Comments on: Death By Chocolate

Death By Chocolate

fearfulsymmetry — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:22:09 -0800

Selections from H.P. Lovecraft's brief tenure as a Whitman's Sampler copywriter.

By: DU

DU — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:36:32 -0800

Two wikipedia links doesn't make this not a SLMcSP.

By: nicolin

nicolin — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:36:54 -0800

comic horror

By: griphus

griphus — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:40:30 -0800

This is really delightful for a SLMcP.

By: Guy_Inamonkeysuit

Guy_Inamonkeysuit — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:40:38 -0800

Constable Parrot ate one of those...

By: goatdog

goatdog — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:46:57 -0800

I took penicillin for my SLMcP and it cleared right up, but then I got a rash. Allergic, dontcha know.

By: Floach

Floach — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:52:36 -0800

The guy writing these is going a bit overboard. Far, far too many exclamation marks.

By: vrakatar

vrakatar — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:58:28 -0800

Made me laugh and made me snackish.

By: jonp72

jonp72 — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:59:13 -0800

McSweeneys, is there nothing you can't make plausible?

By: tits mcgee

tits mcgee — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:59:39 -0800

What? No Cthulhu Chew?

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:02:48 -0800

Oh they totally stole my idea. By "stole" I mean "actually took the time to execute it." Fuckers.

By: Guy_Inamonkeysuit

Guy_Inamonkeysuit — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:24:25 -0800

Floach, actually he missed Lovecraft's typical use of italics to push the final sentence over the brink. Thus: Peanut Butter Cup In 1856, a fisherman from a tiny hamlet on the New England coast made a terrible pact with serpentine beasts from beneath the sea, that he might create the most delicious sweet seen upon the Earth since the days of the great Elder Race. Thus was forged the satanic pact between peanut butter and chocolate that resulted in the mutant offspring you see before you! Now that's your Lovecraft, right there.

By: infinitewindow

infinitewindow — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:24:45 -0800

Cthulhu Chew—You'll Be Eaten First!®

By: Fenriss

Fenriss — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:29:47 -0800

Awesome! They got in "eldritch" and "cyclopean" although they missed "squamous".

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:31:39 -0800

"Ah, McSweeneys. Is there anything you can't write about in the style of something else?"

By: Guy_Inamonkeysuit

Guy_Inamonkeysuit — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:34:23 -0800

Good point, Fenriss. Missed "rugose," too.

By: papercake

papercake — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:34:24 -0800

LOVE this. Thanks.

By: felix betachat

felix betachat — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:34:30 -0800

How did I know this was a McSweeney's link before I even clicked? Oh, right. The formula: [everyday thing] or [canonical work of literature] reformulated in the [language] or [style] or [medium] of some other incongruous thing. Seriously, they don't have writers. They have a computer program. When its not producing new copy, its making mashups of John Philip Sousa and Ne-Yo.

By: PlusDistance

PlusDistance — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:34:33 -0800

Well I think this clears up why he lost the Arthur Treachers franchise

By: supercres

supercres — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:44:55 -0800

What, nothing about the inherent superiority of white chocolate?

By: xchmp

xchmp — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:56:05 -0800

I suspect I'd find this more amusing if it didn't read like the writer has only ever encountered Lovecraft via Chaosium's Call of Cthulhu role playing game.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:01:25 -0800

Creamy tropical vengeance FTW.

By: horsemuth

horsemuth — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:04:59 -0800

I didn't laugh much, but they do all sound delicious.

By: fixedgear

fixedgear — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:16:37 -0800

This is much better than the last SLMcP! That one was all about exclamation marks! This is teh funny!

By: buriednexttoyou

buriednexttoyou — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:33:09 -0800

This must have been Mike Mussina's eighth submission.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:59:55 -0800

Imagine Lovecraft writing ad copy for the Whizzo Quality Assortment.

By: Parasite Unseen

Parasite Unseen — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:01:45 -0800

Any parody of Lovecraft's writing that doesn't end the final line of each entry in italics doesn't hold water with me. For it was in this style that he wrote!

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:06:04 -0800

Much love for the "humour" tag.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:08:25 -0800

CAUTION: THIS THREAD CONTAINS COMMENTS MADE IN A FACILITY THAT ALSO PROCESSES LULZ. COMMENTS MAY CONTAIN LULZ. THREAD MAY CONTAIN NUTS.

