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Reigning in the beastiality contigent
October 11, 2008 5:07 PM   Subscribe

Man sleeps with cat
posted by Christ, what an asshole (67 comments total) 46 users marked this as a favorite

 
Post gets deleted.
posted by salishsea at 5:10 PM on October 11, 2008


if that were me, the cat would get deleted. jesus, how do you people live with those things?
posted by klanawa at 5:11 PM on October 11, 2008 [5 favorites]


Ha! I've wanted to do this with myself/my cats. I suspect the video would be a lot like this, only multiply by 3 (sometimes by 4 if the hatey one decides the bed is hers, not mine). I consciously wake up a few times at night to yell at them that its my goddamned bed, stop hogging it. I can only imagine how many times I don't remember waking up after they trundle over me in my sleep.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 5:13 PM on October 11, 2008


jesus, how do you people live with those things?

Mind Control.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 5:19 PM on October 11, 2008 [5 favorites]


So Wake Up Cat has been confirmed.
posted by clearly at 5:20 PM on October 11, 2008 [4 favorites]


I'm well versed in the language that that cat is speaking. That prolonged perching and swatting at the end translates into Human-English as "Hey. Hey. Hey. Wake up. Hey. Hey. Hey. Wake up, tubby. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Fat ass. Wake up. Feed me. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Feed me. Now. And they say cats sleep too much. Hey. Hey. Hey."
posted by loquacious at 5:22 PM on October 11, 2008 [16 favorites]


The last fifth of the clip is awesome.
posted by not_on_display at 5:22 PM on October 11, 2008


Hahaha, I was just showing this to a crowd of cat owners last night at the coffee shop! Love it. The cat looks just like my cat and I coincidentally toss and turn all night just like the fellow in the video. I honestly wondered how they snuck the video camera into my bedroom.
posted by PigAlien at 5:24 PM on October 11, 2008


I had a cat that would try to wake me up by laying on top of my head. Several times a week I woke myself out of dreams of suffocation. I guess if I couldn't get my ass out of bed to feed him, then I was of no more use, and I must die.
posted by brain cloud at 5:25 PM on October 11, 2008 [5 favorites]


My dear Wilshire knows instinctively not to bother us until the alarm goes off. Then she comes and cuddles. Good cat.
posted by avocet at 5:46 PM on October 11, 2008


before i clicked the link i was expecting this to be one of those eponysterical posts.

but yeah, i've had to do that crashing at friend's houses. damn cat ruined any chance i had of getting some sleep.
posted by dunkadunc at 5:49 PM on October 11, 2008


As my cat says about 6am everyday: Maow maow maow maow maow maow maow.
posted by Artw at 5:53 PM on October 11, 2008 [5 favorites]


Just close your damn bedroom door.
posted by grounded at 6:07 PM on October 11, 2008 [3 favorites]


I've gone through that cat experience myself and I've found that in this situation, it's impossible to offend a cat to the point where he says to himself that he's going to go away and sulk. If he does go away temporarily, it's only because he wants to wait until he is quite certain that the human is asleep again before he commences his new attack.

I'm sure that cats everywhere award themselves points for this type of behavior.
posted by leftcoastbob at 6:07 PM on October 11, 2008 [6 favorites]


A perfect presentation of one of the many reasons I do not own a cat.
posted by Science! at 6:10 PM on October 11, 2008


And this is what they do all day when we're at work.

Jerks.
posted by FortyT-wo at 6:11 PM on October 11, 2008 [5 favorites]


That is so fake.

He didn't have any puncture wounds on his wrists or ankles despite sleeping well past daybreak.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 6:15 PM on October 11, 2008


Needs moar cat butt. There's nothing like having ole' one eye greeting you first thing in the morning.
posted by Sailormom at 6:15 PM on October 11, 2008 [12 favorites]


grounded: "Just close your damn bedroom door."

Oh yea, that works great, "Scratch, scratch, meow, meow, yowl, yowl, scratch, scratch, ..." I'd rather be walked on all night than listen to that for eight hours.
posted by octothorpe at 6:21 PM on October 11, 2008 [19 favorites]


Sailorman: There is some bonus cat butt at 0:27, in case you missed it.

