Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust
August 1, 2008 4:22 PM   Subscribe

Christian Sex Retailing. Christian Sex Toy Retailing There's a new sexual revolution happening, and the people driving it are not exactly a bunch of free-love libertines. Many people probably think of evangelical Christians as being more preoccupied with denying the pleasures of the flesh. Christianity has always had a lot to say about sexuality. But attitudes are changing and new approaches to Christian sex are emerging. Dagmar Herzog was interviewed today on CBC's The Current (second segment, requires Flash Player), and, who says in a recent interview with Salon: For liberals, sex has become the problem that has no name; one simply does not hear liberals articulate a defense of sexual rights. Instead, what we have witnessed is a coalescing of conservative evangelical and mainstream secular perspectives on sex. The conversation on sex in America -- when sex is discussed in a serious and earnest way at all -- tends largely to adopt the parameters set by the Religious Right. Herzog's new book. A collection of print interviews with Herzog can be found here.

Five years after Wilson gave birth to her first child, she and her husband, Kevin, wanted to spice up their nights in the boudoir, but did not want to go to a store and were offended by pornographic pop-ups on some online shops. To provide options suitable to their marriage bed, the two founded a website, which features everything from condoms to massage lotions to vibrators. The California couple’s favourite purchase? A pair of remote-control vibrating faux leather panties she wears out in public. “It’s fun and nobody else knows,” Preschern said.

[previously]
posted by KokuRyu (44 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
Not available in Alabama.
posted by maxwelton at 4:27 PM on August 1, 2008


Coincidentally, Jesus wore vibrating faux leather panties on the cross.
posted by found missing at 4:33 PM on August 1, 2008


Today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant.
posted by chihiro at 4:35 PM on August 1, 2008 [5 favorites]


"Honey, I can't decide to go with the Remote Control 3 Speed Sapphire Thong, the Remote Control Butt Plug, or the Wireless Remote Control Clit Blaster."

"Well, darling, what would Jesus wear?"

"Um, the Butt Plug?"

"Well go with the Lord's choice. And don't forget to take it off before you go through a metal detector."
posted by ornate insect at 4:36 PM on August 1, 2008


Are you really asking "Which sex toy would Jesus use?"

Really?
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:38 PM on August 1, 2008


"For liberals, sex has become the problem that has no name; one simply does not hear liberals articulate a defense of sexual rights."

Um, bwah? I read liberals articulating defenses of sexual rights on a daily basis. I mean, even as much as I feel that sex-positivism has been totally appropriated and co-opted, its still out there.

Ah, yes, the rules. A Christian wife, if she wants to keep her husband's mind off porn and his hand off his own penis (onanism is still a big no-no), will have to be a 24/7 tootsie.

Ohh yes, so liberated there.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 4:42 PM on August 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


It'll be interesting to see if this really takes off and Christian churches start issuing opinions on what kind of sex toy is Jesus-approved and which aren't. I envision non-descript vibrators to pass the test, but butt-plugs are strictly a no-no, for, verily, that be the dark tunnel of ye sodomites.

Also, "Alabama Sex Toy" is the name of my new psychobilly band.
posted by Avenger at 4:43 PM on August 1, 2008 [2 favorites]


Sex in Christ has all any christian will need to know about sex in accordance with god's will.
posted by jeffburdges at 4:50 PM on August 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: The Dark Tunnel of Ye Sodomites.
posted by Rangeboy at 4:51 PM on August 1, 2008


No jackhammer jesus?
posted by klangklangston at 4:54 PM on August 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


Dammit, Klangklangston, I was going to post that link.
posted by Forktine at 5:02 PM on August 1, 2008


This is all way too nauseating and mostly boring for a Friday.
posted by captainsohler at 5:05 PM on August 1, 2008


Well, you can still like the Cuming of Jizus if you can find it.
posted by jeffburdges at 5:06 PM on August 1, 2008


I got yer Alabama Sex Toy right here.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:16 PM on August 1, 2008


I'm pretty sure Jesus was into whips.
posted by Sailormom at 5:17 PM on August 1, 2008 [2 favorites]


In case of Rapture, this car these remote-control vibrating faux leather panties will be unmanned.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:22 PM on August 1, 2008


Someone noticed a niche market and decided to pander to it. Wow. How surprising.
posted by stenseng at 5:28 PM on August 1, 2008


It's a 3 way with Jesus.

