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October 30, 2008 1:48 PM   Subscribe

The Kid's Halloween Candy Code from cockeyed.com.

Marked in chalk like "hobo codes" for maximum sugary looting.
posted by loquacious (65 comments total) 36 users marked this as a favorite

 
Brilliant.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:53 PM on October 30, 2008


That was awesome, thanks!
posted by interrobang at 1:53 PM on October 30, 2008


And so appropriate this year: early hobo training!
posted by rokusan at 1:57 PM on October 30, 2008 [5 favorites]


HA!
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 1:58 PM on October 30, 2008


I seriously LOL'd.
posted by GuyZero at 1:58 PM on October 30, 2008


This is the nine hundredth cockeyed.com post on Metafilter (Hell, I've even made one)

So for the nine hundredth time: I fucking love cockeyed.com.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:03 PM on October 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


I'm honestly surprised I got proper credit for the idea, even if it's at the very bottom. :)

The Internet does the work so I don't have to! Hooray!
posted by cabel at 2:05 PM on October 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


B-b-but I thought they LOVED dried apricots!

Bah!! Kids these days...
posted by LordSludge at 2:15 PM on October 30, 2008


I mark some houses with a sign that looks like a small cardboard tube. It means, "TP this bitch later."
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 2:19 PM on October 30, 2008


When I saw this, I thought of Cabel's twitter post about this a couple weeks ago and I was going to his twitter page to send him a link and then I realized Rob credited him in the footer, so yeah, awesome.

This is the first year I got full sized candy bars (KitKat and Hersey's) from Costco, so I'm gonna try and be the hero of the neighborhood, at least until I run out.
posted by mathowie at 2:22 PM on October 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Over the last few years Rob Cockerham has really got the AdWords exploit down to a science. That time he painted LEVITRA on a bunch of abandoned couches and posted pictures of his "mysterious findings" — it's up there with the original Mesothelioma blog!
posted by blasdelf at 2:23 PM on October 30, 2008


mathowie: last year I got full size candy bars. Kids were legitimately excited, which made it all worthwhile. But my true plan was to "seed" the extensive schoolyard word-of-mouth network in the hopes of a much greater visitor count this year. I'll keep you posted with the results. (But don't muscle in on my full-size turf — I claim the 39th and Hawthorne zone!)
posted by cabel at 2:28 PM on October 30, 2008


There's no symbol there for "room-temperature cans of generic-brand diet soda," which my neighbor inexplicably gives out.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 2:29 PM on October 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


This is our second year doing the costco fullsize thing. You'll find it unrewarding, I'm actually a much bigger hero bringing in those leftovers to work.

Instead, be the family that passes out papercups of hot rum cider to the parents. You will know what it is to be a hero, I promise you.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 2:32 PM on October 30, 2008 [4 favorites]


Also missing is a symbol for the weirdos that give out cinnamon flavored toothpicks.

Seriously, WTF guy?
posted by loquacious at 2:33 PM on October 30, 2008


This is the nine hundredth cockeyed.com post on Metafilter.

This at least my second post to cockeyed. :)
posted by loquacious at 2:36 PM on October 30, 2008


Did someone say fondue?
posted by queensissy at 2:37 PM on October 30, 2008


They'll NEVER come up with a symbol for "Damn gay guy doesn't like Halloween and year after year we don't get the message, or rather our parents don't get the message, and we don't know why he keeps rolling out his TV onto the porch showing movies with all those naked sweaty men doing those ... those ... things to each other!"

Never.
posted by WolfDaddy at 2:37 PM on October 30, 2008


Reeses Pieces. Nice.

Does nobody give out Wax Lips anymore? Man, I need to go find wax lips.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:40 PM on October 30, 2008


Full sized candy bars: favorites of kids, bane of parents. When trying to limit candy intake to a number of items per day, full-sized bars throw everything off. This year, I'll bring out the metric scale. I'll teach kids the metric system AND that not all candies are equally valuable.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:43 PM on October 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


Does nobody give out Wax Lips anymore? Man, I need to go find wax lips.

