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A galactic shadow cast on the election.
October 14, 2008 4:51 AM   Subscribe

October surprise? Rumor has it that the Galactic Federation of Light, a fraternity of extraterrestrial beings, will visit our planet today--October 14, 2008. Blogs announced the visitation some time back, and are giddy with anticipation. View the announcement in video form. (Alert! Retinal searing imagery ahead.)
posted by Gordion Knott (81 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
One would hope that an advanced civilization would understand the critical role that proper spelling, grammar and usage plays in being taken seriously by the worlds they visit.

Crappy embedded-video scrolling-text messages filled with threadbare new-age buzzwords are not the way the new era will be heralded.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 5:02 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Well, they'll probe ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll probe ya just a-like they said they would.
They'll probe ya when you're tryin' to go home.
Then they'll probe ya when you're there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get probed.

posted by Kinbote at 5:04 AM on October 14, 2008 [7 favorites]


Yay nutters! Pest of the web.
posted by mandal at 5:04 AM on October 14, 2008


They're coming for the new MacBooks.
posted by ColdChef at 5:05 AM on October 14, 2008 [6 favorites]


Arcturian ships range from a diving bell-shaped scout ship that varies from about 40 to 75 feet (12.2 to 22.9 meters) in diameter, to a lens-shaped planetary command mother ship that is over 14 miles (22.5 kilometers) in length.
Someone call Will Smith, stat!
posted by joecacti at 5:06 AM on October 14, 2008


I already saw this movie.
posted by From Bklyn at 5:09 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yay - I can't wait. In fact - if this turns out to be false, I'm going to be really disappointed.
posted by seanyboy at 5:15 AM on October 14, 2008


Kucinich tried to tell us!
posted by Pollomacho at 5:22 AM on October 14, 2008


More on this here and here.

Aliens had better show up by lunchtime damnit, or I'm never watching ET again.
posted by datter at 5:25 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


will they take tom cruise away with them?
posted by Flood at 5:26 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Oh noes! Time to repent for my sins ... or commit more, while I still can.
posted by Xere at 5:32 AM on October 14, 2008


Here's another one. And another! They are here to raise our frequency! Possibly by cloning. Definitely by LOVE!

Youtube returns 333 hits for "galactic federation of light". Which is the number 3...three times! Three times three equals nine and nine is the number of star systems which comprise the Galactic Federation of Light!

It's like turning over a rock in the garden - there's all these little buggers running around that you had no idea about.
posted by Sparx at 5:32 AM on October 14, 2008


will they take tom cruise away with them?

Michael Jackson too? His human costume has been melting for years now. Poor guy.
posted by giraffe at 5:33 AM on October 14, 2008


ATTENTION ALL PLANETS OF THE SOLAR FEDERATION:

WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 5:41 AM on October 14, 2008 [8 favorites]


They're running late due to traffic. Apparently there are tailbacks all the way through to Tau Ceti.
posted by panboi at 5:41 AM on October 14, 2008


I can't see how this benefits McCain...

In the unlikely event of an alien landing on earth, Barack Obama could potentially name Dennis Kucinich as our ambassador to the aliens... who would be charmed by Kucinich's wife, I'm sure.
posted by markkraft at 5:41 AM on October 14, 2008


I'm betting it's Don Ameche and Wilford Brimley and Hume Cronyn coming to have a little chat with John McCain.

If they bring Tahnee Welch with them, I'm all for an alien visitation.
posted by JaredSeth at 5:54 AM on October 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


Pretty cool how these aliens have nothing better to do than travel hundreds of light-years to get here and let their arrival be known through this nice 'Blossom Goodchild' lady!

Maybe they'll help stop the end of the world that's coming in 2012.
posted by dunkadunc at 5:54 AM on October 14, 2008


They're running late due to traffic. Apparently there are tailbacks all the way through to Tau Ceti.

No worries. That new hyperspace bypass will solve those pesky interstellar traffic backups.
posted by elfgirl at 5:56 AM on October 14, 2008 [8 favorites]


They're running late due to traffic. Apparently there are tailbacks all the way through to Tau Ceti.

No worries. That new hyperspace bypass will solve those pesky interstellar traffic backups.