It is very quick, though.
posted by Rhaomi at 6:22 PM on October 11, 2008


I started to watch this video when 'Viva La Vida' by Coldplay came on randomly in iTunes. I watched it as the song played. The music fits the video somehow. I enjoyed this video, and reminds me of the days my cat would sleep in my bed before she passed.
posted by Effigy2000 at 6:36 PM on October 11, 2008


I feel bad for the cat. Damn monkeys can't sleep in one spot for a minute.
posted by mediareport at 6:41 PM on October 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


This is such a great caturday post. Loved that video. So interesting to see how much the man moved, woke the cat. Then at some point the cat got hungry, woke the man. It seemed like a night of mutual aggravation combined with comfort and camaraderie. In many ways quite like a marriage.
posted by nickyskye at 7:13 PM on October 11, 2008 [6 favorites]


We have five cats and the alpha of the pride has very strict rules about who gets to be on the bed and when. For some reason, they know the difference between the weekend and work days. Weekends we're allowed to sleep in but god forbid if I linger more than a few minutes after waking up on a weekday. Ever had a Maine Coon decide to wake you up? It's not a pleasant experience.
posted by Ber at 7:15 PM on October 11, 2008 [2 favorites]


My kitty does this, and if I don't wake up immediately she'll hop on on my bookcases and start knocking the damn books to the floor.
posted by Pants! at 7:29 PM on October 11, 2008


I really did like this post.

My cats (long gone, I have no cats now :-( ) would do this and they escalated to earlier and earlier. One morning it started at 5AM.... the next morning I brought a squirt bottle to bed... a couple of weeks later things were much better.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 7:40 PM on October 11, 2008


Oh, yeah. That's me and my cat now, down to the "hiding of hands" so kitty won't try to nuzzle them and get petted when you're trying to friggn sleep.


I had a cat that would sit on my chest as I'd sleep on my back. She was lighter then so I wouldn't notice her staring at me. When she decided it was time for me to get up, she'd step on my neck, cutting off my breathing.

My sister called it my "on button".
posted by lysdexic at 7:41 PM on October 11, 2008 [14 favorites]


Weird. The rare times I let my cats in the bedroom, they pretty much sleep solidly until the sun comes up. Then they wake up.

They don't ever move around restlessly like this.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 7:55 PM on October 11, 2008


Okay...I'm a bad man.Cats make me sneeze and weep profusely so I have an instinctive reaction to them. On second thought the post is worthy...I've enjoyed the comments.

Sorry. Christ, I hope you'll forgive me for being so rash.
posted by salishsea at 8:01 PM on October 11, 2008


I guess I should be thankful for my well-behaved cat who sleeps soundly on my feet and doesn't wake me up, and until I ask her "Do you want some food?" doesn't try to make me feed her.
posted by barnacles at 8:15 PM on October 11, 2008


And don't think it's over when your kitty reaches the end of its mortal coil.... One of a family member's cats used to like to pound up and down a long first-floor hallway for kicks. I'm told that some time after the kittycat's last day the familiar mayhem made a reprise.... (heard by more than one person) Only once, but I guess that's enough....
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 8:23 PM on October 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


lol. cats!
posted by bicyclefish at 8:46 PM on October 11, 2008 [2 favorites]


Say what you will, I contend there are few things in the world cuter than a grown man all snuggled up with a sleeping cat. Bonus if they are nose to nose, or he's sleeping with the tip of the cat's tail or paw in his hand.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:20 PM on October 11, 2008 [5 favorites]


Many moons ago I had two cats, their names were Madness and Denial. Madness was a Himalayan Persian mix of about 22 lbs. Denial was a silver tabby of about 5 lbs. Denial would sleep at the foot of the bed, while Madness would sleep on top of the headboard. Both would be just peachy until about 3am when the magical go signal would be mysteriously received and a Battle Royal would then take place on my midriff and below. I don't miss them so much. Now we have three Great Danes, and well, except for the initial circling for space, they sleep like logs. Really really big logs.
posted by HappyHippo at 9:20 PM on October 11, 2008


