Comments on: "you have the legs and you have the head"

"you have the legs and you have the head"

grounded — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:52:55 -0800

It's almost time again for everyone's favorite WTF Olympic Sport -- Modern Pentathlon. But as the Games approach, the sport is rocked by scandals -- faked scores, questionable competitions, international disputes. Meanwhile, the French MP team, not content to merely swimshootfenceriderun, add singing to their skill set with this catchy tune "T'as les jambes et t'as la tête".

By: effbot

effbot — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:05:11 -0800

What? Who are you to call a sport dominated by swedes for nearly 50 years a "WTF sport"? If I could find a "would offend certain early 20:th century scandinavians" reason in the list, I'd flag this post.

By: pardonyou?

pardonyou? — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:06:33 -0800

Well, this gives me a nice opportunity to link to the story in today's Detroit News about Sheila Taormina, who will become the first woman (and first American) to participate in three different Olympic sports (swimming, triathalon, and now modern pentathalon). She's overcome some interesting challenges along the way -- including financial issues, a stalker, and, most recently, depression. I've met Sheila and she's a really cool, down-to-earth person. I hope she does well, but she'll make history just by competing.

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:07:41 -0800

Say what you will, I still think the Pentathlon is the Olympic Sport of the badass, similar to the way that Iron Man Tri-athletes ares an order of awesomeness higher of your run-of-the-mill marathoner. Sure, proving that you can dominate one sport better than anyone else alive on the planet at the moment is pretty awesome, but these guys say they can dominate 5 in one go better than anyone else. Mark Phelps on a freaking horse? Yao Ming trying his hand at swordsplay? Pentathletes are the jack-of-all-trades at the Olympics and its one of my favorite events to watch. The winter game's biathlon is still my favorite by far, however.

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:08:18 -0800

*Modern Pentathlon

By: tommasz

tommasz — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:08:38 -0800

I think it might be more appropriate to call it a Pythonesque Olympic Sport.

By: DU

DU — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:09:27 -0800

We prefer to use the term "portmanteau sport".

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:13:52 -0800

Best Pentathalon Scandal Evah! Boris Onischenko and his magic sword

By: tinkertown

tinkertown — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:18:03 -0800

Pentathlon IS the sport of the badass... as long as we're talking about the foot race, wrestling, the long jump, javelin throw and discus throw. Now how did air pistol, equestrianism, and fencing all get lumped together?

By: DU

DU — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:18:20 -0800

Dammit. I should have said "sportmanteau".

By: Mitheral

Mitheral — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:23:36 -0800

tinkertown writes "Now how did air pistol, equestrianism, and fencing all get lumped together?" "The modern pentathlon was invented by the Baron Pierre de Coubertin, the founder of the modern Olympic Games. As the events of the ancient pentathlon were modeled after the skills of the ideal soldier of that time, Coubertin created the contest to simulate the experience of a 19th century cavalry soldier behind enemy lines: he must ride an unfamiliar horse, fight with pistol and sword, swim, and run."

By: ardgedee

ardgedee — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:24:47 -0800

> "T'as les jambes et t'as la tête" La tête et les jambes is also the title of a cycling training manual by Henri Desgrange, founder of the Tour de France. To the best of my knowledge it was not set to music.

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:25:36 -0800

Jack of all sports, master at none.

By: oddman

oddman — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:29:26 -0800

So, pentathletes can outrun and out swim you, and they can stab, shoot or trample you. If that's not bad ass, then nothing is.

By: googly

googly — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:29:35 -0800

Which is weirder? A competition in which you have to run, swim, ride a horse, shoot straight, and defend yourself with a sword. or A competition in you have to jump off a springboard over an obstacle; swing around and around on a bar (or two); do somersaults and cartwheels on a mat; and balance on a thin beam or twirl around on a thick one.

By: Anderson_Localized

Anderson_Localized — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:29:46 -0800

....more appropriate to call it a Pythonesque Olympic Sport. I thought you were going to link to this.

By: ardgedee

ardgedee — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:33:46 -0800

> If that's not bad ass, then nothing is. You know what would be more badass? Batman doing the pentathlon.

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:40:53 -0800

Divine_Wino's Ultramodern Pentathlon: 1. Powerchug a bottle of warm Vanilla Vodka (1 liter) and then eat 1 box of low sodium Saltenes. 2. Get a bicycle through the NYC subway "mantrap" rotating exits (it's like a tiny revolving door built out of metal tubes). 3. Masturbate to orgasm while an old lady cries and throws handfuls of flower petals at you, Don Henley will sing an acapella medley of Eagles songs throughout. 4. Sneak up on a cop and steal his hat and successfully escape while wearing only a small hotel style bath towel and cheap flip-flops. 5. Air Pistol.