That's not due for completion until 2012.
posted by panboi at 6:11 AM on October 14, 2008


Just once, I'd like to see alien beings introduce themselves to us not via celtic-tinged new age music, but through Metal Machine Music. That's how I'll know they're really agents of purity and light.
posted by naju at 6:21 AM on October 14, 2008 [3 favorites]


For our part, we just invested in these little microfiber towels that are safe to wipe down display screens and eyeglasses, and soak up eight times their weight in water, leaving a feeling of remarkable dryness on the wipe.

So much better than those big, heavy old towels.
posted by dragonsi55 at 6:24 AM on October 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


Arcturian ships ...

Frost: Hey, I sure wouldn't mind getting some more of that Arcturian poontang! Remember that time?

Spunkmeyer: Yeah, Frost, but the one that you had was male!

Frost: It doesn't matter when it's Arcturian, baby!
posted by bwg at 6:28 AM on October 14, 2008


If they bring Tahnee Welch with them, I'm all for an alien visitation

I concur. Rowr.
posted by pepcorn at 6:29 AM on October 14, 2008


The bad news is this is Ziggy Stardust telling us the five years are up.
posted by crapmatic at 6:30 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Maybe they will do a Heaven's Gate for us and their site will become some sort of internet memorial too- favourited.

I'm with Von Daniken- well at least the more stupid parts of his theories at least (stops people talking to you at dinner parties). Christmas Eve 2011 watch the skies people.
posted by mattoxic at 6:32 AM on October 14, 2008


They're running late due to traffic. Apparently there are tailbacks all the way through to Tau Ceti.

No worries. That new hyperspace bypass will solve those pesky interstellar traffic backups.

That's not due for completion until 2012.


That's gonna make my commute a hell of a lot easier. Took me ninety-seven parsecs to make the Kessel run this morning.
posted by newmoistness at 6:35 AM on October 14, 2008


I guess I'll put some pants on, then.
posted by jnaps at 6:41 AM on October 14, 2008


"I guess I'll put some pants on, then."

Why bother, the aliens will just strip 'em off again anyway to get at what they call "the good bits". I don't want to talk about it anymore.
posted by datter at 6:50 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


How are you gentlemen!!
All your base are belong to us.
You are on the way to destruction.
You have no chance to survive make your time.
Ha ha ha ha ....
posted by eatdonuts at 7:05 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


first message from them!!!

http://allyourbase.planettribes.gamespy.com/video1_view.shtml
posted by Postroad at 7:07 AM on October 14, 2008


Ninety-seven parsecs?! I'm an old man, but I'm pretty sure I can do better than that.
posted by otolith at 7:08 AM on October 14, 2008


Well I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords.
posted by paisley henosis at 7:11 AM on October 14, 2008


I, for one, welcome our new Galactic Federation of Light overlords ....
posted by ElvisJesus at 7:12 AM on October 14, 2008


damn ... beaten by a parsec
posted by ElvisJesus at 7:12 AM on October 14, 2008


Ninety-seven parsecs?! I'm an old man, but I'm pretty sure I can do better than that.

Can you make the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs?

/Han Solo
posted by jnaps at 7:15 AM on October 14, 2008


"Most members of the Galactic Federation are fully conscious beings"

Hah!

That sounds like where I work!

[leans on water cooler, smirking]

Amirite?
posted by CynicalKnight at 7:19 AM on October 14, 2008


Oh they’re coming, just not in this Deutsch branch of reality.

Kind of an odd logo, the two mean red eyes, for a federation of light.

You know who else was a light-bringer?

That’s right - furries:
“Bear-like mammaloids of Tau Ceti are huge, furry Beings with small furry tails and bear-like bodies covered in brown, black or blonde fur.”
posted by Smedleyman at 7:25 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


The shock will be when we realize they are here to visit the whales.
posted by never used baby shoes at 7:26 AM on October 14, 2008


"It shall be in the south of your hemisphere and it shall scan over many of your states. We give to you the name of Alabama."

And be aware, earthlings, that if you are going to play in Texas, you must have a fiddle in the band.
posted by gordie at 7:27 AM on October 14, 2008 [5 favorites]


God wouldn't have made intelligent aliens that taste good if we weren't meant to eat them.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 7:32 AM on October 14, 2008


Well, they'll probe ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll probe ya just a-like they said they would.


