July 20, 2008

Update...

this is freakin' priceless.

Hockey Scores on CBC National

I almost cried laughing.
posted by The ____ of Justice at 1:48 AM on July 22, 2008 [2 favorites]

That composer interview was awesome. Kudos to him for keeping a straight face.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:59 AM on July 22, 2008

Scotty Moore: "People are ready to move on." Right! Bite me, Scotty and listen to: Logan Aube, who seems to get it.
posted by CCBC at 2:27 AM on July 22, 2008