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Cuddle 'n Coo 'n Proselytize
October 24, 2008 3:04 PM   Subscribe

The Mattel toy company insists that their Little Mommy Cuddle 'n Coo dolls do not utter the phrase "Islam is the light." You be the judge.
posted by Knappster (75 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Hear ye hear ye. It's utter fucking bullshit. Court is adjourned.
posted by penduluum at 3:09 PM on October 24, 2008 [5 favorites]


If it's Mattel, it's swell. Dismissed.
posted by fixedgear at 3:11 PM on October 24, 2008


C'mon, it's not like the doll says, "Math is hard!"
posted by not_on_display at 3:12 PM on October 24, 2008 [8 favorites]


Islam has a prohibition against proselytizing. So my guess is it's probably not that.
posted by GuyZero at 3:12 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yeah, actually they whisper "Here's to my sweet Satan" and "Do it" and "I tell you to end your life".
posted by Wolfdog at 3:12 PM on October 24, 2008 [5 favorites]


Tender is the night.
posted by tushfestival at 3:14 PM on October 24, 2008


I heard "this is an inappropriate post for Metafilter".
posted by mr_roboto at 3:14 PM on October 24, 2008 [7 favorites]


popcorn time.
posted by piratebowling at 3:15 PM on October 24, 2008


Right on, Little Mommy Cuddle 'n Coo, right on.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:16 PM on October 24, 2008


Even if it were saying that....so what? If you don't agree that Islam is the light, don't buy this piece of crap, "managed experience", limited play-value "toy".
posted by DU at 3:16 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]


These Islamo-Mattelists hate oyr freedoms, and are trying to destroy our way of life and cripple our markets! If you love your freedoms, you'll buy Hasbro!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:17 PM on October 24, 2008


Hey my daughter has that toy! She loves that thing. She especially loves carrying it upside down.

That's right I taught my 19 month old to hate terrorists!
posted by oddman at 3:20 PM on October 24, 2008


OMG OCTOBER SURPRISE!
posted by turaho at 3:27 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]


Why would the doll say "Islam is the light" and not simply quote surah 24:35 Al Nur: "Allah is the light"?

Also, the doll is supposed to say "Satan is King."

And, in Islam, Satan is called Shaitan, and is a Jinn who whispers to men to make them sin. The whole worshipping Satan thing is a Christian construction, and would be a really strange thing in Islam.

In consclusion, I say, what the fuck? C'mon, insane fundies. Go mad, but at least let it be an intelligent, educated madness, and not just straight-up nonsense.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:28 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]


Is lamb delight?
posted by Smedleyman at 3:29 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


It takes a unique blend of American homegrown xenophobia and schizophrenia to hear terrorist phrases FROM A FUCKING DOLL.

Stupid and paranoid is not a healthy mix.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 3:31 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]


This reminds me of how I swear I heard woodstock say "fuck!" in that Charlie Brown episode where Snoopy is flashdancing. Or actually I think it's during a tennis scene in that same episode.
posted by cashman at 3:32 PM on October 24, 2008


I listened with an open mind...the end of the third statement does sound like one of the following:
- in the night
- is the night
- is the light

The words before that sound like two syllables. Could be "the lord" just as well as "allah" or "islam". Could also just as easily be "elmo".
posted by Kickstart70 at 3:33 PM on October 24, 2008


If the RNC hurries, they can probably get her picture on a mailer before Election Day.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 3:35 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]


The person recording it messed up on the pronunciation, but that creepy doll is clearly encouraging underage drinking.

Islay is delight.
posted by CKmtl at 3:35 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]


I heard "Islam is denied". Quick, somebody issue a Fatwa against Polly Pocket.
posted by tapeguy at 3:39 PM on October 24, 2008


Isn't this sort of thing supposed to involve J-Pop and Colin Mochrie?
posted by cortex at 3:39 PM on October 24, 2008


Could also just as easily be "elmo".

