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A series of syllogistic tubes
October 28, 2008 1:48 AM   Subscribe

The Internet makes people smarter. Smarter people are more likely to drink alcohol. People who drink alcohol are happier. Happier people vote Republican. Therefore the Internet makes people vote Republican.
posted by twoleftfeet (27 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: This is just a series of unrelated news links, none of which are strong enough to stand on their own. -- vacapinta



 
Your logic is peccable.
posted by srboisvert at 2:07 AM on October 28, 2008 [8 favorites]


I know plenty of miserable republicans.
posted by dagosto at 2:20 AM on October 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


Your logic is undestructable.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:26 AM on October 28, 2008


Even though your conclusion is more than a little gusting.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:34 AM on October 28, 2008


Nothing is better than sex.
And masturbation is better than nothing.
Therefore, masturbation is better than sex.
posted by adipocere at 2:37 AM on October 28, 2008 [5 favorites]


The Internet is mightier than the pen.
posted by netbros at 2:41 AM on October 28, 2008


People who drink alcohol are only happier for a short period of time, after which they become bitter angry crusty drunks. This will have to be the November surprise.
posted by mannequito at 2:41 AM on October 28, 2008


Are sure it's not just drunk people that vote Republican?
posted by slimepuppy at 2:43 AM on October 28, 2008


Loneliness makes you cold. Coldness makes your nipples hard. Erect nipples attract company. Loneliness makes you the opposite of lonely. Loneliness and coldness also make you blue, but loneliness makes you the opposite of blue. Being blue makes you orange. Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
posted by pracowity at 2:57 AM on October 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


So just shut it down !
posted by Jaloux Saboteur at 2:59 AM on October 28, 2008


To quote a bumper sticker: Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
posted by Bitter soylent at 3:06 AM on October 28, 2008


Great, thanks a lot. This last week, I really want to drink, but I'm afraid that if I do, I may end up voting for McCain.

Best anti-drinking campaign ever.
posted by rokusan at 3:20 AM on October 28, 2008


Jesus, I'm glad I found this post. I'm putting my winebox by the curb tonight. (God, that was close.) But I'm worried... does pot make people vote republican, too? (because I have a friend who). Also: what about adultery, financial corruption, and S&M? Please let me know
posted by Auden at 3:21 AM on October 28, 2008 [2 favorites]


Drunks lie more about being happy.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:36 AM on October 28, 2008


Funny - when I get drunk I'd much rather drive around the outback shooting wallabies & wombats than vote for my publican. What's he running for, anyway? Governor of the local rugby club? Head of the Woolloomooloo Volunteer Bushfire Brigade?
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:40 AM on October 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


How is Republican formed?
posted by Happy Dave at 3:47 AM on October 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


I think the internet just Republican the ability to spread lies more effeciently.

Did you know that Obama is a secret Muslim terrorist bent on destroying America's freedom? He also wants to make abortion mandatory, force all gun owners into concentration camps and make Christians worship Osama bin Laden?

He's also a negro. Or an arab. I'm not sure which, but both are bad, aren't they?

Just click this link for more.
posted by chuckdarwin at 3:57 AM on October 28, 2008


I think the internet just GIVES Republicans the ability to spread lies more effeciently.
posted by chuckdarwin at 3:59 AM on October 28, 2008


I know plenty of miserable republicans.

Me
, too.
posted by chuckdarwin at 4:00 AM on October 28, 2008


Colbert made Huckabee... Conan made Colbert... Jon Stewart made Conan... Jon Stewart made Huckabee.
posted by gman at 4:14 AM on October 28, 2008


I know plenty of miserable republicans.

Me three.

posted by gman at 4:21 AM on October 28, 2008


GOP: market works. Govt does not. or so we thought.
Democrats: everything else.
Conservatives: anger and rage
Liberals: guilt
GOP: the invisible hand of the market. Plus supports with taxpayers money.
The Democrats: you make war and we support them.
two-party system: the bailout: from those who pay taxes to those who gambled the money away.
two-party system: politicians come and go but lobby groups are forever.
How each party helps the other: Republicans fix voting machines so democrats can employ their many lawyers to sue.
Dentists for John McCain: drill, drill, drill.
posted by Postroad at 4:22 AM on October 28, 2008


Have you seen those Sarah Palin rallies?
posted by delmoi at 4:26 AM on October 28, 2008


Your logic is impeachable.
posted by DU at 4:33 AM on October 28, 2008


Ignorance is bliss.
posted by Pollomacho at 4:37 AM on October 28, 2008


On reading the links, this is a pretty weak post. Flagged.
posted by Happy Dave at 4:44 AM on October 28, 2008


These dudes and this chick must be wasted.
posted by gman at 4:44 AM on October 28, 2008


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