Comments on: Moniker La Winski

Moniker La Winski

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:41:24 -0800

New Zealand judge makes Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii a ward of the court.

A nine year-old NZ girl has been made a ward of the court so she can change her name from Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii to something less embarrassing. Any suggestions? Meanwhile, let us pray In God We Trust does not roll his bus.

By: ericb

ericb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:45:37 -0800

"In his written ruling, he said names such as Stallion, Yeah Detroit, Fish and Chips, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit were prohibited by registration officials. Others that were permitted included twins called Benson and Hedges, other children called Midnight Chardonnay, Number 16 Bus Shelter and, the judge added, 'tragically, Violence.'"

By: ericb

ericb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:46:09 -0800

I went to summer camp with a kid named "Justin Case."

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:46:46 -0800

Unfortunately, she's changing her name to "The Artist Formerly Known as Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii."

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:50:33 -0800

Sex Fruit is such a great name. Happy birth day deaaaaar Seeeeeex Fruuuuuuuuuit, happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:50:52 -0800

I taught a girl named Candy Rabbit. There was a guy in her class named Randy Cain. I thought they should marry just for the name change.

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:50:52 -0800

Insert anecdote of friend who's a teacher who TOTALLY had a kid named "Shithead" in their class but it was pronounced Shi Theed. Totally true, I swear.

By: JHarris

JHarris — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:51:34 -0800

I've just been reading Jack Vance's The Dying Earth, and whenever I read something like this I have to stop myself from looking out the window to check if the sun's going out.

By: ericb

ericb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:52:43 -0800

I taught a girl named Candy Rabbit. There was a guy in her class named Randy Cain. I thought they should marry just for the name change. Traditional: Candy Cain. Non-traditional: Randy Rabbit. Either way, both are great!

By: quin

quin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:53:20 -0800

She told people her name was K Why didn't she tell people her name was just Talula? Sex Fruit More of a description than a name, no? the judge added, 'tragically, Violence.'" Am I alone in thinking that Violence would be about the coolest name ever? "Hi, I'm Smith. Violence Danger Smith." Which would give you the ability to say, "Danger is my middle name... But Violence is my first" right before you punched someone out. It's like the most perfect action-hero name ever conceived.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:55:28 -0800

> In his written ruling, he said names such as Stallion, Yeah Detroit, Fish and Chips, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit were prohibited by registration officials. Anyone who would try to name their child Sex Fruit should be forcibly sterilized.

By: twine42

twine42 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:56:55 -0800

Are we derailing into a "I knew a kid called"? Cool. My brother went to school with a girl called Theresa Green and a boy called Richard Head (who was always 'Rich')...

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:57:29 -0800

> It's like the most perfect action-hero name ever conceived. It's taken.

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:57:44 -0800

How can they in good conscious permit "Number 16 Bus Shelter", which is a rubbish name, but prohibit "Yeah Detroit", which is the greatest name? This is where I would normally link to the birth announcement of "KaGet Puzzy", but it's been unpublished from all internets. You'll just have to believe me. Have "Demanding Blessing Jesus Mackson" instead.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:57:50 -0800

It's like the most perfect action-hero name ever conceived. Just nudges out Dewfeel Lucky?

By: twine42

twine42 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:58:25 -0800

Sex Fruit More of a description than a name, no? So, shall we offer a prize to the first kid called "Crotch Dropping"?

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:58:32 -0800

the judge should be hammered on this, he doesn't have the right to do this... These people need a better lawyer.. that said, I knew a girl named April Showers...

By: carsonb

carsonb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:59:31 -0800

The full Tragically Violence rings sweeter to me. Plus, I've always wanted an adverbial name—it's living dangerously.

By: ictow

ictow — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Yeah Detroit would have grown up to be a geophysicist/prog rocker who unlocked a quicksand portal to the Quartz Domain. And incidentally, an adverbial name is the coolest idea I've ever heard of.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:00:40 -0800

It's a little known fact about Batman, but this is exactly why he took Robin on as his ward. Before he changed it to Dick Grayson, the poor boy was named Whizbang Poopmellowson.

By: Green Eyed Monster

Green Eyed Monster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:02:18 -0800

My coworker unfortunately had a niece named... "Vuh-Gee-Nuh" spelled....you guess it: Vagina. She was apparently too scared to tell her sister what that actually spelled....

By: quin

quin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:07:06 -0800

it's living dangerously. I had a couple of co-workers with the last name of Lee who were pregnant with a girl. I tried desperately to get them to name her Liv Dangerous Lee. My premise was that Liv Lee is a nice sounding name, and when she's older she will have a fantastically bad-ass name to impress her friends. He wouldn't go for it, but the mom was -><- this close.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:07:27 -0800

Went to elementary school with a kid named Wayne Dwop. For about five minutes. I have a feeling Wayne changed schools a lot. Anyhow, if the whole world was Vene zuela, stories like this would be nipped in the bud.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:09:20 -0800

The only weird name I've ever coveted... I know someone named Crystal Lemon. Man, I love that name.

By: goatdog

goatdog — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:09:50 -0800

I worked with a woman who named her daughter Assump3ta. The 3 was silent.

By: padraigin

padraigin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:10:36 -0800

I wanted to name my kid Tallulah, but, like, Tallulah Grace or something. Mr. padraigin said no, it was weird. When I got a cool old VW he encouraged me to name THAT Tallulah instead. Now I have a daughter named Mary. But her friends? They're named things like Anouk. My poor kid got shafted into the single most common feminine name in Western history. I sold Tallulah the car when I was about six months pregnant with my second daughter. I suggested that now the name was freed up and perhaps Mr. padraigin was more sensitized to cool old lady names. He said no, because now it was a CAR NAME. Kid #2 ended up being named the second most common feminine name in Western history: Margaret. Because, I mean, if you're going to settle, settle big.

By: opsin

opsin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:11:11 -0800

Penistopher Terwhimplecrap... The more I hear about New Zealand the more fascinating (perhaps, terrifying) it sounds to be. When Last Tango in Paris was finally released there, they showed it in segregated theatres, including a university theatre that showed it segregated by a rope down the centre aisle! And yet now they have someone who was going to have been called Sex Fruit...

