Man, that's a lot of food

October 29, 2008 5:11 AM

"Features the only hint of vegetable in the form of a few shreds of iceberg lettuce, the nutritionally bankrupt variety. Also features a vile khaki-colored sauce with black flakes we assumed to be pepper. Made it about 80% through before throwing in the towel." An unboxing of the new Guitar Hero: World Tour KFC Fully Loaded Box Meal.

Nutritional info: 1210 calories - that's without the drink - and 59 grams of fat. Still, not the worst fast food you can eat - that honor goes to the Hardee's Thickburger. The GH box is a close second, with the double Whopper huffing and puffing in at third.

posted by jbickers (79 comments total)

But God help me, I'm thinking about getting one for lunch today.
posted by jbickers at 5:11 AM on October 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

It's a failure riff in a sadness game.
posted by ten pounds of inedita at 5:20 AM on October 29, 2008 [12 favorites has favorites]

Looks and sounds utterly disgusting. The older I get, the more amazed I am that people would actually find something like this appealing. Something they'd actually want to eat. Crazy.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:21 AM on October 29, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

The current issue of MAKE has some stuff about using the Guitar Hero controllers to make actual music. But they forgot to mention the chickens.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:22 AM on October 29, 2008

Yeah, maybe I'm just old now (at 35), but whenever I eat fast food I feel like I'm coated, externally and internally, with grease for hours afterward. The anticipation of this is enough to prevent any momentary pleasure during the actual crunching of fries.
posted by DU at 5:28 AM on October 29, 2008

Last night I finally found an Indian takeaway place within reasonable driving distance of where I live, located right next door to a KFC. The cashier told me it was a ten-minute wait, so I headed out to the parking lot. As I walked to the car the breeze shifted and I got a noseful of the KFC restaurant. My mouth was instantly awash with saliva. I don't know what chemical they're using over there but it goes straight to the hindbrain. I nearly passed out.

(The Indian food was excellent, btw.)
posted by Ritchie at 5:30 AM on October 29, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

I was hoping this would have something to do with Buckethead.
posted by not_on_display at 5:34 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Colonel Sanders was Ho Chi Minh.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:35 AM on October 29, 2008

Hmm. All that stuff looks great, but could I get it in a bowl?
posted by Sys Rq at 5:39 AM on October 29, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

I was hoping this would have something to do with Buckethead .

Or maybe the Funky Chicken.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:43 AM on October 29, 2008

Doesn't seem particularly bad. An average man burns about 2,500 kcal per day. If this is your main meal, you still have 1,300 left to play with. Just have a light breakfast and lunch and you'll be fine.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 5:43 AM on October 29, 2008

I bet it tastes just like everything else they serve at KFC. Fast food chains just don't have that neighborhood feeling while they slowly kill you. Too impersonal. Take Oki Dog, for instance... now there's unique taste and local flair with your heart attack.
posted by not_on_display at 5:45 AM on October 29, 2008

I'm with DU. Round here we've got all-you-can-eat KFC, for 1050 yen. I'm not going, and you can't make me.
posted by mjg123 at 5:46 AM on October 29, 2008

No Baconator?

My MetaFilter must not be working right.
posted by rokusan at 5:49 AM on October 29, 2008

The Oki Dogs look um well gross. I think I would starve myself before I ate there. I'm sure I could find a better meal foraging in the woods behind the place.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 5:56 AM on October 29, 2008

...fresh, never frozen, beef...

1) Like anyone could tell the difference, with all the grease, salt and condiments.
2) This actually makes me a little *less* likely to eat at Wendy's. I realize they use refrigerated trucks and so forth, but even the idea of room temperature storage and shipment of patties is revolting.
posted by DU at 6:00 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Man, you never get these things on launch day. I've been reading all over the internet about how half the potato wedges are broken right out of the box. They don't register every third bite when you're snacking quickly. And what's worse, despite promises to the contrary, the wedges are not fully compatible with a McDonald's Bic Mac.

