Czech this out

October 23, 2008 8:46 PM

If americans are compensating by driving SUVs...then what the hell is up with these europeans?
posted by 445supermag (50 comments total)

It seems that they like to drive multi-axel trucks up big hills, I doubt they drive them to work.
posted by lee at 8:51 PM on October 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

compensating looks like fun
posted by lacol at 9:09 PM on October 23, 2008

Those pesky Europeans, always doin' stuff.
posted by mattoxic at 9:15 PM on October 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Nice trucks, they are. Not sure what the Seinfeld stuff is supposed to mean.
posted by Dumsnill at 9:21 PM on October 23, 2008

Here's some more large trucks traveling at a high rate of speed, on dirt.

They're really popular for the Paris-Dakar rally, or just regular backwoods craziness.

Something about a large, camper-sized 4X4 catching some air really puts me at ease.

Those Europeans sure look like they're having fun.
posted by hellojed at 9:27 PM on October 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

And then there's FIA European Truck Racing.
posted by jaimev at 9:30 PM on October 23, 2008

Benz has a heavy-duty truck line called the Unimog. It was originally designed as a farm tractor / truck hybrid in the late 40s. A decade or so ago, they tried to make it hip, and the Funmog was the result.
posted by zippy at 9:37 PM on October 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Actually, yes, we drive them to work. But that's only on nice days. In inclement weather, we take out the winter beater.
posted by pracowity at 9:40 PM on October 23, 2008 [4 favorites]

FUCK YOU, NATURE!!
posted by paisley henosis at 9:49 PM on October 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

Every nation has its Bubba Factor.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:53 PM on October 23, 2008

They are only doing it to mock us.
posted by b1tr0t at 10:13 PM on October 23, 2008

Yeah, because burning a few gallons of diesel at low speed in a monitored competition once every other weekend during the summer completely equates with 12mpg on a daily 30 mile commute in a Ford Expedition.

Keep... on... trollin'! Err, rollin'! I meant rollin'. Honest.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:32 PM on October 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

Hell Drivers!
posted by Artw at 10:35 PM on October 23, 2008

I like the Playmobil rally truck series.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:53 PM on October 23, 2008

I prefer lawn mowers.
posted by philip-random at 10:54 PM on October 23, 2008

That FIA Truck Racing link posted above, that's fantastic; there's something wonderful about watching racing between cars that aren't fragile little sticks, but on a track with left and right turns. The perfect halfway point between F1 and Nascar.
posted by davejay at 10:56 PM on October 23, 2008

equates with 12mpg on a daily 30 mile commute in a Ford Expedition

My sister has an suv, and she gets better gas mileage than my car. The gas mileage on suv's is actually pretty good nowadays.
posted by snookums at 11:10 PM on October 23, 2008

The gas mileage on suv's is actually pretty good nowadays.

Compared to a well-designed smaller car? I'd be curious to see some numbers.
posted by sebastienbailard at 11:14 PM on October 23, 2008

As an American who drives a Jeep Wrangler that doesn't get all that great of gas mileage, I would like to extend an olive branch to my Russian comrades so that we can better explore the awesomeness that is pracowity's winter beater. Seriously, global warming and gas prices be damned, everyone should own one of those as a daily commuter. Wreck on the freeway? No problem! Drive straight through that lake, hang a left through the Johnson house and knock a few trees down in the forest and you should come out just on the other side of the freeway.

It's a thought anyways.
posted by robtf3 at 11:28 PM on October 23, 2008

If americans are compensating by driving SUVs...then what the hell is up with these europeans ?

Americans have small dicks like this, and Europeans have smaller dicks like this amirite??
posted by nudar at 11:57 PM on October 23, 2008

Yeah, there's white trash in Europe, too. Where do you think the USA got its white trash?
posted by kenlayne at 11:57 PM on October 23, 2008

The RC version is also popular
posted by finite at 12:03 AM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Simple explanation: most of this is in South Bohemia, which has the largest concentration of Bubbas in Europe. It's like the Ozarks with more beer.


