Comments on: I think I like Natalie Portman more now.

I think I like Natalie Portman more now.

badego — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:12:46 -0800

Natalie Portman releases the fire of pain inside her body and immolates herself. Neat! (YT)

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:23:07 -0800

Apparently the singer is her boyfriend.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:23:56 -0800

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT OVER

By: Schlimmbesserung

Schlimmbesserung — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:25:39 -0800

Oh wow. I just moved into the Indian neigbhourhood of my town, so my laundromat is playing Bollywood 24/7, and I've totally been loving it. Adding Natalie Portman and freak folk to the equation makes it neither more or less surreal, but possibly more awesome.

By: carsonb

carsonb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:26:26 -0800

What and Who I Will Do For My Career by Devendra Banhart

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:27:32 -0800

Funny, she doesn't look Hindu. Beware: Pubes! "No one has reached that circuit!" "Grandma, I love you like a salad!" He's going to give that octopus some kind of mammal disease. And so on..

By: carsonb

carsonb — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:28:03 -0800

Oh, and here's the track if you want to download it.

By: 5MeoCMP

5MeoCMP — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:29:12 -0800

You think you can defeat me with your rebellious beard!

By: zerobyproxy

zerobyproxy — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:35:08 -0800

That'd be a CHARLIE FOXTROT.

By: Ryvar

Ryvar — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:35:12 -0800

Natalie Portman's always been a bit . . . I dunno, off the silverscreen. Sense of humor, yeah, but feels a bit forced? Patrick Stewart seems to inhabit the same space humor-wise but does a better job of it.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:35:53 -0800

Apparently the singer is her boyfriend. She just needs to get Devendra out of her system. It's like rabies. Or leprosy. She'll walk it off, eventually. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the ride.

By: louie

louie — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:37:22 -0800

Best subtitles since What's Up Tiger Lily. I laughed, I cried.

By: Solon and Thanks

Solon and Thanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:44:26 -0800

Sometimes the internet gives me a wonderful gift, and I have to stop myself from asking "Why?" and instead say, "Thank you."

By: bertrandom

bertrandom — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:45:45 -0800

Is this a good or a bad time to post screencaps from Closer?

By: askmehow

askmehow — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:59:39 -0800

Was that ron jeremy or jeffrey tambor (.com)?

By: Caduceus

Caduceus — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:04:12 -0800

That was amazing. I'm rendered mostly speechless. Also: Patrick Stewart is my hero. Thank you, Ryvar.

By: dhruva

dhruva — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:19:48 -0800

meh. If you're going to mock bollywood, you have to be sure you don't become it. I prefer this.

By: spiderskull

spiderskull — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:24:59 -0800

She just needs to get Devendra out of her system. It's like rabies. Or leprosy. She'll walk it off, eventually. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the ride. Are you kidding me? It's the other way around... As weird as Banhart is, he's secretly a completely normal guy; he's not truly weird, he's just quirky, unfortunately. They're really the opposite in that sense (have you heard Portman's rants on Israel? Good lord...) That video, though, is trying too hard; it doesn't really hit the mark on satirizing 60's Bollywood.

By: erniepan

erniepan — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:31:03 -0800

Ahem.

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:35:32 -0800

I wish I could get Bollywood musicals on Direct TV. The frantic musical numbers with the garish colors and the joy and the dancing! This weekend I must grill up some Tandoori with my Sharwood's Tandoori Spice. No artificial flavors or preservatives but enough artificial color to turn that chicken, your plate, and your fingers bright magenta.

By: [NOT HERMITOSIS-IST]

[NOT HERMITOSIS-IST] — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:45:24 -0800

I suppose we have been overdue for another Natalie Portman Sucks post. I think it's ironic that since hustleritas like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are practically taboo on this site, in their absence we wind up heaping more scorn on people like Natalie who don't really deserve it -- she's so much better than them that she's at least worthy of being hated here. You people.

By: Xany

Xany — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:47:03 -0800

That was ... completely and utterly bizarre.

By: garlic

garlic — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:49:20 -0800

erniepan -- you win the thread.

By: Solon and Thanks

Solon and Thanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:52:05 -0800

Oh, whatever. There's nothing terrible about a few people criticizing Natalie P. Mefites will hate on everything and anything. I once wrote a passionate rant against a cute kitty story. We're just fullfilling our snark quota at this point.