By: buggzzee23

buggzzee23 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:12:10 -0800

My wife had a client many years ago whose parents named her Ghana Ria

By: DU

DU — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:12:36 -0800

Another mother tried to use text language for her child's name, he said. It's so unfortunate when parents try to put their children in the straitjacket of a combinatorial alphabet.

By: DU

DU — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:14:02 -0800

Also, I knew a guy in high school that we just called "Boner" which was his last name. First name: Richard. The really strange part was that that was his dad's name too. Break the cycle, people.

By: effbot

effbot — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:14:40 -0800

The lawyer said the girl feared being mocked and teased, and had a better insight about the situation than her parents, who appeared not to have given any thought to implications of giving their child such a name. Indeed. As local blogger said regarding a similar (but less obviously braindead) local case, there's a paradox in these attempts to come up with the most unique name for your kid that you can possibly think of; instead of giving your kids the freedom to define themselves and invent their own identity, they'll spend their formative years constantly being reminded about how incredibly clever and ironical and self-absorbed their parents are. It's like reading Rushdie.

By: you just lost the game

you just lost the game — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:15:29 -0800

Fruit Chan.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:16:48 -0800

I am reminded of the unfortunate case of Encyclopedia Brown v. Henry and Doris Brown. Tragic, really.

By: ardgedee

ardgedee — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:17:54 -0800

> The full Tragically Violence rings sweeter to me. It's "tragically, Violence" in the news article, and if you think it's hard to get a telephone operator to transcribe a hyphenated name correctly, try nonstandard capitalization and a comma.

By: jack_mo

jack_mo — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:19:47 -0800

Benson and Hedges is pretty funny - singly the kids would just have those daft surname-as-first-name type monikers, only when together would the true wonder of their naming be revealed. And I can't help but imagine all these kids coincidentally ending up at the same primary school. John? Yes Miss! Paul? Yes Miss! Uh, Violence? Yes Miss! Sex Friut? Here!

By: grounded

grounded — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:19:55 -0800

I was so hoping Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii was a porno film.

By: cereselle

cereselle — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:21:41 -0800

Swear to all heaven, I went to college with a Barbara Dwyer. And she did go by Barb.

By: DU

DU — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:24:06 -0800

Encyclopedia Brown v. Henry and Doris Brown. I was going to correct you by noting his real first name, which I believe his parents (or at least mom) used, but it turns out to be "Leroy". So....carry on with that lawsuit.

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:25:45 -0800

If I interpret this story correctly, the parents refused to compromise on Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii's comedy name, even when threated with losing custody. While lulzy, this automatically shows them to be unfit parents.

By: carsonb

carsonb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:25:57 -0800

But her friends? They're named things like Anouk. Khamir is the one I run by all potential babymamas.

By: sour cream

sour cream — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:27:17 -0800

Any suggestions? How about "John"?

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:28:24 -0800

I'll see your Fruit Chan and raise you a Banana Yoshimoto.

By: Slarty Bartfast

Slarty Bartfast — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:29:33 -0800

Well, there goes my idea. Surfer Rosa if it's a girl. Gulab Jamun is it's a boy.

By: bibliowench

bibliowench — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:31:39 -0800

Bah. These parents trying to prove their nonconformity at their kid's expense - fuck them. I don't have a punned or nontraditional name, but my mother decided to a) Conflate two conventional spellings of my first name, b) Give me an amazingly trendy middle name - which isn't even a goddamn human name but a freaking river, c) Misspell that middle name and d) Call me by that middle name, with the logic that if I hate my middle name, then I can easily change it back to the first (and then refusing to call my by my first name when I tried to do so in third grade). So my least favorite question in the world is "What's your name?" She'll get my sympathy when her parents start making her go by "Does the Hulla."

By: carsonb

carsonb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:32:26 -0800

Another mother tried to use text language for her child's name Odin Magnus Geoffrey Welles The Fourth, Bbq.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:32:55 -0800

Self link: Great Old Names

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:34:12 -0800

Violence is sick. I expect he will be well enough to attend school tomorrow. Yours Truly, Iona Brothel

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:34:53 -0800

Also: Fannie Sample, Emma Tate, and I. B. Horne.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:36:43 -0800

Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once!

By: Mike D

Mike D — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:39:12 -0800

I suspect "Number 16 Bus Shelter" was in loving tribute to the place where the child was conceived after that "special" dinner at Burger King.

By: sour cream

sour cream — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:41:56 -0800

So my least favorite question in the world is "What's your name?" Yeah, I get funny looks, too, when I say it's "sour cream".

By: Guy_Inamonkeysuit

Guy_Inamonkeysuit — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:42:16 -0800

When my ex was pregnant with our daughter and people asked us what we wanted to name the baby, I'd say "Harpo if it's a boy and Medusa if it's a girl." It was a girl, and we named her Kira. I had a friend in high school named Houston Jeremiah Rabbitt. Poor guy. Even his nickname, Jed, didn't save him from ridicule.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:43:16 -0800

I've often thought that, regardless of gender, I would name my child Tarzan Roachclip. Think about it -- in grade school, they could go by Tarzan, and be the most popular kid in school, and then, when they get to Jr. High, they switch to their middle name, and BOOM, popular all the way through high school. This made a lot more sense in the Seventies.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:48:58 -0800

Your title is fucking brilliant, wgp. Thanks.

By: Sailormom

Sailormom — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:53:22 -0800

My Name is Tallulah is my daughter's favorite song at the moment. I remember reading this past year about a Chinese couple that tried to name their baby "@". And I really did go to school with a Michael Hunt. We were in the Cub Scouts together.

By: Daddy-O

Daddy-O — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:00:30 -0800

The best name ever would be Max Power. It feels good in your ear! Ima Hogg, no so good. I went to school with Penny Nichols.

By: BeerFilter

BeerFilter — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:00:49 -0800

Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffvoralternwarengewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifendurchihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvorandieerscheinenwanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternartigraumaufdersuchenachdiesternwelchegehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneurassevonverstandigmenschlichkeitkonntefortplanzenundsicherfreuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvonandererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum, Senior. I like my steaks medium-well, thanks.

By: Samizdata

Samizdata — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:01:51 -0800

Had a friend named Clifford Leeper. Some siblings I went to school with? Truly Gold, Shirley Silver, and Justin Cooper. Then there was the brother and sister pair of Sky and Storm. (Last name escapes me.) But the best EVER? Three brothers my stepfather used to teach... Hermen. Thermen. (wait for it....) (wait for it....) Vermen.