Also: These panties, they vibrate?
posted by chillmost at 5:29 PM on August 1, 2008


This is all way too nauseating and mostly boring for a Friday.<>

You joined MetaFilter a week ago just to say that?

posted by KokuRyu at 5:35 PM on August 1, 2008


Are you really asking "Which sex toy would Jesus use?"

Yes, but only with the Christian right's stamp of approval. After all, we wouldn't want them thinking that we've fallen foul of the problem that has no name, would we?

FWIW, my money is on a french tickler that resembles a crown of thorns.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:37 PM on August 1, 2008


A piece of business advice: If you run an online sex shop, don't call the sex toys product category "Aids."
posted by justkevin at 5:41 PM on August 1, 2008 [3 favorites]


I sell sex toys for a living. It's an interesting industry. People bring a lot more to an adult retailer than just their money - all their emotional baggage, social problems and personal confusion. We, poor underpaid sales staff, get to be marraige counsellors and health advisors. On one hand, I think it's great to find a resource for conservative folk who just want to spice up their private life. And really, I can identify with wanting to remove some of the nudes on toy packaging, given that sexy porn girls on boxes that are trying to target heterosexual women seems, oh, a little counterproductive. However, it troubles me that the site is light on the more practical elements of sex. All their information is third party biblical "proofs" - there's no mention of hygeine, and the bulk of these toys are cheaply made pieces with a short life span, made of plastics that leach pthalates over time. I don't understand why one would refrain informing your clientle about the health risks involved with some toys.

Also, any retailer that hits me with the same crappy popup every three minutes deserves to cop forty lashes.
posted by Jilder at 6:26 PM on August 1, 2008 [3 favorites]


This deserves every bit of the mocking that you folks are giving it....I have no words.
posted by konolia at 6:26 PM on August 1, 2008


For liberals, sex has become the problem that has no name; one simply does not hear liberals articulate a defense of sexual rights.

Where has he been for the last forty years? Women's rights movement; abortion rights movement; gay rights movement.

Also, baby Jesus butt plug.
posted by rtha at 6:35 PM on August 1, 2008


I KNEW someone would link that ...
posted by Falling_Saint at 6:50 PM on August 1, 2008


Not to mention Loving (mixed-race marriage) and Griswold (birf control).

Nice burden-shifting framing, there too.

For liberals, __________ has become the problem that has no name; one simply does not hear liberals articulate a defense of ________-related rights.

In a free society we have the right to do whatever the heck we want. Those who wish to restrict these rights have the burden of proof to demonstrate where limitations should be applied, and these restrictions need to pass common-law, constitutional, and due process review. cf. Lawrence vs. Texas.
posted by yort at 7:02 PM on August 1, 2008


The ban on sex toys in Alabama is ineffectual. Those folks are good at whittling, remember.
posted by jonmc at 7:48 PM on August 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


I hope they're good at sanding, too.
posted by heeeraldo at 8:18 PM on August 1, 2008 [2 favorites]


For liberals, sex has become the problem that has no name; one simply does not hear liberals articulate a defense of sexual rights.

Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
posted by jet_silver at 8:25 PM on August 1, 2008


God is only packing 6.5"? I'm sure there is a "seventh" joke to be pulled from this, but I can't find it.
posted by figment of my conation at 9:02 PM on August 1, 2008


This reminds of the scene in that Andrea Pelosi documentary "Friends of God" where she's standing outside a megachurch with Ted Haggard and two of his best youth SS members and Haggard's prodding them to divulge details about their sex lives to prove how awesome it is to be an Evangelical and they're both like, "we totally give it to our wives every day" and Ted's there staring at them super intensely with his taut, Satanic smile that looks like it's about to split his head open and you totally know that right then he's exercising every molecule of restraint he has to keep from lunging at the dude and licking him upside the face.
posted by The Straightener at 9:22 PM on August 1, 2008 [4 favorites]


I thought I was a cynical fucker, I had no idea.
posted by boo_radley at 10:00 PM on August 1, 2008


For liberals, sex has become the problem that has no name; one simply does not hear liberals articulate a defense of sexual rights.

The only way this makes even a particle of sense is if you read it as: "God doesn't care if you have a headache, honey, and neither do I. He made me the head of the household, and I say spread 'em."

For such Conservative Christians the very notion there could be rape in marriage is a liberal (satanic) plot to deprive them of their God-given rights as married men.
posted by jamjam at 11:00 PM on August 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


Well, that was considerate of them to blur out the pictures of the naked people on the boxes of the cheap toxic sex toys. Just like in the Bible, that part where the Lord sayeth "Go forth, and buy thee a Nubby G, or maybe a 2 inch silicone penis extension with vibrating clit stimulator and cordless micro bullet, but don't look at the naked people on the box, for I forbid it."
posted by louche mustachio at 11:16 PM on August 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


"For liberals, sex has become the problem that has no name; one simply does not hear liberals articulate a defense of sexual rights [when one doesn't listen to or pay the slightest bit of attention to 'liberals', except insofar as they exist as a bogeyman]."

That's what I read right there, anyway.

I can't complain too much, though; if these people have discovered that vibrators aren't the devil, then I guess that's some sort of improvement.
posted by Kadin2048 at 11:49 PM on August 1, 2008


I don't really want to think about fundies having sex.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:49 AM on August 2, 2008


Oh, I do. Particularly when it's the kind of sex that gets them BANISHED to SATAN'S DOMINION!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:18 AM on August 2, 2008


It's particularly terrible for the poor sods, because getting married is supposed to put you in the clear. But in accordance with the prophecies, apparently you have to keep repenting. Ugh. So many rules! Heaven better be like one insanely awesome orgasm. Or God had better not take that great of notes on our improprieties.
posted by disillusioned at 3:19 AM on August 2, 2008


Is the anal stimulator Old Testament or New Testament?
posted by hooptycritter at 3:40 AM on August 2, 2008


My Beloved's Garden is truly weird. Apparently, this is how to sell ass beads and cock rings in a Christian manner:
posted by greenie2600 at 7:26 AM on August 2, 2008 [2 favorites]


Ok, so, y'know that scene in When Harry Met Sally where Harry says that Ingrid Bergman is insane for leaving Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca because how can you leave the man you've had the greatest sex of your life with, even if he does run a bar? And then Sally says something that indicates that she's never had great sex and then there's that digression about how you can't have great sex with a man named Sheldon?

Yeah, well, my point is that perhaps if you had more sexual experience and found a partner that you had actual sexual chemistry with, you wouldn't need Jesus' intervention when you found that you had married someone who didn't get your engine running.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:57 AM on August 2, 2008


at the sex toy link (#2) they say they sell to married people only. does this mean you have to send them a copy of your marriage certificate with your payment? i want to hear logistics!
posted by RedEmma at 11:52 AM on August 2, 2008


I'm sure that as long as you put "Mr. & Mrs. Jones" on the shipping address, they'll trust you.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:55 PM on August 2, 2008


Are you really asking "Which sex toy would Jesus use?"

Are you really asking "Are you really asking 'Which sex toy would Jesus use?'?"


Really?

*sigh* For the last freakin' time: RILEY! RILEY! RILEY!

sheesh
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:41 PM on August 4, 2008


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