By: Dave Faris

Dave Faris — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:11:55 -0800

devendrabanhart.com

By: homunculus

homunculus — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:27:05 -0800

Tonite we will wed and you will learn the ways of riding the homunculus wingding.

By: liquorice

liquorice — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:40:54 -0800

I think I like Natalie Portman less for starring such a weak, bordering on offensive filmclip for her hairy boyfriend. Oh, Natalie, how I adored you so!

By: Iosephus

Iosephus — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:43:27 -0800

Someone please give Patrick Stewart unholy amounts of money so he can do a sitcom called "I've seen everything" based on whatever the hell he wants to write about. Pretty please? Oh, and I liked the cute carnage Sita tale. Not so much this music video, meh. Poor octopus-princess.

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:49:28 -0800

I'm guessing Natalie Portman is the rebellious beard in question.

By: painquale

painquale — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 00:36:33 -0800

I love Natalie Portman. In a salad way.

By: chuckdarwin

chuckdarwin — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:07:54 -0800

Recently it was reported Natalie left movie bosses fuming after quitting her role as Cathy Earnshaw in ‘Wuthering Heights’, the big screen adaptation of Emily Bronte's 1847 classic, despite having "seduced" them into giving her the part. A movie insider said: “It's fair to say we were seduced by her and we should have been on our guard." What?

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:16:34 -0800

CarsonB: "Oh, and here's the track if you want to download it." No thanks, I just ate. I don't get this. Was it supposed to be a satire on Bollywood? It's obviously not serious, but I can't tell if I'm supposed to laugh, or be offended, or stick bananas up my rectum, or shout paisley lawn darts at the tourists of surreal magpie derby. PainQuale: "I love Natalie Portman. In a salad way." To be honest, I've never really seen Natalie Portman as a ~~salad~~ -- sexual being. Even and especially during the Star Wars Prequels. She's pretty of course. No denying that, but I don't recall her ever being interesting to me sexually. I mean she looks like a little kid. She looks like a choir boy. Maybe that works for catholic priests, but I need some curvature. I like my celebrity skin unafraid of the occasional Big Mac. Besides, wasn't she Matilda in The Professional? I'll pass. It's not like seeing Drew Barrymore in Charlie's Angels Two and having to remind myself she was Gertie in E.T. Major cringeworthy, but at least Drew grew up with some curves. Natalie's like, trapped in saran wrap or something. However, damn if Natalie Portman don't make hebrew sound hot. I haven't the slightest idea what she's talking about but... ...I'll be in my bunk.

By: rokusan

rokusan — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:25:10 -0800

She just needs to get Devendra out of her system. I'm still here Natalie. Waiting.

By: Daddy-O

Daddy-O — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:31:47 -0800

I liked the song. It has a good beat and it's easy to dance to. I give it a 7.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:56:37 -0800

adding Natalie Portman and freak folk to the equation makes it neither more or less surreal I strongly disagree. This is like my grandparents signing funk tunes. It is surreal like a coffee and a muffin at Dunkin' Donuts. No thanks do not want please take your pretend Bollywood bullshit and fuck off k thx bye.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:58:00 -0800

erniepan's link comes from something i post here whenever i have the tiniest whisper of an opportunity - the unutterably fantastic Sita Sings the Blues, by Nina Paley (more here).

By: dabitch

dabitch — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:03:06 -0800

spiderskull :(have you heard Portman's rants on Israel? Good lord...) Curios I tried to google up some of Portmans views on Israel, and found - "Portman has said that although she "really love[s] the States... my heart's in Jerusalem. That's where I feel at home."" - so my google-fu is failing me. Where do I find those rants?

By: srboisvert

srboisvert — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:48:11 -0800

I simply don't understand how people can keep having fun when half of metafilter disapproves. It's like they just aren't listening.

By: cavalier

cavalier — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:21:47 -0800

HAI GUYZ I GOT SOME HOT GRIZTS RIGHT HER

By: poppo

poppo — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:41:51 -0800

Was that ron jeremy or jeffrey tambor (.com)? I thought it was Jon Lovitz

By: sciurus

sciurus — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:45:01 -0800

Did someone say grits? *prepares pepper and butter*

By: ElvisJesus

ElvisJesus — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 05:35:53 -0800

Calamari with (magic) mushrooms

By: anthill

anthill — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 05:51:56 -0800

IT'S A TRIP!