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:02:46 -0800

I'll see your Fruit Chan and raise you a Banana Yoshimoto. It's my understanding that the "Banana" part was self-selected as a pen name. But onward: my grandfather's name was "Revilo Oliver [last name]". What's Revilo? ....What's Oliver spelled backwards? Grandpa hated it -- he went by his initials ("Row"). My best friend in Kindergarten was named "Krishna." Her parents were not hippies, nor were they Hindi. Apparently they'd seen the name in an article about sled dogs and thought it was pretty (before then they were thinking of "Dulcinea"). She later had a brother named Theoden (yes, after the king of Rohan) and a sister named Guinnevere. Krishna now has two kids of her own, and I believe their names are Daedelus and Portia. I once met a guy whose name was, and all present swore to this, "Cantad Hoopachu Svensgard." The only explanation he gave was "my parents were hippies, and each one blames the other one. His friends called him "Hoopie." But see, the thing is, there are conditions in which normal names can be sources of teasing: my father's name is "Richard," but he goes by "Dick." ....And my mother's name is "Jane."

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:07:52 -0800

Oh, and now all I can think of is the old Monty Python sketch where they discuss the life of the unknown German composer, Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfernschplendenschlittercrasscrenbonfrieddiggerdangledongleburstein von knacker-thrasherapplebangerhorowitzticolensicgranderknottyspelltinklegrandlichgrumblemeyer-spelterwasserkürstlichhimbleeisenbahnwagengutenabendbitteeinenürnburgerbratwustle-gerspurtenmitzweimacheluberhundsfutgumberabershönendankerkalbsfleischmittlerraucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:09:22 -0800

I taught a girl named Candy Rabbit. There was a guy in her class named Randy Cain. I thought they should marry just for the name change. A girl in my HS class was named Candace Cain. She probably would have taken more grief if the sign over the door to the local Rexall drugstore didn't read "Hyman J. Doodlesack, Prop."

By: Daddy-O

Daddy-O — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:09:43 -0800

Oh, and I know a girl who named her daughter Pandora. That is like naming your kid Disaster. And I know another girl who was considering Mephistopheles as a name for her son. Fortunately she has a girl named Abigail instead.

By: carsonb

carsonb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:10:37 -0800

The best name ever would be Max Power I worked with a guy named Max Paradise.

By: Who_Am_I

Who_Am_I — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:12:57 -0800

One time I checked a woman's ID, only to find that she was legally named "Babydoll." I'm not sure whether I hope that she changed it to that herself, or was born that way. Also, none of these names seem to be showing up on the Baby Name Voyager. Strange.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:16:43 -0800

Yeah Detroit would have grown up to be a geophysicist/prog rocker who unlocked a quicksand portal to the Quartz Domain Quicksand Portal and Quartz Domain are good names too.

By: Bluecoat93

Bluecoat93 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:18:59 -0800

Perfect timing for this article. The flight attendant on my plane yesterday was named Aquanetta.

By: chrominance

chrominance — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:27:04 -0800

Number 16 Bus Shelter If you're going to name the kid after the place they were conceived, try something slightly less specific? Or you could take the opposite, add more detail in the middle name so we know what bench not to sit on.

By: supermedusa

supermedusa — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:27:41 -0800

William IX of Aquitaine's long-time mistress was named Dangereuse, which I have always thought was the coolest name ever, particularly for a sexy mistress! if I had twin girls I would absolutely name them Scylla and Charybdis. but I'm not having children so don't worry! Pandora = awesome girl's name!!! guy, you should have done it!!!!

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:29:35 -0800

'tragically, Violence.' Much better than plain 'Violence'. In fact, I suggest that every name be predicated with an adverb. "My name? Yes, it's Smith. Predictably John Smith."

By: padraigin

padraigin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:30:32 -0800

For what it's worth, we're not having any more kids but if we do, I secured full naming rights. I've already decided if we have a boy, it'll be Elvis, and if another girl, Tallulah Elvis. I'm so not kidding about this, to the extent that Mr. padraigin is willing to undergo minor surgery to ensure that it never happens.

By: grounded

grounded — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:36:02 -0800

Charming Ho. You can be her friend on Facebook.

By: optovox

optovox — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:37:36 -0800

Remember Aryan Justice?

By: msconduct

msconduct — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:37:38 -0800

many years ago: i worked with candy cain who, yes, YES! did modeling on the side. at another job, we passed around an enrollment card for olive pitts. one of my co-worker's sons named his cats 'sex' and 'violence,' only to rename them sax & violins after the birth of their first child who had a common, everyday name. and, of course, Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa got quite upset as a youngster when he found out his real name, per his birth certificate, was Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa. his parents allowed him to legally change it to dweezil, which is what the family had been calling him anyway.

By: imperium

imperium — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:41:11 -0800

I'd like to add the following (supposedly real) names: Chris Peacock Rain Dancing on Still Water (I met her brother, Tree: parents believed to be hippies) and a Scottish classic: Pocohontas McGinty, supposedly from Paisley.

By: notsnot

notsnot — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:41:17 -0800

I had a student...Precious Johnson. Yeah, reports were that she was pretty skanky, too.

By: yoink

yoink — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:45:10 -0800

Hmmm. I wonder if one could come up with an equivalent to Godwin's law about "funny name" threads? As the funny name thread increases, the probability that someone will claim to "know someone who knew someone called Lemongello and/or Orangello" approaches 1? Oops--did I just Lemongello this thread? I wonder if "Vah-gee-nuh" (see above) would count?

By: peep

peep — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:46:27 -0800

I used to work with identical twins named Morningstar and Eveningstar. They were really cool.

By: malphigian

malphigian — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:55:00 -0800

padraigin: For what it's worth, if you check out the SSA data, both Mary and Margaret are not very common names at all. In 2007, they were 93rd and 173rd respectively. Names that sound popular to adult ears now are not going to sound like popular names when your kids are older. Margaret is going to stand out plenty next to all the Emmas, Madisons, Sophias, and Hannahs.

