"I wanted to hug him, for him to meet my son."

October 8, 2008 9:23 AM

"Girl, he died a hero with tons of people loving him."A jack-of-all-trades worker from Florida came to Houston to help clean up in the aftermath of Hurricane Ike, and was killed while trying to save three dogs on a freeway. At first, it seemed the man, while praised as a local hero, and receiving tons of support in death from animal lovers, would remain an unknown loner in death as he had been in life. Then a Google search and an exchange of e-mails led one Houston woman to the man's daughter, living in Pittsburgh. The young woman had been searching for her father for thirteen years.
posted by WolfDaddy (37 comments total)

That's just heartbreaking.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 9:38 AM on October 8, 2008

Run for cover..... I feel a snark storm is coming.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 9:48 AM on October 8, 2008

It's a sad story, but in some ways a little uplifting.
posted by cimbrog at 9:52 AM on October 8, 2008

Wow...you'd have to be kind of a douche to snark over this, actually. I mean, go ahead, but I assure you: Lists Will Be Made!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:54 AM on October 8, 2008

Why, because you desperately want there to be one? If you have something sarcastic or belittling to say about this story, say it already; don't wait for anyone else to kick it off for you.
posted by yhbc at 9:55 AM on October 8, 2008

Thank you, I needed a good cry.
posted by piratebowling at 10:20 AM on October 8, 2008

wow. What cimbrog said.
posted by nickyskye at 10:20 AM on October 8, 2008

Thanks WolfDaddy. I can't get enough stories like this, where the web enables compassion to travel far and wide. It's a part of my master plan for a perfect world.
posted by salishsea at 10:29 AM on October 8, 2008

This is a beautiful story.
posted by ageispolis at 10:29 AM on October 8, 2008

OK I'm not supposed to be crying at work. I didn't know him, but I respect that man.
posted by MrBobaFett at 10:34 AM on October 8, 2008

For all anyone knows, this guy may have been a raging asshole, but I like the idea that he's been able to reinvent himself into a hero in death.

However, the Chronicle's obit for him is so poorly worded I could barely manage to read it to the end.
posted by Brittanie at 10:35 AM on October 8, 2008

sorry, but i want to know what happened to the motorcyclist who hit him. having dodged a pedestrian in dark clothes walking on an unlit street just this morning, i have some definite empathy in that direction.
posted by msconduct at 10:41 AM on October 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh come on, like we're going to feel bad about some deadbeat dad who tried to play Frogger and lost?
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 10:49 AM on October 8, 2008 [5 favorites]

Oh come on, like we're going to feel bad about some deadbeat dad who tried to play Frogger and lost?

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by stavrogin at 10:52 AM on October 8, 2008 [11 favorites]

I was estranged from my father for about 17 years but found him last year and began rebuilding our relationship: I feel for the daughter. And as a dog lover, I was touched. And as a motorcyclist, I feel for the poor guy who hit Emery.
posted by jdfan at 10:53 AM on October 8, 2008

Oh come on, like we're going to feel bad about some deadbeat dad who tried to play Frogger and lost?

Christ, what an asshole.

Christ, is sarcasm that transparent?
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 11:07 AM on October 8, 2008

It probably would have been good for his kids if he would have put that much effort and heroics into them over the years but trying to save some dogs is also good.
posted by hojoki at 11:33 AM on October 8, 2008

Christ, is sarcasm that transparent?

I think you mean opaque. And I couldn't help it, with your username.
posted by stavrogin at 11:40 AM on October 8, 2008

I've got no snark for this guy. He died trying to do something good.

But that we could all say the same.
posted by Kadin2048 at 11:41 AM on October 8, 2008

Sometimes our best moment is also our last.
posted by batmonkey at 11:51 AM on October 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

.
posted by Mental Wimp at 11:59 AM on October 8, 2008

.
posted by CitizenD at 12:12 PM on October 8, 2008

I know we had a snarkfest over the "dying old lady takes a cab ride" story last week...but this story has what that doesn't; dimension and an absence of schlock or new agey-self examinations by a narrator.

Thanks Wolfdaddy.
posted by emjaybee at 1:16 PM on October 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

> It probably would have been good for his kids if he would have put that much effort and heroics into them over the years but trying to save some dogs is also good.

Seriously?

Look, we don't know how his mind worked, what his demons were, and if he was able to deal with them. For many, failures as a parent are a bridge too far to cross, and many just never try it, instead trying to move forward with their lives hoping for the best.

I've witnessed this is in my own family, and those of friends, whose grandparents were once alcoholics, but have since stopped drinking and moved forward with their life. I didn't even know my grandmother was a drunk and did some nasty things to my mother when she was growing up, because I only knew of her as the nice woman I went fishing with and who baked me cookies and could be so loving and kind. She had in fact, through alcohol, destroyed most if not all of her connection to her daughter, and to make up for it rebuilt a new one with us, her grandchildren.

We do know that he lost his life trying to save helpless animals, and that he was trying to help houston post Ike. There may be countless reasons why he decided to distance himself from his family, but that does not give you a right to snark on his actions over the internet.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:33 PM on October 8, 2008 [4 favorites]

Wonderful tale but I second the complaint about the atrociously written newspaper story:

The exchange would quickly lead to Alaina, now 25, realizing her long-lost father was Robert "Bob" Emery Actually, she knew her father was Robert "Bob" Emery all along. She just didn't know how to find him.

Although he was recalled by Emery as well as her mother, Colleen Schultheis, as having done many good things, Bob Emery had also battled a drug problem... etc. Ugh.

