"What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside."

October 3, 2008 2:03 AM

"You are negative bastards, the pair of you." That is about the most innocuous thing Joe Kinnear said in his first press conference as interim manager of Newcastle United.

His opening gambit:

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?

SB Me.

JK You're a cunt.

SB Thank you.

posted by ninebelow (34 comments total)

Six more examples of football managers speaking their minds.
posted by ninebelow at 2:07 AM on October 3, 2008

Football is Serious Business™
posted by finite at 2:10 AM on October 3, 2008

I heard the Africans are pooling money to by Newcastle United

south africans here

nigerians here
posted by infini at 2:19 AM on October 3, 2008

I liked this bit:

Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're cunts, we can all fuck off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?

Shame that the media isn't in the habit of reporting this widespread view of their profession more often.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:32 AM on October 3, 2008

"Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless."

I sense a "Interim Newcastle manager or Republican Vice-Presidential candidate?" quiz coming on...
posted by flashboy at 2:51 AM on October 3, 2008 [3 favorites]

Brings to mind Auld Smiler himself, Jim McLean. He had to resign as chairman of Dundee Utd after he assaulted the BBC' s John Barnes during an interview. Miserable cunt.

There's a low quality real player video of the interview on the BBC here, with the relevant stuff at 3.20.
posted by Jakey at 2:59 AM on October 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't know whether he's going to necessarily be any good as a coach or not, or whether that previous coverage of him was truly unfair/libellous, but that was pretty cathartic. Maybe it's just that I really like foul language.
posted by LMGM at 4:28 AM on October 3, 2008

I just assumed this was the way all people spoke to each other in the UK.
posted by srboisvert at 4:40 AM on October 3, 2008 [4 favorites]

srboisvert: "I just assumed this was the way all people spoke to each other in the UK."

Yea, me too. For what it's worth, public statements like that from a US coach/manager of a professional sports team would probably get him fired quickly after much handwringing by the the press.
posted by octothorpe at 4:46 AM on October 3, 2008

I pray he doesn't dare say 'twat' in our general directions.
posted by spicynuts at 5:34 AM on October 3, 2008

To be fair to him, all journalists are cunts
posted by fullerine at 5:43 AM on October 3, 2008

By the way, this works even better if you read Joe Kinnear's bit of the transcript in the voice of Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast.
posted by flashboy at 5:44 AM on October 3, 2008 [2 favorites]

I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me.
If you don't want to be taken for a clown, don't join the circus. Nothing against Joe, but christ, "big club" Newcastle have been stumbling from fuck-up to fiasco for thirty years with nary a sniff of silverware.
posted by Abiezer at 5:49 AM on October 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

I love the desperation of the Newcastle press officer:

Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.

Suuuuuure.
posted by chorltonmeateater at 5:52 AM on October 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

Classic. This guy is an inspiration.
posted by chuckdarwin at 6:44 AM on October 3, 2008

This is just brilliant, Kinnear has was always beliggerent, but seriously the Newcastle job should have come with one of these new ciggy-packet health warnings. The guy's going to have a coronary, trust me I'm not a fan of Kinnear - former Dons supporter- but he doesn't deserve this, someone should have warned him, he's not up to it. FYI Newcastle have got to be heading for the drop this year and it'll take years to fix this damage.

Serious UK-filter, but had to be said.
posted by munchbunch at 6:49 AM on October 3, 2008

Beeb has a bit of censored audio and gives the journalist he cunted out a chance to spin it his way.
posted by Abiezer at 6:51 AM on October 3, 2008

That was a hell of a rant, alright, but munchbunch - he's already had the coronary. If I recall correctly, he was on the verge of taking over big jobs (Spurs, Ireland) when he had a heart attack. Whether he actually would have gotten either of those jobs, I don't know, but he was certainly in the conversation.
posted by Nick Verstayne at 7:05 AM on October 3, 2008

The Mirror claims to have the full audio here, but I'm not in a position to confirm at the moment
posted by Jakey at 7:17 AM on October 3, 2008

Yep, an uncensored recording linked from there. Comes across as a refreshing exercise in honesty. Wish political debates went like that.
posted by Abiezer at 7:35 AM on October 3, 2008

Which one is srboisvert?
posted by Phanx at 7:50 AM on October 3, 2008

Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.

Oh, it always makes me laugh so much when people try this.
posted by grouse at 8:20 AM on October 3, 2008

I LOVE THIS GUY.

Switch "maverick" for "fuck" and "fucking," and he might as well be Palin!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 8:38 AM on October 3, 2008

I think Kinnear has gone into this with his eyes open; a few weeks on presumably ludicrous pay, an opportunity to raise his profile in the job market, and anything that goes wrong is not his fault as the barcodes were FUBAR before he got there. He can only benefit from this. He won't take it seriously enough to let it get to him.
posted by nowonmai at 9:02 AM on October 3, 2008

The press conference transcript, as read by robots.
posted by flashboy at 9:14 AM on October 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

The Grauniad has just done a computerised reading of Kinnear's rant.
posted by Webbster at 9:16 AM on October 3, 2008

Ah... flashboy beat me to it.
posted by Webbster at 9:16 AM on October 3, 2008

For a while I've had a theory that if we could actually teach the English baseball we wouldn't create many great English baseball players, but we would create some fantastic baseball coaches.

Scene: a coach walks out to the mound after the starting pitcher has given up yet another run.

Coach:
-Right you, fuck off.

Pitcher:
-Excuse me?

Coach:
-Fuck off back to the bullpen, you're done. On your fucking bike.

Pitcher:
-What?

Coach:
-Alright, alright, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to give you two more innings. Sort yourself out, clean up the mess you've made, I'll come back here and we'll talk again.

Pitcher:
-Really?

Coach:
-No, fuck off.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:42 AM on October 3, 2008 [13 favorites]

cf. Watty Smith and Chick Dung.
posted by the cuban at 9:58 AM on October 3, 2008

Maybe he got the idea from Arsene Wenger
posted by criticalbill at 10:03 AM on October 3, 2008

Metafilter: Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 10:27 AM on October 3, 2008

In all fairness he has just taken over at Newcastle. Even Mother Theresa would effing and blinding if she'd been asked to sort out that mess.
posted by ob at 11:56 AM on October 3, 2008

"I think Kinnear has gone into this with his eyes open; a few weeks on presumably ludicrous pay"

£100,000 for the month, with an extra £20,000 per win and £10,000 per draw, by all accounts.
posted by Auz at 1:11 PM on October 3, 2008

TheWhiteSkull,
That was very funny.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:05 PM on October 3, 2008