By: goo

goo — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:59:48 -0800

Swear to all heaven, I went to college with a Barbara Dwyer. And she did go by Barb. She was my grade 8 English teacher. The principal at the same school was Ray Gunn. We had lots of hippy names, being a middle-class left-leaning bush city - I knew Rainee Webber, Leaf Rose Green, Portia Klio Andromeda Herbert-Funk (trips off the tongue, try it aloud), Sunny, Sunnee and Sani (unrelated), and the neighbour kids were Kashmir and Beau Brummel. As an adult, though, I think I react to 'funny' names a lot less - probably just more exposure to people from all over the world, a lot of the African people I know have funny English-language names and I couldn't do my job if I found every name as hilarious as I did at first. Still, why couldn't the girl in the article just go with Talula?

By: WinnipegDragon

WinnipegDragon — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:14:17 -0800

My wife went to school with a girl named 'Treasure'. About eight years back she served us wings at Hooters.

By: Who_Am_I

Who_Am_I — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:17:25 -0800

Names that sound popular to adult ears now are not going to sound like popular names when your kids are older. Yeah, this is very true. When my brother and I were born my mother gave us both equally unpopular (at the time) names. His quickly became a very common name while mine remained relatively rare, until recently. Now I hear of lots of little kids with my name, and indeed according to the app that I linked before my name has become exponentially more popular in the last 10 years. Meanwhile my grandmother's name (Betty) is all but extinct, despite it's previous popularity.

By: geos

geos — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:20:36 -0800

Dick Aho.... that's Aayho or he'll punch your face in...

By: StickyCarpet

StickyCarpet — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:31:41 -0800

the second most common feminine name in Western history: Margaret. At least she has the second most variants to choose from (after Elisabeth): Marge, Mag, Margy, Peg, Peggy...

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:32:44 -0800

Bah. These parents trying to prove their nonconformity at their kid's expense - fuck them. Whereas parents who give their kids good traditional names and baptize/indoctrinate their children before they are independently sentient are given the keys to the kingdom of heaven, of course. Parents should be able to name their children whatever the fuck they want. Children should then be able to change their names at the age of 16 or whatever your local age of consent is. She told people her name was K Why didn't she tell people her name was just Talula? EXACTLY. There's obviously more to the story here than just the name. Anecdata: In college, a girl next dorm over was named Midnight Toker. She changed it legally from Rachel Toker. "(Rachel"?! Stupid fucking parents.) Oh, and I know a girl who named her daughter Pandora. That is like naming your kid Disaster. To be fair, isn't "Pandora" the Greek stand-in/scapegoat for "Eve," i.e. the first woman who was blamed for bringing all of the sin into the world? On second thought, maybe not. In any way, I think it's a sweet name. I wanted to name my daughter Eris (personification of chaos) or Bia (personification of force/violence). Mythological names are cool, imo.

By: Caduceus

Caduceus — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:34:56 -0800

My parents thought they were giving me a relatively uncommon name when they named me. There were five people with my name in my 500 student high school, which I believe made it the most common male name in the highschool. Two others were in my year, and to make things worse, are both my friends. Parties can get confusing sometimes.

By: jtron

jtron — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:37:25 -0800

Bret Hart's brother Smith named his daughter "Satanic Ecstasy."

By: carsonb

carsonb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:39:08 -0800

And incidentally, an adverbial name is the coolest idea I've ever heard of. You have got to see this movie!

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:43:52 -0800

Names have power. A kid can take strength from his or her name just because it's the same as some hero or character just as easily as they can take ridicule for having it rhyme with Booger. So while my kids' first names will be fairly standard ones, picked to please relatives and given them something normal to cling on to in what will likely be a very chaotic upbringing, I have decided that my first born son's middle name shall be "Muscles" while my daughter's middle name will be "Awesome". I do not expect to have to worry about a third name as the court will very quickly take little Muscles or Awesome away to rebrand them a Bob or Jane or something.

By: TheWhiteSkull

TheWhiteSkull — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:53:06 -0800

I once taught swimming to a set of autistic twins named Nathaniel and Sebastian. Pretty normal, right? Except that their mother (who was rather odd herself) decided that they should be called by more familiar versions of their names. So Nathaniel became Nat. Fine. Sebastian became Basti. Not Seb, or Bas or even Seabas, but Basti. Naturally, in my own drug and booze addled brain (I was a lifeguard) they immediately became Nasty and Bat. They probably wouldn't have noticed, but I think I did slip up in front of the mom once. I also had a gym teacher in high school named Clark Kent Pulford. Total dick.

By: MiltonRandKalman

MiltonRandKalman — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:54:10 -0800

I had a friend in high school named Mike Hawk, we blamed the oversight on account of his parents being Canadian. But you're all gonna back me up when I need to convince my future wife to name our kids Tiff and Jpeg, right?

By: rusty

rusty — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:54:44 -0800

bibliowench: Is your name Shanon Tweade [something]? Cause that would be awesome. Especially if your last name was Thames. Daddy-O: I lobbied very hard for our second child to be named Pandora if it was a girl. Actually, I lobbied pretty hard for it for the first as well, which was a girl, but I lost. I lost the second time around too, but it was a boy so it turned out to be irrelevant. However, we picked out a girl name as well, so if there's another, and that one's a girl, she'll probably be stuck with the unused girl name. But if there is a fourth, and that one is also a girl, and the third was a girl too (thereby having used the other name) I am totally going to any length up to and including filling in the birth certificate paperwork myself while my wife is unconscious on the birthing bed to make sure her name is Pandora. (Incidentally, I was originally shooting for Pandora Eve, but even I have come to agree that would probably be taken the wrong way.*) Although now that I know there is at least one other Pandora somewhere, I'm cooling slightly. Tragically Violence has a nice ring to it. ------------------------- * The idea behind both is to celebrate the feminist and humanist interpretations of the two respective myths. Both feature women who refused to shut up and do what they were told, and were punished and vilified beyond all reasonable bounds. Both myths are also traditionally viewed through a clearly misogynistic lens, and pretty easy to recast in a different light if your main project is not to point out that all women are evil. I figured a girl bearing those two names would be curious pretty early on what they meant, and might come to a quicker understanding of the historical forces she's up against. Or just hate me, I suppose.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:58:51 -0800

As previously discussed, I am not one to make fun of anyone's unfortunate first name. The experience of having a conspicuous name is entirely what you make of it, though. You can grow from it and use it to be a stronger, more individualistic person or take the other route, be a victim, and let it ruin your life. Your call in the end. It's a test, if you will. But after many years, I now actually feel it was better that I experienced a bit of that struggle than to have lived my whole life with the most boring name ever, never standing out. I kind of embrace it as something that, at an early age, began to make me who I am. And I'm thankful for that. I still don't really go by it, but I don't fight it. I've embraced it in my heart, really. As a matter of fact, amidst my dad's stuff I just found an old bowling trophy from 1958 that belonged to the woman I was named after. I immediately coveted it, and it's going right on my mantle. It says "Wilda Garrett -- CHAMP."