By: Guy_Inamonkeysuit

Guy_Inamonkeysuit — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:32:12 -0800

Hey, Parasite Unseen. Preview, dude.

By: Guy_Inamonkeysuit

Guy_Inamonkeysuit — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:34:03 -0800

ROU_Xenophobe, same for you.

By: quin

quin — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:40:48 -0800

Few men dare ask the question "What is toffee, exactly?" All those who have investigated this substance are now either dead or insane. I want to start working phrases like this more into my day-to-day life; "Be careful of that coffee creamer, John, everyone that's tried it is now either dead or insane..." "Why haven't we thrown it out then?" "I dunno. Maybe it's really good or something."

By: juv3nal

juv3nal — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:02:51 -0800

The idea is neat, but even giving a pass on the italics, they just don't get the tone right. It's like they went to wikipedia to get an idea of what Lovecraft wrote about/like instead of actually reading the stories.

By: Benjamin Nushmutt

Benjamin Nushmutt — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:12:39 -0800

I kept waiting to read: For generations, Whitman's is a name that means quality and excellence, and we believe that the most merciful thing in our Sampler is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:16:21 -0800

a hideously moist cherry cordial This one made me laugh.

By: version control

version control — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:42:38 -0800

Use of words I associate solely with Lovecraft: eldritch: check, non-Euclidian: check, cyclopean: check.

By: languagehat

languagehat — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:48:28 -0800

How did I know this was a McSweeney's link before I even clicked? The idea is neat, but even giving a pass on the italics, they just don't get the tone right. What they said.

By: Topkid

Topkid — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:58:21 -0800

That is not dead which Whitman's Sampler ate, And with strange eons even Death gains weight.

By: JHarris

JHarris — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:05:05 -0800

He missed gibbous. (I only bring it up because I happen to like dancing horribly when the moon is gibbous.)

By: Iosephus

Iosephus — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:32:13 -0800

[insert Crunchy Shoggoth joke here]

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:54:12 -0800

OK: It should say "real live crunchy hideous trans-dimensional gibbering gluttonous blasphemy from beyond the spheres, where shrill and mindless piping curdles the minds of men with horror in homage to the idiot dæmon-sultan."

By: alexwoods

alexwoods — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 12:31:09 -0800

McSWEENEY'S IN A NUTSHELL: Molly: Did you ever notice how McSweeney's kind of approaches humor with like a lab coat and a pair of tweezers? Beef: Hee hee yeah they really are uncomfortable around the stuff Molly: It's like they don't really know where they belong given all the writing that's come before them, so they just rip off old New Yorker pieces! Beef: I know it's like they're just playing among the ruins of a once-great literary culture that is no longer relevant and struggles for justification!

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 12:53:14 -0800

It should say "real live crunchy hideous trans-dimensional gibbering gluttonous blasphemy from beyond the spheres, where shrill and mindless piping curdles the minds of men with horror in homage to the idiot dæmon-sultan." Our sales would plummet!

By: everichon

everichon — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:20:20 -0800

Hit or miss, but the last one made me laugh such that I had to repress it, and then ended up just snorting conspicuously and wiping tears out of my eyes. Then Benjamin Nushmutt's try did the same.

By: Zed_Lopez

Zed_Lopez — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:22:05 -0800

Use of words I associate solely with Lovecraft: eldritch: check, non-Euclidian: check, cyclopean: check. I'm currently reading More Annotated Lovecraft. I had had no idea cyclopean had a specific meaning in regard to stonework. The idea is neat, but even giving a pass on the italics, they just don't get the tone right. Yup, what they said.

By: The Bridge on the River Kai Ryssdal

The Bridge on the River Kai Ryssdal — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:12:09 -0800

And what's more, what of those sweets of that new and heterogeneous alien stock which lies outside the charmed circle of New England candies and traditions? You know, like hamentaschen, or flan.

By: ...possums

...possums — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 18:27:39 -0800

I wish there were a filter to automatically block any post linking to McSweeney's. Their authors are kings of taking a pretty good idea and implementing it very poorly.

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 03:44:51 -0800

In 1927, legendary horror writer H.P. Lovecraft wrote a tale of evil in Brooklyn called "The Horror at Red Hook." It was inspired by his apartment, the soul of which he once described as being "something unwholesome, something furtive, something vast lying subterraneanly in obnoxious slumber." Nellie Kurtzman knows how he feels. Kurtzman now lives in that apartment