Ow! My ass!
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 7:36 AM on October 14, 2008


Physical Appearance: The first variety of Fomalhaut humans closely resembles the so-called "Nordic" type of ETs, and are usually blonde with very blue, hazel or steel-gray eyes. Men are muscular, and around six feet (1.85 meters) tall. Woman are very buxom and range from 5 feet, six inches to just under six feet (1.68 to 1.83 meters) in height.

Really? Because all the Formalhautans I've met were a lot more... erratic in shape.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:47 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


The Daily Mail are blaming the arrival of the Galactic Federation of Light with destroying house prices (and giving swans cancer).
posted by panboi at 8:10 AM on October 14, 2008




Woman are very buxom

Color me shocked.
posted by padraigin at 8:17 AM on October 14, 2008


I spent half a day delving into these crazies. Apparently a bunch of different "direct voice channelers" have all agreed today is V-Day. At least they seem to be peaceful, non-suicidal nut-jobs.

My favourite bit of video is this 55 seconds from 10-14-08.blogspot.com. Mind you, this video is described by the poster as "presented from UFO Contactee, Commander Adama". It's not possible to parody these people.
posted by Nelson at 8:23 AM on October 14, 2008


Oh yeah, forgot to mention: that blogspot link features "proof' of Light Ships, spaceships hovering over earth. What's the proof? Image artifacts from Google Earth's mosaicing algorithms. Poor lambs.
posted by Nelson at 8:24 AM on October 14, 2008


This is the most consistent thread of obvious and lame-as-hell joke posts I've ever skimmed over.
Kucinich ufo jokes? c'mon! You can do better.
posted by Liquidwolf at 8:25 AM on October 14, 2008


"The universe is not only blander than we imagine, it's blander than we can imagine."

As you know, I generally have an open mind about these things but it's hard to take this seriously. It would be completely awful if it were true - if New Agey aliens really ruled the universe in such a saccharine fashion. I think we'd have to break out as the jerks of the universe, going around pissing off superior beings and painting "kick me" on people's black holes.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 8:25 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


This means something.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:25 AM on October 14, 2008


This means something.

My thoughts exactly. What it means is the Pleiadians are getting away with their nefarious agenda while we dupes all look the other way wasting precious seconds discussing Andromedans, Artcturians, Bellatricians, Republicans, Fomalhautans etc
posted by philip-random at 8:44 AM on October 14, 2008


Well, fortunately we already have this!
posted by Mental Wimp at 8:51 AM on October 14, 2008


Its okey everybody! I was on their ship and they have this big book, "How To Serve Humans!"
posted by Yer-Ol-Pal at 8:55 AM on October 14, 2008


LOT of whistling past the graveyard in this thread.

Wait—that's not whistling...that's a theremin.

MY GOD, THEY'VE ALREADY LANDED!!
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:04 AM on October 14, 2008 [3 favorites]


Well it almost 11 here in Alabama and I'm looking out my window into what was once a clear blue sky but now it has clouds in it. I think these clouds may be interstellar pan-galactic tri-dimensional moisture barriers.

Upon further inspection, it seems that they are, in fact, clouds. Nevertheless, I have my towel at the ready.
posted by robtf3 at 9:06 AM on October 14, 2008


Oh yeah, forgot to mention: that blogspot link features "proof' of Light Ships, spaceships hovering over earth. What's the proof? Image artifacts from Google Earth's mosaicing algorithms. Poor lambs.

Those "image artifacts" are actually Arcturan Love Ships. The triangular one is the ALS Butterwings. You're obviously part of the Conspiracy.
posted by panboi at 9:09 AM on October 14, 2008


So what did Ezekiel see?
posted by maxwelton at 9:11 AM on October 14, 2008


a fraternity of extraterrestrial beings, will visit our planet today--October 14, 2008.

On the anniversary of the Battle of Hastings? Coincidence? I think not. It's not a visit, it's an invasion!
posted by homunculus at 9:23 AM on October 14, 2008


So what did Ezekiel see?

A Psilocybin Warship from the Hosehead Emission Nebulous.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:24 AM on October 14, 2008


Straw poll: chances the human race ever, ever meets intelligent, alien life that didn't evolve on Earth?

