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August 27, 2008 10:08 AM   Subscribe

Waffle Bike is a fully weaponized waffle-making machine. (SLYT)
posted by photoslob (49 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
That woman's creaky voice/accent combo make her sound like the daughter of Dr. Henry Killinger.

I am Dr. Henrietta Killinger, and this is my Magic Waffle Bike.
posted by middleclasstool at 10:25 AM on August 27, 2008 [7 favorites]


Look how silly we can be!
posted by schwa at 10:27 AM on August 27, 2008


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wtf?

posted by middleclasstool at 10:27 AM on August 27, 2008 [5 favorites]


I'm pretty sure it qualifies as animal cruelty to force a couple of innocent chickens to participate in a Neistat Brothers film.
posted by nanojath at 10:28 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


Waffle Bike's pretty cool but .... it'd be a lot cooler with a sidecar-lion
posted by mannequito at 10:36 AM on August 27, 2008 [5 favorites]


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wtf?


They are much cheaper if mom helps. Like laundry.
posted by Paid In Full at 10:47 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


I can't seem to say why, but I get this incredibly strong feeling of hate when watching that video. Weird...
posted by ZaneJ. at 10:56 AM on August 27, 2008


Must have! Although I would want the speaker mast hinged so the bike could be parked in the garage in case the shotgun and machete were not sufficient to defend against theft. If the chickens did not produce, the bike could always be ridden to the nearest IHOP.
posted by Cranberry at 10:58 AM on August 27, 2008


Fuck the bike, I just want waffles.

Bike-fucking not legal in all countries, proceed at your own risk.
posted by everichon at 10:59 AM on August 27, 2008


Waffles: Hell Yes.
Waffle Bike: Fuck Yes.
posted by boo_radley at 11:05 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


the heck with the muezzin, just have that woman's voice coming out of the pa system. "zis is zee vaaafelbike, it is biking araoun' your naybohood fully prepaayered to make yu tasty vaaafels. pleese enchoy zem."

also, i am very excited about putting a machete on my bike now. i think that is the real innovation here.
posted by the painkiller at 11:10 AM on August 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


I have mixed feelings. One one hand this is just more of the same rich-kid post-po-mo hipster shit, on the other hand the guy has two sawed off shotguns mounted to his bike frame. I have to admit I smiled a bit at the dead-pan presentation of the weapons.

So, all in all, annoying, but with glimmering bits of heavily armed waffles I'll give this one a pass.
posted by elwoodwiles at 11:11 AM on August 27, 2008


That bike is well weapon!
posted by Artw at 11:13 AM on August 27, 2008 [3 favorites]


wafflebike 2.0 will use waffles as munitions.
posted by boo_radley at 11:13 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


The fact that the waffle iron and speakers draw their power from a diesel generator seems all kinds of wrong to me. Isn't the whole purpose of a waffle-bike to combine the twin joys of wafflemaking and bicycling? The waffle-iron ought to be pedal-powered, perhaps augmented with solar.
posted by Missiles K. Monster at 11:16 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


The waffle-iron ought to be pedal-powered, perhaps augmented with solar.

A good waffle iron will draw at least 750 W (more like 1200 if you really want to get the job done). No way to do that with pedals, even if you have a good-sized portable solar array to go with it.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:23 AM on August 27, 2008


Brilliant...simply brilliant! All it needs is a fold out tent, and it would provide everything necessary for existence. The shotguns could be used to hunt small game when waffles run low. The manure from the chickens could be used to start a small container garden behind the seat.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:25 AM on August 27, 2008


In Soviet UnionSweden, waffle-bike weaponizes you!
posted by kcds at 11:25 AM on August 27, 2008


Ah, sweet sweet Soviet Sweden.
posted by Artw at 11:27 AM on August 27, 2008


Yeah right, just go ahead and try to take that guy's waffles.
posted by chillmost at 11:29 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


The waffle-iron ought to be pedal-powered, perhaps augmented with solar.

Much as I approve of such renewable energy sources they simply don’t have the required power output. May I suggest a small RTG unit powered by plutonium-238?
posted by Artw at 11:30 AM on August 27, 2008


Much as I approve of such renewable energy sources they simply don’t have the required power output. May I suggest a small RTG unit powered by plutonium-238?

