Mental note: Rogaine for the groomsmen.

July 24, 2008 11:52 AM

Botox for your bridal party. (NYT)

"Becky Lee, 39, a Manhattan photographer, declined when a friend asked her — and five other attendants — to have their breasts enhanced. “We’re all Asian and didn’t have a whole lot of cleavage, and she found a doctor in L.A. who was willing to do four for the price of two,” said Ms. Lee, who wore a push-up bra instead."

posted by NikitaNikita (73 comments total)

I wonder what the Roman aristocracy did with their wedding parties, as the whole thing crumbled to the ground?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:00 PM on July 24, 2008 [6 favorites]

Wow . . . so some brides make unrealistic, presumptuous and princess-y demands of their attendants in order to facilitate the specialness of their "special day"? Who knew?
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 12:01 PM on July 24, 2008

At least I can safely say that my wife and I didn't give any of our wedding party botulism on purpose!
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:04 PM on July 24, 2008 [12 favorites]

It's quite clever, really. The Botoxed bridesmaids will all look like creepy, soulless robots in the wedding photos, thereby obscuring the fact that the bride is actually a creepy, soulless robot.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:07 PM on July 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

Right on time, another NYTimes Style article that makes me want to take a hatchet to babies and puppies. How do they do that so well?
posted by The Straightener at 12:09 PM on July 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

...a friend asked her — and five other attendants — to have their breasts enhanced.

I dispute this use of the word "friend".
posted by DU at 12:09 PM on July 24, 2008 [12 favorites]

If they're buyin', L'chai-im!

They asked the bride if they could use regular tanning cream from a salon,” Ms. Goldberg said. The bride refused; she wanted everyone to be the same shade.

I've never understood the tradition of making all bridesmaids look exactly the same (dress, hair, shoes, nails, makeup, and now skin color?). Underneath it all, your friends are still different people.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:10 PM on July 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

Rogaine? My buddy gave us penis pumps, steroids, and a gym membership.
(I gave the pump to my kid brother, sold the steroids on the HS black market—and used some of the proceeds to buy buddy a blender—and did what every God-swallowing American does with their gym membership: Ignore it completely.)
posted by carsonb at 12:10 PM on July 24, 2008

I wonder what Grace Lee would say?
posted by fixedgear at 12:14 PM on July 24, 2008

> ...she found a doctor in L.A. who was willing to do four for the price of two...

That's silly. Who has four breasts?
posted by ardgedee at 12:17 PM on July 24, 2008 [12 favorites]

HELLO THAR GENOCIDAL SPACE ALIENS!? I'M STILL WAITING. YOU'RE SO LATE IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
posted by loquacious at 12:17 PM on July 24, 2008 [9 favorites]

Sheesh, if you're old enough for Botox, you're too old for bridesmaids. Tacky from the start.
posted by grounded at 12:18 PM on July 24, 2008 [8 favorites]

Right on time, another NYTimes Style article that makes me want to take a hatchet to babies and puppies. How do they do that so well?

That's unfair to the hard working men and women at the Style section. It took years of practice to achieve that level of incompetence and triviality; you shouldn't dismiss it so easily.
posted by Skorgu at 12:20 PM on July 24, 2008

What's the percentage of marriages ending in divorce, again?
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:20 PM on July 24, 2008

> “Friendships of 20-plus years gone over a spray tan?” Ms. Goldberg said. “Sad!”

Not really. People that shallow and self-centred don't really have friends. They have personal validation facilitators. If one of the units malfunctions and ceases to validate, it is replaced with another.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:20 PM on July 24, 2008 [41 favorites]

AFTER the band was chosen and the napkins color-coordinated to match her shoes, Kacey Knauer, a bride-to-be, had another critical matter to address: her skin, and the skin of the nine women in her bridal party.

That's the first sign of trouble right there.
posted by mikepop at 12:23 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Nothing but the best paralyzing toxins for my friends.
posted by VicNebulous at 12:26 PM on July 24, 2008

ardgedee: Who has four breasts?

And does she have a sister?
posted by rusty at 12:27 PM on July 24, 2008 [5 favorites]

“Giving them a bracelet isn’t as special as spending an evening together. Plus, as you get older, everyone is more conscientious about their skin and appearance,” she said. “Giving them something for themselves — as opposed to something that they’ll never wear again — is more meaningful.”

"Meaningful"?