By: mattholomew

mattholomew — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 06:09:17 -0800

This is 'quirk' in the worst possible way. Cloying, precious, self-absorbed bullshit.

By: chunking express

chunking express — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 06:13:10 -0800

It's a pretty good send up. I'd say it's mocking those Indian religious television dramas more than it's mocking a bollywood flick. And he gets all sorts of things right, so it's not like it's some half-assed look how crazy those Indians are sort of music video. Well not entirely anyways. For all things brown I go to Sepia Mutiny.

By: ElvisJesus

ElvisJesus — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 06:40:43 -0800

The video is really no more self-absorbed than some of the comments posted about it, but that's par for the course. And if it were done by some random Harvard co-ed and her boyfriend, ho hum, mildly amusing, move along. And it could have been worse -- there were no vibrating pancakes and no kittens were harmed in the making of the video.

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:06:34 -0800

Calamari with (magic) mushrooms Calamari is squid.

By: xbonesgt

xbonesgt — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:34:29 -0800

>Natalie's like, trapped in saran wrap or something

I see your Natalie Portman and raise you a Roy Orbison.

By: patrick rhett

patrick rhett — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:35:27 -0800

Kids: Drugs make you more interesting to you, not to me. This was so painfully "look at how quirky we are" that it just made me angry. Just because your mom thinks you're special doesn't mean you are. Disclaimer: I am old. I thought Nirvana was a flash in the pan (it's ok, I guess, but it's not industrial) and the iPod was a terrible direction for Apple (they're going to dilute their brand!). So this guy is probably the next jazz or rock n roll.

By: everichon

everichon — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:42:07 -0800

I thought it was fun.

By: EarBucket

EarBucket — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:51:47 -0800

By: These Premises Are Alarmed

These Premises Are Alarmed — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:52:44 -0800

So if I need an octopus for an hour, where do I get one?

By: carsonb

carsonb — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 08:27:12 -0800

The ocean?

By: rusty

rusty — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 08:28:53 -0800

Is this something I would need a... Um. Is this a...? Would I need...? I don't even know what question to ask here.

By: owtytrof

owtytrof — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 08:41:56 -0800

Your infidelity annihilates my ever-loving heart.

By: BaxterG4

BaxterG4 — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:00:57 -0800

Petrified stuff doesn't burn.

By: saturnine

saturnine — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:03:00 -0800

Such fun! I like Natalie Portman a lot, she doesn't make enough anything for my liking. Now I need to rewatch the SNL rap.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:17:25 -0800

I see your Natalie Portman and raise you a Roy Orbison. I have never seen/heard of this German guy's "Roy Orbison in cling film" fetish. I... I... uhhh... is he serious or what? (Y'know, prior to the existence of the internet I would've assumed it was a joke, but the internet has taught me to never assume such a thing.)

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:52:36 -0800

Oh for Pete's sake.. On a whim I tested the theory "if you can think of something there's porn for it" and sure enough, a search for "cling film porn" reveals a website. I won't link to it cuz it's of course NSFW. You know how to google if you're so inclined. No pics involving either Roy Orbison or Natalie Portman though. I know you're disappointed.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:56:22 -0800

My original point was that Natallie Portman doesn't need saran wrap. She's flat chested enough as it is. And flat bottomed. And just flat all over. She needs to eat unhealthy and exercise less.

By: languagehat

languagehat — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:01:46 -0800

Thanks, erniepan (and Ubu); I wasn't familiar with Annette Hanshaw, and it turns out I like her a lot (not least for giving up on the whole stardom thing and just enjoying life).

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:02:50 -0800

ZachsMind, I can speak for everyone when I say that nobody wants to hear about your sexual preferences.

By: Solon and Thanks

Solon and Thanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:04:18 -0800

She needs to eat unhealthy and exercise less. Or she just needs to eat. Seriously. Anyone else see her in Hotel Chevalier?

By: phrenq

phrenq — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:34:56 -0800

Royal Rainbow @3:00! Now I want to roll them all up into my Katamari.

By: ElvisJesus

ElvisJesus — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:39:30 -0800

Calamari is squid. And soylent green is people. Full story at 11.