Love it. Very familiar. My cat sleeps on me for a good part of the night. I sleep on my side, so she balances herself on the side of my hip, which seems incredibly uncomfortable for her. Doesn't bother me. But a cat I had years ago would sleep on my legs, then during the night creep closer and closer to my head until I would be rudely awakened by cat drool in my ear.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:27 PM on October 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


Hey sleep! I like sleep! Sleep sleep, clean you clean me, nudge, hey sleep! sleep! clean, move, clean. Sleep! Hey. Hey. Hey you. Play with me. Play with me. Play with me. No? Clean me. Clean you. Feed me. Feed me. feed me. Please. play? C'mon. Sleep? no. Play with me. Feed me. Clean me. Clean you. Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. Feed me.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Feed me.
posted by The Whelk at 9:46 PM on October 11, 2008 [9 favorites]


jesus, how do you people live with those things?

that's my reaction to the thought of having kids.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 9:55 PM on October 11, 2008 [15 favorites]


I have a greyhound. She is the light of my life. She has been here with me through good times and bad.

She makes that cat look like an amateur. See, that cat, it's not so big. He can't put all four big be-talon'd pointy paws on the small of your back and shove you into a tiny corner of the bed. He can't dig his paws into the bed and push you with his own back until you're hovering on one slim stretch of mattress. He can't claw your side from shoulder to hip in one fell swoop with the aforementioned be-talon'd pointy paws because he's in the middle of a dream about running somewhere.

If you want to know what disturbed sleep is, get a greyhound.
posted by winna at 10:17 PM on October 11, 2008 [7 favorites]


PigAlien: AFAIK, it's universal for limb movement to occur in non-REM sleep.
posted by wastelands at 11:16 PM on October 11, 2008


Ever had a Maine Coon decide to wake you up? It's not a pleasant experience.

Yes. Yes, in fact, I have.

That video is pretty much how my nights with my cat go, too, though not as bad. It's not as bad because there are multiple people in my house for her to bug, and because I cocoon myself in an enormous comforter, which makes access harder for her. But other than that, it's pretty much the same game, and when I move into my own place, I'm sure it'll be worse.

I love her to death.
posted by Caduceus at 11:36 PM on October 11, 2008


I have two cats. Adi is a 15 pound butterball with the most petite, tiny paws ever. She's extremely indecisive and cautious. This means that if she's deciding to sleep on your chest while you're in bed, she takes very slooow steps. One little paw steps onto your belly..... then another tiny paw hesitates, hovers, then slowly comes down... Now the full bulk of her 15 pounds of kitty blubber are being supported by those feet -- nay, chisels -- burrowing into your ribs and organs.... Then, slowly -- slow enough for you to feel the internal bleeding to start up -- she gets her back feet situated on you... Caution, caution... A little kneading... And then, finally, she'll settle down into a comforting little purr machine.

My other cat, Commie, is now about 14 pounds, and he only very rarely experiments with sleeping on or around my neck anymore. But when he was a little kitten, he'd lay as flat against my neck as he possibly could. It was a perfect impersonation of a scarf. But it'd only last a few seconds before he'd realize that it wasn't that fun to be a scarf. It was a lot more fun to bite at nostrils until I woke up.

I couldn't tolerate it at the time. I'd be trying to sleep and he'd bite really hard, and I'd push him away so I could get some rest. But now that he's so big, and he never even tries to nibble at my nose anymore, I wish I could go back and tolerate his adorable neediness a bit more.

Sleeping with loving cats, no matter how annoying and pesky they may be, is one of the greatest joys I get to experience. Yay.
posted by Ms. Saint at 11:42 PM on October 11, 2008 [7 favorites]


/insert hugely amusing cat story here

Well, OK then. There was this one time, I was flatting and a 2 week old kitten came in through our catflap. WTF! we thought, and went round the neighburhood looking for its owner. End result, nothing. We learned a lot about kittens then, like how normally a mother will lick them to stimulate their pee response, which we had to emulate with rubber gloves. Several kinds of EWWW! We didn't want to get too attached to it, so we called it "it". Only that seemed like kitten abuse, so we reversed the letters and called it "Ti". We were going to take it to the SPCA one morning, only we couldn't face it, and a good friend of ours turned up and asked if we still had a kitten that afternoon. It went through a couple of owners, but Ti is still a huge fluffy beast of good health and much love.