I still see wax lips, wax soda bottles and wax straws.

Tell you what, though. You can make your own sugar water filling. Mix up some Kool Aid with a lot more sugar and less Kool Aid. Don't overdo the sugar, you don't want a syrup. You just want it about 2-4x sweeter than soda and less tart than regular Kool Aid.

For maximum effect sip from waxy paper cups in very small batches. If desired, chew on the edge of the cup for extra waxy teeth.

Not the same thing as wax lips, I know.
posted by loquacious at 2:49 PM on October 30, 2008


What about "pretending not to be home"?

Or "gives out Jack Chick tracts"?
posted by desjardins at 2:50 PM on October 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Use wax lips on yak
posted by aubilenon at 2:57 PM on October 30, 2008 [7 favorites]


This is my all time favorite metafilter post, thank you.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 2:58 PM on October 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


**pockets UNICEF coin**
posted by longsleeves at 2:59 PM on October 30, 2008


Wax soda bottles rule!
Hey I'm totally down with Werther's Originals. Too bad I'm too old to trick or treating (not that that has stopped me in the past 7 years, thank god for nieces and nephews!)

But any hoo is it just me or is the Beware symbol missleading? If I was that I would think "Giant Swirl Lolly Pops"

but then again this could happen...
posted by SheMulp AKA Plus 1 at 3:12 PM on October 30, 2008


Another missing symbol: those flavourless little "toffees" with the orange wrappers with jack o' lantern images printed on them in black, which (at least back in my day) you always wind up with roughly 3.2 zillion of - they're some kinda loot-bag ballast, apparently - and which you finally reduce yourself to sampling around the last week in November, by which point they've achieved the structural integrity of precious gems and the enticing colouration of cat puke.

I'd have preferred - honestly - more raisins.
posted by gompa at 3:15 PM on October 30, 2008 [7 favorites]


This is the first year I got full sized candy bars (KitKat and Hersey's) from Costco, so I'm gonna try and be the hero of the neighborhood, at least until I run out.

I'm gonna give out extra spicy chili. Just ladle it right into their buckets or bags, all over their candy. Kids love chili.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:23 PM on October 30, 2008 [23 favorites]


FPPs should come with hobo code icons.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:24 PM on October 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Funny. Angus Beef, huh. Right.
posted by kozad at 3:26 PM on October 30, 2008


This year, I'll bring out the metric scale.

Are you raising drug dealers? What's the school yard lingo for one Reese's cup? A "Circ"?

"Johnny, I'll give ya two circs for ten strips of dot."
posted by sleslie at 3:36 PM on October 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


Also missing the symbol for "mysterious gum with a yellow wrapper printed in Spanish which you chew for thirty seconds and spit out, and spend the rest of the day futilely brushing your teeth trying to get that horrible taste out of your mouth, and when you show the wrapper to your mom later her best guess is that it says fish, but when you get older you realize that taste most closely matches rancid oil."
posted by lostburner at 3:41 PM on October 30, 2008


I've got a candy jar at work. It's been appreciated.

Mostly. Once I worked out what people liked & started rotating the distribution of the appropriate candies into the jar. And a couple of direct neighbors hate me for being a bad influence on their weight & their teeth.
posted by Pronoiac at 3:52 PM on October 30, 2008


Missing these codes:

Candy assortment (probably recycled from resident kid's bag)

No candy, just haunted house where they explain how you are going to HELL

Cigarettes-- might be candy, might be real

Insist you tell them your name*

"Honor bowl" filled with circus peanuts and Easter candy


*For some reason this always embarrassed me. "Who is that?" "Mmmphglre" "Speak up dear, I can't understand you." "Laura Bator" "Do I know you? Do you live in this neighborhood?" Which would force me to launch into an explanation of why I was trick-or-treating with my NOT friend because my parents made me.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:56 PM on October 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


Where is the symbol for this house?
posted by SheMulp AKA Plus 1 at 4:22 PM on October 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Hmm...I don't see a symbol denoting 'gives out sound financial advice and a tin of burgundy shoe polish.'