I know, I used to vacation down there...
posted by StandardObfuscatingProcedure at 12:48 AM on October 24, 2008

The official site for pracowity's winter beater: www.bolotohod.ru

It's like an Aeon Flux alternative universe of heavy equipment.
posted by zippy at 2:11 AM on October 24, 2008

My sister has an suv, and she gets better gas mileage than my car.

Somebody invented a magic engine that somehow uses less fuel to tow more weight? They should contact the Amazing Randi. He's giving out million dollar prizes for stuff like that.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:17 AM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Before I clicked the links, I was certain it would be to links of teensy-tiny cars. If you wanted to make the large euro-penis inference work that would make more sense.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:24 AM on October 24, 2008

EU-RO-PA! EU-RO-PA!
posted by Abiezer at 2:56 AM on October 24, 2008

The official site for pracowity's winter beater: www.bolotohod.ru

I like the poll:

Whether production of our company is known to you?

- Yes
- Something heard
- Saw
- No

Hmm.
posted by pracowity at 3:55 AM on October 24, 2008

Yeah. I don't think the monster truck thing (like 'these europeans'!) would ever make it in the US. (Or is that 'us'?)
posted by i_cola at 4:11 AM on October 24, 2008

What these 8x8 trucks possess in large quantities is what's referred to in off-road circles as the three T's - traction, torque, and travel.

The traction comes from having, well, not just up to 8 driving wheels, but 8 driving wheels that are very large (so they put more tread area in contact with the ground), relatively tall and narrow (to allow them to "cut" down through soft, surface mud and find firmer ground with better grip below), have aggressive tread patterns, and most important - connected to the drive train with lockers or limited-slip differentials so that when one more wheels leave the ground and/or otherwise lose traction, the others keep turning.

The torque - heh, well, big turbocharged diesels & low gear ranges, and heavy-duty transmissions.

The travel refers to the articulation of the chassis & drivetrain - far from being stiff and rigid, the drivetrain on one of these trucks is surprisingly supple, allowing the subframes to flex and keep as many wheels in contact with the ground as possible when going over something other than level ground.

What they also have, of course, is insane drivers. Awesome post!
posted by kcds at 4:18 AM on October 24, 2008

I always thought we europeans compensated like this but maybe it's just us germans.
posted by krautland at 5:07 AM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

He's a drugstore truck drivin' man...
posted by fixedgear at 5:20 AM on October 24, 2008

Funmogs? That sounds... interesting. More worryingly, the first google result for Funmog is this Brabus version. Oh dear god...

Full on FIA truck racing is incredible to watch. I saw the last race of the season the year before last at Brands Hatch. Standing at druids and listening to those huge diesel engines coming off the starting line was quite incredible.

As the first truck came round the first corner we realised that the marshalls had all left their little booths and come to join us on our side of the crash barriers...

The lead two trucks collided on midway down the straight into Druids and a sheet of metal about four foot square peeled off the side of one of them and flew into the air. It then lay in the middle of the track for the rest of the race, each truck hammering over it and bouncing it up into the air just before the next truck came through.

Be the time the race was over, half the trucks had been wiped out, one having embedded itself in the sand at the end of the main straight so forcefully it nearly rolled end over. The little valley that Brands sits in was filled with carbon smog...
posted by twine42 at 5:24 AM on October 24, 2008

I love how a post discussing people compensating for inadequacies through their vehicles was made by someone named after the .445supermag, the single greatest example of "look how big my ___ is" before the invention of this monstrosity.
posted by Pastabagel at 5:37 AM on October 24, 2008

Folks, don't you get it? They're European. They're driving these big trucks ironically. Right through their monster-truck-shaped hole.

That said, I've loved the Unimog (Universal Motor-Gerät) ever since I added one to my Matchbox car collection, back when dinosaurs and Beatles ruled the earth.

Say it with me. . . "Unimog. Unimog. You! Knee! Mog! YOO NEE MAAAAHHHG!". . . s'fun.
posted by Herodios at 6:15 AM on October 24, 2008

My sister has an suv, and she gets better gas mileage than my car.

What year Challenger with a 440 do you have again?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:35 AM on October 24, 2008

In the 80s I worked for The National Outdoor Leadership School, transporting students to and from the trailheads all up and down the Rocky Mountain Range, in a school bus. I got some complaints that I drove too fast.

