Rumors of Steve Job's Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

August 29, 2008 9:43 AM

Steve Jobs hangs on.
posted by ZenMasterThis (81 comments total)

Obit, retry, fail, ignore?
posted by iamkimiam at 9:52 AM on August 29, 2008 [10 favorites has favorites]

Jobs', not Job's.
posted by lumensimus at 9:53 AM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Insanely not dead.
posted by DU at 9:53 AM on August 29, 2008

Netcraft confirms it:... eh. I can't even finish it.
posted by eyeballkid at 9:56 AM on August 29, 2008

iLive
posted by ColdChef at 9:56 AM on August 29, 2008 [14 favorites has favorites]

has XXXX. He was TK. Jobs XXXX, TK said XXXXX.

That's what I want my obituary to say.
posted by blucevalo at 10:01 AM on August 29, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Jobs', not Job's.
posted by lumensimus at 12:53 PM on August 29

D'oh!
posted by ZenMasterThis at 10:03 AM on August 29, 2008

It's kind of neat that the URL will be the same, regardless :)
posted by lumensimus at 10:05 AM on August 29, 2008

lumensimus: "Jobs', not Job's."

Its Jobs's. The Elements of Style, chapter 2: "Form the possessive singular of nouns with 's. Follow this rule whatever the final consonant."
posted by Plutor at 10:06 AM on August 29, 2008 [17 favorites has favorites]

The list of premature obituaries on Wikipedia is amazing.

I think you've made it when news agencies draft obits ahead of time. It's comedic black gold. People are in a hurry to publish the news when you've got all the time in the world.
posted by pedantic at 10:07 AM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:08 AM on August 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

ferk.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:12 AM on August 29, 2008

.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:13 AM on August 29, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

Steve Jobs = still alive
Generalissimo Franco = still dead
posted by Jahaza at 10:15 AM on August 29, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

You have some applications open. Are you sure you want to die right now? [Y/N]
posted by DU at 10:17 AM on August 29, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

Abe Vigoda status update. Natch.
posted by mwhybark at 10:18 AM on August 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I agree, Plutor, but there is apparently some debate on the matter.
posted by lumensimus at 10:18 AM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Forced quit?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:20 AM on August 29, 2008

"Steve Jobs has XXXX. He was TK. Jobs XXXX, TK said XXXXX."

Software update 2.0.2 fixes that.
posted by rokusan at 10:20 AM on August 29, 2008

Is there anywhere I can read Abe's reaction to that website?
posted by Meatbomb at 10:22 AM on August 29, 2008

pedantic: I love that list of premature obits. My favorite so far:

Dick Cheney (US Vice-President) in the CNN.com incident. The draft obituary, which had been based on the Queen Mother's, described Cheney as 'Queen Consort' and the 'UK's favorite grandmother'.

posted by JDHarper at 10:25 AM on August 29, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

mwhybark, beat me to it!

And the whole, 's, s', s's thing, makes me feel like I'm on Usenet.

This was one of the reasons I stopped going by Chris and started using Christopher. Was too tired of seeing the possessive done wrong. This said, the second, seventh, and ninth comments are grammar comments?

This would have been a much cooler story if it hadn't been caught so quickly, or if outlets had run with it, but as it is, just slightly amusing. Of course Steve's going to have a hell of a time convincing them he's still alive down at the DMV.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:26 AM on August 29, 2008

I'm making a note here: huge success.
posted by Malor at 10:33 AM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

.

FTFY
posted by the_bone at 10:34 AM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Argh. More vaporware.
posted by Dave Faris at 10:35 AM on August 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Reality distorted!
posted by chillmost at 10:41 AM on August 29, 2008

Hm, someone lost their job over the CNN incident a few years ago, wonder whose head at Bloomberg was rolling this week...
posted by pupdog at 10:43 AM on August 29, 2008

Elements of Style > wikipedia.

The possessive form of Jesus, I was taught, is the only name ending in 's' that doesn't employ the second 's', as in Jesus' iPhone. I do not have a source for that other than my strict grammerian English teacher.

Would Jesus have an iPhone? Considering it's already called the JesusPhone, certainly he'd receive one gratis, probably in a goodie bag he'd get at some event, along with a Swarovski necklace, a free spa day at Burke Williams, and an entry in the upcoming World Poker Tour's Celebrity Invitational.
posted by incessant at 10:43 AM on August 29, 2008

I'm still Brandon, according to Facebook.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:44 AM on August 29, 2008

Damn it Malor, I had just gotten that damn song out of my head.
posted by quin at 10:49 AM on August 29, 2008

Meatbomb, I can't tell you his reaction to that particular site, but he's shown a great sense of humor about his "death" since this all began in People magazine back in '82.

I can confirm as he lives in my neighborhood and I see him out and about from time to time.
posted by JaredSeth at 10:54 AM on August 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

The possessive form of Jesus, I was taught, is the only name ending in 's' that doesn't employ the second 's', as in Jesus' iPhone. I do not have a source for that other than my strict grammerian English teacher.
Yet Jesus's is one of the few that makes a degree of sense, since you say Jesuses, and the apostrophe actually works as intended there.