By: TheWhiteSkull

TheWhiteSkull — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:02:52 -0800

rusty, Why not Cassandra? Personally, if I had a daughter I think I would want to name her Drusilla or Lucretia. I'd name my son either Siddhartha (which shortens nicely into "Sid") or Iggy. I'm a bastard.

By: i_am_joe's_spleen

i_am_joe's_spleen — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:12:38 -0800

I remember Number 16 Busstop. I believe it was a reference to where she was conceived.

By: strangeleftydoublethink

strangeleftydoublethink — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:12:54 -0800

There used to be a commissioner in Washington County (Oregon) named Dick Porn. Why he never went with Richard...

By: rusty

rusty — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:13:02 -0800

TheWhiteSkull: Cassandra was kind of pathetic wasn't she? I mean, always right but no one ever listened in time? Not exactly the greatest superpower ever. Lucretia's not bad, but I have some personal associations with that name that rule it out. As, uh, unlikely as I now realize that sounds. Really!

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:13:36 -0800

I blame the Cold War for killing off a lot of old, cool, slightly menacing names. When was the last time you met an Igor? Or a Boris? Or even an Ivan?

By: Citizen Premier

Citizen Premier — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:17:13 -0800

Reminds me of the old Disney movie where two parents in Germany were listening to the list of approved baby names. "Let's see, Charles, William, Adolph, das es good one, no?" "Actually, we were thinking about Alfred..." "ES IST VERBOTEN!"

By: padraigin

padraigin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:17:24 -0800

For what it's worth, if you check out the SSA data, both Mary and Margaret are not very common names at all. Ah, but if you check the entire past two thousand and eight years or so of Eurocentric history... At least she has the second most variants to choose from (after Elisabeth): Marge, Mag, Margy, Peg, Peggy. We went with "Daisy".

By: Mitheral

Mitheral — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:22:57 -0800

imperium writes "Rain Dancing on Still Water" I know quite a few first nations people, these kind of names are common. Including a couple of brothers I did quite a bit of hunting with named Bear and Cougar. Caduceus writes "There were five people with my name in my 500 student high school, which I believe made it the most common male name in the highschool. Two others were in my year, and to make things worse, are both my friends.

"Parties can get confusing sometimes." My father has a common 50s name and at one time ran a towing business with another guy with the same name. Always fun when the unfamiliar called B&B Towing looking to speak to Bob.

By: small_ruminant

small_ruminant — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:24:51 -0800

I shudder to think that any judge has the right to take a kid away from her family because he disapproves of what her parents named her. Will the foster system treat her better if her name is boring? I doubt it, but you never know. Also, what miss lynnster said.

By: SpiffyRob

SpiffyRob — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:29:47 -0800

This far in, and still no mention of NH Rep. Dick Sweat?

By: Green Eyed Monster

Green Eyed Monster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:32:19 -0800

"Actually it's only spelled Raymond Luxury Yacht. It's pronounced Throat-Warbler Mangrove."

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:32:50 -0800

I was just about to post this. Jerk. Though it does look like no one has yet posted the tidbit that in Iceland, there is a government approved list of names. If you want to name your child something NOT on that list, you have to receive special dispensation. Of course, this creates the problem of knowing three people with the same name, especially as the patronymic system creates a dearth of original last names.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:38:18 -0800

Oh, also, I went to elementary school with a kid named Pat Matush.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:43:08 -0800

When was the last time you met an Igor? Or a Boris? Or even an Ivan? I worked for an Ivan a few years ago. My favorite is the guy I knew for a while named Attila. He was Hungarian.

By: Pronoiac

Pronoiac — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:47:42 -0800

EmpressCallipygos: I once met a guy whose name was, and all present swore to this, "Cantad Hoopachu Svensgard." The only explanation he gave was "my parents were hippies, and each one blames the other one. His friends called him "Hoopie." Is he a hoopy frood? TheWhiteSkull: I also had a gym teacher in high school named Clark Kent Pulford. Total dick. Surprising no one.

By: supermedusa

supermedusa — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:49:49 -0800

I work sometimes with a Russian guy named Vladimir who goes by "Vlad" naturally enough, but dude!! Vlad!

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:56:38 -0800

I work sometimes with a Russian guy named Vladimir who goes by "Vlad" naturally enough, but dude!! Vlad! If I was a guy named Vlad, I would SO use that as an excuse to just walk around impaling inanimate stuff on a whim. Like, picking up a pencil and stabbing it into an orange during meetings, totally straight faced and without missing a beat in the conversation. People who had just met me would be like, what the HELL? But nobody else would bat an eye. They'd be used to it and assure the new person it was perfectly normal. Because, dude, my name's Vlad. That's just what I do. It's my legacy.

By: faster than a speeding bulette

faster than a speeding bulette — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:00:47 -0800

I once met a guy named Arthur King. My very first thought was "He must hate filling out forms that are last-name first." That's all I got. Sorry. No wait -- I met a 8-year old named "Max" a couple years back. I spent weeks assuming his name was something traditional but unwieldy like "Maximilian," but it turned out to be "Maximus." Awesome name for an eight-year old, especially if he grows up to be a circus strongman or something.

By: davejay

davejay — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:08:47 -0800

Really? No Dick Trickle reference? Well, then allow me to truck that out. Also, went on a blind date with a Candy Hull once. It did not go well. Oh, and I work with "Johnny Wang", "Philippe Wang" and "Dick King." The unintentional pornography trifecta.

By: davejay

davejay — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:12:28 -0800

Still, why couldn't the girl in the article just go with Talula? In my school, full names were mandatory for yearbook pictures and assembly programs and stuff, so she wouldn't have been able to keep it hidden; perhaps her school is the same way. That, plus teachers are people too, and would likely gossip behind her back or, if she was misbehaving, truck it out to shame and embarrass her. of course, I went to a school where one teacher threw tennis and golf balls at kids to get them to shut up, and he used a boat paddle on some kids as well -- and he was the best teacher I had!