It's a nice meal and all, but I just don't think it's for me. I'll stick with McDonalds. I've been sinking money every week into their Value Menu and I'm not sure I could eat without all those choices. I mean, when people come over for a big weekend meal, they want a wide choice of options. The KFC Fully Loaded Box meal has a lot of foods already available from McDonalds (chicken snackers, chicken strips, and so on) so I don't think I'm missing much by giving this one a pass.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:06 AM on October 29, 2008 [18 favorites has favorites]

And yeah, that Oki Dog thing looks like it would kill you...with its bare hands.
posted by DU at 6:06 AM on October 29, 2008

After eating that, I'd be too sleepy to play Guitar Hero.
posted by educatedslacker at 6:07 AM on October 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I'll admit to occasionally indulging in a little KFC, but I've got to agree: the older I get, the more revolting fast food becomes.

Even White Castle has lost its lustre, at 59 cents apiece. Fifty-nine cents, people. For a squishy bun and half an ounce of meat.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:09 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I prefer blues with my bird. Others like the hip hop. Or jazz. Or whatever.
posted by stargell at 6:14 AM on October 29, 2008

I'm looking at the song list for the game. It's amazing the titles that fit this awesome combination of gaming and gorging (not the songs themselves, per se... just the titles):

Good God
Stranglehold
Prisoner of Society
Feel the Pain
Beautiful Disaster
Overkill
Bag It Up
That Was Just Your Life

My favorite... The Middle
posted by educatedslacker at 6:14 AM on October 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Yes, robocop, but the KFC Fully Loaded Box meal comes with the ability to make your own fast food, something sorely lacking at McDonald's.

I can't afford either one, sadly, but I'll probably get McDonald's when I can.
posted by graventy at 6:16 AM on October 29, 2008

If you don't like KFC, you probably shouldn't eat there.

But I guess that wouldn't be as much fun as making snippy web pages about how horrible you think it is. Before the internet, all these people could do is run the room holding their noses and making "ACK-ACK!" noises.
posted by yhbc at 6:18 AM on October 29, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

You have to know that the marketing droids were laughing themselves silly when they were developing this abomination. Jokes about prototypical obese, acne-drenched gamerZ shoveling this crap down while eternally glued to the game, I'm sure, abounded.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:18 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Before the internet, all these people could do is run the room holding their noses and making "ACK-ACK!" noises.


...and we LIKED it!
posted by Spatch at 6:19 AM on October 29, 2008

Before the internet, all these people could do is run the room holding their noses and making "ACK-ACK!" noises.

I'll have you know that I'm keeping this proud tradition alive.
posted by allen.spaulding at 6:27 AM on October 29, 2008

When in God's name is the government going to step in and tell us what to eat???
posted by mattholomew at 6:27 AM on October 29, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Yeah, maybe I'm just old now (at 35), but whenever I eat fast food I feel like I'm coated, externally and internally, with grease for hours afterward.

Instead of rubbing the chicken all over yourself before eating try using a knife and fork to put the food in your mouth. Then wash it down with cola. The kids don't destroy your lawn so why kill their fun?
posted by srboisvert at 6:36 AM on October 29, 2008 [7 favorites has favorites]

*runs room*

ACk-ACK!
posted by Phanx at 6:36 AM on October 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

When in God's name is the government going to step in and tell us what to eat???

Maybe when Americans get fed up (triple-entendre!) with paying the exhorbitant health care costs associated with heart disease, obesity, diabetes etc.

Honestly, there should be some kind of punitive tax based on the calorie and fat content of restaurant meals, the proceeds of which could fund universal health care. I just thought of that!
posted by stargell at 6:39 AM on October 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

As much as it shouldn't, that Kentucky Fried Creatures looks tasty to me. Alas, I always regret eating that slippery chicken and yet there is something about it that keeps me coming back for more...
posted by scarello at 6:43 AM on October 29, 2008

Yes, robocop, but the KFC Fully Loaded Box meal comes with the ability to make your own fast food, something sorely lacking at McDonald's.