Apple without Jobs is going to be fuuuucked.
posted by bonaldi at 11:08 AM on August 29, 2008

It was close, but luckily for Jobs, the supply of fresh virgins'* blood arrived in the nick of time.


*donated by D&D players** in exchange for liters of Mountain Dew.


**As an RPG player myself, I can say that.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:09 AM on August 29, 2008

That's funny - I too am still alive.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:10 AM on August 29, 2008 [12 favorites has favorites]

Fuck this mac only bullshit.
posted by shmegegge at 11:13 AM on August 29, 2008

Wow. Rob Schneider just can't catch a break, can he?
posted by Dave Faris at 11:14 AM on August 29, 2008

 _______
| ----- |
|| X X ||
|| .-. ||
| ----- |
|    -- |
 -------
posted by designbot at 11:16 AM on August 29, 2008 [12 favorites has favorites]

⌘
posted by humannaire at 11:22 AM on August 29, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

*blinks*

*notices faint tang of fine cigar smoke and brandy*

MIGS!

*Gapes, points at author-shaped hole in the air, jumps up and down a little bit*
posted by mwhybark at 11:24 AM on August 29, 2008

Malor: Thank You.
posted by honest knave at 11:24 AM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

The possessive form of Jesus, I was taught, is the only name ending in 's' that doesn't employ the second 's', as in Jesus' iPhone.

Your teacher was wrong. Any name from antiquity has that rule. Jesus, Moses, Ramses, etc, all take a plain *' and not *'s.
posted by Critical_Beatdown at 11:35 AM on August 29, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

The CEO known as "Steve" has unexpectedly quit.
posted by porn in the woods at 11:39 AM on August 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

ACK, for two seconds I thought you were linking to a news story, pitw, without the link. Then I got it.
posted by mwhybark at 11:42 AM on August 29, 2008

This would have been much better if they actually thought he was dead, went to bury him, and he popped up and said "one more thing..."
posted by mkultra at 11:56 AM on August 29, 2008 [11 favorites has favorites]

Should we all dress in black mock turtlenecks for the mock funeral?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:59 AM on August 29, 2008

The thing that a lot of people don't know about the title "Elements of Style" is that it's meant to be read in the same rhetorical context as e.g. "Ministry of Truth".

Also: Migs!
posted by cortex at 11:59 AM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

What about the Jesus?
posted by Monday, stony Monday at 12:00 PM on August 29, 2008

Your teacher was wrong. Any name from antiquity has that rule. Jesus, Moses, Ramses, etc, all take a plain *' and not *'s.

So this is a rule for antique names? How old do you have to be to go whithout an s?
posted by ghost of a past number at 12:03 PM on August 29, 2008

I think "Classical Antiquity" is the standard, but I could be mistaken.
posted by paisley henosis at 12:06 PM on August 29, 2008

Oh, and my favorite thing from pedantic's List of Premature Obits on wiki is:

Oran, a sixth-century monk on Iona: having presumably been declared dead, he was buried, but was dug up again the following day and found to be alive. He is said to have subsequently been re-buried for heresy when he claimed that after his first burial he had seen heaven and hell.
posted by paisley henosis at 12:08 PM on August 29, 2008

Dan Lyons, former Fake Steve Jobs, on the premature obituary.
posted by Pronoiac at 12:10 PM on August 29, 2008

The Gawker link with the actual text of Steve's obit should really be in here.
posted by paisley henosis at 12:14 PM on August 29, 2008

Where was the outrage when Fake Steve Jobs 'died,' I ask you?

I miss FSJ. Namaste, you fuckers. Leave Steve Jobs alone!

(lazyweb, can you get the YT link to that 'leave SJ alone' vid up here? I'm posting from ye phone.)
posted by mwhybark at 12:24 PM on August 29, 2008

I thought Fake Steve Jobs was dead.
posted by wendell at 12:24 PM on August 29, 2008

why, mwhybark, why?
posted by wendell at 12:25 PM on August 29, 2008

Its Jobs's. The Elements of Style, chapter 2: "Form the possessive singular of nouns with 's. Follow this rule whatever the final consonant."

Where I work it's always "'s" unless the final "s" is silent, so "Jobs's" but "Camus'" ... also, "it's." ;-)
posted by Camofrog at 12:29 PM on August 29, 2008

no preview on the phone, wendell ol' pal. My apologies!

One might say it wend... oh, never mind.
posted by mwhybark at 12:30 PM on August 29, 2008

That Wikipedia list of premature obituaries is very entertaining. Man, just a goldmine!