By: bibliowench

bibliowench — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:14:20 -0800

Whereas parents who give their kids good traditional names and baptize/indoctrinate their children before they are independently sentient are given the keys to the kingdom of heaven, of course. My parents did the latter as well. Believe me, it was easier to leave the church behind than to leave the name. Look, I'm not saying that unusual or non-traditional names are bad, and they're probably more common now than in the past. Thinking back over the names in my son's kindergarten class, no one had the same name, and no one had a name that I recognized from my own former classmates. Hell, I haven't met a young Jennifer in years, but I can count at least 12 of them that I knew growing up. And so it's harder to pinpoint what's a unusual name and what's not. But "Sex Fruit" would still stand out. It's when parents try to get cute - whether it's willful misspellings in my case, aural puns or random, often embarrassing nouns - without maybe stopping to think about how this choice is going to affect their children way into the future. Names are not intrinsic, but they're one of the first components of our identity, and it's a mistake to think they can be so casually brushed off. I'd like to change my name, but first of all, I'm used to it, and second, so is everyone who has ever known me. And third, it's just a complication I don't need. I'm sick of forgetting which name the Y or my doctor's office has for me. I'm sick of having to spell what should be amazingly common names. I'm sick of getting extra attention at the airport if I fucked up and bought the name that I've been called since birth on my ticket. And yeah, I've got issues, but I'd have a lot more if my name was not just illogical but intentionally stupid. So this little whim parents have to reaffirm their nonconformity through their kid's names can have lasting repercussions.

By: malthas

malthas — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:17:05 -0800

I have a relatively uncommon first name (Reed) that seems to be much more common as a last name. People, even people I know pretty well, misspell it all the time - replacing one of the e's (doesn't matter which) with an i. It's not an interesting name, just unusual. And, of course, was subject to all sorts of insults in elementary school ("Hey Reed, can you read LOLAMIRITE"). It's also led to some confusion because it's pronounced exactly the same as that very common verb. But I think that toughing it out with an uncommon and easy to make fun of name has made me a better person, and I'm always interested in people with interesting/unusual names. I always want to name my kids something cool, but my girlfriend has already flat-out forbidden some of my suggestions, including my personal favorite: "Tobias Snurd" (named after my parents' cat). But holy crap, am I ever going to campaign for "Dangereuse", either as a first or middle name. The fact that it has obscure historical basis makes it even more awesome.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:19:51 -0800

Also, what miss lynnster said. Well, not that having an unusual name didn't SUCK ROCKS for the first 15 years or so. Because Lord Almighty IT DID. I'm just over it now.

By: Biblio

Biblio — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:25:03 -0800

I've mentioned this on MeFi before, but when I was a kid I took ballet classes with Phoebe Summersquash, which is still one of my favorite names. Also, my sister had some Navajo students with great names, including Bo Bubba Yazzie and Ringo Van Winkle Jr. As for Pandora, I can never hear that name without thinking of the LiveJournal trainwreck known as MissRavenX, who named her daughter Pandora Astraea Radagast Annextiomarus Dalía Ondine Xeziriq Amethyst because the initials spell Paradoxal. Poor baby!

By: tommasz

tommasz — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:32:42 -0800

I college I worked in the dining hall with a Melody Bell. I hope that if she ever got married she didn't take her husband's last name.

By: etaoin

etaoin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:43:27 -0800

OK, I mean it. I worked with a guy named Dick Handler. And when I worked in a program for Southeast Asian refugees, there was a casefile named My Long Dong, though I don't know if that was the correct order of his names.

By: brolloks

brolloks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:48:15 -0800

Then there is Major Major Major Major. Sure... not a real person and the first Major is a title, and his mother though he was named Caleb, but a most endearing hopeless character.

By: threeturtles

threeturtles — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:12:13 -0800

I used to work in child development research, and the names we used to come across for children had us rolling. Sometimes it was actually difficult to address the kids without cracking up. The one we got the most laughs out of was Jesus. Not Hey-sus, mind you, Jesus. He went by 'G'. He was a holy terror.

By: aeschenkarnos

aeschenkarnos — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:16:50 -0800

It's not me that can't spell your name right, kid. It's your parents. Get over it.

By: moonlet

moonlet — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:32:18 -0800

I went to high school with brothers named Om and Cosmo; their last name was Buffalo. They were hilarious, which I think is the best way to deal with having hippies for parents.

By: turaho

turaho — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:39:23 -0800

All this talk of crazy names reminds me of a story. Many, many years ago, my Grandfather decided to try his hand at acting, so he went to audition for a local community theater troupe. As he was waiting his turn, he watched as a young man took the stage for his audition. To hear my Grandfather tell it, what followed were five of the most awe-inspiring minutes he'd ever had the pleasure to witness. This guy made the entire auditorium laugh from the bottom of their stomachs only to reduce them to tears a few minutes later. When he finished, the entire audience--director, playwright, and a crowd full of want-to-be actors and actresses--burst into applause that lasted for several minutes. My Grandfather ran up to the man and stuck out his hand, eager to meet the man who was destined for fame. "I'm Robert," my Grandfather said, breathlessly. The man took his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. "Hello Robert," he said, "I'm Penis van Lesbian." I would like to think that normally my Grandfather, being the polite man that he was, would not break stride after such an announcement. But as he told this story, there was no way he was going to remain silent about such a ridiculous name. "Penis van Lesbian?" he shouted. "What kind of name is that? You got what it takes, but a name like that's only going to hurt you. You gotta pick out some kinda, y'know, stage name if you want to be famous." Penis looked at him, clearly shocked. "Change my name? Dear sir, my father was a van Lesbian, and his father was a van Lesbian, and his father before him! Why, the van Lesbians came over on the Mayflower! I'd no sooner change my name than cut off my own hand!" As Penis turned to leave, my Grandfather shook his head. "It's a shame," he called out after Penis, "you could have been big." Years later, my Grandfather received a letter in the mail. Inside was a check for $50,000 and a note. The note read:

Dear Robert I don't know if you remember me, but we met many years ago. At the time, you suggested that I change my name if I truly wanted to be successful. Like a fool I rejected the idea, but after working hard for many years and never making the big time, I decided to follow your advice. Almost as soon as I filed the papers did the offers start pouring in. I've since had the chance to act and sing and dance in front of audiences across the country. I feel that my success is due in no small part to your advice that day, so many years ago. I've spent quite awhile trying to find your address so I can thank you. So please, take this check as a token of my gratitude. The best of luck to you. Sincerely, Dick Van Dyke

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:48:02 -0800

I still say this is one of the worst names ever.

