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Duke Nukem Trilogy
July 18, 2008 8:49 AM   Subscribe

The developers of the long awaited vaporware title masterpiece, Duke Nukem Forever, had previously expressed their disdain for the E3 game conference, calling it "irrelevant nowadays," but in a surprise move they showed up for the conference and released this stunning four minute trailer for the three new handheld Duke games that are in development. "Duke Nukem Trilogy trailer redefines awesome," declares joystiq.com
posted by CheshireCat (98 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
Release Date: Neveruary, 33rd.
posted by milarepa at 8:53 AM on July 18, 2008 [16 favorites]


released this stunning four minute trailer

Pain can indeed be stunning.
posted by zippy at 8:59 AM on July 18, 2008


That was by far the greatest thing I've ever seen. It makes Jean Renoir look like a douche. Well worth eleven years of labor.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:05 AM on July 18, 2008


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA! Hooo! Whew! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 1995 called and it wants its....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

can't breath
posted by The Light Fantastic at 9:05 AM on July 18, 2008 [6 favorites]


I call bullshit. Now instead of one game that's never going to ship there are three games that are never going to ship? I sat through that trailer and its four minutes of total wasted time. Not a single in-game shot? They make great trailers, but they're not even working on this game any more. They just showed up with this to make fun of E3 and everyone who cares about the never ending saga of the best game ever that never shipped.
posted by jeffamaphone at 9:05 AM on July 18, 2008


How is that a trailer? Its just a bunch of crap flashing on the screen. I bet someone here could make a better one in Final Cut Pro.
posted by aGee at 9:06 AM on July 18, 2008


I think DNF should be turned over to Flagship Studios for further development.

What?
posted by WolfDaddy at 9:06 AM on July 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


Is anybody actually waiting for this in anticipation of buying it? It's a tribute to the company's management that the investors haven't dissolved it and sold off the assets -- they must be the best salesmen in the universe.
posted by ardgedee at 9:08 AM on July 18, 2008


Duke Nukem Trilogy trailer redefines awesome

Mission accomplished! Awesome redefined! Apparently now means rather less than before!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:12 AM on July 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


They are correct. It is a complete redefinition of awesome.
posted by nedpwolf at 9:12 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Uh, were there any actual details about the games in that trailer? Even screenshots?
posted by MrMoonPie at 9:14 AM on July 18, 2008


I yearn for the days of cakefarts, when links met my expectations.
posted by null terminated at 9:16 AM on July 18, 2008


About two minutes in, when they just said 'fuck it' and just started mashing the backing-video-for-industrial-band button, it started to grow on me, in a ytmnd kinda way.
posted by box at 9:18 AM on July 18, 2008


Personally, I think they are just turning into the skid at this point. They know it's never going to get done and they are having fun with it by releasing silly videos of the title flashing over and over and whizzing in and out of frame.

It's so absurd that it's actually kind of brilliant.
posted by quin at 9:19 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Nice mid-90's metalwank soundtrack. Kinda fitting.
posted by notsnot at 9:19 AM on July 18, 2008


I'm convinced that the "Duke Nukem Forever fiasco" is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the gaming community. There is no game. There never was a game. There was never even a plan for a game. It's all just a colossal inside joke.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:22 AM on July 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


Soundtrack on the new Duke Nukem handheld games: Chinese Democracy by Guns & Roses, and some cuts from My Bloody Valentine's follow-up to Loveless.
posted by porn in the woods at 9:23 AM on July 18, 2008 [11 favorites]


I wish they'd hurry up and release DNF; I need a new "best game ever" because my Daikatana LAN parties are suffering a lack of interest these days.
posted by Dark Messiah at 9:28 AM on July 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


"Duke Nukem Trilogy trailer redefines awesome"

You can say that again.
posted by Xoebe at 9:28 AM on July 18, 2008


There must have been a game at some point. I worked with a developer that I respect quite a bit and he left the company for which we both worked at the time to move to Texas and work on Duke 3D. He was really convinced it was "almost done." I think this was about a year or year and a half ago.

I mean, he wouldn't have left a really good job and moved halfway across the country without to work on the most notorious piece of vaporware ever without seeing some running code, right? Right? Please?
posted by jeffamaphone at 9:30 AM on July 18, 2008


There was never even an inside joke, nor a plan for one. This thing goes all the way to the top. Trust no one.
posted by DU at 9:30 AM on July 18, 2008


Took a while to download and finally watched it over lunch break.