True, but KFC won't let you share your meal with other people. So if you work real hard on getting them to put together something that approximates an Arby's Big Beef and Cheddar, you can't share it with your friends. Instead, you can make generic meals and share them, but who the hell wants to eat potpie nowadays?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:44 AM on October 29, 2008

Achievement unlocked: Clogged Arteries.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:45 AM on October 29, 2008 [8 favorites has favorites]

What, no mention of Patton Oswalt's earlier "unboxing" of the KFC Famous Bowl yet? Step ya game up, MeFi.
posted by grabbingsand at 6:46 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Rating:Brown

i know exactly what that means and I so very much wish I did not.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:51 AM on October 29, 2008

Let's be frank here: with enough weed and beer, the KFC vs. McDonald's argument goes right out the window.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:56 AM on October 29, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

I bet you people don't watch t.v. either.
posted by Sailormom at 7:04 AM on October 29, 2008

What, no mention of Patton Oswalt's earlier "unboxing" of the KFC Famous Bowl yet? Step ya game up, MeFi.

What, is a subtle allusion not good enough for you?
posted by Sys Rq at 7:12 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Ack!
posted by SpiffyRob at 7:21 AM on October 29, 2008

I want to know why every place that serves fried take out places your food in a tightly sealed box, so that by the time you've made it to the parking lot your food is a soggy mess. Someone really needs to design a better take-out box.
posted by autodidact at 7:23 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Around. Runs around the -
Oh, never mind.
posted by yhbc at 7:26 AM on October 29, 2008

Man, that's a lot of food
fuck, that's a lot of grease.
posted by boo_radley at 7:27 AM on October 29, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

"Guitar Hero: World Tour KFC Fully Loaded Box Meal"?? That is really, really reaching as far as cross-marketing. What's next, the Dairy Queen U.S. Open Chess Championship Hungr-Bustr?
posted by crapmatic at 7:34 AM on October 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I'm buying this for lunch, and I'll let you know how it goes. Any ideas for sides to pick?
posted by Science! at 7:41 AM on October 29, 2008

Double slaw's the only way to go.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:42 AM on October 29, 2008

I gave up on KFC when they dropped the keel, or center breast, cut of chicken as an off the menu option. The other cuts are mostly breading, skin and bones.
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:52 AM on October 29, 2008

I want to know why every place that serves fried take out places your food in a tightly sealed box, so that by the time you've made it to the parking lot your food is a soggy mess. Someone really needs to design a better take-out box.

The alternative is getting the grease all over whatever the box is placed on.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:58 AM on October 29, 2008

Why am I thinking of Grease Box by Tad?
posted by mandal at 8:13 AM on October 29, 2008

There is a hotdog place here where I live that sells 'gourmet' hot dogs. It's called Tubby Dog.

This one* is called the Cap'n dog. Peanut butter, jelly and Captain Crunch.

The deadliest (and therefore tastiest) is called 'Sherm's Ultimate Gripper' - A bacon wrapped 1/3 lb dog, dipped in batter and deep fried, served in a bun filled with chili, topped with mustard, banana peppers, sauteed onions, bacon bits, grilled ham, a fried egg and finally nacho cheese. Pictured here.*


*not my photos
posted by chugg at 8:19 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'm buying this for lunch, and I'll let you know how it goes. Any ideas for sides to pick?

Lipitor.
posted by cog_nate at 8:29 AM on October 29, 2008 [8 favorites has favorites]

The deadliest (and therefore tastiest) is called 'Sherm's Ultimate Gripper' - A bacon wrapped 1/3 lb dog, dipped in batter and deep fried, served in a bun filled with chili, topped with mustard, banana peppers, sauteed onions, bacon bits, grilled ham, a fried egg and finally nacho cheese. Pictured here.*

I realize just now that I am officially getting old because when I read that I didn't have my usual reaction which would be "Well that sounds gnarly, but I'm game." Instead I made a sort of involuntary gag/gulp and actually raised my hands and waved them around in front of me to fend off the phantom Ultimate Gripper that came flying at my face.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:30 AM on October 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I feel sorry for people who don't have Popeye's.

Their mashed potatoes have MEAT in them.
posted by padraigin at 8:30 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

You can't cook that for $10.
posted by ninjew at 8:41 AM on October 29, 2008

How come the Taco Bell Big Bell Box Meal gets no love? Sorry, ladies. It's "Made for Men"!

