A Brief History of the Twenty-first CenturySo, if they can just hang on 71 more years...
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JUNE 5, 2070: Wolves in Canada begin hunting humans at an alarming rate. Shark attacks increase 40 percent. Jungle animals begin successfully infiltrating urban areas; a panther kills at least nine people in downtown Dallas. "I don't know why the animals are getting smarter," says zoologist Eli Sperle-Cho, "but it's definitely happening."
OCT. 19, 2071: An army of panda bears attacks Beijing, killing twelve hundred people and wounding thousands more during a bloody four-day onslaught.
APRIL 5, 2072: Animals are banned from the moon. House cats now kill more people than heart disease.
MAY 29, 2073: In a consolidated effort, America, China, Great Britain, and Russia declare war against the animals. It is decided that all military maneuvers will be conducted by robots.
2074 TO 2078: Robot vs. Animal War.
MAY 4, 2079: The Robot vs. Animal War concludes with the Kenya Peace Accords. The animals get Africa, Asia, North and South America, and Australia. Europe and Greenland are conceded to humans and nonhuman mechanical life. Antarctica is a free zone. The majority of remaining Earth people migrate to the moon, where overpopulation becomes an immediate problem.
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We are living in the middle of a mass extinction. This is what it looks like.
posted by stbalbach at 9:30 PM on October 7, 2008