This looks like a video loop to play on overhead displays to attract a crowd. It doesn't look like a trailer at all. It's ineptly done even for what I think it is, but these things aren't meant to be watched from beginning to end, or even be in the foreground of your attention.

Also: This post needs 'gasmask' tag.
posted by ardgedee at 9:34 AM on July 18, 2008


CUSTOMERS WHO BOUGHT THIS ITEM ALSO BOUGHT:

The Last Dangerous Visions - Harlan Ellison, A Method for Madness - David Gerrold, A Dance with Dragons - George R. R. Martin.
posted by Justinian at 9:34 AM on July 18, 2008 [15 favorites]


Wait a minute--all they have is some captions and a single picture of Duke?

Duke NukeM Forever: The gift that keeps on giving.
posted by DU at 9:34 AM on July 18, 2008


I hear there's a mod you can use to make Doom look like Star Wars!
posted by Artw at 9:38 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Justinian - You forgot Chinese Democracy.
posted by Artw at 9:39 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


/weeps for the fallen Team Fortress 2 jokes that could have been used here had they not actually released it.
posted by Artw at 9:41 AM on July 18, 2008


Hail to the king, baby.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 9:41 AM on July 18, 2008


Artw - and Stars in My Pockets Like Grains of Sand.
posted by Justinian at 9:44 AM on July 18, 2008


Wait, what am I thinking? That's the one that actually got written. I meant "The Splendor and Misery of Bodies, of Cities".
posted by Justinian at 9:45 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


and harlan ellison has announced that "the last dangerous visions" is still a viable project!
posted by rmd1023 at 9:52 AM on July 18, 2008


Absolutely brilliant. I'm still laughing at the trailer, forwarding link to friends, etc. WIN. Nice work, guys.
posted by sidereal at 9:53 AM on July 18, 2008


In terms of development time: (Apollo 11 + atom bomb) < Duke Nukem Forever.
posted by decagon at 9:53 AM on July 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


ardgedee, it might very well just be a video loop but everyone on the internet has been calling it a trailer so far and actual context for the video is scant to say the least. I do like the idea that they might have actually sat people down in a room somewhere to watch this.

aGee, for all I know they did make that in Final Cut Pro.

Also, the full quote from the body of the joystiq.com piece:
Duke Nukem Trilogy trailer redefines awesome... unfortunately, the redefinition is "something that sucks."
posted by CheshireCat at 9:56 AM on July 18, 2008


If you turn the sound off it really highlights the vapidity of the trailer.

Also how did Sam Raimi never press charges against the Duke Nukem people for grand theft one-liner?
posted by shakespeherian at 9:58 AM on July 18, 2008


I've wondered if what's really going on is that if they ever admit that Duke Nukem Forever won't come out, and kill the project, then they'll have to write off all the money that was invested in it. As long as the project "continues" they can keep that loss off their books.
posted by Class Goat at 10:15 AM on July 18, 2008


I don't see any particular reason to believe these games won't come out. After all, in the time that DNF has been in production, there were a number of (mostly mediocre) Duke Nukem games released:

# Duke Nukem: Time to Kill - 1998 - PlayStation
# Duke Nukem: Zero Hour - 1999 - Nintendo 64
# Duke Nukem - 1999 - Game Boy Color
# Duke Nukem: Land of the Babes - 2000 - PlayStation
# Duke Nukem Advance - 2002 - Game Boy Advance
# Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project - 2002 - Microsoft Windows
# Duke Nukem Mobile - 2004 - Tapwave Zodiac
# Duke Nukem Mobile - 2004 - Cellular Phones
# Duke Nukem Mobile II: Bikini Project - 2005 - Cellular Phones
# Duke Nukem Mobile 3D - 2005 - Cellular Phones

... I don't know about the others, but Time to Kill, Zero Hour, Land of the Babes, Manhattan Project and Duke Nukem Advance were all original games, too.

Mind you, I'm pretty sure all of those games were farmed out to other developers, so maybe the issue here is in believing Apogee itself will actually work on these games.
posted by Target Practice at 10:18 AM on July 18, 2008


I hear they're re-writing it as a Facebook app.
posted by mkultra at 10:19 AM on July 18, 2008 [4 favorites]


It's all just a colossal inside joke.

Next year's trailer.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 10:21 AM on July 18, 2008


I don't think that DNF is a joke. I think the developers are the jokes. Walking, talking, anthropomorphic jokes, given flesh and form by some sort of dark god, doomed forever to be the brunt of scorn from every gamer on the internet. Nothing but shells of human beings, broken and lost.