Great post, thanks.
posted by Restless Day at 6:37 AM on October 24, 2008

You know who else liked to drive big trucks through Europe, right?

Really, I think of trucks like this as being extremely "compensatory," more so than the off-road competitions. I was in a small village in Africa once, waiting for the bus driver to come back from where ever he had disappeared to, when a similar vehicle came through, with German plates on. It was like a big, blinking neon sign flashing "we have fantastic amounts of money, and we will spend it conspicuously to avoid having contact with the little people." I stared, and all the people hanging out in the shade of the tree by the bus stared, and the Germans drove on past in air-conditioned splendor.
posted by Forktine at 6:43 AM on October 24, 2008

Herodios, I had a Dinky Toy Unimog when I was a kid, looked like this.

That photo is from here, which is about a day's drive from where I live, and it torments me.
posted by Restless Day at 6:46 AM on October 24, 2008

Well, the "this" should have looked like this, sorry about that
posted by Restless Day at 6:49 AM on October 24, 2008

I guess there might be legitimate reasons for some people to drive SUVs.
And I guess there might be legitimate critcisms of many SUV drivers.
The only thing I'm sure about is that it has nothing to do with dick size. It's time we put that canard to rest.
posted by rocket88 at 7:34 AM on October 24, 2008

I normally sneer at pure YT links but the 10-yr-old in me was overjoyed. That Russian thing...

Yes, I had a matchbox Unimog, and i miss it.

Re SUVs, I have an SUV (Xterra) that uses less gas than my wife's Civic. How? because it only gets used on weekends for trailering our sailboat, windsurf/ski support vehicle, runs to the lumberyard, errands for friends, the odd cottage-country ramble. Just because someone owns one doesn't mean they drive it daily. For the record, we take transit to work. So there.

(on the dick thing - In my youth I had a Jeep Wrangler. It was short, red, stiff, and went anywhere)
posted by Artful Codger at 7:58 AM on October 24, 2008

I had a Dinky Toy Unimog when I was a kid, looked like this. That photo is from here, which is about a day's drive from where I live, and it torments me.

Torments? I am content to admire them from afar. Unimogs, that is, not canards.

The only thing I'm sure about is that it has nothing to do with dick size. It's time we put that canard to rest.

Since you brought it up, here's a story about an unusually well-endowed canard.
posted by Herodios at 8:09 AM on October 24, 2008

Clearly, some Europeans don't feel the need to compensate for anything with their adorable offroad vehicles.

I have to admit, I've long wanted a Pinzgauer myself, which is somewhat less adorable
posted by adamrice at 8:37 AM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

I bought a copy of the film "Urga," partly for this one scene, which brings back many fond memories of driving for NOLS.

The film might be summarized by saying we cannot go back to the way things were, and realistically I would never buy a Unimog today.
posted by Restless Day at 8:42 AM on October 24, 2008

If americans are compensating by driving SUVs...then what the hell is up with these europeans?

For the last time, I've tried to explain this in so many ways, Americans (and a large portion of Canadians) need large SUV's to haul around their enormous penises. Europeans, Asians, and some Australians who drive SUV's are either:

A) Trying to pretend they are (incredibly endowed) Americans. or
b) Trying to compensate for their tiny, tiny johnsons (no offense to jonson).
posted by Pollomacho at 8:47 AM on October 24, 2008

The Paris - Dakar rally truck competition is frequently won by a Kamaz truck from Russia.
posted by neat-o at 9:10 AM on October 24, 2008

This only fans the flames of my lifelong desire to run the Paris-Dakar Rally. I don't know about trucks, though. They seem a bit top heavy for me though.
posted by Freen at 9:25 AM on October 24, 2008

"Somebody invented a magic engine that somehow uses less fuel to tow more weight? They should contact the Amazing Randi. He's giving out million dollar prizes for stuff like that."

The magic engine in my car pulls uses less fuel to pull more weight than a T-Model Ford does!
posted by tomble at 3:48 PM on October 24, 2008

Oh come on. The American Redneck version is right here. I already have tickets for the show in Oakland in February.
posted by Hello Dad, I'm in Jail at 12:13 AM on October 27, 2008