1360 Calories, 61 gms of fat, 3470mgs of sodium. Ouch!
posted by FreezBoy at 8:44 AM on October 29, 2008

I'm premiering my own entry into this field with the Divine_Wino Brand Metafilter Big Bad Hunger Eviscerater Meal, it's just a salt lick and a cake froster full of suet and a gallon jug of water and corn syrup, but I think the price point will make it very competitive. I'm looking into some co-branding with a company that sells those sleep apnea oxygen masks.
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:04 AM on October 29, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

You can't cook that for $10.

I'm trying to express how angry this type of advertising makes me, but all I can come up with is frustration. I mean, I spend more than necessary to feed myself--mostly because of beer, good beef, and embarrassingly-large quantities of hummus--but to insinuate that you can't make chicken and biscuits for your family on a budget is absurd.

Taco Bell Big Bell Box Meal

I'll admit it: the commercials got me to buy a volcano taco. And it was really good, for the values of really good to which Taco Bell can aspire. I am only somewhat embarrassed by this.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:05 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

...fend off the phantom Ultimate Gripper that came flying at my face.

I've tried it once. It was actually pretty good after a night at the bars. I couldn't finish it though and I had heartburn for a month.
posted by chugg at 9:05 AM on October 29, 2008

Fast food is for wusses, step up to a sit-down meal at Outback Steakhouse. I suggest starting off with a "Bloomin' Onion". Then have the rest of your meal.
posted by Dr. Twist at 9:11 AM on October 29, 2008

Six pints of Guinness has more calories than that. Do I get to be on the internet if I go out tonight and unglass those? Cos I'll do it. I'll take one for the team here.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 9:17 AM on October 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

"Guitar Hero: World Tour KFC Fully Loaded Box Meal"?? That is really, really reaching as far as cross-marketing. What's next, the Dairy Queen U.S. Open Chess Championship Hungr-Bustr?

Activision is going off the deep end with Guitar Hero. This is the third GH game this year, and they plan to double the amount of titles released per year - or more. I think they're trying to rush to saturating the market by any means possible, so that nobody else can get the jump on them in some way like Rock Band did.
posted by evilangela at 9:19 AM on October 29, 2008

Ugh... I too failed to finish the meal. For seven bucks, it really is a lot of food. If you and a friend liked KFC, you could split it for a pretty cheap meal.

The two chicken tenders were soft and grotesque, though very moist (almost wet). I got the BBQ snacker and thought it was just going to be a chicken tender slathered in sauce, turns out it was some gelatinous shredded chicken soaked in a sauce. The slaw wasn't bad. The biscuit was OK, but salty. Likewise for the potato wedges, they gave me a ton of these, a regular container full, plus it looked like they just spilled more wedges in over the top of all the food. I didn't eat any of the chicken thigh. When I picked it up it cracked apart, the skin slipped off and chicken juice/oil just poured out, I couldn't take any more.

My Dr. Pepper though, was delightful.
posted by Science! at 9:31 AM on October 29, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

If I were really poor, such that I couldn't get enough daily calories into my body by buying actual food, then dumping all this fried whatsit and corn syrup into my body might actually make sense, in terms of staying alive day by day. I have a lot of sympathy for anyone in that situation.

Look what corn subsidies have wrought.
posted by gurple at 9:43 AM on October 29, 2008

If I were really poor, such that I couldn't get enough daily calories into my body by buying actual food, then dumping all this fried whatsit and corn syrup into my body might actually make sense, in terms of staying alive day by day. I have a lot of sympathy for anyone in that situation.

Still no. Do you know how much ramen and cabbage you can get for seven bucks? A shitload. Literally a week's worth of food, if that's all you ate, and I guarantee there are plenty of "really poor" people who eat nothing but fast food.
posted by cmoj at 10:46 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

"I don't know what chemical [KFC a]re using over there but it goes straight to the hindbrain. I nearly passed out."

Ritchie, they put an addicitive chemical in their chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly. They're in a secret society with the Queen, the Vatican, the Rothchilds, and the Gettys.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:49 AM on October 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I've always wondered when they'll start selling "pizza in a bucket" - pizza sauce, cheese, and whatever toppings you like, in a bucket, with a crust baked over the top. Similar to a pot pie, but big enough for a family of 4.