By: misskaz

misskaz — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:57:21 -0800

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 11:22:09 -0800

Calamari is squid. And soylent green is people. Full story at 11. You know it was an octopus at the end of the video, right?

By: ElvisJesus

ElvisJesus — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 11:56:24 -0800

Yes but calamari and mushrooms sounded better .... up until the point of having to explain the minutea of a surrealistic flippant joke. You caught me. Now where's my hari kari sword (And yes, I know the more propper term is Hara-kiri ( or Seppuku but only for true Samurai)).

By: willmize

willmize — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:14:01 -0800

Oh my. I think I better not click on that link, preserve my sanity (in a Lovecraftian way) and just try to remember that I really liked Portman in "V For Vendetta" and let it go at that.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:06:13 -0800

I just don't get this whining about one that doesn't meet your standards as if that is the only reason for her existence. Um, in the case of Hollywood starlets, their looks actually are about the only reason for their existence in the public eye. If it was truly about acting ability, you'd expect to see a lot of less attractive actresses with a bucketload more talent. I'm sure they're out there.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:10:11 -0800

also: man, the hero in the video needs to work out more. he's as weedy as a 14yo high jumper.

By: cirocco

cirocco — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:39:31 -0800

I mean she looks like a little kid. She looks like a choir boy. Maybe that works for catholic priests, but I need some curvature. I like my celebrity skin unafraid of the occasional Big Mac. Besides, wasn't she Matilda in The Professional? I'll pass. It's not like seeing Drew Barrymore in Charlie's Angels Two and having to remind myself she was Gertie in E.T. Major cringeworthy, but at least Drew grew up with some curves. Audrey Hepburn was totally gross too!!! No titties whatsoever!!! Who let that [ironing board/carpenter's dream--reader's choice] on the silver screen?!?!1 I am old and like big titties!!! Why does Hollywoodland not understand the importance of titties nowadays?!?! Women look like boys to me unless they have big titties because I am blind to other secondary sexual characteristics!!! You know you are interested in my titty-related opinions!!! Everyone is!!! As for the video, I will thank you not to offer my God a peanut.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:57:32 -0800

Anybody want a peanut?

By: Zambrano

Zambrano — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:52:29 -0800

Natalie Portman is "flat all over"? I see the Americans' hatred of fit, fine women is getting out of control. What are you all so angry about? I've stood two feet from this chick. She's fine.

By: meinvt

meinvt — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:01:31 -0800

I'll echo Zambrano, without the good fortune of having stood within two miles of Natalie. There is just something about her energy, in anything she does (except the Star Wars movies) that I simply find awesome. How can you not be attracted to awesome?

By: tommasz

tommasz — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:06:05 -0800

I was okay with this, sort of, right up to the octopus part. Now I think I know how my parents felt about Yellow Submarine.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:50:33 -0800

If I stood two feet from Natalie Portman and Drew Barrymore, you would not hear a complaint from me. In fact I'd probably just pass out, die there, and be done with it. MissKaz: "I just don't get this whining about one that doesn't meet your standards as if that is the only reason for her existence. Complaining that a woman isn't curvy enough contributes just as much to female body image issues as complaining that she's too fat." I do not whine when it comes to treating women as sex objects. I may whoop and holler. I may even whinny. However, I never whine. I prefer Janeane Garofalo over both Barrymore and Portman and it has nothing to do with weight. Not that it matters. Of course no one cares about my sexual preferences, least of all me.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:42:15 -0800

Janeane Garofalo? *searches* It is said that Daria Morgendorfer, self-titled character of "Daria" was modeled after her. *drools*

By: papafrita

papafrita — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:48:54 -0800

Was that song in Spanish? I guess so.. but even after 29+ years of speaking the language, I couldn't grasp most of what was sung. Terrible enunciation.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 18:07:13 -0800

I believe he's from Venezuela, which means he probably speaks Castellano. Soooooo, although it's based in Spanish that probably explains why you didn't grasp it. He may have decent enunciation... if your ears are Venezuelan.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 18:24:39 -0800

"¡Hombre! Was that song in English? I guess so.. but even after 29+ years of speaking the language, I couldn't grasp most of what was sung. Terrible enunciation." *ejects Nirvana CD*