The saddest thing of all is that Duke Nukem 3D wasn't even that good a game.
posted by Caduceus at 10:27 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I played Duke Nukem (and the follow-up Shadow Warrior) quite a bit on my Power Mac 7500 back in the pre-Voodoo 2 card days.

If they could put out an updated DNF using the Quake or Unreal engine, I'd give it a try, but I think that this franchise is better off remaining an vaporware punchline.
posted by porn in the woods at 10:31 AM on July 18, 2008


I know a guy who thought Duke Nukem 3D was better than Half-Life.

We don't talk much.
posted by sonic meat machine at 10:39 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


It had better jokes.
posted by Artw at 10:47 AM on July 18, 2008


The real joke here is that Duke Nukem was never that great of a franchise, even in the 90's. It was just re-heated Doom with pop-culture references.

Also, I vaguely remember seeing some "screenshots" from DNF in a gamer's magazine back in, what, 2001?
posted by Avenger at 11:04 AM on July 18, 2008


It was just re-heated Doom with pop-culture references.

Wasn't it full 3D vs. Dooms tied-to-a-2.5D-plane? It was certainly better in some way. Objects and monsters were still bitmaps though.
posted by Artw at 11:09 AM on July 18, 2008


(Probably half of the FPPs tagged with vaporware either mention DNF or go to articles mentioning it)
posted by Artw at 11:10 AM on July 18, 2008


Y'all know they are taking the piss, right?

Shakespeherian, "Chew bubble gum and kick ass" is a line ad-libbed by Roddy Piper in 'They Live' directed by John Carpenter. Unless you meant something else when you mentioned stealing from Raimi.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:11 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I've always wondered how 3D Realms has been staying afloat during this decade+ fiasco. Just checked their site, apparently they're still selling their ancient games for $10 a pop. Don't really think that's supported them much, but can they really get enough financing to keep going just from licensing their stuff?
posted by pyrex at 11:21 AM on July 18, 2008


Duke Nukem had dancing strippers, something Doom never had.
posted by seanmpuckett at 11:25 AM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Apogee? What about the next Commander Keen?
posted by jfuller at 11:32 AM on July 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


Unless you meant something else when you mentioned stealing from Raimi.

I think he meant "Who wants some?" (spoken by Ash in Raimi's Army of Darkness)
posted by camcgee at 11:33 AM on July 18, 2008


"Chew bubble gum and kick ass" is a line ad-libbed by Roddy Piper in 'They Live' directed by John Carpenter.

Sure, it was featured in that film, but my stepfather had been saying it for decades prior to that movie, which he never saw. I think he picked it up from the Navy in the late 50s, early 60s.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:11 PM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I think he meant "Who wants some?" (spoken by Ash in Raimi's Army of Darkness)

Or the boomstick references...
posted by Dark Messiah at 12:22 PM on July 18, 2008


Duke Nuk-coming soon....
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:35 PM on July 18, 2008


They should have Chinese Democracy as the in-game music... that would rock!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:37 PM on July 18, 2008


"You've got shit shoes!"
posted by Artw at 12:45 PM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


I think he meant "Who wants some?" (spoken by Ash in Raimi's Army of Darkness

Or "Hail to the king, baby!"

And just to derail a little bit further, from an interview with Bruce Campbell:

V: Are you familiar with the game Duke Nukem 3-D? If so, are you aware of the similarities between its lead character and Ash in the way of mentality and catch phrases? Are you flattered by this sort of "borrowing" of your work?

BC: What can I say? Maybe they're just cheese-balls who can't conceive of an original idea and feel compelled to rip off Ash. Imitation is indeed a form of flattery, but paying a guy is an even better form.


And another with Campbell:

IGN For Men: The Duke Nukem videogame character is obviously an homage to you, at least your attitude...

Bruce Campbell: What?!

IGN For Men: The Duke Nukem character?

Bruce Campbell: Really?

IGN For Men: I would say so.

Bruce Campbell: I'm kidding, I'm well aware of Duke Nukem.

IGN For Men: Have you been approached for the movie at all?

Bruce Campbell: No, and I would say no because of the way they've handled it.

IGN For Men: How have they handled it?

Bruce Campbell: Well, they're rip-off artists. Let them get their own damn material. It's called hiring a writer. They're blatantly ripping it off and if I was any kind of litigious guy they would've gotten a phone call by now. It's depressing and I think it's wrong. That's why Tachyon: The Fringe will kick little Duke's ass any day.

posted by the other side at 1:09 PM on July 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


Wake me when they announce a new Shadow Warrior.
posted by brundlefly at 1:09 PM on July 18, 2008


At the time, I liked Duke's ability to blow up his environment - I don't know of a game before DN that let you blow up toilets, mirrors and strippers.