By "they", obviously, I don't mean KFC. Pizza hut, most likely. They can sell these at the combination KenTaco Huts you see about.
posted by owtytrof at 10:50 AM on October 29, 2008

I've always wondered when they'll start selling "pizza in a bucket"

I had no idea Navin R. Johnson was a Mefite. Welcome, my man!
posted by gompa at 11:05 AM on October 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

wenestvedt: ""I don't know what chemical [KFC a]re using over there but it goes straight to the hindbrain. I nearly passed out."

Ritchie, they put an addicitive chemical in their chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly. They're in a secret society with the Queen, the Vatican, the Rothchilds, and the Gettys."

Oh, I forgot to mention that when I went to buy lunch I couldn't use the drive thru because a tanker truck was sucking all their old oil out of their waste containers. The smell when I got out of my car was horrific, not enough to deter me though.
posted by Science! at 11:26 AM on October 29, 2008

Still no. Do you know how much ramen and cabbage you can get for seven bucks? A shitload. Literally a week's worth of food, if that's all you ate, and I guarantee there are plenty of "really poor" people who eat nothing but fast food.

ramen isn't exactly the healthiest thing to eat either. last i checked it contained at least 50% of your daily recommended sodium intake.
posted by Ziggy Zaga at 11:35 AM on October 29, 2008

My MetaFilter must not be working right.

No it's OK. People are just forgetting to hit the bacon key....
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 12:03 PM on October 29, 2008

Activision is going off the deep end with Guitar Hero.

Absolutely. This is exactly what they did with the Tony Hawk franchise. Although most game companies will milk something popular, Activision and EA seem to be the worst offenders.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:05 PM on October 29, 2008

If I were really poor, such that I couldn't get enough daily calories into my body by buying actual food, then dumping all this fried whatsit and corn syrup into my body might actually make sense, in terms of staying alive day by day. I have a lot of sympathy for anyone in that situation.

And that's how Big Macs got me through college.

Seriously, all your daily calories in 1 meal for under a tenner is pretty tempting when you're flat broke.
posted by smackwich at 1:26 PM on October 29, 2008

Throw in a vomitorium and you've got a deal.
posted by doctorschlock at 1:57 PM on October 29, 2008

Although most game companies will milk something popular, Activision and EA seem to be the worst offenders.

Honestly, EA seems to be backing off that route. They've let Harmonix handle Rock Band themselves and done it well, and they're pushing new titles instead of the same old retreads. Dead Space seems to be doing well, and Mirror's Edge is getting a lot of excitement around it. Seems even their yearly sports games are reviewing well and featuring some appealing new features.

It seems that Activision has taken the crown of publisher that everyone loves to hate.
posted by evilangela at 2:01 PM on October 29, 2008

The thing that gets me about this tie-in is this:

1) KFC is a Yum! brand.
2) Yum! is a major donor/supporter of conservative Republican ideology.
3) conservative Republican ideology is the anathema to rockin' out and is anti-Youth Culture
4)...except, apparently, when they can turn it into...PROFIT!!!
posted by batmonkey at 2:22 PM on October 29, 2008

Just to carry my analogy to the farthest extreme:

McDonalds Announces They Have The Best Apple Pie In The Universe.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:14 AM on October 30, 2008

ramen isn't exactly the healthiest thing to eat either. last i checked it contained at least 50% of your daily recommended sodium intake.

You can cut that down significantly by eating it plain. Most of the sodium is in the flavor packet.

...I think I'm the only one who eats dry, crunchy ramen.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:44 AM on October 30, 2008

McDonalds Announces They Have The Best Apple Pie In The Universe.

Supposedly, though, they might only sell the apple pie at satellite, non-McDonald's-branded locations.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:05 AM on October 30, 2008

...I think I'm the only one who eats dry, crunchy ramen.

My roommate and I did this all the time in college. At first because we were too lazy to boil water, but eventually we grew to prefer it. He still used the flavor packet, which was just too gross for me. I must say, it takes much longer to eat a hard, solid block of noodles than it does to wolf down the cooked ones, which keeps you from getting the "did I just eat?" feeling that often accompanies ramen consumption.
posted by SpiffyRob at 8:06 AM on October 30, 2008