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 18:54:57 -0800

*puts drool bucket underneath UbuRoivas' mouth and takes his Nirvana CD*

By: verb

verb — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 09:53:54 -0800

Many years ago, when I was a young hormone-driven teen (as opposed to an old hormone-driven teen, I suppose) a friend of mine was explaining that he was high-minded enough to think it crass when guys were attracted to a woman's breasts. "Me, I think a woman's hands are what's really incredibly beautiful." Even with my young mind clouded by raging storms of testosterone, I couldn't help but think he was fooling himself. The point isn't tits vs. ass vs. feet vs. elbows vs. skinny vs. fat. It's the vague slump of disappointment I experience when I hear otherwise interesting and intelligent people insist that they're more open-minded because they fetishize a different aspect of the female anatomy than that other guy over there. Like what you like, that's cool! Just don't pretend that your slightly different tastes set you apart in some kind of battle for womens' dignity.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 11:29:06 -0800

I agree. People really should just go ahead and like what they like. That said, if a strange man walked up to me at the supermarket and said, "You have nice hands" he would get a much different reaction than had he said "You have nice tits." The latter would horrify me, instantly making me feel self-conscious, objectified and icky (Men who feel they have the inherent right to porn talk a woman just because she *owns* boobs even if she's wearing a turtleneck? Are really wrong. They don't.)... while the former would feel like a nice, harmless, considerate compliment and would make me see that man as someone who appreciates the details of a woman's body that she often thinks go totally unnoticed by men. When men notice and compliment the little things about us that aren't considered sexual parts of the anatomy, we REALLY do like it. Funny how that works. It's something about women simply wanting to be seen as beautiful beyond just being a sex object and a receptacle for a penis. I know it's tough for some guys to understand but there's a GIGANTIC difference between making a woman feel beautiful and letting her know that you really wish you could fuck her like a porn star. Thus, the difference between "Beautiful legs!" and "Great rack!" One makes a woman feel beautiful. The other makes her feel cheap. Moral of the story (YMMV)... we already know: guys like boobies. Zzzzz. But what's that? You think we have really pretty legs/eyes/hands/shoulders/feet/hair/eyelashes/skin/lips? Really? That's nice to hear.

By: Solon and Thanks

Solon and Thanks — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 12:08:18 -0800

How about we stop telling women they need to eat more, eat less, go to the gym, get breast implants, get a breast reduction, wear this, not wear that, just so that they will be more pleasing to your eyes? Can't women just exist as they are? I just don't get this whining about one that doesn't meet your standards as if that is the only reason for her existence. Complaining that a woman isn't curvy enough contributes just as much to female body image issues as complaining that she's too fat. Boyzone indeed. Speaking for my comment, I'm a heterosexual female (the latter which you can see if you check out my profile.) And my question stands: have you seen her in Hotel Chevalier? I count, literally, could her ribs. I think she should eat more because I don't like the Hollywood culture of encouraging starvation and unhealthy habits. I don't see that as a boyzone issue.

By: Solon and Thanks

Solon and Thanks — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 12:14:49 -0800

That is: could, literally, count her ribs. If my "She should eat more." comment still stings with some people, I'll rephrase to say: "She's a wonderful girl with a great personality and good acting skills. She looked, in a recent film, extremely underweight. Anyone who saw this film will understand what I mean. Barring some sort of medical problem that I don't know about preventing her from doing so, I wish she wouldn't treat her body like that. It's not healthy for her nor the many young people who look up to her, and I think being extremely underweight has always been a bad trend. Everyone has a natural body type, but how many natural body times expose all the ribs?"

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 16:51:48 -0800

how many natural body times expose all the ribs?" Hazarding a guess...times when food is scarce?

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 17:07:48 -0800

Now that you mention it... it's always been interesting to me how people emulate Audrey Hepburn's figure, since one of the reasons she was so thin when she was discovered was that she was a wartime victim of malnutrition. From this link: (While working as a Goodwill ambassador in Sudan, she came across a 14 year old boy who was very ill.) "He had acute anaemia, respiratory problems and oedema - swelling of the limbs," she tells me. "And that was exactly the same way I finished the war; that age, with those three things, all as a result of malnutrition. I still have stretch marks on my ankles from where the skin was stretched by the oedema. And I thought, how strange to hear those same three things. And it was also a moment of glory for me, because just then a big Unicef truck came by full of lots of food and lots of medicine."