Some of his one-liners were pretty good, as well. I recall a level set in a supermarket where you could shoot the PA speakers to turn off the Muzak, and Duke would say "Turn that crap off!" He'd also belt out "Cleanup on aisle 5!" after a particularly grisly alien kill. Not a bad game at all.
posted by porn in the woods at 1:11 PM on July 18, 2008


They'll release it as soon as the finalize the product placement for the second season of Firefly.
posted by stet at 1:41 PM on July 18, 2008


Imitation is indeed a form of flattery, but paying a guy is an even better form.

Saved to best quotes ever list.
posted by rokusan at 2:22 PM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


"stunning four minute trailer"

Is your use of the word stunning meant to be ironic or something? Or are you simply unaware of the word's meaning?
posted by Sir Mildred Pierce at 2:27 PM on July 18, 2008


I've seen some gameplay awhile ago in a show by some developer turned showman (can't find the video, sorry). The interface looks like half life 2, the rest, well, looks fine graphically but at the same time feels a bit aged. Fact is, while the duke was away his bombastic style went to the side of the FPS genre. Duke's followers (Serious Sam, Painkiller, others I don't remember at the moment) are a niche of the whole genre now. Most of FPS players today want other things. They have never played the previous game. They maybe know about it just because it's a cautionary tale on game development that games magazine love to tell once in awhile.
Still, there's hope for Broussard & co because of the cult status. Someone will get the game just tell "I was there", especially if it will be painfully bad. I know a lot of people who rushed to the shops to get Limbo of the Lost.
posted by darkripper at 3:43 PM on July 18, 2008


I know a lot of people who rushed to the shops to get Limbo of the Lost.

Bah, Limbo of the Lost is nothing next to Left Behind.
posted by rokusan at 4:05 PM on July 18, 2008


They should have done the trailer in html using nothing but blink, marquee and background music that you can't turn off.
posted by robtf3 at 4:05 PM on July 18, 2008


For people who haven't seen it, this site is an excellent take on just how badly 3D Realms has been owned by their development schedule. For example, the entirety of the Unreal series has been released since Duke Nukem Forever was released.
posted by Mitrovarr at 4:33 PM on July 18, 2008


jeffamaphone: brian hook?
posted by reiichiroh at 4:37 PM on July 18, 2008


I'm totally buying this game when the package it with they Phantom.
posted by ben242 at 4:49 PM on July 18, 2008


Stunningly bad. Three minutes of animated logos?
posted by tkchrist at 4:56 PM on July 18, 2008


Wasn't it full 3D vs. Dooms tied-to-a-2.5D-plane? It was certainly better in some way. Objects and monsters were still bitmaps though.

Nah, it wasn't quite as limited as Doom but it wasn't full 3D - they used some distortion tricks to fake changing the camera pitch, for one. Quake 1 is still the first major truly 3D FPS that I'm aware of.
posted by Ryvar at 5:11 PM on July 18, 2008


Unimaginably bad. Worse than I expected, and I didn't expect much. It was so bad that I'm actually angry at the developers of a game - an entire series - that I never cared about. I just want them to be punished for being really fucking bad at their jobs. Where does the money come from? How do they pay the bills?

Four fucking minutes of logos enlarging and shrinking to some godawful music. Note to whoever was paid to do that: I want to choke you to death. No kidding.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 5:23 PM on July 18, 2008


Quake 1 is still the first major truly 3D FPS that I'm aware of.

Descent came a year earlier.
posted by Pyry at 5:26 PM on July 18, 2008


Found it! Somewhere in this video you'll find some DNF gameplay. Like, for real.
posted by darkripper at 5:27 PM on July 18, 2008


I just watched the shittiest four minute introduction to a piece of bullshit.
posted by parmanparman at 5:46 PM on July 18, 2008


Pyry: Descent came a year earlier.

Descent is traditionally considered a space sim, not an FPS. Still, it's true that it did pre-date it.