By: fiercecupcake

fiercecupcake — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:44:23 -0800

Did anyone notice that the assignments to horses are drawn randomly 20 minutes before the equestrian event? Crazy.

By: ErWenn

ErWenn — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:47:22 -0800

I had always wondered about the modern pentathlon events until I read the intro to the Wikipedia article that Mitheral just quoted. It makes a lot more sense when you think about it as a 19th century combat readiness test. I'd never thought about the traditional track & field pentathlon before, but it seems pretty arbitrary as well if you don't think of it as an ancient Greek combat readiness test. Now, what would be really interesting would be combination events that test combat readiness (or are at least inspired by the idea) for other eras. For 20th century, the first things that come to mind are: rally racing, marksmanship, cross-country running, accuracy-landing skydiving, and maybe swimming. Anyone else have any suggestions?

By: effbot

effbot — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:57:53 -0800

Did anyone notice that the assignments to horses are drawn randomly 20 minutes before the equestrian event? Crazy. Yeah, since it's about your qualities as a rider, not the qualities of your horse. They do the same in e.g. the individual show jumping finals in the world equstrian games (well, in that case all four riders that make it to the finals ride all horses).

By: Sticherbeast

Sticherbeast — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:59:18 -0800

Jack of all sports, master at none. Well, master of the modern pentathlon. If, say, an Olympic swimmer were to start picking on the pentathletes for being spread too thin, a pentathlete would probably run to his nearest horse and shoot him before starting the swim challenge. And then he'd start fencing, just to cement the awesome.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:00:28 -0800

I'd just like to take a moment to put in a request that MetaFilter get a temporary separate forum for the duration of the Olympics, where any and all Olympics related threads can go. Same for the "Free Tibet Tho It's Too Late" threads and anything telling us how horrible China is. Cuz I for one am already tired of Beijing, and the Olympics haven't even effin' started yet. Or do I have to make this request in MeTa?

By: drezdn

drezdn — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:01:48 -0800

So it's like American Gladiators?

By: Mitheral

Mitheral — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:11:47 -0800

ZachsMind writes "I'd just like to take a moment to put in a request that MetaFilter get a temporary separate forum for the duration of the Olympics, where any and all Olympics related threads can go." Good idea, we could wedge it in next to the American Election sub site.

By: bibliowench

bibliowench — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:13:22 -0800

About 4 years ago, one of my colleagues threw a nostalgic toga party (we were all long out of college) at the house she shared with her boyfriend. I was nervous about going to a party with my out-of-shape upper arms exposed because I like to obsess over neurotic details rather than have actual fun. But I decided that the party was going to be full of English teachers (her job) and Army folks (his job), and that my physique would not fare that badly in comparison. What I didn't realize was that the boyfriend wasn't just in the Army; he was a member of the World Class Athlete Program, and he and his friends were all pentathletes. Chad Senior, the guy who got to compete in Athens, was there, as were the rest of the bunch who had the misfortune to only be the 3rd or 5th best pentathletes in the country and so had to find some other Army assignment instead of Olympic training. I borrowed a sweater.

By: bjrn

bjrn — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:13:57 -0800

Yeah, but without the giant cotton swabs.

By: bjrn

bjrn — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:14:29 -0800

Bah, that was a reply to drezdn's comment.

By: everichon

everichon — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:15:29 -0800

Are the Olympics happening? I thought they were still Touring The France.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:15:42 -0800

Masturbate to orgasm Yeah, the favourite Olympic sport of everybody I know is, and always has been, Ladies Gymnastics. I don't ever recall watching anything else.

By: Naberius

Naberius — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:54:50 -0800

I learned the military background of the Modern Pentathlon from Jon Sable, though he described it as specifically courier training. And he did medal in the event, I believe...

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:02:32 -0800

I'd just like to take a moment to put in a request that MetaFilter get a temporary separate forum Build it.

By: Justinian

Justinian — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:14:23 -0800

The greatest Olympic sport, bar none, is curling. Curling is so excellent it should be included in the Summer Olympics just on principle.

By: rodgerd

rodgerd — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:15:28 -0800

"Convince people to go to SpoFi" surely, jessamyn. And the modern pentathalon is just the coolest sport ever. The swashbuckler's olympics.