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 17:41:24 -0800

people emulate Audrey Hepburn's figure They do? I thought she was known more for an extremely pretty face & great style. (note how I am more open-minded because I fetishise a different aspect of the female anatomy than that other guy over there, assuming that there's such a thing as face fetishism, of course)

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 17:53:11 -0800

Face your fetishes, ubu.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:17:47 -0800

I could countenance facing up to them, but I feel I am OK vis-à-vis such fetishisation, and not just putting up a facade.

By: Solon and Thanks

Solon and Thanks — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:26:37 -0800

I'm aware that many people in the world are starving - I wish they, too, had more access to food.

By: Solon and Thanks

Solon and Thanks — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:29:48 -0800

D'oh. I see now that I had typed "times" instead of "types." Nevermind, my apologies for being dim.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:32:48 -0800

Just going for cheap laughs; no offence intended.

By: Durn Bronzefist

Durn Bronzefist — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 23:39:27 -0800

This weekend I must grill up some Tandoori with my Sharwood's Tandoori Spice. No artificial flavors or preservatives but enough artificial color to turn that chicken, your plate, and your fingers bright magenta. Magenta tandoori sauce? Erm.

By: cirocco

cirocco — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 11:21:26 -0800

Now that you mention it... it's always been interesting to me how people emulate Audrey Hepburn's figure, since one of the reasons she was so thin when she was discovered was that she was a wartime victim of malnutrition. Yup. There was a contemporary interview, which I can't find online, where she stated that she didn't understand how anyone could find her glamorous because she had always loathed the fact that she was "too thin to be beautiful." So one of the great beauties of her time hated her body as much as the average woman, which I guess makes all women even, since apparently none of us are, at any weight, permitted to be content with our physiognomy regardless of the prevailing trends. Somehow this still doesn't strike me as ideal, equal though it is. There is no record of any midcentury uptick in eating disorders caused by Audrey, although I do hold her responsible for so many faces sporting inch-long bangs and winged liquid eyeliner during that era. That was not really a good look for most. What's your basis for saying people are/were consciously emulating her figure? Paeans to Hepburn are usually all about those doe eyes and Givenchy outfits. [I saw an inadvertently hilarious Hepburn biopic a while back, starring Jennifer Love Hewitt in the title role (SERIOUSLY) where they made no attempt to strap down the in-your-face physical difference between the two women. I should note for those unfamiliar with Hewitt that she is so blessed she used to trot around in a t-shirt reading SILICONE FREE, so that people would stop asking. Anyone who's ever said, "I love Audrey, but I wish she'd had a huge rack on her," will enjoy "The Audrey Hepburn Story." And I'm not just saying that to trick anyone who may have ever said that into watching a nigh-unwatchable biopic. Of course not!]

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 15:01:46 -0800

Well, speaking for myself, I was totally flat chested until my late teens and I was really upset when my metabolism changed because I couldn't wear Audrey Hepburn clothing. I couldn't pull any of it off, and I didn't know how to dress for someone with boobs. I felt really self conscious because I had always wanted to have her sense of style and elegance and without realizing it... a lot of that image IS tied into her streamlined malnurished figure. I wanted to wear Audrey Hepburn fashions but felt overweight that I couldn't pull them off. Finally learning how to dress properly for my own body was a revelation, I fought it for years because in order to dress well for curves you have to actually feature them. And I didn't want them. I wanted to HIDE my curves, but by doing that you never look good. At first when I started dressing for my figure it felt like I was putting myself on display... which is something Audrey Hepburn would NEVER do. Her thin-ness was made to look like elegance, being a wisp of a thing seemed more feminine. Yet, as I got older I realized that CURVES are what are *truly* feminine. And curves should be seen as elegant but since people sexualize them it's a struggle to pull that off sometimes. Still, when the negative aspects of her figure (and the positive aspects of my own) finally dawned on me, it was like a brick in the head and I wondered how I'd been so brainwashed to think otherwise. Since then I've met many, many women who have held the same thoughts though so I know I wasn't alone.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:35:59 -0800

miss lynnster - that sounds to me like a reasonably common coming-of-age sort of story; clinging onto the former waifish version of yourself, and only latching onto Audrey Hepburn as a convenient model for the not-yet womanly version of yourself. I guess a male equivalent would be self-consciousness about hairyness, eg on the legs, chest & face, and doing whatever to remove or hide it, much as you see with the only semi-mature kinds of girlyboys you see in bands & a fair number of fashion adverts. In other words, for your Hepburn, others might substitute, say, a Kate Moss, a Natalie Portman, a Bowie or a Brian Molko, and these kinds of adolescent, sometimes androgynous figures may well have found themselves a permanent place in the teenage pantheon.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:09:40 -0800