*HEAD ASPLODES*
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:30 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'd have gotten the breast surgery.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:30 PM on July 24, 2008

This is why I used clones for my bridal party.
posted by drezdn at 12:34 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Astro Zombie: most reductions are covered under insurance, you should contact your provider for more details.
posted by Skorgu at 12:35 PM on July 24, 2008

Let the asteroid hit us already. This turkey is DONE.
posted by dbiedny at 12:37 PM on July 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

A fool and her humanity are soon parted.
posted by you just lost the game at 12:39 PM on July 24, 2008

Right on time, another NYTimes Style article that makes me want to take a hatchet to babies and puppies.

They publish these when you're near a hatchet and some babies and puppies?

This is why I used clones for my bridal party.

Rrrmmm. Begun, this line dance has.
posted by cortex at 12:40 PM on July 24, 2008 [5 favorites]

In related news --

Botox for the cure

"Most cities run for a cure to breast cancer. Aspen is not most cities: Its residents run, bike, shop and sleep for a cure. They dress up cowboys in pink for a cure. And this year, for the first time, Aspenites can inject for a cure.

Dr. W. Jason Martin of the Aspen Institute of Plastic Reconstructive Surgery will donate proceeds — which could total $20,000 — from Botox treatments he performs July 16-17 to Komen Aspen....Martin will donate an equivalent of the proceeds of Botox injections — $500 per appointment — to Komen Aspen. He is buying the Botox, so 100 percent of the money will go to Komen Aspen, he said. He hopes to do between 20 and 30 appointments, with a maximum of 40."

posted by ericb at 12:41 PM on July 24, 2008

It is so unbelievable offensive to be asked to be in a bridal party to celebrate someone's marriage, and be told you are too ugly to take part in a photographic, historic event. It's not about aesthetics! All these brides that focus on everything and everyone looking perfect will be gazing at those photos sadly when they divorce shortly thereafter.
posted by agregoli at 12:48 PM on July 24, 2008

Botox for the cure

But what will they sell to raise money to cure botulism? Breasts?
posted by rmless at 12:49 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Horrifying.

The cost for some of these is more than I paid for my entire wedding, party, honeymoon, and all the supporting crap.

Seriously, the divorce rate is too high to blow so much money with a vanity yank like this stuff. I mean, nobody goes into it planning to get divorced, but maybe if there was less of a focus on "ooh! I get to play pretty princess" and superficial expenditures and more reverence toward the commitment... well, the wedding investment might have more long-term return.
posted by sadiehawkinstein at 12:54 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Vanity Yank."

Man, is MetaFilter a great place to search for potential band names, or what?
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:09 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Man is Metafilter" would be a great band name.
posted by cortex at 1:10 PM on July 24, 2008

Metafilter: Penis Pumps, Steroids, and a Gym Membership.
posted by griphus at 1:12 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Some brides pick up the tab for their attendants, replacing the pillbox inscribed with the wedding date with a well-earned squirt between the eyes.

I think that could have been worded better.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 1:12 PM on July 24, 2008 [15 favorites]

Elope.
posted by Flunkie at 1:21 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think that could have been worded better.

No, actually, I don't think that it could.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:22 PM on July 24, 2008

The breast implant bit was ridiculous, but for a group of (aging) girlfriends who all hit the spa and botox regularly anyway, how is this not just a different way to spend a day together? Spa treatments, in general, are something every woman likes to be treated to, so what's the harm?
posted by adamms222 at 1:40 PM on July 24, 2008

s/earned/aimed/

Also, a friend who works at the NYT told me Style made t-shirts one year that said something to the effect of "9-11-2002 : Style Never Forgets". So at least they can make fun of their own awfulness.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 1:42 PM on July 24, 2008

Who needs botox at 35? Well I know that no one needs botox but who who has significant wrinkles at that age? I'm ten years older than that and have a few wrinkles but didn't then.
posted by octothorpe at 1:44 PM on July 24, 2008

Weird.
posted by HighTechUnderpants at 1:45 PM on July 24, 2008

Anecdotal outrage is one thing, but when the anecdotes come from NYC, it's particularly tiring.

My fiance refers to her wedding gown as "ole '68", because it was $68 on ebay. How's that for an anecdote, bitches?
posted by butterstick at 1:46 PM on July 24, 2008

OK, I admit it, I completely base the wedding gift I give on the Bridezilla quotient of the wedding. I am trying to be considerate and make one less difficult thing for the couple to split items when the divorce happens. Candlesticks is my go to future divorce gift.