Dick Cheney (US Vice-President) in the CNN.com incident. The draft obituary, which had been based on the Queen Mother's, described Cheney as 'Queen Consort' and the 'UK's favorite grandmother'.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:34 PM on August 29, 2008

Put a cork in it, Miguel.
posted by ColdChef at 12:54 PM on August 29, 2008

Ah, who am I kidding? I love you Miguel, you old cork soaker.
posted by ColdChef at 12:57 PM on August 29, 2008

Migs! <3
posted by bonaldi at 1:25 PM on August 29, 2008

Hm. Is it

Migs' cork-lined smoking room

or

Migs's cork-lined smoking-room

?
posted by mwhybark at 2:29 PM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Stay classical.
posted by cortex at 2:35 PM on August 29, 2008

Migs's
posted by bonaldi at 2:37 PM on August 29, 2008

The Migs-Signal
posted by humannaire at 2:53 PM on August 29, 2008

Calling Cheney "the UK's favorite grandmother" makes just as much sense as calling him a "devoted public servant," and you know someone will use that line when ol' Dick finally does kick the bucket.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 3:02 PM on August 29, 2008

Is that going to be Miguel's Annual August MetaFilter Comment?

I appreciate his involvement with protecting cork trees (which I am sure have been veddy veddy good to him), but the Rob Schneider involvement is kinda scary.

The Migster!

El Migadero!

The Migmeister!

Migerosity!
posted by wendell at 3:21 PM on August 29, 2008

I realize news agencies maintain this information regularly so the obit is on the news stands before even god knows what's happened, but It's pretty funny all the same. This premature obituary phenomenon isn't all that uncommon, thanks mostly to Web technology. Most memorable to me is when it happened in 2001 when CNN had a Documentum hiccup and Pope John Paul's obit was accidentally published (quite prematurely and for a relatively large amount of time) on the CNN homepage. Fidel Castro, Dick Cheney , Ronald Regan, Bob Hope, Nelson Mandela, and Gerald Ford suffered similar non-fates during their longer than reported lives.
posted by ThusSpakeZarathustra at 4:06 PM on August 29, 2008

From the fauxbituary:

"Steve Jobs, who helped make personal computers as easy to use as telephones"…

Of course, now he's made telephones as easy to use as personal computers.*
* I can say that because I'm an abject Apple fanboy
posted by adamrice at 4:22 PM on August 29, 2008

Of course, now he's made telephones as easy difficult to use as personal computers.

Yes, I did a "fixed that for you". So kill me. Or just declare me dead.
posted by wendell at 4:30 PM on August 29, 2008

So is this a grocer's obituary?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 5:42 PM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Uh, just keep in mind that as awesome as it is, Strunk & White is just a stylebook. Both authors were explicitly trying to simplify English grammar.

As there is no Académie Anglaise, the rules found in stylebooks and grammar texts will vary.
posted by dhartung at 5:45 PM on August 29, 2008

Steve Jobs[possessive marker here] cat makes more sense to me than Steve Jobs [possessive marker here] demise, regardless of what your style guide says about forming the possessive. I mean, we all own our own demises, even when the papers lie about it, or don't even mention it at all. But still...
posted by iamkimiam at 5:50 PM on August 29, 2008

than Steve Jobs [possessive marker here] demise, regardless of what your style guide says about forming the possessive.

well a steve jobs demise would be quite something: huge line starts the night before to get into the funeral, one-word slides during the reading, black turtlenecks for the choir, drilled aluminium coffin and a pithily terse epitaph on the gravestone.

/possessive over my possessives
posted by bonaldi at 6:12 PM on August 29, 2008

Given that this has happened a bunch of time before (with other people). How is this noteworthy?
posted by jeblis at 6:43 PM on August 29, 2008

Because it happened again.
posted by !Jim at 8:03 PM on August 29, 2008

Strunk and White sucks. Suck's. Sucks'.
posted by cogneuro at 8:49 PM on August 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Its Jobs's. The Elements of Style, chapter 2: "Form the possessive singular of nouns with 's. Follow this rule whatever the final consonant."

This is exactly why the passive voice is stuck to by myself.
posted by sambosambo at 12:54 AM on August 30, 2008

Buffalo buffalo Buff'alo b'uffalo buffa'lo buffal'o Buffalo' buffalo.
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:27 AM on August 30, 2008

from cogneuro's first link:

> One of the things that worries me about the number of Americans who seem
> to treasure this little piece of trash, now in its fourth edition since
> it was revived in the 1950s after E. B. White undertook a light revision
> of an earlier version by Strunk and added a chapter on style, is that they
> just don't realize how absurdly old it is — that it is pretty much not
> even a work of the last century, but rather reflects ideas formed in the
> one before that.

Actually it's not old enough. I'll stick with Fowler--I see my copy is dated 1927--and Sam'l Johnson. But for the competing attitude, I met a traveler from an already-antique land: WTF!!!? roflanguagelog 5tu(k n 1985!!! LURK MOAR n m4yB U2 cn lrn 2 r!7e up 2 d4t3! LOLPWNRZD!
posted by jfuller at 8:11 AM on August 30, 2008

God, I hate Strunk and White.
posted by Arturus at 4:12 PM on August 30, 2008