Ten Reasons It Would Rule to Date a Unicorn
August 4, 2008 1:13 PM   Subscribe

 
Hey what about the hot sex?
posted by Wolfdog at 1:16 PM on August 4, 2008


I want to say that I loved this link and it made me laugh but, alas, I can not tell a lie.
posted by Justinian at 1:16 PM on August 4, 2008 [6 favorites]


At times, I think people create websites just to rack up a Digg/Reddit score. This would be one of those sites.

I mean seriously-- they make an OK parachute? That's not even trying.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:17 PM on August 4, 2008 [9 favorites]


I was with you until they said that there are 9 reasons not to date a T-Rex.

Bollocks.
posted by slimepuppy at 1:18 PM on August 4, 2008


#11: Unicorns keep you from posting me-too links all over Ted Stevens' intartubes.
posted by jsavimbi at 1:19 PM on August 4, 2008


I prefer the 9 Reasons Not To Date A Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Not because it's funny, just that it confirmed some things that I knew but didn't want to admit to myself.

*Wipes eyes, blows nose, clicks over to AskMe*
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:20 PM on August 4, 2008 [4 favorites]


12. Practically guaranteed to never get dewonderfuled.
posted by spiderwire at 1:20 PM on August 4, 2008


pepsi rainbow?
posted by condour75 at 1:23 PM on August 4, 2008 [3 favorites]




Hmm.
posted by nonmerci at 1:27 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Fuckin' TPS, man, you killing me!
posted by snsranch at 1:28 PM on August 4, 2008


9 Reasons Not To Date A Tyrannosaurus Rex

T-Rex is not going to like this when Utahraptor tells him about it.
posted by drezdn at 1:36 PM on August 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


Seriously. Who the hell considers feces eating a plus in a relationship? Don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question and you know it.

It worked for Harry Potter.
posted by jmd82 at 1:36 PM on August 4, 2008


Yeah but, as soon as you slept with it, it would disappear. Or such is my understanding of unicorns.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 1:38 PM on August 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


14. You could sell the Unicorn to the glue factory for profit.
posted by clearly at 1:38 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Hey, thanks for sharing this viral advertising with us!
posted by shmegegge at 1:44 PM on August 4, 2008 [9 favorites]


A unicorn's favorite color is sparkle.
posted by plexi at 1:47 PM on August 4, 2008


ThePinkSuperhero writes "Seriously. Who the hell considers feces eating a plus in a relationship?"

According to one gay sex manual, rimming is the ultimate taste treat. (I'm paraphrasing; I forget whther I read that in Dan Savage or in some Dobson-esque Fundie anti-gay screed.)
posted by orthogonality at 1:51 PM on August 4, 2008


No Digg.
posted by bowline at 1:52 PM on August 4, 2008


Obligatory Charlie The Unicorn links.


Shun the nonbeliever, shunnnn....
posted by clearly at 1:54 PM on August 4, 2008


Hey, thanks for sharing this viral advertising with us!

How on earth do you figure this is viral advertising? There aren't even any ads on the page, or any products mentioned.
posted by empath at 2:03 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


10. Increase the chance you might get to hang out with Neil Patrick Harris.
9. Provide you with a much-needed excuse if you are ever caught renting "The Last Unicorn."
8. Save a fortune on face-dildos.
7. Could taunt horses by saying, "Go fuck yourself. Oh, that's right -- you can't!"
6. Halloween options nearly limitless.
5. Ability to chase down Santa if he gives you shitty presents.
4. Probably hasn't seen The Dark Knight yet -- another excuse to go.
3. If you are into erotic asphyxiation, you might enjoy being stabbed in the throat while receiving oral sex.
2. Strangers would always laugh when you ask, "Is that a horn on your head, or are you just happy to see me?"
1. Uniporn.
posted by flarbuse at 2:03 PM on August 4, 2008 [9 favorites]


If A Unicorn Were On The National Security Council (mcsweeneys)
posted by the_bone at 2:06 PM on August 4, 2008


How on earth do you figure this is viral advertising? There aren't even any ads on the page, or any products mentioned.

They're introducing the McWaffle.

posted by Dr-Baa at 2:08 PM on August 4, 2008


#11. They're up for anything [oh so NSFW].
posted by obvious at 2:10 PM on August 4, 2008


This is an add for a dating site, mingle.com.
posted by substrate at 2:16 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


None of those reasons had anything to do with dating the unicorn.