But I still wake up sweating when I dream of her pouncing, minute by minute, up the duvet to bite my nose.
posted by Sparx at 1:11 AM on October 12, 2008 [3 favorites]


I like how it knew how to use catflap before it knew how to pee.
posted by popcassady at 5:09 AM on October 12, 2008


That cat has no life.
What happened to Fight Club on the fence, pulling apart the garbage. chasing poosey, and dealing nip on the corner with that crack cat in the top hat. What happened to that?

Cats these days, pffft. they are all a bunch of pussies
posted by lacol at 5:19 AM on October 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


loved this - thanks much!

our little pittypie likes to wake us by gently putting her sweet little velvety paw on one of our cheeks, ever so lightly, so delicately - if we don't wake up she'll kindly, and so gently, so nicely, apply a little more pressure, just a bit - then, just a bit more

if we don't wake up then, she sloooowly, ever so sloooowly, begins to extend her sweet little sharp-as-sweet-little-knives claws...

I'm up! I'm up!
posted by jammy at 5:39 AM on October 12, 2008 [5 favorites]


What happened to Fight Club on the fence, pulling apart the garbage. chasing poosey, and dealing nip on the corner with that crack cat in the top hat. What happened to that?

Officer Dibble finally got enough evidence to put TopCat away for 19 to life. Benny went into hiding. Or witness protection. Nobody's sure.
posted by Sparx at 6:10 AM on October 12, 2008 [2 favorites]


What happened to Fight Club on the fence, pulling apart the garbage. chasing poosey, and dealing nip on the corner with that crack cat in the top hat. What happened to that?

That's why he wants his owner to get the hell out of bed! Cause he can fight and deal nip and chase pussy till the cows come home, but he can't actually operate a door to get outside and do it.

Cats these days, pffft. No opposable thumbs.
posted by emperor.seamus at 6:20 AM on October 12, 2008


Bonus if they are nose to nose, or he's sleeping with the tip of the cat's tail or paw in his hand.

Or nose touching cat butt.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 6:50 AM on October 12, 2008


My 15 pound orange tabby Horatio likes to sleep on my back like that. He doesn't pat my face though, he's into a good long sleep in the mornings. When I get up, he looks at me like, "What, is it time to get up *already*?" But he doesn't wait for me to feed him, he's a grazer.
posted by Hildegarde at 6:59 AM on October 12, 2008


No cats here, but I have a dog who, when she decides it's time to get up, will start whining. If no response from me, she'll bat me in the face a few times. If still no response, she'll just steal my pillow, laying half on my head in the process. That's when I get up.
posted by inigo2 at 7:20 AM on October 12, 2008


i did that a while ago -- time lapse video. i knew the gray cat occasionally tried to wake me up around 4 or 5 in the morning some nights. i didn't realize that one of the cats actually slept on my head for a while.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Oh5GHcIdA8

i have my head under the blanket for the whole time because i left the lights on for the camera.
posted by rmd1023 at 7:33 AM on October 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


Ever had a Maine Coon decide to wake you up? It's not a pleasant experience.

Years ago I had a bed with a bookshelf built into the headboard. My Maine Coon (may he rest in peace) discovered that the best way to wake me up was to knock books on my head. Hardcover books.

Now we have a couple of kittens, one of whom likes to sleep above my head - belly against the top of my head, paws draped around either side - who wakes me up either by purring really loudly or by patting my ears. Adorable, really.
posted by rtha at 9:21 AM on October 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


I miss the family cat. Unfortunately, I'm slightly allergic to cats; I can live with it during winter, but when the air is alive with the pest of pollen, the compound effect is unbearable. Unfortunately, the body doesn't shut down when the going gets too sneezy. It just gets sneezier.
posted by flippant at 9:34 AM on October 12, 2008


Post gets deleted.