It's a pity the series died such an ignominious death, since I rather liked it.
posted by Mitrovarr at 6:01 PM on July 18, 2008


The full extent of this didn't really hit me until I realized that Britney Spears rose and fell since Duke Nukem Forever was announced.
posted by stavrogin at 7:22 PM on July 18, 2008


Aye; Descent rocked. And it was entirely an FPS; it was set in mines (on other planets, I'll grant you) and had physics that no one in their right mind would call 'simulation'. But the level design was incredible and the full-3d freedom was great fun to master.
posted by kaibutsu at 7:35 PM on July 18, 2008


Well, hell, if you're counting Descent why not count Ultima Underworld: The Stygian Abyss. That came out in like 1992.
posted by Justinian at 7:38 PM on July 18, 2008 [1 favorite]


Did I just get rickrolled?
posted by rxrfrx at 7:48 PM on July 18, 2008


dukerolled, maybe.
posted by ArkhanJG at 11:43 PM on July 18, 2008


Several people in this thread seem to be confusing Duke Nukem 3D with the original Duke Nukem, a Commander Keen-like platformer released in 1991.

Neither of them were good. I remember going to a LAN party sometime in the '90s where people were playing DN3D in preference to Quake. Inexplicable.

No idea where exactly in my brain these pointless facts are stuck, but they're there and you now have the benefit of them.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 12:14 AM on July 19, 2008


Ultima Underworld was awesome, I can't believe those Daikatana assholes managed to run so over budget that they effectively killed Looking Glass.
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:46 AM on July 19, 2008


Yeah, UU was indeed awesome. Makes you long for the days of original games instead of the latest RTS or FPS retread. Sorry, Duke.
posted by Justinian at 1:27 AM on July 19, 2008


Ultima Underworld

Isn't that just Dungeon Master?
posted by Artw at 7:43 AM on July 19, 2008


To be honest, I wouldn't mind if they didn't release new Duke Nukem games for handhelds, as long as they let me play the old platformers on my DS.

And Crystal Caves, and Commander Keen.
posted by robcorr at 7:47 AM on July 19, 2008


I remember going to a LAN party sometime in the '90s where people were playing DN3D in preference to Quake. Inexplicable.

Count me among the crazy, then. Duke Nukem 3D was a fantastic game, made all the better because of the jetpack. Being able to fly around added a whole new dimension to the gameplay, particularly in death matches. They even had hotkeys to choose a Duke "catch-phrase" to say to your opponent after slaughtering them.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:31 AM on July 19, 2008


I'll see your Dungeon Master(1987) and raise you a Dungeons of Daggorath(1982).
posted by BrotherCaine at 9:15 AM on July 19, 2008


BrotherCaine: Dungeons of Daggorath

Oh damn, you've just kicked my nostalgia into overdrive.

I spent hours playing that game. Even more hours loading it from the cassette player.
posted by mkultra at 9:20 AM on July 19, 2008


3D Monster maze, released in 1982, shortly after Duke Nukem Forever was announced.
posted by Artw at 9:30 AM on July 19, 2008 [1 favorite]


81, even.
posted by Artw at 9:30 AM on July 19, 2008


I just came in here to say that 8-player Blood (plus beer and pizza, natch) is still the best multiplayer fun-time gaming experience I have ever had in my life. Yes, even better than Battlefield 1942 and Gears of War.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:24 PM on July 20, 2008


Descent came a year earlier.

Sorry, I should have been more specific - Quake was the first FPS I'm aware of that supported true arbitrary level geometry - Descent was a portal engine that only supported interconnected convex cubes, which is pretty limiting from a designer's perspective. That's not to say Descent wasn't immense fun, because it rocked, just that it wasn't 'real' 3D anymore than Doom or UU or DN3D were. All of those, come to think of it, were great games.
posted by Ryvar at 7:07 AM on July 21, 2008


Any love for Marathon out there?
posted by Artw at 8:18 AM on July 21, 2008


Artw: I heart Marathon (and most of the mods and TCs) madly.
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:30 PM on July 21, 2008


Any love for Marathon out there?

Marathon and the sequels were great, particularly considering the traditionally bleak gaming-on-a-Mac world into which they sprung. I should probably play Halo someday -- I haven't really given it a chance to see if it lived up to my enjoyment of Marathon.
posted by camcgee at 12:48 PM on July 21, 2008


I'm not hugely into Halo, but from what I've seen it lacks character by comparison. It's all very well doen though.
posted by Artw at 12:54 PM on July 21, 2008


Marathon and the sequels were great

I would consider the Halo franchise to be Marathon sequels. The plot is similar, the weapons share many of the same names, and you are being driven forward in the plot by a number of increasingly paranoid AIs. Also, the Marathon logo is plastered all over the Halo universe.
posted by quin at 1:09 PM on July 21, 2008


Marathon is probably my favourite title of the 2.5D era, though I had a soft spot for Star Wars: Dark Forces on the grounds that it was nicely Star Warsy.
posted by Artw at 2:24 PM on July 21, 2008


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