By: elfgirl

elfgirl — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:50:34 -0800

There's a State Farm agent with an office near my house. His name? Randy Beavers

By: Kickstart70

Kickstart70 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:15:26 -0800

My high school Math teacher was a nice chinese guy named Richard Chew. And yes, he was known as Dick. We also had a Cary Grant and a Marilyn Monroe, as well as a John Head and an unrelated Neville Head (who was called "Nipple Head" a lot). My daughter is Molly Elizabeth Webster. M.E.W., and my wife likes cats a lot. However, this was incidental, not truly intentional.

By: davebush

davebush — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:22:26 -0800

I saw an obit in our local paper for a man named Seaman Pus.

By: jenfullmoon

jenfullmoon — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:45:17 -0800

I always feel sorry for folks with bad names, because imagine what happens if they Google themselves and oh, find threads like this?

By: 5MeoCMP

5MeoCMP — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:55:13 -0800

In case you were all wondering (and I know some of you were): Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffvoralternwarengewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifendurchihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvorandieerscheinenwanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternartigraumaufdersuchenachdiesternwelchegehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneurassevonverstandigmenschlichkeitkonntefortplanzenundsicherfreuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvonandererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum, Senior. translates to: "wolf slayer who lives in the stone house in the mountain village, who before ages were conscientious shepherds whose sheep were well tended and diligently protected against attackers who by their rapacity were enemies who 12,000 years ago appeared from the stars to the humans by spaceships with light as an origin of power, started a long voyage within starlike space in search for the star which has habitable planets orbiting and whither the new race of reasonable humanity could thrive and enjoy lifelong happiness and tranquility without fear of attack from other intelligent creatures from within starlike space" So, that gets right up there in the WTF stakes.

By: 5MeoCMP

5MeoCMP — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:57:08 -0800

Oh, that's not my translation, BTW.

By: paulsc

paulsc — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:59:26 -0800

I worked with a guy named Joe Dyrt. He did not wear a mullet, or think much of David Spade. But he didn't have a chip on his shoulder about his name - he said it was common as ...

By: mahamandarava

mahamandarava — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:59:41 -0800

I had a client whose kid was named Baby Bandit [LASTNAME]. They lived in the projects, so the name might be accurate.

By: luriete

luriete — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:05:12 -0800

My father wanted to name me Topeka, and my brother Banana; my mother nixed both when she was ambulatory after our births in favor of Joshua and Benjamin, respectively. But, you know, the '70s.

By: Robert Angelo

Robert Angelo — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:38:05 -0800

A girl in my HS class was named Candace Cain. A former co-worker of mine told us her maiden name was Candace "Candy" Cain. She married and divorced, then remarried, but went by her first husband's last name, which by then was how she was known in her field. When she and the first hubby split, she said, her one non-negotiable need was to keep the ex's last name. Be that as it may, the singer is my favorite of the Candy/Candye/Candi Cain/Cane/Kane homonyms. I saw her at Gay Pride in San Diego, where she played the piano with her boobs. :-)

By: smartyboots

smartyboots — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:50:41 -0800

On my dad's side of the family, every generation until mine had a son named Orange. Orange Lemon. Supposedly my great great uncle was in Ripley's Believe it Or Not once - they said that his name was was Orange W. Lemon, that he owned a fruit stand and that he always signed his name in green ink. His middle name was actually William, but apparently the rest was true.

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:52:40 -0800

When I was a preschool teacher, there was a 2-year-old boy in my class named Mark, and he had an older sister named Mindy. That must've taken advance planning.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:55:15 -0800

Ahhh, awful glad to hear Candye's still boobing the piano. Sometimes it's really heartwarming to know there are things in your hometown that remain relatively unchanged... Candye making music with her chest is one of 'em.

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:57:57 -0800

Oh, and I also had a girl in my class named Rebel who was the sweetest child I had ever met. Her parents were horrifying. I later worked with her aunt who told me that she had sadly grown into her name. In case you were wondering, you can apparently get expelled from preschool.

By: edgeways

edgeways — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:01:41 -0800

See I would totally advocate for a child name/adult name scheme. You are born and your parents name you. You turn 21 and you get to choose your adult name as part of getting that "Adult" ID card. Most people would stick with what they have already, but by then you are developed enough to handle any peer pressure. (usually)

By: paddysat

paddysat — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:10:56 -0800

Am I alone in thinking that Violence would be about the coolest name ever? "Hi, I'm Smith. Violence Danger Smith." Which would give you the ability to say, "Danger is my middle name... But Violence is my first" right before you punched someone out. It's like the most perfect action-hero name ever conceived. I know a five year old who is legally named Rocko Danger Previde just so he could pull the old, "Danger is my middle name" routine. And, yes, his dad got to name him. I think there was some sort of odd deal struck with his wife that dad isn't talking to the rest of us about…

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:11:54 -0800

17 years ago I waited in line to meet Slayer at Tower Records in downtown New York. There were two guys in line behind us, one was named Arsenio Santos. "It was 1971,' he said, 'who knew?" Later that night, the girl I was with let Tom Araya sign her chest. A week later these guys invited us to a party at their school. My female friend made out with one of them. the one not named Arsenio.

By: etaoin

etaoin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:52:14 -0800

I think Mefites should get to rename Hula girl's parents. After we slap them silly.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:06:55 -0800

I had, until reading the most recent comments, forgotten about some of the girls I encountered while teaching preschool - notably a family wherein the girls were named (in order of age) QuessSymphonee, Quessonthyme, and QuessSadde. They had a younger brother. Named Patrick. QuessSadde had it the easiest, just going by "Sadde" (pronounced "Sadie") - the other two? No matter how you cut it, it's weird. There was also a girl in one of the kindergarten classes named NyQuilla.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:12:21 -0800

I used to live upstairs from a woman named Chevelle.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:58:02 -0800

I have a friend named Colin who has a brother named Nolan. Now imagine, as they were growing up, how many times a day each was called Colon.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:59:36 -0800

Good thing they didn't have a brother named Richard.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 19:59:40 -0800

meh, that name's no less stupid than what any Hollywood celebrity these days comes up with.

