Comments on: Boiling water, all over my crotch.

Boiling water, all over my crotch.

Orange Pamplemousse — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:28:45 -0800

How not to get laid. Because we learn from our failures.

Check the highest rated sidebar is on the left hand side.

By: Caduceus

Caduceus — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:33:44 -0800

Always use the rubber tongs indeed.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:34:11 -0800

Hey, it's like an alternate-universe Penthouse Forum, neat!

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:34:46 -0800

"Penis Spam I Am" lost me right there...

By: Avenger

Avenger — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:36:37 -0800

How not to get laid. The whole internets is basically a compendium of this.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:49:22 -0800

"Self Date-Rape Guy" is going to be my first official sockpuppet, methinks.

By: Kiablokirk

Kiablokirk — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:01:22 -0800

Wow, someone found a way to make Maxim a lot dumber, a lot crasser, and then removed all the pretty pictures. Just what I needed!

By: paisley henosis

paisley henosis — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:05:04 -0800

"Father knows breast" is a fucking creepy title for a post.

By: theclaw

theclaw — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:16:28 -0800

First impression: Boring, dull, pedestrian stories poorly written; even the majority of their highest-rated stories aren't interesting. But then I realize the site works on a different level: "How not to get laid? Write like this." I did laugh at Elmer Fudd dirty talk and self date-rape guy

By: frobozz

frobozz — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:19:11 -0800

"hostel-come-beach house"?

By: whoaali

whoaali — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:23:05 -0800

Doesn't AskMeFi pretty much have this covered already?

By: theclaw

theclaw — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:24:51 -0800

As an apology for snark earlier, please accept Goldmine stories from SA in on a similar subject.

By: fourcheesemac

fourcheesemac — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:38:04 -0800

Man, it reads like an average day on AskMe.

By: wfrgms

wfrgms — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 23:27:15 -0800

How not to get laid. Or, every AskMe relationship question posted by males...

By: telstar

telstar — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 23:33:22 -0800

Ah. Finally a post in my area of expertise.

By: dunkadunc

dunkadunc — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 23:49:23 -0800

this is not what i need to read right now.

By: dunkadunc

dunkadunc — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 00:02:24 -0800

But first, I had to finish getting ready. I excused myself and returned to the bathroom. When I opened the door five minutes later, I found him leaning against the sofa waiting for me — BUCK NAKED."> No, this was exactly what i needed to read right now.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 01:57:31 -0800

Wow. I've been reading for over an hour and I don't think I've ever felt like less of a dork than I do right now.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 03:44:49 -0800

I spent the next three or four days alternatively trying to woo her then surprise sex her. Surprise sex = rape. Nice.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 03:51:28 -0800

Ok, this story is just plain old WRONG. Wrong all over. This isn't "how not to get laid" so much as "how TO get taken advantage of sexually, to the point of practically being date raped." Sheezus. Who thinks this is funny? HURF DURF YOU SED NOES BUT I KEPT ON A GOIN. I've got to go wash off that dirty feeling now.

By: Rubbstone

Rubbstone — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 05:07:37 -0800

So this one time I'm up in Colorado on the job and me and my coworker have gone out to a friend of a friends place. So she looks at me and says to me my boyfriends out of town and I'm like what does that have to do with me? .... I plead virginity

By: ShadePlant

ShadePlant — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 05:21:49 -0800

Are they hiring columnists? "Nice shoes, wanna @#$%?" does not actually work.

By: Durn Bronzefist

Durn Bronzefist — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:07:27 -0800

I was a 32yo MILF Am I supposed to be confused? Aroused? What?

By: liquorice

liquorice — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:17:52 -0800

I had to stop reading after The Headstrong Lover as a tale of rape wasn't exactly what I was expecting from this site.

By: spicynuts

spicynuts — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:26:55 -0800

Or, every AskMe relationship question posted by males... You know what would happen if you had posted that comment but used 'females' instead? So why do you feel it's ok snark to say this about males? That's kinda freakin lame if you ask me. I understand that you might be a guy and therefore this is somehow 'ok self-deprecating snark' but still...

By: KirkJobSluder

KirkJobSluder — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 07:11:02 -0800

ShadePlant: Actually, it does, but only on a second date when it's a foregone conclusion.e

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 09:03:22 -0800

"I wanna spwit you open wif my cock." I dunno about you guys, but I just got myself a new pick-up line. Or LOLCAT caption... y'know, whichever comes up first.

By: Xoebe

Xoebe — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 09:46:42 -0800

"I wanna spwit you open wif my cock." I didn't see this line, I need to go back and read some more. But OMG will my wife be supwised when she cowmes howme fwom Vancouvew dis week. She won't even want to...wait, that's not so different from the way it is now. Nevermind.

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:09:16 -0800

Xoebe: It's from "Twuwy, Madwy, Deepwy" -- funniest story on there, IMO.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:48:39 -0800

I quit reading when there were too many self-aggrandizing "I didn't get laid because I didn't take advantage of women in distress" nobility paeans for me to believe.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:55:27 -0800

"Boiling water, all over my crotch..." You know, if you pretend Jason Molina's singing it with some moody minimalist guitarwork and maybe a brushed snare reverberating lightly in the background, this is actually very touching.

By: Rubbstone

Rubbstone — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:59:08 -0800

FWIW kklangston I really don't think I've read more than one of those most of the time its the woman is smel ly, sweaty, not a man, too awesome(In his deluded mind) Besides, Nobility only comes from the morons who think that conversation and mutual agreement is the meat and drink of love when in fact alot of the time its physicality.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 18:29:32 -0800

Actually, the most common reason guys miss out on getting laid is because we're too dense to read the woman's signals or alternately the woman involved was being way too subtle for an inexperienced male. Right after I lost my virginity, I realized that I had missed a few opportunites before and felt like hitting myelf in the crotch with a wiffle bat as a kind of postmodern Catholic form of self-abasement. I bet most guys would concur on this. The missing signals, not the wiffle bat. That i came up with on my own.

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:22:24 -0800

/agree with jonmc One of the surest ways to NOT get laid is simply not to ask. Life favors the bold.

By: Arturus

Arturus — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 11:34:23 -0800

most of the time its the woman is smelly, sweaty, not a man, too awesome(In his deluded mind) Several of these could have been solved by the guy saying "hey, I really want to have sex with you, but not right now because of . Can we fix this/hook up later?" rather than making a lame excuse and running away like he's afraid of her. Is rejection supposed to be sexier than communication?

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:40:19 -0800

/sorta agrees with jonmc From the guy's perspective, I think his self-esteem, his self-image is central. If the guy is down on himself, and doesn't truly think he's good enough to be with the girl he likes, he's going to miss the signals because he can't imagine she likes him too. So he won't "get laid", his self-esteem drops more, more signals are missed, etc. It's a self-perpetuating thing, and it comes from within. But that's a Good Thing -- it means it can be fixed from within, too.

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:40:58 -0800

Also, I've found an aluminum softball bat to be the most effective.