Bring me the head of Elmo*

*MeFi Music self-link.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:41 PM on October 24, 2008


I pointed to inside my own head when asked "where did that doll touch you?"
posted by maxwelton at 3:45 PM on October 24, 2008 [10 favorites]


No, no, no...it's saying "Barack Hussein Obama is the Anti-Christ". It's a GOOD thing!
posted by briank at 3:47 PM on October 24, 2008


Little Mommy Cuddle 'n Coo is actually saying "Are you looking for a fight?".

Shortly after, GI Joe got his lights punched out. How do you like those cuddles and coos?
posted by panboi at 3:48 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


Jan Markell, founder and director of Olive Tree Ministries, is skeptical about Mattel's explanation.

"It does seem to be saying, 'Islam is the light.' I don't think too many people would argue with that, so I think they're being a little disingenuous," Markell points out. "And this is not a healthy thing to be putting out in the marketplace when we're in a war on terror, and little children are so susceptible to the messages they hear -- even from a doll -- then to take them into the school and talk about them. So yeah, this is a serious thing."

posted by grobstein at 3:50 PM on October 24, 2008


I'm sorry, Jan, but I argue with that.
posted by decagon at 3:56 PM on October 24, 2008


This will be happening all the time if Barack Hussein Obama is elected.

It's in the Bible- and if it isn't, it should be.
posted by mattoxic at 3:58 PM on October 24, 2008


"And this anti-Islam bigotry is not a healthy thing to be putting out in the marketplace when we're in a war on terror, and little children are so susceptible to the messages they hear -- even from a doll parent or minister -- then to take them into the school and talk about them. So yeah, this is a serious thing."
posted by Knappster at 4:04 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]


It takes a unique blend of American homegrown xenophobia and schizophrenia to hear terrorist phrases FROM A FUCKING DOLL.

Some mom in Ohio was overheard by my sister, wondering if it was safe to go to her child's soccer match just after 9/11.
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:06 PM on October 24, 2008


"Trommeln in der Nacht." Kid's obviously German.
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:07 PM on October 24, 2008


Mattel tried so hard to make it so.
posted by crapmatic at 4:17 PM on October 24, 2008


The music is reversible but time is not. Turn back. Turn back. Turn back. Turn back....
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 4:24 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


When I was a kid, my grandfather had a very dramatic, late life conversion to evangelical Christianity. He divorced my grandmother, moved to a new town where he met, married and set up house with a new woman from his church. Evangelical Christianity being what it is, he couldn't let things be and had to work, tirelessly, for the salvation of all of our souls. This created no end of tension with my father, who ultimately had to tell him to keep his God out of our house. So it went and an uneasy d├ętante settled in, with my grandfather trying to extend his sphere of influence whenever possible and my father grumbling at these efforts.

One year, grandpa and his wife had gone down to South Carolina for a vacation with members of their church and stayed with us for a week on the way back home. They had been at this wonderful Christian theme park, Heritage USA and could not stop raving about the good work for the Lord being done by this man, Jim Bakker. Of course, this was the same week that the Jessica Hahn story broke, and dad could scarcely conceal his schadenfreude laden glee at grandpa's evident discomfort. It was an odd visit.

They had brought us gifts, of course. I can't remember mine or my brothers'. But my sister received a hideous little doll called Susie Praysalot or some such thing. She looked like a horrible cartoon version of Tammy Faye, with the painted on eyelashes and fat, rouged cheeks. When you pressed her stomach, she would sing: "Jesus takes a frown, and turns it upside down and up, there comes a smile."

My brothers and I took this as an invitation. Within a day or so, we'd unstuffed the doll, removed the voicebox and found that it used a simple plastic record to spread the word of God. Did we turn the record upside down? Or the batteries? I can't remember. But after doing whatever we did, we carefully replaced the voicebox, put the doll back together and left it to sit. The next time my baby sister pressed the doll's stomach, a demonic little voice sang out: "Elims a semoc ereht pu dna nwod edispu ti snrut dna nworf a sekat sesuj."

