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September 30, 2008 3:12 PM   Subscribe

I don't care how creative you think you are. You can't top this for terrifying imagery. "She was chasing children in a cow costume."
posted by Cool Papa Bell (83 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Rule 34bis: there's a police report of it, no exceptions.
posted by Iosephus at 3:20 PM on September 30, 2008


I'm sure there is an irrational explanation for all this...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 3:21 PM on September 30, 2008


Could have gone down much worse.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:22 PM on September 30, 2008


Was she arrested for a Mooooving Violation?

Here all week, folks.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 3:23 PM on September 30, 2008 [10 favorites]


This is udderly unacceptable.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:24 PM on September 30, 2008 [4 favorites]


The weird part is the police let her keep her cow-hat on for the mugshot.

Oh wait, that's not the weird part..
posted by mannequito at 3:24 PM on September 30, 2008 [9 favorites]


First, they came for the people wearing cow suits and peeing on front porches, and I did nothing...
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 3:24 PM on September 30, 2008 [9 favorites]


"Oh Fame, I've got you in my hot little mits now..."
posted by From Bklyn at 3:25 PM on September 30, 2008


At least in the hokey she will have a long time to ruminate over the error of her ways.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:26 PM on September 30, 2008 [12 favorites]


Her behavior was udderly reprehensible.

I wonder if they're gonna try to milk more charges out of this incident.

(some stupid haiku)

Only in Amerrrica.

A graduate of bovine university.

I hope she didn't break her calf.

etc.
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 3:26 PM on September 30, 2008


I wonder what her beef was.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 3:27 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


I hope in prison she doesn't get shanked.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:30 PM on September 30, 2008


The Ohio woman, 30, was arrested Saturday night after she got liquored up and began chasing kids and blocking traffic in her Middletown neighborhood

Clearly a case of Bovine Intervention.
posted by CynicalKnight at 3:30 PM on September 30, 2008 [5 favorites]


I don't care how creative you think you are. You can't top this for terrifying imagery. "She was chasing children in a cow costume."

Sure we can. Won't you join me?

She/he/it was [blank]ing [blank] in a [blank] costume.

1. Bush was meeting with foreign dignitaries in a president's costume
2. McCain was meeting with foreign dignitaries in a president's costume
3. Palin was meeting with foreign dignitaries in a president's costume
...
4. Palin was meeting with foreign dignitaries in a moose costume
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:31 PM on September 30, 2008 [11 favorites]


You have a strange idea of "terrifying." Hilarious, maybe you meant?
posted by wemayfreeze at 3:31 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Damn those lactose intolerant cops!
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 3:32 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'd like to know what jscott thinks about all this.
posted by BeerFilter at 3:32 PM on September 30, 2008


This tail is udder tripe, and not at all mooving.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 3:34 PM on September 30, 2008


Oh wait, I actually came up with a good one:

EPONYSTERICAL

Cuz see, Cool Papa Bell is like Babybel, and what's the mascot of the brand? A cow!

...

Fuck you all.
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 3:36 PM on September 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


This reminds of that one thing that one time with that other guy. Y’know.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:36 PM on September 30, 2008


At least in the hokey she will have a long time to ruminate urinate over the error of her ways.
posted by jimmythefish at 3:36 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Lieutenant Muterspaw
He knitted his brow
And said Michelle Allen
Was dressed as a cow.

She peed on a porch
And chased after kids
And nobody in town
Could explain what she did.

It's the damnedest thing ever
In North Verity;
There usually ain't cows
In the parkway.

And they usually ain't drunk
And threatening to fight
But I guess Michelle Allen
Was drinking that night.

She'll be spending a month
In the local hoosegow
And that's what you get
When you dress like a cow.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:38 PM on September 30, 2008 [14 favorites]


Something something flanking Manuever.
posted by Artw at 3:38 PM on September 30, 2008


I bet those kids she was chasing had a cow.
posted by Sailormom at 3:40 PM on September 30, 2008


Prions?

Was she screaming MILK ME!, cause that would be funny.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:40 PM on September 30, 2008


I hope they read her Moo-randa rights.
posted by ColdChef at 3:40 PM on September 30, 2008 [4 favorites]


I never saw a Busted Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one
Have one pee all over my Goddamned porch.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:42 PM on September 30, 2008 [12 favorites]


flush with drink to heave
a turgid suit flush with thoughts
of running children
posted by jimmythefish at 3:55 PM on September 30, 2008


Like none of you have ever dressed up in a cow costume and ran around frightening kids.
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 3:56 PM on September 30, 2008


(was the porch Outback?)
posted by woodway at 3:57 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


I have put on
the cow-suit
that was hung in
the closet

and which
you were probably
saving
for Hallowe'en.

Forgive me
I chased the children
and peed
on the porch.
posted by Kinbote at 3:57 PM on September 30, 2008 [34 favorites]


Do you think the police conducted a steakout before arresting her?
posted by Riki tiki at 3:59 PM on September 30, 2008


This is probably a terrible story of mental illness and social decay that we should all feel very bad about making funof, BTW. But fuck it, cow costume!
posted by Artw at 4:00 PM on September 30, 2008 [4 favorites]


Forgive me
I chased the children
and peed
on the porch.


So sweet
and so cold.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:01 PM on September 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


Surely you mean 'so warm.'
posted by bookish at 4:04 PM on September 30, 2008


purple... plums... holy cow...
posted by woodway at 4:04 PM on September 30, 2008


Is everyone done milking this?
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 4:05 PM on September 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


Life can make you do some crazy shit.
posted by nola at 4:07 PM on September 30, 2008


Note to self: Adding a second link to your single-link news-of-the-weird post makes it not a single-link news-of-the-weird post.
posted by dersins at 4:13 PM on September 30, 2008


Beautiful, youthful
Leaves of strange grass run from me.
Why can't I just graze?
posted by swift at 4:25 PM on September 30, 2008


I am so very please that they include a picture with the article.