I am looking forward to the AskMeFi of a bridegroom wanting to know if he should ditch his woman because of the Bridezilla moments or if it is just jitters kind of thing.
posted by jadepearl at 1:52 PM on July 24, 2008

Four breasts? That's nothing
posted by RussHy at 1:54 PM on July 24, 2008

My wife sewed her own dress.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:59 PM on July 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

I wonder what its like to have waves of uncontrollable emotion and yet never know or bother to consider what is triggering it.

There is a sadness that comes over someone who sees another whitening, buying, flailing about for happiness, and knowing it will never come.
posted by plexi at 2:03 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Who needs botox at 35? Well I know that no one needs botox but who who has significant wrinkles at that age?

Women who spend their teens and 20s in tanning beds, desperate to look "good"? Funny how that works.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:04 PM on July 24, 2008 [5 favorites]

I am looking forward to the AskMeFi of a bridegroom wanting to know if he should ditch his woman because of the Bridezilla moments or if it is just jitters kind of thing.

This is why I don't recommend a Metafilter membership to my fiancé.
posted by desjardins at 2:17 PM on July 24, 2008

I thought the whole point of bridesmaids was to look better than them? Maybe the botox does have a purpose.

Also: Can some of these people please give me their extra money? I have a use for it.
posted by maxwelton at 2:23 PM on July 24, 2008

I'd really like to see some data comparing divorce rates to the cost of the wedding as a percentage of the couples' income. Everyone I know who had some mad fuck off ultrawedding is now unhitched, everyone I know who had a registry office wedding followed by a low-key piss-up is still happily married (and the couples of my age I know who've been together the longest are yet to marry).

The Card Cheat: "Man, is MetaFilter a great place to search for potential band names, or what?"

I do Google searches sometimes to check for new examples. I bet there's already an improvising emo/dubstep fusion trio called I Do Google Searches.
posted by jack_mo at 2:23 PM on July 24, 2008

Man, is MetaFilter a great place to search for potential band names, or what?

I know a guy who's in a band called Disco Vietnam. When I asked him why he chose that name he said, "Because Seoul Korea was taken."







give it a second. say it out loud if you need to.
posted by shmegegge at 2:33 PM on July 24, 2008

ThePinkSuperhero: They asked the bride if they could use regular tanning cream from a salon,” Ms. Goldberg said. The bride refused; she wanted everyone to be the same shade.

I've never understood the tradition of making all bridesmaids look exactly the same (dress, hair, shoes, nails, makeup, and now skin color?). Underneath it all, your friends are still different people.

... She's working on making outfits from their skin, isn't she?
posted by Pronoiac at 2:41 PM on July 24, 2008

ThePinkSuperhero : Women who spend their teens and 20s in tanning beds, desperate to look "good"? Funny how that works.

This was my experience at my high school reunion. Many of the cheerleaders had cooked themselves to leathery husks in tanning beds, whereas the nerdy girls (my friends) looked fabulous. As a wonderful piece of irony, one of them had actually gone on to realize that in addition to being a bit of a A/V geek, she was actually quite pretty and had gone on to become a professional cheerleader for one of the local sports teams.

That was one of the better reveals of the evening.
posted by quin at 3:03 PM on July 24, 2008

"Plus, as you get older, everyone is more conscientious about their skin and appearance,”

I think she means "self-conscious."
posted by [NOT HERMITOSIS-IST] at 3:15 PM on July 24, 2008

Women who spend their teens and 20s in tanning beds, desperate to look "good"? Funny how that works.

I am 31. My sister is 27. We have the same facial structure, if you exclude that I have about 40 pounds and 3 inches on her. As a teenager, she went to tanning salons -all the time- and as far as I know, still does. I, as a card-carrying geek, avoid the sun whenever possible, and use sunscreen liberally.

My skin is practically wrinkle-free. I have a teeny tiny bit around my eyes, but that's as much from squinting as anything else. And I still have a very peaches-and-cream complexion with a scattering of freckles on my nose and cheeks.

My sister has laugh lines, crow's feet and that slightly pulled-taut skin of someone who is fighting wrinkles with every effort they can muster, and is kind of a weird... gold-tan color.
posted by FritoKAL at 3:16 PM on July 24, 2008

"Candlesticks is my go to future divorce gift. "

Jadepearl, Excellent idea. The candlesticks could also be put to good use in the last pre-divorce blow out.

;o)
posted by msjen at 3:38 PM on July 24, 2008

Fraxel laser could also set you back $1,200 a session, which even without the economic downturn, amounts to quite a bit.