We were delighted. Grandpa was nonplussed.
posted by felix betachat at 4:25 PM on October 24, 2008 [19 favorites]


I listened with an open mind...the end of the third statement does sound like one of the following:
- in the night
- is the night
- is the light


amirite?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:30 PM on October 24, 2008


Adam Buxton vs the Church of England [previously]
posted by you at 4:34 PM on October 24, 2008 [5 favorites]


...late life conversion to evangelical Christianity. He divorced...moved to a new town where he met, married and set up house with a new woman from his church.

Saint Paul? Is that you?
posted by DU at 4:38 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


Turn me on, dead man.
posted by stargell at 4:38 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]


When I was moving a few months back, I came across one of those old "Bop-It" hand-held games. On a whim, I put in some new batteries and gave it a try.

It proceeded to spew out a disturbing and unholy mix of distorted rock music, demonic mutterings, and guttural roars. Something like this, actually.

It's funny to think I could have submitted it to some local news outlet and gotten my fifteen minutes that easily. Islamic Little Mommy Cuddle 'n Coo has got nothing on Beelze-bop-it.
posted by Rhaomi at 4:46 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]


*shrug* Who's to say? Maybe the doll is right.
posted by heyho at 4:51 PM on October 24, 2008 [5 favorites]


Talking toys are weird. We had one of the pull-string Pee-Wee Herman dolls, and I swear, when we moved to Japan, it started talking in Japanese. Stranger still, when we came back to America, it switched back to English.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:52 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


It's just the phantom words illusion - #2 on this list. Previously.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 5:00 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]


And, in Islam, Satan is called Shaitan, and is a Jinn who whispers to men to make them sin. The whole worshipping Satan thing is a Christian construction, and would be a really strange thing in Islam.

It's particularly bizarre when you consider that -- to many Islamists -- America is "the great Satan". So if you combine these two ideas and follow them to their logical conclusion, those Islamists clearly worship us.
posted by Slothrup at 5:41 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


Must have been a slow news day in cuckoo land.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 5:55 PM on October 24, 2008


Blinded by the light?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:15 PM on October 24, 2008


Sky rockets in flight
or
afternoon delight.
posted by thewittyname at 6:37 PM on October 24, 2008


So if you combine these two ideas and follow them to their logical conclusion,

There's the problem, right there.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 6:37 PM on October 24, 2008


Couldn't get it right...
posted by fixedgear at 6:40 PM on October 24, 2008


Is Rachel Ray involved in this somehow?
posted by brundlefly at 6:57 PM on October 24, 2008


Rhaomi: holy crap that's awesome. BAAAAAAHHHHHPEHT GRAAAA
posted by penduluum at 6:57 PM on October 24, 2008


...OK, one last time. These are small... but the ones out there are far away. Small... far away... ah forget it!
posted by mandal at 7:07 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]


Jan Markell, founder and director of Olive Tree Ministries, is skeptical about Mattel's explanation.

I don't know Jan Markell, but I can say with little doubt (as I have all the evidence I need right here) she has to be one of the stupidest fuckers on the planet.

I like to remind all my starry-eyed, optimistic liberal friends, who expect some sort of Reagan Landslide on election day, that these sort of people are legion, and they vote.

Is Rachel Ray involved in this somehow?
posted by brundlefly at 8:57 PM on October 24


I don't get it.
posted by Ynoxas at 7:19 PM on October 24, 2008


Ynoxas:

GOOGLE RON PAUL RACHEL RAY MUSLIM SCARF
posted by CKmtl at 7:36 PM on October 24, 2008


Did we turn the record upside down? Or the batteries?

you probably switched the wires to the "turntable" - that always worked with those cheap teenage record players they had in the 60s and 70s - perfect for playing beatles and led zeppelin records backward and seeing if rev mills was really right about his claims

he wasn't
posted by pyramid termite at 8:45 PM on October 24, 2008


perfect for playing beatles and led zeppelin records backward

There was a post about this stuff a while back. . . . The site it linked to now has a tool that lets you play a whole raft of songs backwards to check for Satan.
posted by grobstein at 9:06 PM on October 24, 2008


I don't get it.