Crow gets eaten.
posted by swift at 11:39 AM on October 12, 2008


I just showed this to my wife. She laughed and was like "Why did you make me watch this?"

My response was, "YOU'RE THE CAT!"
posted by educatedslacker at 12:01 PM on October 12, 2008 [9 favorites]


The sequel, Cat Sleeps Entire Next Day in Corner Unmolested, is somewhat less gripping.
posted by rokusan at 3:52 PM on October 12, 2008 [2 favorites]


My nose and eyes started itching while watching that
posted by jpdoane at 4:29 PM on October 12, 2008


You know how they say pets look like their owners? It's true. That cat totally chose a human as pudgy as he was!
posted by sambosambo at 7:38 PM on October 12, 2008


Oh, I forgot to mention that my first cat used to like to lick my hair at night in bed while I was sleeping. I couldn't figure out if she liked the taste of my hair gel or if she was just grooming me. My current cat likes to nibble on my ear and lick it. Its really cute, it brings me great joy to fall asleep to the gentle, loving nibbles of my kitty cat and his soft purring. I think people who don't love cats don't understand all of these cute little things cats do. Of course, my dogs simultaneously lick my feet. Going to bed in my house involves lots of licking LOL.
posted by PigAlien at 9:20 PM on October 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


this is what the internet was made for.
posted by Xere at 10:07 PM on October 12, 2008


Cat Sleeps Entire Next Day in Corner Unmolested

Kitties are Crepuscular.
posted by Artw at 7:38 AM on October 13, 2008


My girl cat has, as of a week ago, decided that what I really need when I sleep is a hat. A big furry, purring hat. Bonus points for her because from that position she can reach out to twine her paws in my husband's hair.
posted by Billegible at 9:15 AM on October 13, 2008


I had a foundling kitten that liked to lick my hair, too. When he was itty bitty, he would sleep next to my head and lick my temples til he was satisfied. One night I half woke to find his widdle head resting in my eye socket. Weird, but just awwwwwww.

He later grew up to be one bad-ass mofo, who liked to attack the feet under the blanket. That got him kicked into the wall one night by the hubby. It didn't hurt him, but he stopped doing that.

Crepuscular. I must find a way to use that word today.
posted by lysdexic at 9:29 AM on October 13, 2008


And now through the miracle of technology that is text, I will describe to you exactly how this would have played out on my bed:

[1:00] There is a lump under a blanket, it is roughly human shaped.

[1:05] The aforementioned "hatey" cat appears in the frame.

[1:10] Cat sniffs around, gets within a foot or so of lump.

[1:11] There is a blur, cat is no longer there. Lump is bigger.

a careful review of this film reveals that at 1:10:30, a hand snakes out, grabs hatey cat, yanks her under blanket.

That is the key to a good night sleep when a cat wants to be on the bed.
posted by quin at 10:37 AM on October 13, 2008 [1 favorite]


NOM NOM NOM?
posted by Artw at 1:35 PM on October 13, 2008


When I was a kid my family had a big ol' good natured grey tom named Claude Pause. Well good natured in the house, but ruler of the hood outside. He loved to sleep on necks, whether it was in bed across your throat or draped around your shoulders walking around. My dad could even ride his bike or motorcycle with this cat around his neck. One weekend I had a sleepover and was awoken in the morning to the terrified voice of my friend, begging me to remove the giant tabby from her neck. It was totally funny to me, but evidently she was not a big cat lover. Of course he looked very bad-ass with one mangled ear and half a tail. But, he truly was one of the sweetest kitties ever!
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 1:58 PM on October 13, 2008 [1 favorite]


My ex-boyfriend once woke up to his dog's butthole waving in his face. Our cat Horace looks just like this guy--huge and with the same asymmetrical colorful markings over snowy white--and likes to perch on our chests and smack our faces with his tail. Cats are funny, especially when they sit in really precarious ways on top of you and get this look on their face like, "It-could-work-it-could-work-it-could-work-look-look-I'm-making-it-work--ah NOOOO (plop)."
posted by ifjuly at 10:56 AM on October 14, 2008


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