Guess my house will go unmarked again this year.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 4:59 PM on October 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


Man, I saved up all the fortune cookies and complimentary mints from all the restaurants I frequent too often to give out this year. The best year was when I ran out of candy and posted a sign, "Out of candy. Knock for vegetables", damn if those kids cleaned me out. I was kind of sad seeing the half head of lettuce leaving since I wanted a sandwich that night.
posted by jadepearl at 5:21 PM on October 30, 2008 [9 favorites]


My neighborhood needs these symbols:

Chips/pretzels

Cans of soda/Hugs

Not a real haunted house, just falling apart and full of cobwebs (Ok.. that last would be for my house)
posted by pernoctalian at 5:36 PM on October 30, 2008


Waaa. I don't get the Werther's Originals one.
posted by punkfloyd at 6:22 PM on October 30, 2008


Oh man, that's so epic. I would've loved this as a child, and made my friends do all of this, and printed out mini guides for neighbourhood kids. Can you imagine having your very own cabal as a 9-year-old, and pulling one over all those annoying adults? That would've been amazing.
posted by Phire at 6:51 PM on October 30, 2008


Punkfloyd, it's because old people love Werther's, and love handing Werther's out to kids. It's like a thing with them.
posted by chowflap at 7:02 PM on October 30, 2008


Where's the candy corn symbol? I used to love those things...
posted by Maias at 7:08 PM on October 30, 2008


I remember this one house gave out Ayds diet candy... we never quite understood that. We'd eat like 20 of them.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 8:02 PM on October 30, 2008


I once hit the jackpot: an open porch bowl with full-sized candy bars. I tell the kids about it, but they think it's just some urban legend I'm repeating.
posted by Knappster at 8:18 PM on October 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


*
chocolate ex-lax®.
posted by Sailormom at 9:44 PM on October 30, 2008


Waaa. I don't get the one.

I think it means "only old people like "Werther's Originals"
posted by SheMulp AKA Plus 1 at 10:55 PM on October 30, 2008


My bad I didn't see chowflap's post...
posted by SheMulp AKA Plus 1 at 10:59 PM on October 30, 2008


I'm from a part of the world where Halloween is a relatively recent cultural import (as a kid I wouldn't go trick-or-treating, the "Great Pumpkin" was quite misteriously translated "the Great Watermelon" on our Peanuts comics, and I recall american friends visiting some time ago on Halloween, were quite amused that kids were going around!).
So, given that cockeyed is quite creative and a prank site, is this for realz?
posted by _dario at 3:57 AM on October 31, 2008


Love cockeyed.com!

BTW mathowie, stupidsexyFlanders: Last year I did full-sized candy bars, and the kids loved it. But this year, I had to rely on minis. I hope the kids don't egg my house. Maybe if I give them each a "big grab"...
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 4:18 AM on October 31, 2008


Metafilter: Out of candy, knock for vegetables.
posted by Slap*Happy at 4:47 AM on October 31, 2008


alt.halloween - Since the missus can't do candy, we're doing the pencils (crayons for the tots) thing this year. Still debating whether I should answer the door in my costume. I don't know if there are any Scientologists in the neighborhood.
posted by Eideteker at 5:25 AM on October 31, 2008


Needs one that looks like a bar of soap, for the houses handing out Thrills gum.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 5:30 AM on October 31, 2008


I'm pointing my husband to this thread before tonight. After 10 years you'd think he'd understand the concept of Halloween.. but I still go trick-or-treating with our little one, leave him a big bowl of "fun sized" and he gives the kids one a piece.
He may have left Czech, but he is still very cheap!
posted by czechmate at 5:40 AM on October 31, 2008


COSTUME REQUIRED

Um, it's Halloween. Way to miss the point, kids.
posted by pxe2000 at 5:57 AM on October 31, 2008


What about the peanut butter-flavored candies that looked like salt water taffy and came wrapped in either black or orange waxed paper? [We gave them all to Dad. As a dad myself I now see the ugly side of Halloween...] The sign for those could be, oh, a full trash can, perhaps, or maybe a pile of still-wrapped candy on the sidewalk.