It also left me asking some basic questions: Who exactly was the woman in Houston who found the daughter? Did she just take it upon herself to track down the relatives, or was she part of larger effort? If so, who organized the effort? How exactly did she find the daughter, among all the Emerys in the country? Who were the other Floridians with the guy? What happened to them?

Maybe I'm picking nits, but I'm in the business and am distressed by the plunging quality of reporting, writing and editing in big-city newspapers. I guess I shouldn't worry too much since they'll mostly be gone in a few years anyway.

Here's to Bob Emery, in any event.
posted by stargell at 1:52 PM on October 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

stargell from the first link:
Nagata, who has quietly taken up people-searching as a hobby, said she wishes she'd known about Alaina Emery's search earlier, as perhaps she could have helped her find Emery while he was still alive.

"I was adopted, so I used to search for my birth parents," Nagata said. "I got really good at searching."

You may be distressed by the plunging quality of reporting, and so forth; I am distressed by the decline of reading comprehension across the board.
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:57 PM on October 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Yeah, WD, I read that. What in the world does it mean to "quietly" take up people-searching "as a hobby"? (Googling old boyfriends and high school classmates? Who else does she search for?) Is that how the writer is attempting to convey that she did this on her own on this occasion? And is that really the best way to tell what happened? WTF? Did she google the guy's name? Did she have access to Lexis/Nexis public records searches?

"The TK-year-old Nagata, a KOMINGPROFESSION, took it upon herself to attempt to find Emery's relatives. She did WHATTK for HOWLONGTK and eventually tracked the daughter down through WHATTK. She then notified THE POLICE/THE HUMANE SOCIETY/THE NEWSPAPER...." etc.

The details of how the mystery person is tracked down are what make these stories good. This one failed.

Thanks for the snark, though.
posted by stargell at 2:38 PM on October 8, 2008

"There may be countless reasons why he decided to distance himself from his family, but that does not give you a right to snark on his actions over the internet."

Yes it does.
posted by hojoki at 3:00 PM on October 8, 2008

Lexis/Nexis has a lot of stuff for pay-per-view now. Which is pretty shoddy, really. Who can't check a box that says "Hey, no stalking here!" At least they should have a box that says, "Yes, I would try to save three dogs, or even two."

Good on him. Maybe he was just so damanged he didn't really do well with people anymore. It happens.

I see homelss folk all the time who have well-trained dogs. Part of it is being out and about with their human all day, but part of it has to be that the human still has that much spark left.

If my pets some how got out, and where huddled in danger, I hope someone would try to help - although I'd have for anyone to die or even stub a toe.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 4:02 PM on October 8, 2008

Full disclosure - I hissed at my cat for pouncing the keyboard during my prev. post.
Some animal lover.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 4:05 PM on October 8, 2008

“And as a motorcyclist, I feel for the poor guy who hit Emery.”

I can see that too. Tragedy all around. Man, you kill guy who’s trying to save some dogs?
(I remember reading about someone almost hitting Stephen Hawking with their car. So ok - you hit a guy, oh no! He’s in a wheelchair - oh no! And! And! It’s Stephen Hawking. Oh nooo!)
This has to just suck for everyone involved.

Although, yeah, not a bad way to die. Considering.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:41 PM on October 8, 2008

My best friend in childhood was Bobby Emery, and for one horrible moment I thought it was him. His dad got stationed in Fort Bliss, and I've never found him since.
posted by atchafalaya at 7:26 PM on October 8, 2008

As a motorcyclist, I do understand the concern of other riders , but lets' not lose sight of the fact that the accident wasn't necessarily the fault of the Robert Emery. In spite of the endemic smug superiority of the non-cagers, as a cyclist, pedestrian, and driver, I can testify that there are plenty of reckless motorcycle riders on the roads.

That said, the liability for the tragedy truly isn't the issue here. Instead, for me at least, that there exists the possibility of redemption for some, and closure for others that the web can assist with is whatI happily take away from this excellent post.

Truly the best of the web, and nice to see a post that actually adheres to the original and still-stated intent of this forum. Thanks for the post, Wolfdaddy, and a great comment, mrzarquon. Flagged as fantastic.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 9:01 PM on October 8, 2008

PareidoliaticBoy: As a motorcyclist, I do understand the concern of other riders , but lets' not lose sight of the fact that the accident wasn't necessarily the fault of the Robert Emery. In spite of the endemic smug superiority of the non-cagers, as a cyclist, pedestrian, and driver, I can testify that there are plenty of reckless motorcycle riders on the roads.

To be fair, if you're hit as a pedestrian on a freeway, it's pretty much always your fault. You shouldn't have been there in the first place.

Still, since those dogs he was trying to save would have probably taken out a motorcyclist nearly as badly as he did, I don't think it should be held against him on that basis.
posted by Mitrovarr at 10:18 PM on October 8, 2008

It is always sad to read about someone who died while trying to make the world a better place. Unfortunately, it often seems to be the case that such deaths were avoidable, if the person had been able to prioritize high value and safe risks over lower value and much more dangerous risks. I can understand the desire to save those dogs, but running across the freeway seems like an unnecessary risk.

I'll leave the debate on the right to comment/snark to the closet fascists.
posted by b1tr0t at 12:20 AM on October 9, 2008

heh.
posted by hojoki at 5:37 AM on October 11, 2008

Follow-up to this story, covering the funeral service of Robert Emery, with his daughter in attendance.
posted by WolfDaddy at 5:47 AM on October 23, 2008