Top 10 Reasons it Would Rule to Date a Unicorn:

10) Less small talk
9) You know it's not cheating on you, 'cause all it's friends are virgins
8) Requests to ride bareback not automatically rejected
7) Never have to drive
6) You can always get some tail
5) Can't really judge you on your bathroom habits
4) Cheap date
3) Riding crop optional
2) Mythical proportions
1) Always horny
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:20 PM on August 4, 2008 [21 favorites]


1) Always horny

Winner.
posted by empath at 2:23 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


How on earth do you figure this is viral advertising? There aren't even any ads on the page, or any products mentioned.

well, that is the nature of viral advertising, but to be clear:

the second part, 9 reasons not to date a tyrannosaurus, or whatever, is in the same style and is hosted on mingle2.com, the dating site. you can click directly from your link to mingle2.com in 2 clicks. it's clearly an advertisement.
posted by shmegegge at 2:24 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Wow. That's stretching it. Is the New York Times a viral ad? There are many places on there wherein someone could click DIRECTLY to an advertiser.
posted by empath at 2:28 PM on August 4, 2008


I would never date a unicorn. I'd fuck one, but that's as much of a relationship as I'd be willing to have with those rainbow-loving maniacs.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:30 PM on August 4, 2008


Not to be confused with 10 reasons to date Unicron


Mmmm.... YUMMY!
posted by Debaser626 at 2:37 PM on August 4, 2008


Wow. That's stretching it. Is the New York Times a viral ad? There are many places on there wherein someone could click DIRECTLY to an advertiser.

look, do you really want to get into this? I'm willing to drop it if you are. it's not that important. but if you want to get into this, then go and look at your link again. It's the exact same art style as advertisements for mingle that are hosted by mingle. it links directly to mingle from your site. it's about dating, which is coincidentally precisely what mingle is all about. the sex quiz linked at the bottom of the tyrannosaurus link has art that looks exactly like the art from your link. they all have thumbup links to stumbleupon to gain viewership.

but here:

whois for unicorn
whois for mingle2.com

they're both owned by Matt Inman. come on, dude.
posted by shmegegge at 2:40 PM on August 4, 2008 [4 favorites]


I have no doubt that this amusing thing on the internet was posted by mingle to drive traffic to their site, but isn't that why 90% of the internet is out there? Nobody puts anything on the internet they don't expect some kind of commercial gain from.
posted by empath at 2:43 PM on August 4, 2008


Yeah, I'd say it seems designed to direct people to Mingle2.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:45 PM on August 4, 2008


ok, so now you have no doubt. fine. this would have been a much shorter conversation if you'd said that at first instead of telling me you doubted it. believe me, you're free to enjoy your pepsi blue link.
posted by shmegegge at 2:45 PM on August 4, 2008


Nobody puts anything on the internet they don't expect some kind of commercial gain from.

Wha?
posted by kingbenny at 2:55 PM on August 4, 2008 [5 favorites]


Reason 7: They make OK parachutes?

What the fuck? This is the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard. I mean, if people listen to this kind of "internet fact" shit they are going to wind up dead with a thousand pounds of mystical equine on top of them, and probably be impaled by the fucking horn. Doesn't anybody fact check this shit anymore?

For Christ's sake. I can't believe that someone would say something so demonstrably untrue.

Everyone knows that it's Pegasus that make OK parachutes.
posted by quin at 2:58 PM on August 4, 2008 [8 favorites]


Unicorns are also good for revenge.
posted by Alison at 2:58 PM on August 4, 2008


There's no need for WHOIS. It's right on the page if you click "I don't want to date a unicorn"

This was created by Mingle2
A Completely Free Dating Site

Browse singles, send and receive messages, create a profile - everything on the site is completely free (and always will be).

posted by Bookhouse at 2:59 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


How on earth do you figure this is viral advertising? There aren't even any ads on the page, or any products mentioned.


At the bottom, there is a box that says: "Don't want to date a unicorn, click here." You click and, then see this:

This was created by Mingle2
A Completely Free Dating Site

Browse singles, send and receive messages, create a profile - everything on the site is completely free (and always will be).
Find a date at Mingle


So, in a sense you are right. It isn't a viral ad. It's just a plain ad.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 3:00 PM on August 4, 2008 [6 favorites]


Um, what Bookhouse said.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 3:00 PM on August 4, 2008


I expect some reasonable compensation for this witty comment right here.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:01 PM on August 4, 2008 [4 favorites]


Sage.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:05 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


(Mingle2) right on the page if you click "I don't want to date a unicorn".