Also, I was gob-smacked when so many kids took pencils over candy last year -- even the ones whose parents stayed at the end of the lawn!
posted by wenestvedt at 7:04 AM on October 31, 2008


Wenestvedt: Those are Mary Janes. My mom's boyfriend's brother worked for the Necco factory and we'd get a bag of those in June. We were relatively popular with the neighborhood kids...but we were even more popular with our dentist.
posted by pxe2000 at 7:37 AM on October 31, 2008


I live in a part of Pennsylvania that does not believe in trick or treating on Halloween--it's done on the Thursday of Halloween week regardless of the date, so we had trick or treating last night. I think it has something to do with worries about interfering with the state religion--high school football. I haven't had a chance to go through my kids' candy to see what they got. We gave out "fun sizes," from a big bag o' candy purchased at the local BJs. All Mars products, I think--Snickers, M&Ms, etc. When I was a kid people would pack little Halloween-themed paper bags full of various candies, and sometimes you'd get a popcorn ball. Those were the days.
posted by Man-Thing at 8:36 AM on October 31, 2008


In contrast, my local library in London has a stack of window posters saying 'Trick or Treaters not welcome here' on the counter. The only one I remember at my parents' house was a 13yr old boy who knocked, without costume, around October 16th. When my mum went to get a foreign chocolate bar out of the biscuit tin, I said to him 'What would you do if I said 'trick'?' He just looked at me and shrugged.

Maybe he didn't get any sweets at home.
posted by mippy at 8:59 AM on October 31, 2008


Thanks loquacious, cabel and Rob. I'm still giggling.
posted by AuntLisa at 9:17 AM on October 31, 2008


I got a rock.
posted by banshee at 10:06 AM on October 31, 2008 [2 favorites]


I remember Back when I was in 5th and 6th grade the kids in my neighborhood would trick or treat without costumes. My mom would ask why and they would lie and say that they couldn't afford them

(The real case was that these kids felt that they were too grown up for costumes so they would make up stories to get candy any way)

Then the trend of just wearing PJ's on Halloween started (most popular with the girls). They would show up shivering in plaid boxer shorts, sneakers and a tank top holding a teddy bear. It drove my mom nuts.

she would rant "I have 6 kids and I'm not rich but I make all my kids costumes every year, so don't tell me your mother couldn't put you in something at leas a little warmer"

They got no candy and our house got egged..My mom would yell at them as they ran away "you got money for eggs but not for costumes!"... that is of course until she started egging them right back.
posted by SheMulp AKA Plus 1 at 11:51 AM on October 31, 2008


pxe2000, thank you! I had no idea they ewerre a Necco product. I wonder how they got out to St. Paul, MN, when we already had such wonders at the Salted Nut Roll and the Nut Goodie? Anyway, now I can go looking for them.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:02 PM on October 31, 2008


desjardins - I didn't get one on Halloween, but I found this Chick Track on the bus stop this morning. "Oh, how timely," I thought. Then I got to the 14th page and noticed Mr. Chick drew the a character giving out "little comics" and candy. At least she was still giving out candy.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:02 AM on November 3, 2008


The only one I remember at my parents' house was a 13yr old boy who knocked, without costume, around October 16th. When my mum went to get a foreign chocolate bar out of the biscuit tin

Stop right there. Surely you realize that people with "biscuit tins" are under no obligation to surrender any "sweets" to any ding-donging trick-or-treaters--let alone plainclothes teenagers knocking two weeks early!
posted by Sys Rq at 10:37 AM on November 3, 2008


Halloween post-mortem: the candy hierarchy (2008). Previous versions: 2006 & 2007.

Office observations suggest that peanut butter cups should be in the top tier.
posted by Pronoiac at 5:41 PM on November 7, 2008


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