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:15:28 -0800

Well, master of the modern pentathlon. If, say, an Olympic swimmer were to start picking on the pentathletes for being spread too thin, a pentathlete would probably run to his nearest horse and shoot him before starting the swim challenge. And then he'd start fencing, just to cement the awesome. But he wouldn't look so awesome in the pool competing against a real swimmer. Nor would he look so awesome if that swimmer's partner was on the actual pistol team.

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:25:47 -0800

ErWenn: Great list (esp. rally!), but replace either sky-diving or swimming with some form of MMA.

By: grounded

grounded — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:38:44 -0800

If we updated it for the 21st century soldier, there'd only be one event -- Outsourcing to a Private Contractor.

By: Naberius

Naberius — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:50:46 -0800

"Cuz I for one am already tired of Beijing, and the Olympics haven't even effin' started yet." Dude, I'm already fed up with the 2010 games. Get with the program.

By: dame

dame — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:00:40 -0800

Mark Phelps on a freaking horse? It is a little difficult to feel you have thought about this when you cannot correctly name the man who is arguably the best swimmer of all-freakin'-time. That said, it is interesting that apparently swimming is the hardest of the disciplines to take up: you can learn to run and ride and shoot and whatnot, but it takes having been a world-class swimmer first. Yay water people!

By: ErWenn

ErWenn — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:22:58 -0800

LordSludge: I thought about some sort of melee combat, but I figured that air drops and beach storming* were more common activities in 20th century warfare than actual hand-to-hand fighting. I could be wrong. On a related note: are there any sporting events that reward stealth? There are a few events that I can think of that are essentially combat simulations (e.g. various paintball games), but not many that are more abstract than that. There's a tiny bit of stealth in baseball (stealing bases) and a lot of misdirection involved in other sports, but I'm hard pressed to think of many sports where the ability to not be seen (or noticed) is heavily utilized. *Granted, it's very different from the standard swimming events, but I couldn't really think of any water-based events that involve carrying that much weight.

By: grounded

grounded — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:46:07 -0800

apparently swimming is the hardest of the disciplines to take up Riding is harder than swimming (the UK recruits MPs from Pony Club). And most modern pentathletes I've seen are woefully bad riders. (The horses are screened for suitability, they're packer-types.) It's kind of funny when you first start watching but then there's something really awful about watching decent horses having to put up with riders who yank on their mouths, lean on their shoulders and get them to spots where they can't safely jump the fence.

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:06:48 -0800

Martin Short, Harry Shearer, and Christopher Guest, training for the WTF Olympics.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:36:58 -0800

What? Pythonesque mentioned twice and no one linked to the Silly Olympiad yet? FOR SHAME. That I could only find it in German is even *more* Pythonesque.

By: goo

goo — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:39:19 -0800

Roy and HG caring for the battered sav

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:40:29 -0800

Or in English if you really don't want your experience to be *too* surreal.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:45:58 -0800

Who are you to call a sport dominated by swedes for nearly 50 years a "WTF sport"? It's also the national sport of Parmistan. Although they've recently added swinging around on conveniently placed parallel bars and pommel horses. So now it's more of a Gymkathalon.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 19:57:40 -0800

On a related note: are there any sporting events that reward stealth? Well, there have been ninja competing in the modern Olympics since the start but I'll be damned if I can see them. They don't really care about the gold medals since they could steal them anytime they wanted to and it would be totally unnatural for a Ninja to take the podium and limelight, but I've been assured by reputable sources that they're there and that they win every single event. Think about that the next time you're watching women's gymnastics, spankers. Think about that and ninja pine cone training.

By: pompomtom

pompomtom — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:36:35 -0800

>skills of the ideal soldier of that time 1. Fail high school. 2. Join street gang. 3. Deal drugs 4. Join US Army 5. Bomb wedding party.

By: rokusan

rokusan — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:54:30 -0800

The events are epee fencing, pistol shooting, 200 m freestyle swimming, a show jumping course on horseback, and a 3 km cross-country run It's damn close to the James Bond-thalon. Just replace the run with skiing... in August... somehow.

By: lothar

lothar — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:17:41 -0800

Ultra-modern Pentathlon: 1) rally racing (sweet choice)Colin McRae teaches the Scandinavian flick 2) marksmanship -how about freestyle shotgun? Benelli video 3) Ironman Triathlon 2.4mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26 mile run Julie Moss canonical clip 4) skydiving --accuracy is easy, here's what real skydiving contests look like. 5) MMA? Observed trials? MTB downhill? Just some ideas. A modern behind-the-lines military person would tend to have more computer and social skills, but those aren't sexy.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:40:38 -0800

Don't forget the parkour, lothar.