My guess: 10%.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 9:48 AM on October 14, 2008


DON'T BLAME ME, I VOTED FOR KODOS.
posted by isopraxis at 10:39 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Straw poll: chances the human race ever, ever meets intelligent, alien life that didn't evolve on Earth?

Chances that the human race ever meets intelligent, alien life that didn't evolve on Earth? 100%

Chances that we'll recognize it as such when we meet it? 1%

Hunting it from a helicopter in Wasilla? Priceless!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:41 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


All Your Base joke - check
Han Solo joke - check
"Independence Day" joke - check
Simpsons "Kodos" reference - check
Theremin joke - check
Furries, Election, David Bowie - check, check and check

Well, since this thread is done I guess I'm ready for them to take me now.
posted by GuyZero at 11:08 AM on October 14, 2008


Does this mean X Day is upon us?
posted by geekhorde at 11:22 AM on October 14, 2008


Are they here yet?
posted by rand at 12:38 PM on October 14, 2008


Eep-Opp-Ork-Ah-Ah!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:46 PM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


The Truth is out there !!!


X-Files reference - check
posted by Pendragon at 12:53 PM on October 14, 2008


NO FUCKING WAY LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW RIGHT NOW
posted by Baby_Balrog at 1:38 PM on October 14, 2008


NO FUCKING WAY THE SUN CAME OUT IN OCTOBER
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:40 PM on October 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


I am aware that Alabama is NOT in the Southern Hemisphere. I queried this to the Federation and was told … ‘In days of old, it used to be’. If anyone can find information on this, I would be most grateful if you could contact me via my website.

Might also be an idea to query the Federation on calendars, dates and turning up on time.
posted by panboi at 2:11 PM on October 14, 2008


We might luck out and they will land in Detroit first, surmise our civilization collapsed and went extinct thousands of years ago, and quietly go.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:26 PM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


You know who else’s spiritual hierarchy of light was humanoid ascension based to prevent inter-dimensional dark forces from domination and exploitation?

Nazis from the Hollow Earth reference - check
posted by Smedleyman at 2:36 PM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Maybe they'll help stop the end of the world that's coming in 2012.

...when they finalize the popular vote for President of these United States, and Sarah Palin wins?

BADUM-tishh.
posted by ZakDaddy at 5:30 PM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


I may be late to the thread but it seems like a good time to pop in and ask how this is coming, since the day's almost over, here. Are we still giddy, or maybe getting a tad morose?
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:07 PM on October 14, 2008


You must insert the Ascension Key into your soul consciousness to enter the Golden Age. ... The Ascension Key when inserted within shall magically or alchemically change your internal landscape of individual workings and cause huge personal implosions that shall set-off a rippling effect on the physical/ psychological/ economical/and emotional richter scale.

Or, you know, call it what I do: the Hitachi Magic Wand.
posted by jokeefe at 7:08 PM on October 14, 2008 [3 favorites]


The blossom goodchild blog is now blocked. Guess she got tired of all the people going to point and laugh.
posted by signal at 7:09 PM on October 14, 2008


The blossom goodchild blog is now blocked. Guess she got tired of all the people going to point and laugh.

Or they got her.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 7:30 PM on October 14, 2008


Australian channeler Blossom Goodchild made good on her prediction: that a massive Extraterrestrial spacecraft and its occupants would visit planet Earth and allow their presence to be known internationally for a minimum of three days.

"Australian channeler Blossom Goodchild". Just 4 words in were enough. Next.
posted by nickyskye at 7:34 PM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Well then, its either those Yom Kippur signals or underground Nazi UFOs
posted by hortense at 11:39 PM on October 14, 2008


The aftermath on the 10-14-08 blog is interesting. There's no explaining it away, the discussion is all about dealing with the disappointment. No evidence of suicides, which is better than I feared.

Blossom Goodchild, the "channeler" in the middle of this prophecy, posted a heartbreakingly sincere Youtube video. She's quite honest about her disappointment and humiliation and I get the idea she truly believed her own delusions. It's not often you get to see someone's faith completely dismantled in front of you.
posted by Nelson at 10:03 AM on October 16, 2008 [1 favorite]


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