Don't worry. Just 7 more years before Mr Fusion gets released and we can power the whole thing on banana peels and other household waste.
posted by RokkitNite at 11:34 AM on August 27, 2008


The Light Fantastic: It would also be pretty easy to mount a small worm composter on there somewhere, and grow some greens and small veggies directly in the compost. Compostable worm food could be obtained from any number of dumpsters etc. Waffles and salad. And shotguns.
posted by rusty at 11:52 AM on August 27, 2008


They have gotten chicken and waffles completely wrong.
posted by Daddy-O at 11:59 AM on August 27, 2008


The way the narrator detailed the technical specifications of the bike and the models of the equipment involved in that husky and slightly cold, emotionless voice was just crazy sexy. I want to listen to her read all my firearm and equipment manuals as I fall asleep at night.
posted by quin at 12:11 PM on August 27, 2008


Norway... nul points!
posted by grounded at 12:13 PM on August 27, 2008


Brilliant. Totally brilliant. If Mad Max (or the Lone Biker of the Apocalypse) had worked at IHOP...

As for pedal-power, Starbucks has a bike-powered blender that people line up around the block to make their own frapuccinos at the Celebrate Brooklyn concerts in Prospect Park. This movie is the exact opposite of that.
posted by ericbop at 12:31 PM on August 27, 2008


Hold on. This movie is by those guys?

My waffle just got cold and I lost my appetite.
posted by ardgedee at 12:37 PM on August 27, 2008


but... it doesn't shoot waffles? meh.
posted by gnutron at 12:59 PM on August 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


This is pretty stupid. After all that effort, you just throw the eggs in with some Aunt Jemima mix? If you're going to make waffles in an outrageous way, why not bike around the city and pick up eggs from 2 brooklyn chickens, milk from somewhere else, batter ingredients from somewhere else, etc? The end product of all this construction and filmmaking is unremarkable waffles and a meaningless mix of cultural items and a couple of weapons. They didn't even bring joy to people by offering them waffles.

This didn't get beyond the "wouldn't it be cool if...?" stage.
posted by Grimp0teuthis at 1:06 PM on August 27, 2008


Waffles and salad. And shotguns.

Oh my!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:09 PM on August 27, 2008


Wanted to love it, because it's about a bike and all, but...sadly, no.
posted by fixedgear at 1:12 PM on August 27, 2008


Hmmmm. MeThinks this is more about making a movie than making a Waffle Bike. As a short, it has its moments (Guns!) It also has it weaknesses (Hipsters!) Of course the bike is stupid, it's supposed to be.

ardgedee, I'm mostly unaware of the Neistat Brothers and their, um, "work. Why do they turn you off?
posted by elwoodwiles at 1:13 PM on August 27, 2008


220V, a metal bike, a live chicken, and a PA system playing a call to prayer.

What could possibly go wrong?
posted by zippy at 1:30 PM on August 27, 2008


The Honda Harmony em2500 generator. So quiet, you wont hear it over the prayer blasted out of the PA system.
posted by clearly at 1:35 PM on August 27, 2008


I like it, but then... I sorta don't.

* Waffling *
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 1:41 PM on August 27, 2008


fixedgear, why do you hate waffles?
posted by boo_radley at 1:45 PM on August 27, 2008


people it is still okay to hate-
rich kids
hipsters
artists
people assumed to be any of the above.
posted by brevator at 1:50 PM on August 27, 2008 [3 favorites]


Oh.

You close the waffle iron.

That explains so much.
posted by Samizdata at 1:53 PM on August 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


fixedgear, why do you hate waffles?

It's not that I hate waffles, it's that I love pancakes.
posted by fixedgear at 3:30 PM on August 27, 2008


Bah. Waffles are clearly superior to flimsy, soggy pancakes.
posted by middleclasstool at 3:33 PM on August 27, 2008


two words:
french toast.
posted by brevator at 3:57 PM on August 27, 2008


I'm not really digging the whole call to prayer thing.
posted by mdonley at 4:27 PM on August 27, 2008


waffle machine
posted by you at 4:49 PM on August 27, 2008


oh cool. i've seen some of tom sachs' art before. he makes a bunch of other stuff thats pretty neat.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 5:58 PM on August 27, 2008


That was genius. I was stunned to see the idiot manchild Neistat Brothers were attached.
posted by dobbs at 8:30 PM on August 27, 2008


Genius? This was retarded and I was completely unsurprised when I saw the Neistat bros. credit. This is a study in how to go nowhere with a concept.
posted by autodidact at 7:33 AM on August 28, 2008


I preferred the exploding banana movie.
posted by ryanrs at 10:51 AM on August 28, 2008


I was sad to learn that I'm no longer the only person who mixes waffle batter in a nalgene bottle.
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 3:29 PM on August 28, 2008


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