Also, as written, the sentence could be interpreted to mean that they were all in the costume during the chase, or the the children were all in a single costume as they were chased.

Either one is pretty awesome.
posted by oddman at 4:25 PM on September 30, 2008


Could we stop with the Palin FPPs?
posted by Pants! at 4:26 PM on September 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


*feels intense relief that BoingBoing thread about this has more comments than MeFi thread*
posted by lukemeister at 4:27 PM on September 30, 2008


Behold, the power of cheese.
posted by gimonca at 4:27 PM on September 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


Reporter: So how do you feel about these developments?

Interviewee: Oh, y'know. Half-and-half.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:27 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Somebody probably tried to tip her over while she was sleeping. I'd be mad, too.
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 4:27 PM on September 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


PUSSY COW!
posted by porn in the woods at 4:39 PM on September 30, 2008


What are her plans for summer vacation?
posted by Smedleyman at 4:40 PM on September 30, 2008


COW JOKE
posted by DU at 4:41 PM on September 30, 2008


I've worked for not one, but two different companies that used cows as their logos. This si giving me flashbacks. Thanks a lot.
posted by jonmc at 4:46 PM on September 30, 2008


Black angus...I got nothin'.
posted by ColdChef at 4:46 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


I guess we've milked it for all it's worth.
posted by jonmc at 4:59 PM on September 30, 2008


Have the cows come home, then?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:01 PM on September 30, 2008


WTF BBQ
posted by Demogorgon at 5:03 PM on September 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


You know why a milking stool has three legs?


Because the cow has the udder..........

Press here.
posted by zerobyproxy at 5:19 PM on September 30, 2008


I've worked for not one, but two different companies that used cows as their logos.

Tucows? OMG!
posted by dersins at 5:24 PM on September 30, 2008 [5 favorites]


Someone should stick up for her. there's a lot at steak here.
posted by jonmc at 5:25 PM on September 30, 2008


I'm Bessie, dammit!
posted by hal9k at 5:29 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Mooove along, nothing to see here...
posted by casarkos at 5:37 PM on September 30, 2008


Best of the web.
posted by joecacti at 5:38 PM on September 30, 2008


Blah blah blah mad cow disease blah blah.
posted by mudpuppie at 5:40 PM on September 30, 2008


Heffer? I hardly ...
posted by zippy at 5:48 PM on September 30, 2008


Eph you and your silly cow stories.
posted by lukemeister at 5:49 PM on September 30, 2008


This must be some kind of PETA stunt.
posted by nola at 5:51 PM on September 30, 2008


It's a new economic stimulus package. The government is hoping to get a lot of moola.
posted by lukemeister at 5:54 PM on September 30, 2008


Eat more chikin.
posted by netbros at 5:55 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


That's offal.
posted by jonmc at 6:02 PM on September 30, 2008


Apparently Ben & Jerry's was taking PETA's advice.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 6:39 PM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


"Oh Fame, I've got you in my hot little mits now..."

Hooves.
posted by Aversion Therapy at 6:59 PM on September 30, 2008


I've been looking for new ways to meat people.
posted by waraw at 7:08 PM on September 30, 2008


... Elmer left two twenties on the bar and snuck out the staff door by the restrooms. The other bulls told him Bessie was a wild date but he hadn't counted on the near riot that followed her second umbrella drink.

On the slow hike back to the old barn, Elmer had the time to take inventory of who he'd told about tonight's date. Not many. His paddock mates would put two and two together quickly, but they'd back him up if anybody started asking questions. All he'd really need is an alibi and some luck that Bessie's friends wouldn't get too curious...
posted by ardgedee at 7:29 PM on September 30, 2008


so there you are, mickey and donald and uncle scrooge and goofy, with your multi-million dollar mansions and your rolls royces and your exclusive shopping sprees in new york, dubai, beverly hills and miami beach and you never ONCE THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR OLD CO-STAR CLARABELLE, DID YOU?

walt disney would turn in his grave if his head wasn't stuck in an ice box ...
posted by pyramid termite at 8:50 PM on September 30, 2008


The costume is cool, but it needs more cowbell.
posted by L.P. Hatecraft at 9:39 PM on September 30, 2008


This is why I stay away from stage hypnotists.
posted by eye of newt at 10:34 PM on September 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


Damn the electric fence!
Damn the electric fence!



Thank you.
posted by Spatch at 6:04 AM on October 1, 2008


What will PETA think of next?
posted by jenkinsEar at 6:18 AM on October 1, 2008


Metafilter: warned by officers to go home and stay there
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 8:00 AM on October 1, 2008


What is everyone making fun of? This kind of stuff is routine in Ohio. Haven't any of ever played "get drunk, dress as a farm animal and chase small children" before?
posted by Mastercheddaar at 9:40 AM on October 1, 2008


That is not a supernatural cow.
posted by The Whelk at 10:46 AM on October 1, 2008


Haven't any of ever played "get drunk, dress as a farm animal and chase small children" before?

Not as a farm animal, no. Unless you know of shoggoth ranches.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:32 AM on October 1, 2008


new internet phrase to replace tom cruise's batshit crazy: cowsuit crazy!
posted by hazel at 12:42 PM on October 1, 2008


I'm afraid to click on that "Enlarge" button.
posted by Kabanos at 1:06 PM on October 1, 2008


Now, see, back in my day, we kids would dress up like cows and terrorize the girls. We didn't pee on their lawns or anything, though.

okay, I did. Cowsuits don't have good zippers and I had to make.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 1:12 PM on October 1, 2008


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