Okay, but who in their right mind is going to click that?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 3:07 PM on August 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


The kind of people that post ads to the Blue?
posted by BeerFilter at 3:16 PM on August 4, 2008


So, Mingle advocates being the abuser in a parasitic relationship with an innocent creature. Also: bestiality. How are they different from other dating sites exactly?
posted by katillathehun at 3:16 PM on August 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


> It's a vampire unicorn!
posted by elfgirl at 3:17 PM on August 4, 2008


I have a totally platonic relationship with a unicorn and get all these benefits anyhow.
posted by adamrice at 3:47 PM on August 4, 2008


obvious: I don't want to know how you came across found that link.

I mean, Rule 34 and all, but even so...
posted by athenian at 3:48 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


there's some cool ascii art in the page source.....
posted by TechnoLustLuddite at 3:59 PM on August 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


You don't actually have to date the unicorn to enjoy all these benefits. Just thought you might like to know. Save some money.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:11 PM on August 4, 2008


I don't know why people are so into unicorns. They're just aryan zebras with a growth.
posted by ob at 5:28 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Computer dating Unicorns can lead to problems.
posted by eye of newt at 5:31 PM on August 4, 2008


How on earth do you figure this is viral advertising?

If it isn't, it will turn into one.

This Norwegian live music video, from 1995, became a viral ad for Ford in 2007.

A 2007 link.
posted by Dumsnill at 5:50 PM on August 4, 2008


This is actually the second ad for mingle2 that's been posted here recently. The other one was that "zombieharmony" dating thing that I can't seem to find right now.
posted by puke & cry at 6:59 PM on August 4, 2008


athenian: It could have been any of us.
posted by obvious at 7:09 PM on August 4, 2008


15. Magical unicorn mayonnaise.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:17 PM on August 4, 2008


This is still here? Have any unicorns been fucked yet?
posted by Dr-Baa at 7:31 PM on August 4, 2008




This post requires an obligatory link to the YakYak thread entitled Shit Pictures Of Unicorns. Warning, Not Even Remotely Safe For Work. [NSFW]
posted by c0nsumer at 7:48 PM on August 4, 2008


Now that I think about it, this is a rip off of The Giving Tree, and, I guess, The Unicorn, both by Shel Silverstein. But this is like Silverstein had been hit in the head very hard with a ball peen hammer and it destroyed his ability to be interesting and funny.

Now I want to meet the fabulous people who made this and have them set me up on a date!
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:11 PM on August 4, 2008


On a completely unrelated note, I've had sex with 1492 more people than the average person in my age bracket.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 9:48 PM on August 4, 2008


16. Donut transportation.
posted by turgid dahlia at 10:45 PM on August 4, 2008


As long as it's not a nazi unicorn.
posted by w0mbat at 11:16 PM on August 4, 2008


Isn't this the same site that did the Zombie dating? Aren't they going to keep doing this silly pages to advertise their new service? Are we going to see links to each of them on the front page?
posted by mad bomber what bombs at midnight at 12:11 AM on August 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


I've had sex with 1492 more people than the average person in my age bracket.

So have I, but that's because I find my dates on mingers.com as opposed to mingle.com.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:16 AM on August 5, 2008


this friend of mine had this band, The Cunted
and they had this song called "Unicorn." (eh, myspace music page, you have to click on unicorn -- and this was much better live, always).

it turns out that unicorns like it both ways...

"I meant you in a grove of mandarin oranges, your horn was glistening in the rain..."
posted by punkbitch at 1:21 AM on August 5, 2008


Okay, but who in their right mind is going to click that?

Man, even the internet is calling me stupid nowadays...
posted by inigo2 at 4:48 AM on August 5, 2008


17. They make... errr... truly awful great clocks.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 5:25 AM on August 5, 2008


At times, I think people create websites just to rack up a Digg/Reddit score. This would be one of those sites.

Or get enormous, ridiculous book deals.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 10:00 AM on August 5, 2008


Erotic Unicorn on Nerd Action
posted by toaster at 4:09 PM on August 5, 2008


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