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Talkin' Sh*t
October 20, 2008 2:42 PM   Subscribe

Let's talk crap. An interesting interview about toilets (NSFW, music, talking, interesting) and bathroom habits and expectations. Greasemonkey script for Salon premium-pass.
posted by nevercalm (25 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
That "toilets" link is also Flash.
posted by nevercalm at 2:43 PM on October 20, 2008


Whatever they paid these spokespeople, it wasn't enough.
posted by [NOT HERMITOSIS-IST] at 2:51 PM on October 20, 2008


The Washlet, previously. (I have a friend whose parents have one. It's the strangest experience, especially when the toilet has instructions and buttons in Japanese and you have no idea what to expect.)
posted by not_on_display at 2:55 PM on October 20, 2008


First link redirects to Salon homepage on Firefox, so unless you're inferring that Salon is crap something is amiss.

Oddly it redirects correctly on Safari.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:57 PM on October 20, 2008


reminds me of this
posted by inqb8tr at 3:01 PM on October 20, 2008


Slate had a special about this book a few weeks ago as well.
posted by lilac girl at 3:10 PM on October 20, 2008


MetaFilter: Let's talk crap.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:19 PM on October 20, 2008


Sorry about the link, folks...I've got that Greasemonkey script installed, so it worked perfectly for me and I forgot about the hoops they make you jump through. Here's a direct link to the article. If you are sent to a premium pass, you may need to watch the crummy commercial, come back here, and click on the link again when you have to correct cookie.

Thanks for the Slate link, Lilac Girl, I'll check it out.
posted by nevercalm at 3:19 PM on October 20, 2008


Ah, the axiom of poop: Assuming the participation of well-adjusted, relaxed human beings, any and every conversation of sufficient length will eventually talk about poop.

The length of time required varies based on the demographics of the party holding the conversation. For situations where the demographics are skewed towards parents with young children, this time period has been officially recorded as little as 0.034 seconds and may even be the primary topic of conversation for many years.

For demographics of single or childless middle-aged professionals the time required could be as long as years or decades.

For demographics consisting entirely of young boys aged 2 to 150 the time required effectively approaches zero, and is often discounted as a false example of the axiom as it often involves anti-social behavior and actions like the dreaded swirly or atomic wedgie, if not the outright throwing of feces.


Regardless - it is thought that such conversations are an indicator of healthy social dynamics within a group. Talking about poop (and the practices involved in eliminating it) is not only a display of vulnerability but also of trust, and also acts as a bonding agent within the social group.

Because, of course - everybody poops.


I had Grapenuts, oats and peanut butter for dinner last night. The crap I took just about an hour ago required the contracting of a Tunnel Boring Machine piloted by hundreds of highly trained Swiss excavation engineers. The magnificent bolus was excreted into a Newport News shipbuilding dry dock and towed via barge canal to a point just south of Manhattan. I hear they're calling it New Jersey, now.
posted by loquacious at 3:25 PM on October 20, 2008 [4 favorites]


I don't poop.

I defecate.
posted by Auden at 4:30 PM on October 20, 2008


I just need one with a book rest.
posted by jamaro at 4:36 PM on October 20, 2008


I'm disappointed. I at least expected something like "Poopsie Blue."
posted by nevercalm at 5:10 PM on October 20, 2008


No mention of Kenny yet?
- 'there's a smell in there that will out last religion'
posted by burnside at 5:49 PM on October 20, 2008


I just need one with a book rest.

In some parallel dimension where it is a just and perfect world my personal crapper would be a glorious three story library. Nothing too outlandish. Maybe 20x30 feet or so. Lots of brass and dark polished wood. A little atrium and skylight filled with plants. In the very center on a raised, brass-railed platform featuring several book stands and shelves, tastefully lit and surrounded by plants. There are also an array of portable video game devices. In the center, the commode is a large gold-plated shitter with heated seats, ample room fore and back for the dangly bits and a robot bidet so advanced and thorough that the same circuits also are used in robots for hazmat cleanup. For reasons I don't care to explain now, the toilet also features a rocket-propelled ejector seat function complete with parachute and survival kit. The sink resides in its own alcove to the back of the platform and features a wide brass bowl large enough for easy washing and shaving activities. There are not one but two urinals, each situated in either corner of the room and featuring a design that blend in with the plants, safely but effectively simulating the experience of pissing in the bushes.

The waste is, of course, collected and processed into fertilizer, highly valued on the open market as a premium soil amendment suitable for growing the finest mushrooms or organic produce.
posted by loquacious at 7:05 PM on October 20, 2008 [4 favorites]


I was so excited about the Washlet until I saw the price tag: $600! My wife was mad at me for spending more than $20 on the last toilet seat I bought.
posted by photoslob at 7:14 PM on October 20, 2008


So yeah, first link delivered me a picture of Joe Lieberman hugging Sarah Palin. "Crap!" I exclaimed. So there you got it.
posted by eritain at 8:08 PM on October 20, 2008


Loquacious, would you settle for a fresh coat of paint?
posted by ryanrs at 10:00 PM on October 20, 2008


... The crap I took just about an hour ago required the contracting of a Tunnel Boring Machine piloted by hundreds of highly trained Swiss excavation engineers. The magnificent bolus was excreted into a Newport News shipbuilding dry dock...

It took me five full minutes to stop laughing long enough to post that - I HATE YOU loq.

If by hate I mean figure out how we're going to get you to an LA meetup, someday.
posted by Space Kitty at 10:17 PM on October 20, 2008


“I went to the turd museum today. They've got some great shit there. You know, some of that crap is worth a lot of money."

-Steve Martin
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:41 PM on October 20, 2008


A Tetris knockoff on my iPhone is my secret toilet friend.

...wait, why am I telling you this?
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:28 AM on October 21, 2008


Loquacious, would you settle for a fresh coat of paint?

If the moment is pressing I'll settle for a rusty old bucket and a low hanging branch. Fantasies aren't supposed to be realistic. :)
posted by loquacious at 1:09 PM on October 21, 2008


If by hate I mean figure out how we're going to get you to an LA meetup, someday.

Oh, I'm supposed to go down there at some point. I just keep hoping someone will burn Hollywood first.
posted by loquacious at 2:32 PM on October 21, 2008


Sorry, fire season is pretty much over.
posted by ryanrs at 5:55 PM on October 21, 2008


another review
posted by kliuless at 11:11 PM on October 21, 2008


Experiences at work:

1. people humming, singing, coaching, and praying to themselves while they try to poop. I really don't need to hear "Ugh. Ok, come on, here it goes. You can do it".

2. people who smoke eliminate that stale, smoke-stink as they poop. It's nasty.

3. people seriously need high colonics. Some people I think are on the brink of death and they don't even know it.

4. would it kill facilities to buy some friggen Lysol for each bathroom? Seriously!

5. Flush! It's not that hard.

6. Did you have to leave your toilet paper lined seat behind? Or those seat cover sheets? You can't take 2 seconds to push it in the bowl before flushing? Oh sorry, forgot that you don't flush.

7. Please stop hovering. You pee on the seat. If you pee on the seat--wipe it off! I don't feel like playing disease roulette by wiping it off before I line the seat.

8. Women are just as disgusting as men.
posted by dasheekeejones at 12:19 PM on October 23, 2008


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