Another casualty of the Bush-Greenspan years....
posted by bumpkin at 3:53 PM on July 24, 2008

Who needs botox at 35? Well I know that no one needs botox but who who has significant wrinkles at that age?

Women who spend their teens and 20s in tanning beds, desperate to look "good"? Funny how that works.

Maybe, but as far as I know, botox only helps with the wrinkles you get from repeated facial movements, not the ones you get from generally saggy and/or leathery skin. I think that's what the acid peels ( *shudder* Braziil flashback ) and restylane cosmetic filler are for.

My wife is mildly interested in this because she spent her whole childhood outdoors and/or swimming, and despite slathering on the SPF 45+ sunscreen the sun has taken a slight toll. I think she looks fine, but I have my own vanity issues so I just shrug.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:27 PM on July 24, 2008

I went to a quarter million dollar wedding a couple of years ago where the groom didn't even sign the marriage certificate after the ceremony. The weird part is that the bride wanted something totally low key, and the groom's mom drove the expenses up.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:29 PM on July 24, 2008

I would ordinarily sneer with contempt, but concerned about the frown lines and forehead wrinkles produced by reading MetaFilter over the years, I had Botox treatments and now can only blink my eyes, McCain-like, in disbelief.
posted by scblackman at 4:31 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

...she found a doctor in L.A. who was willing to do four for the price of two...

That's silly. Who has four breasts?

Two more on the back. for dancing.

(I will never understand the fake boobies thing. I am the worlds biggest boobie fan, but fake ones simply look silly and ridiculous. If a man wants to play with those he should go buy some silicon gel and a few baggies and have himself an orgy)
posted by jonmc at 4:50 PM on July 24, 2008

Worried about wrinkles? The solution is simple. Never make a single facial expression. EVER.
posted by tkchrist at 5:00 PM on July 24, 2008

or simply iron your face.
posted by jonmc at 5:05 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

and to think I felt guilty when, on my wedding day, the makeup artist plucked the eyebrows of two of my bridesmaids.
posted by killy willy at 5:34 PM on July 24, 2008

Seems like it would be easier to just hire someone to retouch the wedding photos.
posted by bradbane at 6:26 PM on July 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

rogain? ...Or botox for the groomsmen (yt)
posted by badego at 8:58 PM on July 24, 2008

What I don't get is why these bridezillas want their friends to look so good.
It seems like if you want to be a special princess and get all the attention, YOU should get the botox and bleaching and the boobs and surround yourself with your flattest, wrinkliest, ugliest, yellowteeth crone friends and just shine like a diamond in the photos compared to them.
posted by rmless at 9:42 PM on July 24, 2008

Honestly? I was a bit of a diva at my wedding. I wanted my bridesmaids to wear specific dresses, and I planned the hell out of the ceremony. (1 hour, with music by orchestra and choir.)

HOWEVER. No one had to buy any special dresses-- I made them myself, plus my own (6 dresses total). All the musical people were friends or family. And when my soon-to-be niece innocently declared that she was a princess, but I couldn't be queen because I was "as big as a fat lady," I laughed my (fat) ass off.

It was a big, expensive, fancy wedding. I had the best time ever. And five years later, we're still married (and if the last couple of years didn't break us up, nothing will).

It's not the expense or details of a wedding that exposes people as shallow. It's celebrating those details over the purpose of the wedding.
posted by cereselle at 12:30 AM on July 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

My version of Hell is a wedding that never ends.
posted by chuckdarwin at 12:57 AM on July 25, 2008

I'd really like to see some data comparing divorce rates to the cost of the wedding

We endured a full year discussing the minutia of our friends extravagant wedding plans, only to have the wedding canceled when she discovered the New York Times would not be running a picture with her announcement.
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:00 AM on July 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: personal validation facilitators
posted by nax at 7:31 AM on July 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

> ThePinkSuperhero: I've never understood the tradition of making all bridesmaids look exactly the same (dress, hair, shoes, nails, makeup, and now skin color?).

The Stepford Bridesmaids.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:26 PM on July 25, 2008

> nax: Metafilter: personal validation facilitators.

Your favorite personal validation facilitator sucks.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:26 PM on July 25, 2008

And yet I keep coming back for more (heads over the MeTa)
posted by nax at 12:39 PM on July 26, 2008

over to MeTa. validate that!
posted by nax at 12:39 PM on July 26, 2008