True. Little did I realize her look stemmed from hunger and anemia more than youth.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:21:34 -0800

Although that said, the older women that I find most glamorously beautiful are often too thin... so I don't think it was just about looking like a child for me. Glamor, class and thin-ness always seem to be tied in social brainwashing somehow. There will always be women who agree with the Duchess of Windsor, I guess.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:36:57 -0800

ew - that's that horrific, concave, hunched-over posture of anorexics & others who control their weight through starvation instead of exercise - no muscle to hold the frame in place. am i allowed to say that, or is it too boyzone? it's a sickening look, in any case, and not the tiniest bit elegant.

By: Durn Bronzefist

Durn Bronzefist — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:54:31 -0800

Yet, as I got older I realized that CURVES are what are *truly* feminine. I don't see why someone can chastise the thread (if rightly so) for taking either the "she needs to eat more" or "... less" line about any given woman, yet we're ok with someone yet again defining what is *truly* feminine -- or masculine. No offence intended, miss lynnster. I just don't get it. After a while it begins to look like we look the other way whenever a particular pigeonhole plays into strengths we find comforting at any given point in time, but frankly it's all just so... tiresome. Interesting observation about the "hands" compliment, though. I've seen -- and experienced -- that effect, for sure.

By: Durn Bronzefist

Durn Bronzefist — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:59:14 -0800

Heh. I don't often bother with "Yahoo news" but there's a thing on about Keira Knightley fighting against digital enhancement of her publicity photos for a film -- giving her boobs. This is hailed as a "victory for real women everywhere", anti-curves and all.

By: Durn Bronzefist

Durn Bronzefist — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:03:39 -0800

That was hastily said. Not anti-curves, of course, but pro-reality. But just goes to show, reality for one woman is pretty different from another.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:57:47 -0800

but there's a thing on about Keira Knightley fighting against digital enhancement of her publicity photos for a film -- giving her boobs. This is hailed as a "victory for real women everywhere", anti-curves and all. Now that is fucking fantastic news. I think that KK may just be one of those women who happens to be rail-thin. They do exist. And it's wonderful that she's fighting against an artificially inflated body. That image is just as damaging as the artificially deflated one.

By: Solon and Thanks

Solon and Thanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:38:12 -0800

This doesn't look at all worrying or anything other than completely natural? Even just a little bit - making sure to look past the past the makeup and tan job? Scroll down on the Keira link to see a woman who is clearly recovering from or dealing with something. Look at this literal poster girl for anorexia (NSFW.) No similarities? The shoulders, like UbuRoivas said, seem like a "tell." It's possible that I'm completely out of sync in my view of what is a healthily attainable body size. But I don't think so. One of my closest friends is one of those people "who happens to be rail-thin" (an incredibly thin working model, actually, who made barely successful but honest doctor-assisted attempts to gain some weight growing up [in an attempt to get even a little of the curves and boobs she envied - I'm well aware that everyone has something they'd change]) and even she never looked like that. I'm a size "small" myself, so I don't think I'm just projecting some insecurity, in case someone's thinking that. Though I'll admit it's certainly possible. I feel weird so closely analyzing a stranger's body, but that comment really threw me off guard. By all means, let's support self-confidence about one's body. I think a good way to do that is to have realistic perspectives of what body types are and can be with a realistic amount of effort, and what is a danger sign that one is struggling to obtain unobtainable (by healthy means) standards. In the Keira picture, it could just be the angle or the month - she looks more like a "naturally thin" person in the picture further down, and I do definitely think she is one of those people. I just don't think the first picture is an example of "naturally thin." Anyway, regardless of all that, I do think it is fantastic she is fighting studios who want to digitally 'enhance' her. If there's anything less realistic and yet more sought-after than rail-thin, it's rail-thin with huge breasts.