Michelle Malkin is a raving antidonutite.
posted by cortex at 9:08 PM on October 24, 2008


His mom is the lighter. Meaning: my mom's fatter. It's part of Mattel's response to studies saying that children should not get too much praise.

Though it's hard to tell with that noisy diesel generator starting up just before the voice every time.
posted by pracowity at 10:33 PM on October 24, 2008


The doll is saying 'He comes to me at night'. It's Mattel's Lil' Ritual Abuse Survivor.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:52 AM on October 25, 2008


This is even stupider than that 'penis' in Disney's Little Mermaid. Coral has phallic shapes naturally, weirdos!
posted by paisley henosis at 7:40 AM on October 25, 2008


I like to imagine an unkempt, slightly overweight man who is the go-to-guy when it comes to creating voices for new dolls. He can't stand kids, so this is his sole satisfaction in life.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 8:36 AM on October 25, 2008


I tolerated the Christian God placing his image in corn chips and burritos, and I was happy enough to see the sacred name of Allah hidden inside a tomato. But I think this is too annoying, it's simply another step in the whole "deities hiding messages of love in common objects" arms escalation. Personally, I'm getting a bit worried about the whole thing. What's next - Buddha singing backup on Mariah Carey's next album. Vishnu the Preserver doing skits on saturday night live.

I want to know who the person was who gave the whole "Viral advertising" talk to our Gods. And if I find out Jeffrey Rayport had a hand in this, I'm taking the next airplane to Harvard and I'm going to kick some Ass.
posted by seanyboy at 9:06 AM on October 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


Buddha singing backup on Mariah Carey's next album.

he already did the vocals for milli vanilli
posted by pyramid termite at 9:12 AM on October 25, 2008


If you meet the Buddha recording an album with Mariah Carey on the street, shoot him and then adjust your aim.
posted by cortex at 9:26 AM on October 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


This is funny. But also infuriating.

As a kid, I was fascinated with the Stairway to Heaven satanic messages. My friend Bill discovered that you could open up a cassette and flip one of the reels to play it backwards. Then, in college, we had Macs with SoundEdit, which allowed you to reverse samples. We had a whole floor of my dorm crowded around a little Mac SE, totally creeped out.

(Cause the line "Yes, there are two paths you can go by/ But in the long run/ There's still time to change the road youre on" sounds EXACTLY like "There was a little child who changed his path to the glory of SATAN. Pro Tip: if you dig a hole in the yard deep enough the devil will come out.)
posted by flotson at 10:30 AM on October 25, 2008


It says Is Mommy alright
posted by A189Nut at 10:42 AM on October 25, 2008


This was on the radio in Denver a few weeks ago and the consensus was that the doll's saying "It's my look-a-like."
posted by lilac girl at 12:23 PM on October 25, 2008


It's saying "don't turn out the light," and if that doll were in my bedroom I certainly wouldn't.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 12:45 PM on October 25, 2008


My name is Talking Tina.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xj1Xn3VB818&feature=related
posted by flotson at 2:09 PM on October 25, 2008


I heard "coleslaw is all right." And you know what? I kind of agree. Not great, not bad. Just all right.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 8:53 PM on October 25, 2008


I buried Paul
posted by telstar at 10:48 PM on October 25, 2008


Turn me on dead man
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:56 PM on October 25, 2008


Nutjobs, even if it says "Islam is the light", it's not saying "Hey go be terrorists and fight"
posted by abdulf at 6:20 AM on October 26, 2008


I think the horrible machine gear-grinding noises would be something we would be more concerned about. You know, teaching our children what sounds babies should and should not make and whatnot.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 4:10 PM on October 26, 2008


It could be saying islam is the light, but then again it could be saying something completely different.

What is clear is that the sounds at the end are markedly different from the earlier sounds the doll makes.
posted by mr dodo at 7:15 PM on October 26, 2008


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