By: thack3r

thack3r — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:11:01 -0800

This thread reminded me of Lenin from Arundhati Roy's The God of Small Things. I also seemed to recall that the story behind Lenin's name had some basis in fact and a quick Googling uncovered this: "Stalin and Lenins Reunite in India" from the BBC. "In fact, there are six Lenins, two Gagarins and two Pushkins - Indians given Russian names, meeting here to chew the fat on the personalities after whom they were named."

By: subgear

subgear — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:18:56 -0800

Vanity Yank

By: xmutex

xmutex — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:22:43 -0800

She's got nothing on Yourhighness Morgan.

By: medialyte

medialyte — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:36:34 -0800

moonlet: I went to high school with brothers named Om and Cosmo; their last name was Buffalo. They were hilarious, which I think is the best way to deal with having hippies for parents. I get to see the Buffalo brothers a couple of times a year; they remain hilarious. I sometimes work for their dad, who is one of my favorite people ever. But then, I grew up in Eugene, land of hippies. I even went to a seriously alternative elementary school, but I don't remember any particularly unusual names. Maybe they all just sound normal now.

By: boy detective

boy detective — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:39:10 -0800

My poor poor 9th grade biology teacher was named Richard Fidler.

By: lupus_yonderboy

lupus_yonderboy — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:41:44 -0800

Um, I've know a bunch of people called Vlad and a bunch called Attila. These are extremely popular names, get over it.

By: nooneyouknow

nooneyouknow — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:57:35 -0800

There was a guy at my company named Randy Dickman. I always wanted to call him up and ask him about his name, but that seemed a tad unprofessional.

By: evilcolonel

evilcolonel — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:24:18 -0800

Vaya con dios, Dick Assman.

By: fairytale of los angeles

fairytale of los angeles — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:33:37 -0800

I worked child support services back in NorCal, general clerk stuff, asking people's employers to garnish their wages, etc. Mom's name: "Tammy." Kid's name: "Tammier." I can only assume that there were plans for a little Tammiest at some point.

By: pianomover

pianomover — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:42:31 -0800

Went to school with Jim and Crystal Dick. Recently did a delivery to a house with rooster statues on the lawn, rooster door knocker, rooster paraphernalia everywhere, their last name Cock. To that I say "Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?" Give the kid a nick name of her choosing and send her home.

By: Orrorin

Orrorin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:53:16 -0800

Went to high school with a girl named Stormy Cummings. I mean, c'mon. That's just foul.

By: Molesome

Molesome — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:45:23 -0800

Friend of mine works with a Philippa Glass. We never get tired of that one...

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:43:21 -0800

Fruit Chan. Sadly, I'm pretty sure that Fruit isn't his given name, but a nickname he adopted in later life.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:42:52 -0800

Um, I've know a bunch of people called Vlad and a bunch called Attila. These are extremely popular names, get over it. No... YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!! If someone is named something unusual in your culture, you'll find it funny too. If you were in Egypt and you went to school with a girl actually named Buffy, you'd think it was hysterical... something you only saw on tv. Likewise, a lot of people hear "Vlad" or "Attila" and they immediately think of impaling/huns. That is their frame of reference, having no other Vlads or Attilas to turn to. Human nature, my friend. Get over it. I dated a guy named Branko. Try telling that one to people. I kept referring to him by fun, descriptive nicknames for the longest time until my friends would finally say, "Wait, does this guy have a name?" Then I'd take a deep sigh and say, "Yes, his name basically means Michael in Yugoslavian, I believe." Then I'd tell them what it was and endure their reaction to hearing that I was in a relationship whose name reminded them of cowboy horses. Are you serious? That's really his name? Ha ha ha! Then I'd see them try to muffle themselves from saying the oh, so charming, "Ride'm Branko!" Yeah, that was precious. And since I had to wait for their amusement to subside, I'd refrain from telling them that his name was actually the short form of Short form of Branislav or Branimir, meant "peaceful protection" and that his other friends/family members were named things like Dragan, Janko, Goran, Zorana, etc. Felt like I was trying too hard if I did that. I mean, Hell... at least his name wasn't Tvrtko. I also went through a phase in my 20s where every guy who asked me out had a name that was a euphemism for genetalia. Peter Wurm and Richard Dinglehoffer are the ones I remember. Yeah, that was awesome too.

By: flabdablet

flabdablet — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:49:41 -0800

Funky Love Bunny

By: MuffinMan

MuffinMan — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:03:13 -0800

Why, in God's name, would you name your daughter Emma if your surname was Royds. Or if they didn't, why would you take Royds as your married name?

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:35:18 -0800

I have decided that my first born son's middle name shall be "Muscles" while my daughter's middle name will be "Awesome". This thread comes at an interesting time for me. I actually want to name my (expecting) daughter Star, with a middle name of Power, but no one seems to think I am serious. What is more powerful than a star? Nothing is the answer. Nothing more powerful. (Except maybe a Star turned to the dark side, but we'll try to prevent that.) I work with 3 Vladimirs, and have known one other. Never met an Attila yet, though.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:57:15 -0800

I knew an Attila in grade school and I used to work with a Zoltan.

By: GrimJack

GrimJack — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:12:55 -0800

Did anyone notice that Fruit Chan made a movie called Durian Durian - (1) Widely known and revered in Southeast Asia as the "King of Fruits" -&- The edible flesh emits a distinctive odour, strong and penetrating even when the husk is intact. Regarded by some as fragrant, others as overpowering and offensive, the smell evokes reactions from deep appreciation to intense disgust. The odour has led to the fruit's banishment from certain hotels and public transportation in Southeast Asia.

By: flabdablet

flabdablet — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 19:41:37 -0800

I still think this one am de best!

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 06:41:24 -0800

b) Give me an amazingly trendy middle name - which isn't even a goddamn human name but a freaking river, c) Misspell that middle name and d) Call me by that middle name So you went by: Suskwehanna Rhyne Ufrates Ganneges Annazon YankZ Monongahula Allygainy Vulga ?