Can Cause Itchy, Flaky Spine

August 14, 2008 10:49 PM

Ever secretly harbor a dream to create slick promos for pharmaceutical companies? Have at it, both in TV and print form. (Via Adfreaks)
posted by Weebot (25 comments total)

"Coloslic makes me poo gloriously!"
posted by orthogonality at 10:57 PM on August 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

This is the best?
posted by Picklegnome at 11:08 PM on August 14, 2008

This. Is. Awesome.
posted by mdonley at 11:12 PM on August 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Introducing...Personsittingatcomputeroxil™!"
posted by humannaire at 11:20 PM on August 14, 2008

"Coloslic makes me poo gloriously clench.
posted by Mblue at 11:24 PM on August 14, 2008

If you think DEATHERAL is right for you, talk to your psychiatrist today.
posted by daniel_charms at 11:27 PM on August 14, 2008

These are fantastic. My drug made a guy go from beating up strangers on the street and possibly slamming heroin, to a productive life, smoking cigarettes in the garage with someone a decade younger, in a bear suit.
posted by paisley henosis at 11:58 PM on August 14, 2008

My pharm-patsy went from glorking a drink and being weird to glorking a drink while washing down expensive pills named after my cat (and then being weird). Prognosis: profit!
posted by telstar at 12:19 AM on August 15, 2008

Good stuff. Reminds me of that faux-pharma segment on the Colbert Report.

Side effects may include:

dry mouth
bad humours
testicular myopia
Phantom Hands Syndrome
nostril inversion
hairy uvula
mild kidney explosions
warlock hump
Scrappy Doo-ism
speaking in tongues
vivid dreams of self-cannibalization
spontaneous and uncontrollable gum growth
late-onset albinoism
thoracic geysers
lung-fire
scrofula
eye-curdling
inability to breathe on weekends
rectal frosting
Arby’s Mouth
Tennis Scrotum
testicular cranberrying
rectal hallucinations
pulmonary weevils
brain tooth
reemergence of the umbilical cord
abdominal migration
gopherism
multi-brow
tracheal meercat colonies
vein seizures
aortal collapse
monkey lung

Remember, Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. is not a licensed medical doctor. He is a doctor of fine arts. If you take Dr. Colbert's advice, your body is in danger of becoming a masterpiece.
posted by Rhaomi at 12:36 AM on August 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

Heh, this post also reminded me of a school project I did with some friends way back when. We had to design a Powerpoint presentation for some corporation, explaining its products and business model and such.

Thus was Keystone Pharmaceuticals born, so named because of the rusted padlock template that came standard with Powerpoint.

Our staff profiles dripped with hintings of corruption and criminal levels of incompetence. It was clear that the whole presentation was a glossy sheen on a morally bankrupt operation. Our revenues were plotted in vague, murky terms only to be wildly extrapolated into the hundreds of skillions of dollars. Our products ranged from a pill that both caused and cured every known infectious disease to Astro-Gel, "the same magic gel the astronauts use!" Our fictional selves counted on public insecurities and the complicity of federal regulatory bodies to peddle our snake oil to a clueless nation.

We were brilliant, prescient, dark masters of the high corporate world.

We got a B+.

I wish I'd kept that floppy disk...
posted by Rhaomi at 1:08 AM on August 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

It should really be this easy. They're all the same, fer chrissakes.
posted by fungible at 2:32 AM on August 15, 2008

Rhaomi, the side effects of Cheating Death are my favorite part of the Colbert Report. Nice to see someone else likes it too. My favorite side effects so far are Involuntary Narnia Adventures and A.D.H.D.(E.A.D.). Also, "If you are a human who hasd accidentally taken Vaxitrim Canine, please consult a mortician."
posted by JHarris at 2:39 AM on August 15, 2008

It should really be this easy. They're all the same, fer chrissakes.

Actually, they're not. Having been involved in various stages of a pharmaceutical ad campaign, there really is an incredible amount of thought and careful planning that goes into ads for drugs and pharma companies.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:50 AM on August 15, 2008

They might as well be.
posted by ryanrs at 3:10 AM on August 15, 2008

Probably for the same reason that all coffee mugs are basically the same shape.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:15 AM on August 15, 2008

Having been involved in the viewing stages of many pharmaceutical ad campaigns, let me tell you that all that thought and careful planning isn't coming through very strongly.
posted by DU at 4:33 AM on August 15, 2008

Tequila!
posted by jeffburdges at 5:00 AM on August 15, 2008

MadLibs ripoff.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 6:31 AM on August 15, 2008

DTC is crashing and burning anyway... ROI is generally not very good.
posted by Mister_A at 7:33 AM on August 15, 2008

Levitol - trol! - Results may depend on your level of gay.
posted by nicwolff at 10:04 AM on August 15, 2008

I forget, which one is the real drug: Abilify or Focusin?
posted by fixedgear at 10:21 AM on August 15, 2008

Actually, they're not. Having been involved in various stages of a pharmaceutical ad campaign, there really is an incredible amount of thought and careful planning that goes into ads for drugs and pharma companies.

Were you the guy who came up with the idea of putting pictures of puppies and flowers on the screen during the ceremonial Reading Of The Side-Effects?

If so, good job! I LOL'd.
posted by JHarris at 12:03 PM on August 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

Fucking magnificent.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:19 PM on August 15, 2008

Oh and:

Oh yeah, I'm the motherfucking princess. (dance, bear, dance!)
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:41 PM on August 15, 2008

Ditto JHarris.

The "incredible amount of thought and careful planning" is exactly the reason why they're all the same.
posted by fungible at 8:43 PM on August 15, 2008